# Do you or do you know someone that practices affirmative action in their personal relationships? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 12, 2014, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294 "2014-05-12T18:36:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/1 "2014-05-12T18:36:25Z")
I know a few white people that go out of their way to befriend and socialize with people of other races solely because they are another race, and not because they believe having diverse friends is good, but because of “white guilt” and pity for them. I have friends of varying race, sex, sexual orientation, socioeconomic backgrounds, political backgrounds etc., but they are my friends because we crossed paths along the way and we get along. I have never sought out social contact with someone because I felt that I needed to befriend someone different from me, and especially not because I was doing them a service by sharing my whiteness with them. Is it just me or does anyone else find this odd? ---
**Author:** ![HipGnosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/76d3ee/32.png) [@HipGnosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HipGnosis)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/2 "2014-05-12T18:40:33Z")
I’m interested to know why you think you are friends with people you get along with is odd. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/3 "2014-05-12T18:54:38Z")
The “this” refers to the topic of the thread title. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/4 "2014-05-12T18:59:41Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > I know a few white people that go out of their way to befriend and socialize with people of other races solely because they are another race, and not because they believe having diverse friends is good, but because of “white guilt” and pity for them. Do they tell you this is their motivation, or are you making assumptions. I don’t know anyone who would consciously do what you think these people are doing. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/5 "2014-05-12T19:07:38Z")
Yes, she expressly told me in one case that she had a new black friend…because the friend was black. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/6 "2014-05-12T19:09:09Z")
Do basically, you are better than other people? Awesome, dude. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/7 "2014-05-12T19:14:38Z")
I don’t see anything wrong with being attracted to people who challenge you and make you think and expose you to new things. You don’t have to make your friends resemble the United Nations to achieve this, but it probably is true that people who have a diverse set of friends do get benefits that they wouldn’t routinely get from a less diverse set. I’m also curious how you would know the motivations of these white people. I guess I can imagine someone saying something like, “I try to make friends with people who are different from me”–a sentiment which is perfectly reasonable, IMHO. But I can’t imagine someone saying, “Yeah, that’s my black friend over there. I only like her because she’s black.” ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/8 "2014-05-12T19:15:32Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Do basically, you are better than other people? Awesome, dude. ?? How is he saying that? ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/9 "2014-05-12T19:24:02Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Yes, she expressly told me in one case that she had a new black friend…because the friend was black. So we’ve gone from a few white people to one in particular? ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/10 "2014-05-12T19:28:14Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > So we’ve gone from a few white people to one in particular? No, I have another friend (he) that takes a similar viewpoint. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/11 "2014-05-12T19:29:56Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > But I can’t imagine someone saying, “Yeah, that’s my black friend over there. I only like her because she’s black.” She didn’t say “only” but it was the primary reason she started the friendship. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/12 "2014-05-12T19:30:59Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Do basically, you are better than other people? Awesome, dude. Please elaborate. What other people? ---
**Author:** ![dada2fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ccd318/32.png) [@dada2fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dada2fish)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/13 "2014-05-12T20:58:29Z")
Did you ask her why she is doing this? I would like to know her answer. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/14 "2014-05-12T21:09:45Z")
> [@MissSwitac](#): > > Did you ask her why she is doing this? I would like to know her answer. She said it was because _we_ should go out of our way to make minorities feel more welcome. I asked her if she always used race as a factor when deciding who she wanted to be friends with, and she said definitely. ---
**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/15 "2014-05-12T21:27:45Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > She said it was because _we_ should go out of our way to make minorities feel more welcome. I asked her if she always used race as a factor when deciding who she wanted to be friends with, and she said definitely. …but did you ask her if she did this out of white guilt? Did you ask her if she felt pity for them? Because the answer she has given doesn’t imply either pity or guilt. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/16 "2014-05-12T22:18:13Z")
I spent over 30 years hiring mechanics for high paying mechanic jobs. I would go out of my way to hire a qualified black worker becuase I felt his white counterpart stould a better chance of landing an equal job somewhere else. It may not have been fair but I felt it was the right thing to do. About 25% of our mechanics were black. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/17 "2014-05-12T22:28:20Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I felt his white counterpart stould a better chance of landing an equal job somewhere else. So in my friend’s situation, I don’t know if this play into it or not, but are you trying to say that friending someone because of their color makes sense because other white people stand a better chance of making friends elsewhere? If that’s not what you’re saying, I’m not even sure how your anecdote is relevant to the discussion. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/18 "2014-05-12T22:31:50Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > So in my friend’s situation, I don’t know if this play into it or not, but are you trying to say that friending someone because of their color makes sense because other white people stand a better chance of making friends elsewhere? If that’s not what you’re saying, I’m not even sure how your anecdote is relevant to the discussion. Sorry I did misinterpet the discussion topic. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/19 "2014-05-12T22:40:00Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > She said it was because _we_ should go out of our way to make minorities feel more welcome. I asked her if she always used race as a factor when deciding who she wanted to be friends with, and she said definitely. Make them feel more welcome where? On the planet? In the US? In her all white accounting office? ---
**Author:** ![LibrarySpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294/20 "2014-05-12T23:01:20Z")
In customer service, I make a point to always be friend"ly" to minorities. Probably overly so. That really has nothing to do with friend"ship." That’s just kismet. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-or-do-you-know-someone-that-practices-affirmative-action-in-their-personal-relationships/688294.md?page=2)