# Do you love yourself? What's it like? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 2, 2003, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379 "2003-12-02T00:47:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/21 "2003-12-02T12:29:24Z")
Sometimes, when I’m admiring myself in the mirror; I start to think about the people who are less fortunate than me. You know, the one who aren’t as hansom as I am? Then it makes me sad… Then I remember the reason why I’m more hansom, is becuase God loves me more… Then I’m happy again. ---
**Author:** ![AussieGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/898d66/32.png) [@AussieGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AussieGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/22 "2003-12-02T12:34:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by wendyrules \* > \*\*My current partner used to make me stand in front of the mirror and say to me… “Look at yourself, THAT is what I see and that is what I love. You need to love yourself in the same way”… At first I used to stand in front of that mirror and cry and wish I was nowhere near that mirror… but over time, I am starting to accept myself and think that maybe I’m not THAT bad after all. \*\* WOW wendy, sounds like your " **current**" ( are you planning on another after him?) partner really does love you. I’ve never really loved myself, but then I’ve never really hated myself either. I am what I am, I can’t change that. I am however happy with the person I am. (there’s a lot of I ams here and it makes me feel uncomfortable:o ) I guess that could be described as a downfall. But I’ve always said “Take me as I am or forget it”, because what you see is what you get. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/23 "2003-12-02T12:46:48Z")
After rereading my last post its too bad God didn’t bless me with literacy. Lets pretend I said _handsome_ instead of _hansom_ . :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/24 "2003-12-02T13:38:33Z")
IceQueen said, “You have to be convinced that YOU are the measuring stick for the rest of humankind.” If that’s the case, we’re all fucked. ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/25 "2003-12-02T17:11:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Boo Boo Foo \* > \*\*I once wrote a book on “self love for men” called The Palmasutra. \*\* …and I have a signed first edition ---
**Author:** ![1kBR\_Kid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/dc4da7/32.png) [@1kBR\_Kid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/1kBR_Kid)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/26 "2003-12-02T17:20:18Z")
I love myself all the time;) I just loved myself less than hhalf an hour ago. What’s it like? Most recently, it was like me and Fran Drescher. Yes, The Nanny. Dude she is freakin’ HOT!!. I’m talkin’ SIZZLIN’!!! ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/27 "2003-12-02T17:29:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by devilsknew \* > \*\*That fucking cliche and mantra “You gotta Love yourself, before you can Love someone else.” is just so much crap… Usually that’s heard in circles of commiserating thirty something single women. I don’t feel particularly happy about myself, I have some things that need addressing, but it sure doesn’t stop me from experiencing and giving Love freely and generously. As a matter of a fact, Love for and of another is really about the only thing that makes me Love myself more. \*\* **Bunk**. Bullshit. If you really believe it’s crap, I have a bridge in Egypt I wanna sell you - it span _The Nile_. Disclaimer: I’m not a 30-something woman, and to tell you the truth; I think Tony Roberts is an asshole. IMO, _anyone_, and I mean anyone, who doesn’t love themselves **can’t** be in a deep, truly-loving relationship. Trying to fall in love with someone who doesn’t love themselves is fruitless, for what you’ll end up is a love **based on need** - which isn’t healthy, or balanced. Why there could be such differing opinions on the subject is probably rooted in the fact that people who do ‘love themselves’ know that it is impossible to “_love someone more than you love yourself_”. That might sound self-centered - but it’s a reality. Sure, you can love someone _as much as_ you love yourself - but _not more_. That rule goes for significant others as well as children. Just because it’s a rule doesn’t mean you wouldn’t jump in front of a train to push them out of the way, it just means that if you did, it was done out of loyalty and self-sacrifice. In fact, loving someone as much as you love yourself is the pinnacle in a relationship. It stands to reason, that if you don’t love yourself, there’s no conceivable way you can truly love another. To put it another way, _how can one person give something to someone that they can’t even give to themselves_? Without self-love, there’s no inner peace. Without self-love, there are sexual hang-ups. Without self-love, there are barriers that prevent true love from blossoming. Loving yourself **doesn’t** mean being narcissist; nor does it mean being boorish, self-centered or egocentric. It doesn’t necessarilly require ladies to look like a Barbie doll or guys to be all cut-up. It just means you have to be totally comfortable with yourself and who you are. For different people that means different things. Just my 2¢ worth. If you don’t agree, before beleaguering the point, ask yourself this: _Can you really, in your heart of hearts, love someone more than yourself?_ If the answer is still yes, then ask yourself this: _What is it exactly that you giving to the other person?_ Odds are it would be alot more than what you’re offering in return. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/28 "2003-12-02T17:55:37Z")
Loving yourself is having self-respect, being proud of your values and yourself as a person, and being able to like what you see when you look in the mirror (not just aesthetically). It’s not being an egomaniac or thinking you’re better than other people. ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/29 "2003-12-02T18:04:22Z")
Hitler was quite fond of himself y’know, likewise Stalin. Couple of real nice guys, allegedly ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/30 "2003-12-02T18:16:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by spogga \* > \*\*Hitler was quite fond of himself y’know, likewise Stalin. Couple of real nice guys, allegedly \*\* It’s alleged Hitler was a self-loathing Jew and possibly unable to come to terms with his homosexuality. Whether or not that’s true, I’ll leave to historians, but by most accounts he was a self-hating misanthrope who liked animals more than people. His ‘relationship’ with Eva Braun wasn’t even remotely normal. Stalin was a megalomaniac - which is a far cry from being self-confident, self-assured or self-loving. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/31 "2003-12-02T18:20:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by 1kBR Kid \* > **…I just loved myself…w/The Nanny. Dude she is freakin’ HOT!!** Advice: Get ye out of TX and into either Jersey or Long Island, pronto! ---
**Author:** ![LadyMack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4491bb/32.png) [@LadyMack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LadyMack)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/32 "2003-12-02T18:27:49Z")
Sure. If I don’t, who will? Wonderful, thanks. ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/33 "2003-12-02T18:43:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JohnBckWLD \* > \*\*It’s alleged Hitler was a self-loathing Jew and possibly unable to come to terms with his homosexuality. Whether or not that’s true, I’ll leave to historians, but by most accounts he was a self-hating misanthrope who liked animals more than people. His ‘relationship’ with Eva Braun wasn’t even remotely normal. > > Stalin was a megalomaniac - which is a far cry from being self-confident, self-assured or self-loving. \*\* Alleged being the operative word here, likewise homosexuality/true/misanthrope/relationship/normal. Agree with you about Stalin being a megolomaniac but this still does not mean he wasn’t self loving etc. ---
**Author:** ![Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boo_Boo_Foo)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/34 "2003-12-02T21:48:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SHAKES \* > \*\*Sometimes, when I’m admiring myself in the mirror; I start to think about the people who are less fortunate than me. You know, the one who aren’t as hansom as I am? Then it makes me sad… > > Then I remember the reason why I’m more hansom, is becuase God loves me more… > > Then I’m happy again. \*\* Man! You fucking get it! That’s a couple of absolutely classic posts I’ve seen from you recently. Truly witty and insightful stuff. Made my post on “The Palmasutra” look lame in comparison. ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/35 "2003-12-02T22:41:34Z")
::applause for **JohnBckWLD** first post in this thread:: Well said. I also take to heart what **LadyDragon** summed up nicely in 5 words: “If I don’t, who will?” To me that’s an important reason why you should love yourself. Some days/weeks/months/years it’s just you against the world. It really helps to have your own respect, confidence, and love to get you through those times. To those who loathe/hate themselves for whatever reason: Have you taken steps to change what you don’t like about yourself? If not, why not? This is a process I started with myself early on in life and it has benefitted me greatly. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/36 "2003-12-02T22:55:43Z")
It’s a lot more complicated than “I love myself” or “I hate myself.” Take my relationship with my brother, for an analogy. I love him as much as I love anyone in this life, and I’d do anything to help him if he needed me, 'cause we go all the way back to the beginning, but there are parts of him I simply loathe. Sometimes he’s a total jerkass and I can’t stand him, but I still love him underneath it all and that will never change, no matter what a moron he can be on his worst days. I feel the same way about myself. So do I love myself? Yes. Do I think I’m a jerkass moron sometimes and want to slap myself silly? Yes. I know I’m a good person and my friends say so too, but sometimes I don’t do what’s right for me because of a lack of confidence, or fear of abandonment, or plain insensitivity. So where do I stand in the spectrum of self-love? Smack in the middle with the rest of the teeming billions, no doubt. I have good days and bad days. ---
**Author:** ![SlowMindThinking](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@SlowMindThinking](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlowMindThinking)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/37 "2003-12-02T23:52:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rubystreak \* > \*\*It’s a lot more complicated than “I love myself” or “I hate myself.” Take my relationship with my brother, for an analogy. I love him as much as I love anyone in this life, and I’d do anything to help him if he needed me, 'cause we go all the way back to the beginning, but there are parts of him I simply loathe. Sometimes he’s a total jerkass and I can’t stand him, but I still love him underneath it all and that will never change, no matter what a moron he can be on his worst days. > > I feel the same way about myself. > > So do I love myself? Yes. Do I think I’m a jerkass moron sometimes and want to slap myself silly? Yes. I know I’m a good person and my friends say so too, but sometimes I don’t do what’s right for me because of a lack of confidence, or fear of abandonment, or plain insensitivity. So where do I stand in the spectrum of self-love? Smack in the middle with the rest of the teeming billions, no doubt. I have good days and bad days. \*\* A man here. I think this is close, but not complete it. On part of self-love is the ability to forgive oneself for your foibles, peculiarities, ugly parts or asshole parts. Just as that is part of loving another human being. To me, it is not being able to look in the mirror and liking what I see. (Personally, I prefer looking at naked women.) Surely ugly people can love themselves. Not because they are ugly, or despite being ugly, but because looks don’t really matter, at least for this kind of love. I don’t think the OP is going to find anything here that changes their opinion. Just as I can teach you to love another, I can’t teach you to love yourself. Love is particular to the individual. St. Benard (really) once opined about loving God that there were several forms or stages. Love of God out of fear, love of God for your own sake (God as Santa Claus); love of God for God’s own sake. I think it is the same for self love. ---
**Author:** ![YellowTail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b5ac83/32.png) [@YellowTail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YellowTail)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2003, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/38 "2003-12-03T00:37:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Boo Boo Foo \* > \*\*I once wrote a book on “self love for men” called The Palmasutra. \*\* 😃 😃 😃 Thanks for the great responses. You’ve given me a lot to think about. ---
**Author:** ![burundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@burundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burundi)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2003, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/39 "2003-12-03T00:55:27Z")
**IceWolf** and **Indygrrl** have come closest to articulating my feelings about it. I take pains to be a person I _can_ love. I try hard to be honest, forgiving, and compassionate, though I don’t always succeed. If I were often deliberately manipulative, mean, and dishonest, I couldn’t love or respect myself. It’s also about focusing on your good parts rather than your flaws. I don’t look like a movie star, but I have a great smile and I’m a wonderful dancer. And, sure, I have flaws, but I work on minimizing them. It’s about becoming the person you want to be. ---
**Author:** ![neutron\_star](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/51bf81/32.png) [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2003, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379/40 "2003-12-03T01:19:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Horseflesh \* > \*\*To those who loathe/hate themselves for whatever reason: Have you taken steps to change what you don’t like about yourself? If not, why not? \*\* It’s not that simple for everyone. I’ll give you an example. I fixed an old (and later built a new) computer for the teenage kids of a woman my wife works with. I gave them a lot of information and accurately answered all their questions. When I left, I felt like I had hideously embarrassed myself somehow, even though I knew in my mind that I hadn’t. I felt like shit. Later, my wife told me that her coworker commented on how her kids really liked me and were impressed by how knowledgeable I was. It didn’t matter. I still felt like shit. When I went back and talked to them a second time, I ended up feeling bad again. Tell me, how do you take steps to change that? > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rubystreak \* > But seriously folks… why is it so often the best, brightest, most loyal, witty folks, suffer from deep self-loathing? People I personally find worthy of love, but they can’t love themselves. It seems like an epidemic among thinking folk; I like to call it Hamlet Complex, but I don’t want to make too much light of it because it really informs everything you do, when deep down you’re not sure if you love yourself, or if you’re even worthy of love. > > Does this come from upbringing? Is it a possible side effect of too much self-reflection? I’ve often wondered this myself. My parents were kind of distant, but not abusive in any way. They gave me some encouragement and never made me feel bad about myself. If I had to guess, I’d say my problems stem from social rejection in adolesence. I was a bright, sometimes talkative, sometimes thinking, always cracking jokes, 5th grader and I was happy. I was never one of the popular kids, but it wasn’t bad. In 6th through 8th grades, I was berated, taunted mercilessly, and pretty much made to feel worthless. I mean, sure, it didn’t help that I had a tendency to read novels while walking down the halls between classes, and sometimes bump into things as a result, but that’s no excuse for the kind of crap I had to deal with. My grades, mood, and ability to interact with people began a slow downward spiral. In 5th grade, I got straight A’s. In 11th grade, I failed eight classes. I had to really bust my ass to make up all those classes and graduate my senior year, but it didn’t make me any happier or more confident. I’m 25 now and have been through about 8 anti-depressants and some other drugs. I’m on Adderall now, which is basically amphetamine. My doped-up friends want to buy some from me, but I won’t let them and I’m taking it as prescribed. Too soon to tell if it will work, but, as usual, I’m not too hopeful. I’d also like to thank **JohnBckWLD** and the others for basically telling me that I don’t _really_ love my wife of five years. Thanks, guys. Have you considered that perhaps human emotion is too variable and complex to sum up in your ridiculous absolutes? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-love-yourself-whats-it-like/216379.md?page=3)