# Do you know any clever breakup techniques? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 12, 2016, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763 "2016-03-12T18:27:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![LC\_Strawhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LC\_Strawhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LC_Strawhouse)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/1 "2016-03-12T18:27:35Z")
Anyone have any interesting ways of avoiding the inevitable tears, door-slamming, and five-hour Dr. Phil-style conversations going nowhere? No, I don’t need answer fast. 🙂 The best one I saw was in college even though I was the target - I was in denial about some girl cutting off communication and wrote a few earnest/pathetic letters to her until she answered “Keep sending me these letters. I love getting them, they are so funny”. That made the point in such a clever way that I couldn’t even be mad. ---
**Author:** ![74westy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/74westy/32/3950_2.png) [@74westy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/74westy)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/2 "2016-03-12T18:43:10Z")
Just slip out the back, Jack. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/3 "2016-03-12T18:52:16Z")
A favorite way of guys I knew in college was to start sleeping with her friend and let her find out. Then she’d dump you, but you were stuck with her friend. I can’t say I found the approach courageous or ethical ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/4 "2016-03-12T18:59:09Z")
I slept with the girls brother… But I’m not gay…OTOH hand I hate drama so it was kinda a wash… ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/5 "2016-03-12T19:01:22Z")
Call Vito the hitman? ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/6 "2016-03-12T19:18:36Z")
Man (or woman) up and tell them the truth. ---
**Author:** ![LC\_Strawhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LC\_Strawhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LC_Strawhouse)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/7 "2016-03-12T19:29:31Z")
> [@furryman](#): > > Man (or woman) up and tell them the truth. Trust me, in the past I’ve always taken the straight-honesty approach leading to maximum drama whether I wanted to or not. 😉 Hope to never be in that position again, but some people out there apparently know how to be really smooth about it. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/8 "2016-03-12T20:19:28Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > A favorite way of guys I knew in college was to start sleeping with her friend and let her find out. Then she’d dump you, but you were stuck with her friend. Substitute mother for friend. You won’t be stuck with anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/9 "2016-03-12T21:03:09Z")
Fake your own death. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/10 "2016-03-12T21:42:00Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > Substitute mother for friend. You won’t be stuck with anyone. Jesus loves you more than you will know. Whoa whoa whoa. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/11 "2016-03-12T21:59:30Z")
The Michael Kelso approach: 1. Have a friend tell him/her you’re dead; 2. If s/he sees you, tell him/her you’re a ghost. ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/12 "2016-03-12T22:16:19Z")
throw all their stuff out on the lawn, change the locks and your phone number, and then go on a two-week vacation. ---
**Author:** ![iljitsch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/77aa72/32.png) [@iljitsch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iljitsch)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/13 "2016-03-12T22:31:14Z")
This is the kind of stuff that makes me embarrassed to be a human being. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/14 "2016-03-12T22:42:09Z")
Homer Simpson: Dear Baby. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/15 "2016-03-12T23:45:14Z")
Clever ways? Nope. How about just being honest? It goes something like this: “I can no longer go out with you because \_\_\_\_\_.” As far as the: “inevitable tears, door-slamming, and five-hour Dr. Phil-style conversations going nowhere” I don’t know what to tell you. Not all break-ups have to end like that. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2016, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/16 "2016-03-13T00:42:41Z")
Shit in his/her bed at the moment of climax. When they shriek ''You shit in the bed when you came!" – look genuinely puzzled and say “Doesn’t everybody?” Worked for me. Nah- heard it in a movie. **Where’s Poppa** , I think. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2016, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/17 "2016-03-13T00:43:06Z")
This is why all the folks who do stuff online just go dead silent. When your texts and calls don’t get returned, consider yourself dumped. It avoids lots of whining & pleading. Seems pretty uncivilized to me, but we have threads and threads on this. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2016, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/18 "2016-03-13T01:33:38Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > I slept with the girls brother… > > But I’m not gay…OTOH hand I hate drama so it was kinda a wash… You’re not gay, but your other other hand was kind of into it? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2016, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/19 "2016-03-13T01:46:30Z")
> [@74westy](#): > > Just slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2016, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763/20 "2016-03-13T01:50:29Z")
No need to be coy, Roy. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-know-any-clever-breakup-techniques/748763.md?page=2)