# Do you say grace? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 15, 2010, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764 "2010-11-15T19:17:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/21 "2010-11-16T03:16:44Z")
Define “Grace”. Are we talking about the Christian “Oh Lord, we thank thee for the food” sort of thing, or any meal-related religious benediction? ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/22 "2010-11-16T03:48:01Z")
I voted NO but then it occurred to me that I do the Jewish version at Passover with my family. That’s the only time. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/23 "2010-11-16T04:00:27Z")
I don’t bow or close my eyes; however, I do stand (or sit) quietly and respectful of others. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/24 "2010-11-16T04:16:18Z")
No. But I’ll sit quietly while my family does when I’m home for the holidays. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/25 "2010-11-16T04:27:13Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Yeah, that’s pretty rude. Unless of course they expected you to join in or were otherwise obnoxious about it. > [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > So much for respect and common courtesy. My fundie cousins are intelligent people; high school math teachers and college physics professors. Unlike the ignorant and uneducated, who have no excuse, they defiantly believe in the illogical – something that flies in the face of their education and science knowledge. I have no respect for that kind of attitude. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to visit me. If they do, they will probably be invited to defend their beliefs in a civil discussion. They are the ones bringing the subject up. If they didn’t try to put their religion in my face by saying grace, it never would have come up in the first place. If it does, I will make fun of it and they know that. Tough shit. Religion is not a taboo subject in my house. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/26 "2010-11-16T04:34:25Z")
No, and I can’t remember ever eating with someone who wanted to say grace (unless you count kiddush), so I don’t have a policy about what to do when it happens. ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/27 "2010-11-16T05:37:37Z")
Sitting quietly while looking around is the best I can do, please don’t ask me to hold hands. ---
**Author:** ![chizzuk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@chizzuk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chizzuk)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/28 "2010-11-16T06:00:42Z")
Not on my own, no. I will play along and say “Amen” or whatever if I’m in a group that’s doing it. The only times we usually do it are at my grandfather’s house. He finally stopped asking my brother and me to say it after several episodes of awkward silence and frozen looks, because we never did it at home and apparently my dad couldn’t bring himself to tell his father this. I used to hang out with religious types in college so I could make up something convincing if I had to, but it makes me feel like a fraud. ---
**Author:** ![AmunRa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@AmunRa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AmunRa)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/29 "2010-11-16T08:03:26Z")
Nope, I just stare at the silly religious folk. ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/30 "2010-11-16T10:28:41Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > I do a kiddush (the Jewish version of grace, with wine and bread) every Friday night and holidays; I don’t bother with blessings the rest of the week. > > Of course, I’m a strong believer in “my home - my rules”. If I’m at my atheist inlaws’ place on Friday night, I won’t do the ritual; if I’m visiting someone who wants to do the long version, including the \*full \*blessing after the meal, then I’ll go with it. Yes, this is pretty much my practice as well. Having a ritual to mark Shabbat is important to me, but not so much every meal. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/31 "2010-11-16T15:15:34Z")
My grandpa says grace before every meal, and I like it. It’s an important thing for him and it will always remind me of him. When out to eat, he and my grandma will bow their heads and pray silently. We don’t do group grace in public. I just had a flashback of when I was a little kid and there was a sheet of paper with short mealtime prayers on it stuck in the napkin holder on the table. My mom had put the paper in a plastic sleeve. Every time we ate together, someone had to pick one of the prayers and say it. But never dad, and usually not us kids. I wonder why we never just memorized these prayers? I guess mom’s switch from Catholicism to Lutheranism was shaky, and she felt she needed the cheat sheet. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/32 "2010-11-16T15:31:47Z")
“Not really, though I’ll play along if it’s part of the meal of family or friends.” This is pretty much how I treat all religious ceremonies. I believe in respect. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/33 "2010-11-16T15:47:14Z")
Growing up Catholic, every meal was preceded with the “Bless us O Lord and these thy gifts” prayer. Never varied. These days, no. When we think about it, we go around the table and everyone shares something they are thankful for that day, but it is non-religious and no deity is involved. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/34 "2010-11-16T16:02:10Z")
I chose “We say Grace, but usually at home or just as a family eating out ourselves” — which isn’t really true. I don’t ever say Grace aloud in a restaurant, or even silently. I just skip it. But we always say Grace before eating at home. ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/35 "2010-11-16T16:11:24Z")
> [@BobArrgh](#): > > The absolute weird part for me is eating with a bunch of people at someone’s house where they don’t give thanks before the meal. I really don’t know what the protocol is for knowing when to eat. Interestingly, it’s the other way around for me. It gets weird at someone’s house when there’s a natural flow of conversation and movement towards the table and preparations for eating, and then suddenly everything stops so someone can thank whatever being they feel they need to thank in a formal manner. I end up wondering when I’m allowed to eat after that. I usually just wait - I dislike holding hands, but would do it if asked, but I don’t bow my head, close my eyes or otherwise \*pretend \*to do something I’m not going to do. I think _that_ would be disrespectful, not matter how silly I think the tradition is. As for protocol for knowing when to eat…as I said, without the formal pause/prayer creating a starting moment, it just kind of happens naturally. Once everyone is seated and served (or ready to serve themselves, for dinners where the food is on the table), people just…start. I did not grow up in a religious environment at all, though. I think I’ve maybe been to a handful of meals in my life where someone wanted to say grace. It doesn’t seem to be a tradition in French Canadian families, or at least not the ones I know. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/36 "2010-11-16T21:13:56Z")
> [@Musicat](#): > > My fundie cousins are intelligent people; high school math teachers and college physics professors. Unlike the ignorant and uneducated, who have no excuse, they defiantly believe in the illogical – something that flies in the face of their education and science knowledge. **I have no respect for that kind of attitude. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to visit me.** If they do, they will probably be invited to defend their beliefs in a civil discussion. > > They are the ones bringing the subject up. If they didn’t try to put their religion in my face by saying grace, it never would have come up in the first place. If it does, **I will make fun of it and they know that. Tough shit.** Religion is not a taboo subject in my house. (bolding mine) A class act, you are. mmm ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/37 "2010-11-16T21:16:23Z")
We do when we remember to, usually when the kid reminds us. ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/38 "2010-11-16T21:21:34Z")
I voted the next to last option, but it’s not quite accurate. I grew up saying grace, but I’ve since decided that it’s a silly ritual to just be thankful for meals when we should be thankful for everything. I understand for a special occassion, like Thanksgiving, where it’s essentially the purpose of the meal. Otherwise, I prefer to try to stay in a perpetual state of grace, and give thanks when I’m thankful, as I feel doing so ritually generally makes any sort of thanks meaningless. That said, when others say grace, I’m always respectful, and I will generally be still and silent. I think it’s rude to eat or talk or whatever while someone else is praying nearby. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/39 "2010-11-16T21:25:19Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > I chose “We say Grace, but usually at home or just as a family eating out ourselves” — which isn’t really true. I don’t ever say Grace aloud in a restaurant, or even silently. I just skip it. But we always say Grace before eating at home. This, not in restaurants but in our home and those of our relatives. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764/40 "2010-11-16T21:37:21Z")
> [@chizzuk](#): > > Not on my own, no. I will play along and say “Amen” or whatever if I’m in a group that’s doing it. The only times we usually do it are at my grandfather’s house. He finally stopped asking my brother and me to say it after several episodes of awkward silence and frozen looks, because we never did it at home and apparently my dad couldn’t bring himself to tell his father this. I used to hang out with religious types in college so I could make up something convincing if I had to, but it makes me feel like a fraud. Are you talking about saying a _bracha_, or is your name just a coincidence? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-say-grace/560764.md?page=3)