# Do you shake a man's hand the same as a woman's? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 21, 2012, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179 "2012-08-21T16:27:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/21 "2012-08-21T19:06:29Z")
Don’t stroke my hand or grip it like Prince Charming. And if you ever kiss my hand I will look at you like you sprouted three heads. I will not be charmed! I also don’t shake kids’ hands, or try not to. You just know they just wiped snot on their hands. Little germ factories! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/22 "2012-08-21T19:27:29Z")
I am a woman and I shake them differently. When I shake a woman’s hand, I look them straight in the eye and vary the level of pressure to match theirs. I give a small smile but make sure it does not make it all the way to my eyes. When I shake a man’s hand, I make it a good, firm shake. I also make sure I look in their eyes. I will also tend to widen my eyes into a doe-like stance and smile with full dimples and teeth. (While the recipient usually checks out my rack.) I have found that in the workplace, this is the best way to open doors when you first meet people. The sexes do react differently. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/23 "2012-08-21T19:35:21Z")
I shake everyone’s hand pretty much the same. I do hate it when a person- usually a woman, in my experience- just grabs my fingers; I can’t end the shake and let go quickly enough. Although, my grandfather used to shake this way all the time. I also don’t like when someone- usually a guy in this case- gives me the dead-fish shake. I hang onto it and shake even more firmly than I do normally, as if trying to wordlessly communicate with the guy and let him know how flimsy he feels with that kind of shake, in the hopes that he’ll be embarrassed by the difference in firmness between his hand and mine, and change his ways. I’m working now on teaching my young daughters how to give a good firm handshake. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/24 "2012-08-21T19:43:51Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > Some men don’t wash their hands after touching their dick when they piss or jack off. Now wait a minute. If I washed my hands every time I jacked off you’d be bitching about my hands being chapped. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/25 "2012-08-21T19:54:55Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > No mention of rape yet? Good. (Oh, damn, I blew it there, didn’t I?) Post #12. ---
**Author:** ![Scubaqueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c0e974/32.png) [@Scubaqueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scubaqueen)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/26 "2012-08-21T20:09:59Z")
> [@madmonk28](#): > > I’m a man and tend to shake everyone’s hand the same, except in some instances where a woman offers her hand in a way that doesn’t allow for a normal shake. It only happens rarely. i don’t why women do that limp-wrist thing. it’s annoying as hell to be on the receiving end - and i’m a woman. i generally match the pressure of the other’s shake and keep it business-like. maybe a bit more pressure with men than with women. i’m 5’ 9" barefoot and even with just a two-inch heel on, it still towers me over most people. to date, businessmen and women have always dispensed with the nonsense while shaking my hand, so either i’m lucky or just fortunate in the workplace. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/27 "2012-08-21T20:16:15Z")
> [@Skammer](#): > > Post #12. D’oh. Did a search for “rape,” not “rapist.” ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/28 "2012-08-21T20:19:22Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I also don’t shake kids’ hands, or try not to. You just know they just wiped snot on their hands. Little germ factories! 🙂 Hey, think of it as free vaccine! 😛 I shake exactly the same with men as women, but probably end up shaking men’s hands harder since they are usually more into the grip and up-and-down part. (Gee that sounds naughty.) If I get a limp fish I try and give them a Grip of Death, or whatever my puny little lady-hand can approximate. **perfectparanoia** , doe eyes to the men? Rigid half-smile for women? You sound a little passive aggressive. Or paranoid. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![leahcim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b4bc9f/32.png) [@leahcim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leahcim)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/29 "2012-08-21T20:26:33Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > I’m less willing to shake a man’s hand. Some men don’t wash their hands after touching their dick when they piss or jack off. I would shake it, if they extend their hand of course, but I’m not usually the first one to volunteer. That’s why I greet every male I see with a friendly punch to the face. It’s much more sanitary. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/30 "2012-08-21T20:29:20Z")
> [@Skammer](#): > > Post #12. Ahh, but that wasn’t a _legitimate_ handshake. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/31 "2012-08-21T21:06:32Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > I’m less willing to shake a man’s hand. Some men don’t wash their hands after touching their dick when they piss or jack off. I would shake it, if they extend their hand of course, but I’m not usually the first one to volunteer. Gee, aren’t you nice. I guess I can assume the same unsanitary factors for women then? “Some women don’t wash their hands after removing their tampon, or wiping their ass.” You think men aren’t appreciative of their own hygiene? ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/32 "2012-08-21T21:08:45Z")
> [@Scubaqueen](#): > > i don’t why women do that limp-wrist thing. it’s annoying as hell to be on the receiving end - and i’m a woman. > > i generally match the pressure of the other’s shake and keep it business-like. maybe a bit more pressure with men than with women. i’m 5’ 9" barefoot and even with just a two-inch heel on, it still towers me over most people. > > to date, businessmen and women have always dispensed with the nonsense while shaking my hand, so either i’m lucky or just fortunate in the workplace. In addition to the limp-wrist ded fish shake, some women offer their hand at a weird angle that doesn’t allow for a normal shake. It’s almost like they are expecting that I want to kiss their hand, very odd. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/33 "2012-08-21T21:50:37Z")
I’m a female, and I shake men’s hands much harder than other women’s (not like a vice grip or with intent to injure, but PLENTY firm and decisive). I figure men are more used to guys trying to outsqueeze them, so it won’t hurt them, and it’ll make me stand out as a take-charge, ballsy kind of person. It hasn’t hurt me yet. Usually when I shake hands with women, they shake very weakly. So I make sure my ladyshake is firm, but not nearly as firm as my dudeshake (because I don’t want to hurt them). ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/34 "2012-08-21T21:51:18Z")
I offer both genders a firm handshake, but with men I make certain to return what they give. THere is a small group of guys who seem to thrive on trying to dominate via the handshake. I don’t take well to douchebag aggressive hand crushers and have no problem squeezing back hard. I’ve never had a woman try to crush my hand so I always off them a light, firm handshake. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/35 "2012-08-21T21:59:21Z")
I give everyone a firm handshake but with women I am gentler. Well more careful, less rough and ready. If people try the hand squeeze I just usually drop their hand and ask, “Are you kidding?” As yet no has been game to answer. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/36 "2012-08-21T22:27:15Z")
> [@Acid\_Lamp](#): > > I offer both genders a firm handshake, but with men I make certain to return what they give. THere is a small group of guys who seem to thrive on trying to dominate via the handshake. I don’t take well to douchebag aggressive hand crushers and have no problem squeezing back hard. I’ve never had a woman try to crush my hand so I always off them a light, firm handshake. This. Although for the first time I shook a woman’s hand two weeks ago and she was playing the I’m gonna crush your shit game. It caught me off guard. But I’ll be ready next time. ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/37 "2012-08-22T00:31:53Z")
Since I mostly shake hands with older people I give most people a soft hand shake. If any man tried to give me a hand grinding handshake I hope I would have enough presence of mind to drop to the floor crying and screaming. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/38 "2012-08-22T00:48:55Z")
I give women a handshake, some grip and some shaking. That’s it. With men it varies from that to trying to break the bones in their hand and yank their arm out of its socket. It’s a guy thing. ---
**Author:** ![boytyperanma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4491bb/32.png) [@boytyperanma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boytyperanma)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/39 "2012-08-22T01:00:31Z")
Normally I would shake a women’s hand softer then I would a mans. This is more a function of where I encounter women that I’m shaking hands with. I work in the trades a firm handshake is the standard. If I were shaking hands with a female plumber or electrician they would still receive a firm handshake but if I’m shaking hands with a female customer I’m going to be less firm. Females in the trades are very rare however so my vote was I shake men and women’s hands differently. The same tends to apply to men though, except with men in non physical jobs it’s more of a judgment call. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179/40 "2012-08-22T01:11:13Z")
> [@Acid\_Lamp](#): > > I offer both genders a firm handshake, but with men I make certain to return what they give. THere is a small group of guys who seem to thrive on trying to dominate via the handshake. I don’t take well to douchebag aggressive hand crushers and have no problem squeezing back hard. I’ve never had a woman try to crush my hand so I always off them a light, firm handshake. Me too. And for this reason I wish the standard would switch to the fist bump. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-shake-a-mans-hand-the-same-as-a-womans/632179.md?page=3)