# Do you need closure??? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 27, 2001, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-need-closure/78411 "2001-08-27T21:44:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![jellen92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/6bbea6/32.png) [@jellen92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellen92)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-need-closure/78411/1 "2001-08-27T21:44:49Z")
When an 8 month relationship ends by one person just NOT calling back ever again (because of a fight 3 weeks prior), do you just go on with your life and say “screw it” or confront the person although you already know by now they want nothing to do with you? Is it really better or not to have closure? ---
**Author:** ![jellen92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/6bbea6/32.png) [@jellen92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellen92)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-need-closure/78411/2 "2001-08-27T21:45:53Z")
Damn… posted this on the wrong message board… my bad. ---
**Author:** ![Sultan\_Kinkari](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7bcc69/32.png) [@Sultan\_Kinkari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sultan_Kinkari)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-need-closure/78411/3 "2001-08-27T21:57:13Z")
“Closure” is just a last ditch attempt to revive what you had when it was good. ---
**Author:** ![caircair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/91b2a8/32.png) [@caircair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/caircair)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-need-closure/78411/4 "2001-08-28T01:07:30Z")
Funny, this sounds familiar. Took me three months to accept he wasn’t coming back – especially since he never called back. (And isn’t it ironic his last words to me were “I’ll call you”?) So, when I finally gave up on him, I ran a personal ad online. Didn’t get many responses, but while surfing through the others out there I ran into one that sounded VERRRRY familiar. I never got confirmation, but I am 99.9999% sure it was him. Oh, and those few responses I DID get? One of them turned out to be from he-who-would-become-Spouse. Running that ad was the smartest thing I ever did. Suggestion: Give yourself time to get over it, then go looking again. ---
**Author:** ![Legomancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/779978/32.png) [@Legomancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Legomancer)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-need-closure/78411/5 "2001-08-28T01:55:44Z")
Closure exists in movies only. There is no closure in life. There’s just moving on. ---
**Author:** ![Mortish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/54ee81/32.png) [@Mortish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mortish)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-need-closure/78411/6 "2001-08-28T02:19:13Z")
Closure exists in letting go of something, and accepting that it’s over. I don’t believe one needs to involve any other party because it’s purely a mental and emotional process. I actually had a boyfriend do that to me–said he’d call, and I never heard from him. Attempted to contact him once, but he was “too busy” to talk. I figured it out at that point. Spent a few weeks wondering if he would change his mind or what have you, and suddenly call or show up at my house. I rather hoped he wouldn’t. I let it go because there was nothing else to do and nothing he could say would add to my understanding of the situation. ---
**Author:** ![T\_G\_I\_F](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9a140/32.png) [@T\_G\_I\_F](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T_G_I_F)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-need-closure/78411/7 "2001-08-28T03:02:12Z")
Closure doesn’t have to be a confrontation. Closure can be saying to someone (perhaps a toast to a couple of comiserating pals) “That’s behind me now!” ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-need-closure/78411/8 "2001-08-28T04:18:11Z")
All I can say is that given this thread’s title, our mods are an awfully restrained bunch. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-need-closure/78411/9 "2001-08-28T04:55:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jellen92 \* > \*\*When an 8 month relationship ends by one person just NOT calling back ever again (because of a fight 3 weeks prior), do you just go on with your life and say “screw it” or confront the person although you already know by now they want nothing to do with you? Is it really better or not to have closure? \*\* To me, closure doing what you need to do to accept what has happened and move on - so more often than not, it is better to do that than not. It may be saying “Screw it,” It need not be a long drawn out confrontation/conversation about issues and feelings. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-need-closure/78411/10 "2001-08-28T05:05:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by wishbone \* > \*\*“Closure” is just a last ditch attempt to revive what you had when it was good. \*\* My son’s girlfriend gave him the “tata” while he was out of the country for a year. When he returned he claimed he wasn’t trying to get back with her but he had to “see her again for closure”. My only comment to him was “Just don’t grovel, it’s not pretty.” Needless to say, he didn’t find any humor in my sarcasm. ---
**Author:** ![LifeWillFall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/46a35a/32.png) [@LifeWillFall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeWillFall)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-need-closure/78411/11 "2001-08-28T06:32:58Z")
Alright so I just quit my job, finished Junior college and moved out of my parents house, I’ve got closure to spare. I think I’ll set up a little shop and bottle this stuff, I’m gonna make a fortune. Any takers 19.95 a bottle. ---
**Author:** ![invisibleOLDlady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a88e57/32.png) [@invisibleOLDlady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/invisibleOLDlady)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-need-closure/78411/12 "2001-08-28T12:43:19Z")
I found closure by writing a letter to a bitch ex-friend telling her all the personality traits she bitched about in others were very obviously possessed by her. And often not really in the others. I hope she read it. I hate her. ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-need-closure/78411/13 "2001-08-28T16:06:07Z")
Since closure is for you and not the person you are wanting something from, you can do it alone. The best advice ever came from a friend who questioned why I was wanting to see my ex after he dumped me. I ‘just wanted to know how he was doing’. Her question: “What will you do with this information?” Think about it. The person who hurt you doesn’t love you. Doesn’t even like you much. Sure doesn’t respect you. Likely lied to your face. Talking to them, even telling them how they hurt you will change nothing, since they care nothing for you. Closure is when you realize this, let it hurt, and then move on. Accept the pain, for a while, as a consequence of learning, and then let it go. That’s closure. ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-need-closure/78411/14 "2001-08-28T16:12:56Z")
I used to think I needed “closure”, but inevitably I was sorry when I got it - forcing someone to tell you they don’t love you any more brings out the best in no one, and I ended up more hurt after the fact. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-need-closure/78411/15 "2001-08-28T17:26:16Z")
Maybe I’m too much of a romantic. I broke up with somebody in a very bad way in high school and couldn’t think about her without getting upset until years later, when I wrote her a letter telling her how sorry I was about how I ended it and how I hoped she had found somebody who could treat her better than I had. That, apparently, was the closure _I_ had needed, because I had a moment’s upset about it since. ---
**Author:** ![xanadu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c4cdca/32.png) [@xanadu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xanadu)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-need-closure/78411/16 "2001-08-28T18:06:23Z")
I can tell you from personal experience that it’s the “not knowing” that will drive you crazy. The best thing that you can do is to decide if this person is worth fighting for. If they are, then write them a letter or call them up. If they aren’t worth your time, then move on with your life. You’ll be a lot happier, I promise.