# Do you mind if people (from the SDMB) you don't know, PM you or E-mail you... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 30, 2007, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707 "2007-07-30T17:03:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/61 "2007-07-31T18:52:30Z")
[QUOTE=stretch] I don’t mind PMs or emails, though I’ve not received many of either. And I’ve used PMs negatively, apparently in defiance of what the rest of you consider to be the appropriate manner. I used the PM instead of Pitting a poster because I thought the current behaviour was a departure from their regular posting style and wanted to bring it to the poster’s attention, not flog them in front of the whole board. We worked out our differences–one of which is that we both come across as bitchy at times–and all is cool now. Should I have not taken that to PM? Now I’m all worried that I’m a bigger asshole than I thought I was. ☹ [/QUOTE] To me, that’s more appropriate than making a big stink about it in a thread, but that’s just how I feel. I have a dislike of public fights, for example. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/62 "2007-08-01T15:16:57Z")
I’ve had a couple of PMs and maybe a half-dozen initiating emails (by which I mean the sender was initiating contact; I can’t count the number of emails I’ve had from fellow Dopers, because I’ve gone on to form email relationships with them). I like it. There are a lot of people around here I like (if there weren’t, I wouldn’t be here), and the PMs and emails I’ve gotten have always been of a helpful, friendly nature. Sure there are a few people around that I guess I’d rather not talk to, and if I got an email from one of them, I guess I’d ignore it or maybe email them back saying “no, thanks”. But mostly, I love Dopers, and am always happy to converse with one! ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/63 "2007-08-01T16:41:44Z")
[QUOTE=Telperien] To me, that’s more appropriate than making a big stink about it in a thread, but that’s just how I feel. I have a dislike of public fights, for example. [/QUOTE] I’ve had a few people say nasty things in a thread then apologize via PM instead of apologizing in the thread. I’ve never known what to say in response to that. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/64 "2007-08-01T17:50:15Z")
[QUOTE=jsgoddess] I’ve had a few people say nasty things in a thread then apologize via PM instead of apologizing in the thread. I’ve never known what to say in response to that. [/QUOTE] That seems wrong to me. Why can’t they apologize in public, as they’ve been nasty in public? To each his own, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/65 "2007-08-01T20:04:35Z")
I wish someone would PM me. I get a little sad that a place I like and spend as much time on as the SDMB as I do, that I have never had an PM. Maybe I need to be more of a jerk. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/66 "2007-08-01T20:29:32Z")
[QUOTE=Telperien] That seems wrong to me. Why can’t they apologize in public, as they’ve been nasty in public? To each his own, I guess. [/QUOTE] I was thinking this, too. But then, OTOH, maybe they were thinking “I was already a jerk; I don’t need to compound that by drawing attention to myself by apologizing in the thread, and maybe appearing to be an attention whore, too”. I mean, if it were me, yeah, I’d apologize in the thread I was a jerk in, but there is another side to the coin, y’know? ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/67 "2007-08-01T20:40:45Z")
I’ve been e-mailed by several Dopers in the year+ that I’ve been a member. Mostly, it was a pleasant experience. I even was able to send one some helpful information he needed, and he was able to help me improve the information for future use. I welcome any intelligent e-mail that isn’t hostile or spam. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/68 "2007-08-01T21:16:22Z")
[QUOTE=norinew] I was thinking this, too. But then, OTOH, maybe they were thinking “I was already a jerk; I don’t need to compound that by drawing attention to myself by apologizing in the thread, and maybe appearing to be an attention whore, too”. I mean, if it were me, yeah, I’d apologize in the thread I was a jerk in, but there is another side to the coin, y’know? [/QUOTE] Yes, that’s a valid interpretation to me too, now that I think about it. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2007, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/69 "2007-08-11T15:42:37Z")
I like getting PMs and emails. PMing me before emailing is a nice touch, and it makes sure I know to check the spam trap along with the inbox, but it isn’t required of anyone. And, yes, the email address I have configured here is the one I check these days, so I’m not going to get in trouble about that. ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2007, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/70 "2007-08-11T18:20:06Z")
I don’t mind PMs or e-mails either. Granted, I haven’t received many from here, but it’s always nice when I do. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2007, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/71 "2007-08-11T21:42:21Z")
I’ve never received an email or PM initiated by someone else. I’ve emailed several people and have gotten “appreciative” replies from all but one. One reply (to an email I sent because I didn’t want to hijack the thread and a separate thread was unnecessary) seemed snarky, but I let it go. One never responded at all to the email I sent, in response to a hijack type question asking for specific information. I want an email. ---
**Author:** ![MissGypsy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8491ac/32.png) [@MissGypsy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissGypsy)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2007, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/72 "2007-08-12T03:49:42Z")
I don’t mind it at all, but I’m shy about PMing or e-mailing people out of the blue. I received a very helpful PM not long ago, and I appreciated the information that she offered. I have e-mailed, a couple of times. One incredibly kind person responded to my e-mail and told me some things that gave me some closure and peace about my father’s death. Another was a friendly source of support and chit-chat about kids and stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2007, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/73 "2007-08-12T03:54:56Z")
I don’t quite get the reason for PMs if an email addy is available (both are in my case). Email is a little more flexible and less limited for attachments and continuous conversations, otherwise I don’t care. ---
**Author:** ![wonderlust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonderlust/32/7237_2.png) [@wonderlust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderlust)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2007, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/74 "2007-08-12T16:43:55Z")
[QUOTE=Ms. Pumpkin] I like getting PMs. Makes me feel special. 😛 [/QUOTE] You beat me to my post. What she said. Except I don’t really get any PMs here. Not special enough. It’s not easy being noticed in a crowd of 69,000. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2007, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/75 "2007-08-12T17:22:00Z")
My experience with PM’s and emails, like most others in this thread, have been 100% positive. I’m wondering what brought up the question for the OP? ---
**Author:** ![dnooman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/839c29/32.png) [@dnooman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dnooman)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2007, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/76 "2007-08-13T04:21:49Z")
Thanks again for the PM **askeptic**. I think that the way in which you used the feature was entirely the reason for it being in place. Sometimes you want to say something to another poster that really doesn’t need to be in a thread. ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2007, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/77 "2007-08-13T05:02:14Z")
[QUOTE=wonderlust] You beat me to my post. What she said. Except I don’t really get any PMs here. Not special enough. It’s not easy being noticed in a crowd of 69,000. [/QUOTE] Ditto. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2007, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/78 "2007-08-13T06:52:52Z")
I had the confusing experience of having 3 people PM me about the same thread-- two of them telling me I was totally right, way to go, etc., and the other saying I was a complete jackass and should STFU. That was really confusing, esp. considering the topic was one about which my feelings are tepid at best. ---
**Author:** ![dnooman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/839c29/32.png) [@dnooman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dnooman)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2007, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/79 "2007-08-13T09:03:02Z")
[QUOTE=Rubystreak] I had the confusing experience of having 3 people PM me about the same thread-- two of them telling me I was totally right, way to go, etc., and the other saying I was a complete jackass and should STFU. That was really confusing, esp. considering the topic was one about which my feelings are tepid at best. [/QUOTE] IMO any PMs that are negative, should be disregarded. That’s uncalled for. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2007, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707/80 "2007-08-13T14:07:14Z")
I have 10 PMs in the upper right hand corner. I haven’t deleted them because I like remembering that people wanted to talk to meeeeeeee. Okay, that sounds pretty pathetic. It’s not _that_ big a deal. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-mind-if-people-from-the-sdmb-you-dont-know-pm-you-or-e-mail-you/413707.md?page=5)