# Do You Know Any Adults Who Expect You to Call Them Mr./Mrs.? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 2, 2014, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674 "2014-03-02T15:44:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/41 "2014-03-03T17:01:53Z")
Well, old man Tibbs down the block pretty much insists on it. ---
**Author:** ![Bone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bone/32/407_2.png) [@Bone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bone)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/42 "2014-03-03T17:17:23Z")
When I was a child my parents insisted that I called all adults by their title, Mr. or Mrs., Aunt or Uncle, etc. It was a lesson in showing respect. My friends would all call the friend’s parents by their first name and even though the parents insisted I do the same, I was not permitted and continued to use their titles. When I see them even now I refer to them by their titles, out of respect. My children are taught the same. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/43 "2014-03-03T17:27:18Z")
> [@Bone](#): > > When I was a child my parents insisted that I called all adults by their title, Mr. or Mrs., Aunt or Uncle, etc. It was a lesson in showing respect. My friends would all call the friend’s parents by their first name and even though the parents insisted I do the same, I was not permitted and continued to use their titles. When I see them even now I refer to them by their titles, out of respect. > > My children are taught the same. That’s uncommon in the US today, though, and most adults I know are uncomfortable with it. When I was TAing, I had my students call me “Mr.” This wasn’t the norm at my university, but I always felt it reinforced respect. ---
**Author:** ![Bone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bone/32/407_2.png) [@Bone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bone)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/44 "2014-03-03T17:33:59Z")
The friend’s parents at first thought it odd but I explained that my parents had given me instructions and I was not to disobey. They got used to it and I think they appreciated it, if not for the only reason that a child would listen to their parents even when not present. My parents insisted on the same from my own friends and even though they were told it was no longer necessary after they were adults (deemed adults, not legal adults - this was much later for some of them) all of my friends continue to do so. To me it’s a sign of respect and we all treat it as such. ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/45 "2014-03-03T18:18:05Z")
> [@Bone](#): > > My parents insisted on the same from my own friends and even though they were told it was no longer necessary after they were adults (deemed adults, not legal adults - this was much later for some of them) all of my friends continue to do so. To me it’s a sign of respect and we all treat it as such. Would your parents respect the religious beliefs of any of your friends who were told, by their parents, not to elevate one man above another using word honor, particularly for so meaningless a factor as age? Did your parents equally use the same titles when addressing your friends, as a sign of respect, or did they arbitrarily decide that your friends were worthy of this sign of respect? I’m curious how this phenomenon works, since this thread shows that ageism is heading the way of racism and other similarly embarrassing anachronisms. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/46 "2014-03-03T18:58:44Z")
It seems kind of…not necessarily rude, but not exactly polite and respectful to refuse to call someone the name they ask you to call them. I would feel weird about a friend of my daughter’s insisting on calling me Ms. Lastname. It wouldn’t be a huge deal, but I’m not used to nor very comfortable with such formalities (we’re a casual bunch) so I would prefer that they just call me by my first name. I’m not a run-the-carpool and head-the-PTA type of mom, I’m more of a you-might-talk-me-into-playing-Wii-with-you type of Mom, so let’s all just be cool. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/47 "2014-03-03T19:12:50Z")
In everyday usage, not many titles at all; professionally, it’s mostly reserved for the initial phase of job interviews before the first names come out, and strangely for physicians at work- they’re kind of sticky about calling them by their title. Some don’t care and are like “My name’s Larry” or whatever, but a lot introduce themselves like “I’m Dr. Smith.” and that’s all they tell you about themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Disgscen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f05b48/32.png) [@Disgscen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Disgscen)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/48 "2014-03-03T19:20:44Z")
It feels really weird to me when someone refers to me as Mr. in person. If they keep it up, I ask them to stop. When someone calls me on the phone unsolicited though, and uses my first name like we’re already familiar? I’ll make it pretty clear we’re not, and aren’t going to be. I really think titles are silly, but for some reason that cold-calling chumminess really turns me off. ---
**Author:** ![Bone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bone/32/407_2.png) [@Bone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bone)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/49 "2014-03-03T19:26:34Z")
> [@Ruken](#): > > Would your parents respect the religious beliefs of any of your friends who were told, by their parents, not to elevate one man above another using word honor, particularly for so meaningless a factor as age? > > Did your parents equally use the same titles when addressing your friends, as a sign of respect, or did they arbitrarily decide that your friends were worthy of this sign of respect? > > I’m curious how this phenomenon works, since this thread shows that ageism is heading the way of racism and other similarly embarrassing anachronisms. It would be case by case with regard to the religious rationale. My friends were not permitted to address my parents by their first name. If they had an issue with that, they may or may not be welcome in our house. It’s probably a cultural thing. It was never an issue as all of my friends respected their wishes. With regard to how it was handled directionally - children are addressed by their first name. I don’t think it’s an uncommon concept to show respect to one’s elders. Using the formal title for adults and not for children is consistent with this. It all seemed pretty normal to me. I am teaching my children the same way with regard to addressing other adults. If their friends want to address me by my first name I have no issue with it. > [@Blackberry](#): > > It seems kind of…not necessarily rude, but not exactly polite and respectful to refuse to call someone the name they ask you to call them. When faced with a conflict where on one side there exists the direction of your own parents direction and on the other the wishes of the parents of a friend - I chose to follow the direction of my own parents. YMMV. This is analogous to many things that were not allowed by my parents, where others may be more permissive. Consumption of certain food, curfew, language usage, freedom of movement, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/50 "2014-03-03T19:34:01Z")
> [@Bone](#): > > When faced with a conflict where on one side there exists the direction of your own parents direction and on the other the wishes of the parents of a friend - I chose to follow the direction of my own parents. I don’t mean on the part of the kids, I mean on the part of the parents to tell their kids that. Yes, of course the kids should do what their parents say and the friend’s parents shouldn’t hold that against the kid. But I wouldn’t tell my kid to do that because it doesn’t strike me as respectful to call someone something they ask you not to call them. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/51 "2014-03-03T19:54:40Z")
I call all my patients Mr. or Ms./Mrs. or Dr. and decline to call them by their first name even if they request it. It’s good to maintain certain standards and keep boundaries intact in my particular work situation, with all my patients being incarcerated felons. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/52 "2014-03-03T20:12:47Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > I call all my patients Mr. or Ms./Mrs. or Dr. You have patients who are doctors? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/53 "2014-03-03T20:24:51Z")
I am just old enough that anyone I am expected to call "Mr. or Mrs. can;t hear me anyway…😃 ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/54 "2014-03-03T20:27:55Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > You have patients who are doctors? Yep. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![UFBB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/96bed5/32.png) [@UFBB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UFBB)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/55 "2014-03-03T20:47:38Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > I expect it from my son-in-law. May I ask why? I’m just curious and my first assumption is that you don’t care for the fella much. My husband addressed my dad as Mr. Lastname the first several times meeting him but it quickly became less formal once he became part of the family. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/56 "2014-03-03T21:04:52Z")
Yeah, I feel the same as **Blackberry**. I think your parents’ overall rule of using honorifics is good, **Bone** - it’s probably a good idea to lean to the more formal side when teaching your kids stuff like this. Easier to later show your kid you can relax this a bit for some people than it would be to later on try to teach them to use honorifics they’re unfamiliar with. But I think that while their intentions were good, they focused too much on the letter of the law instead of the spirit. If the reason behind the rule is that it’s important to show adults respect … I find it _profoundly_ more disrespectful to ignore how someone actually wants to be addressed and to insist on using honorifics. ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/57 "2014-03-03T21:45:21Z")
> [@Charley](#): > > Then of course we have ‘Aunty’ and ‘Uncle’ which are used as the general, slightly respectful, title for pretty much every other adult we encounter. Often linked with a descriptor - so the Bus Aunty is the lady who helps the kids on the school bus. What about the [Bus Uncle](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bus_Uncle)? A security guard (from somewhere in east Asia) at work calls me “Mr [First Name]”. I’m not sure if he thinks my first name is my surname or not, or why he thinks he should call me “Mr” at all. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/58 "2014-03-03T22:01:20Z")
Slightly off-topic, but it’s been mentioned here in passing. I absolutely hate, hate, HATE it when clerks in stores or cashiers call me “Sir.” I know they mean well — but “Sir” is what you call old guys, and…well… ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/59 "2014-03-03T23:21:33Z")
My kids are expected to refer to their teachers as either Mr/Ms. Firstname (my daughter’s preschool) or Mr./Mrs/Ms. Lastname (my son’s public school). When introducing my kids to someone, it depends - I usually let whoever they’re being introduced to dictate what they get called. My best friend Laura is “Auntie Laura.” My friend’s wife is her first name, but my kids’ friends’ moms are Mr/Mrs Lastname unless my kids are otherwise instructed by the parent. When meeting my kids’ friends, since I have a ridiculously complicated last name, I usually go either by Mrs. M or “Overlyboy’s Mom.” It’s usually the latter because they forget. I can’t remember any of my kids’ friends calling me by my first name. I wouldn’t be mad, but maybe a tad disconcerted, if only because it’s hard enough for them to remember my last name initial let alone my first name. ---
**Author:** ![staili](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c57346/32.png) [@staili](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/staili)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674/60 "2014-03-04T00:05:48Z")
I think it’s pretty common for doctors to address their patients as Mr/Ms Lastname and for the pts to call them Dr Lastname, at least around here (East Coast). At work, I sometimes have to ask people to fill out a form that asks for their doctor’s name, and an awful lot of people write “Dr Lastname” rather than “Dr Firstname Lastname.” A surprisingly large number of those people don’t even know what their doctor’s first name is when I ask them. In other professional settings, the customer will often get called Mr/Ms Lastname, particularly in a higher end situation. When I’ve been to a fancy restaurant and have made a reservation on OpenTable (so they have both first and last names in their computer), I don’t think I’ve ever been to one where the hostess has called me by my first name. It’s always, “Mr Lastname, please follow me,” or just “please follow me.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-adults-who-expect-you-to-call-them-mr-mrs/682674.md?page=4)