# Do you tell others in your household when you are going out? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 23, 2015, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268 "2015-06-23T18:47:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/101 "2015-06-25T15:29:28Z")
Yeah, this definition of “partnership” is so diluted there is actually hardly any partnering going on. It’s just two people ho happen to share quarters and maybe do things together when they accidentally find themselves in proximity. Now that’s a fine way to live, if that’s what you want, but it’s not a partnership in any real sense. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/102 "2015-06-25T15:49:11Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > Kind of hard to do if they disappeared on you. Isn’t it. > > So you and your SO are at home doing whatever. Either together or apart. You’ll just get up and walk out the door with out a word? :dubious: > > As far as people not doing what they say their going to do, are always late, can’t seem to read a clock, that’s a whole nother discussion we have had on the SDMB a number of times. Someone need not be physically present for instantaneous communication to occur, thanks to telephones, so no, it isn’t hard at all. If we were in the same room, I’d probably say something, but if he was somewhere else on the property or asleep, I probably wouldn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/103 "2015-06-25T15:52:50Z")
Does he ever get a chance to tell you he would like you to do something other than what you’ve got in mind? Or vice versa? ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/104 "2015-06-25T16:11:57Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Someone need not be physically present for instantaneous communication to occur, thanks to telephones, so no, it isn’t hard at all. > > If we were in the same room, I’d probably say something, but if he was somewhere else on the property or asleep, I probably wouldn’t. Which is fine if assistance is available over the phone. Not so good if you need their actual presence. Not slamming your lifestyle. You’re lucky to have found someone that likes to live that way too. Which brings me to this question - Why did you start this thread? Is someone giving you grief for coming and going without communicating the where’s and when’s? ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/105 "2015-06-25T16:26:45Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > Which is fine if assistance is available over the phone. Not so good if you need their actual presence. > > Not slamming your lifestyle. You’re lucky to have found someone that likes to live that way too. > > Which brings me to this question - Why did you start this thread? Is someone giving you grief for coming and going without communicating the where’s and when’s? They aren’t more physically present because I told them I was going out. Are we supposed to literally accompany each other everywhere too? I was curious to see what other people’s opinions are and annoyed that my daughter asks me where I’m going and when I will be back. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/106 "2015-06-25T16:27:50Z")
I think it’s great that you guys do this. I really do. But the problem comes when you get further responsibilities. Like kids. Or even something so simple as parents. Or who paid the rent? Or dinner is being made? But good for you guys, I guess. I just moved in with my SO because he is the best thing in my life and I want to be with him as much as possible (except maybe right after I wake up, then please go away until I’ve had my coffee). Does it diminish my independence? A little. But I do this voluntarily. I guess you could call it a price I pay for love, but it’s a price I pay happily. I also come from a home where it was demanded I account for every moment of my time and spend all of it with my parents. I hated it and resented them for it. But you don’t choose your parents. You do choose your partner. So out of love and respect for him, I try to let him know when I will be late or whatever. I don’t have to. I want to, because I don’t want him to worry. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/107 "2015-06-25T16:28:55Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Yeah, this definition of “partnership” is so diluted there is actually hardly any partnering going on. It’s just two people ho happen to share quarters and maybe do things together when they accidentally find themselves in proximity. > > Now that’s a fine way to live, if that’s what you want, but it’s not a partnership in any real sense. You don’t get to define “partnership” for everyone else. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/108 "2015-06-25T16:32:40Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Does he ever get a chance to tell you he would like you to do something other than what you’ve got in mind? Or vice versa? He probably wouldn’t have anything in mind for me to do, so that doesn’t come up. He doesn’t need for me to “give him a chance” to speak. If I want him to do something, I say so. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/109 "2015-06-25T16:40:19Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > They aren’t more physically present because I told them I was going out. Are we supposed to literally accompany each other everywhere too? Giving people a heads up that your leaving allows them to plan. Simple as that. “Oh, your leaving? I was going to ask later, but can you help me with this real quick?”. Of course your should not accompany each other everywhere, I never sugested anything of the sort. Between work, our activites and life, my Wife and I spend more time apart than together. [QUOTE=AnaMen] I was curious to see what other people’s opinions are and annoyed that my daughter asks me where I’m going and when I will be back. [/QUOTE] And this is what most people don’t understand. It costs you absolutely nothing to answer your daughters question, and can help avoid problems. If your worried that you may not always meet the expected time when you will be back, well, your brought up instant communication, so that’s not a problem. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/110 "2015-06-25T16:40:29Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > You don’t get to define “partnership” for everyone else. I don’t get to impose my ideas of partnership on you but yeah I get to define it as I please and I get to believe that you’ve got a casual relationship with a semi-roommate rather than a partnership. I also get to think they your resentment at your daughter’s concern about your whereabouts reveals that you have problems with close relationships. What she’s doing is absolutely normal. Your resentment is … Unusual, to be charitable. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/111 "2015-06-25T17:34:07Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > Giving people a heads up that your leaving allows them to plan. Simple as that. “Oh, your leaving? I was going to ask later, but can you help me with this real quick?”. Of course your should not accompany each other everywhere, I never sugested anything of the sort. Between work, our activites and life, my Wife and I spend more time apart than together. > > And this is what most people don’t understand. It costs you absolutely nothing to answer your daughters question, and can help avoid problems. If your worried that you may not always meet the expected time when you will be back, well, your brought up instant communication, so that’s not a problem. When I’m ready to leave, I want to leave, not invite people to hinder my departure. My SO lived alone for much of his life and will manage to do whatever he is doing unassisted. Answering people’s questions about where you are going may not cost YOU anything, but it annoys me, which is a cost, and then could go on to cost me further annoyance of feeling obligated to provide updates. The feeling of obligation is unpleasant, so why set myself up for extra? Not everyone is annoyed by the same things. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/112 "2015-06-25T17:43:46Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I think it’s great that you guys do this. I really do. But the problem comes when you get further responsibilities. Like kids. Or even something so simple as parents. Or who paid the rent? Or dinner is being made? > > But good for you guys, I guess. I just moved in with my SO because he is the best thing in my life and I want to be with him as much as possible (except maybe right after I wake up, then please go away until I’ve had my coffee). > > Does it diminish my independence? A little. But I do this voluntarily. I guess you could call it a price I pay for love, but it’s a price I pay happily. > > I also come from a home where it was demanded I account for every moment of my time and spend all of it with my parents. I hated it and resented them for it. But you don’t choose your parents. You do choose your partner. So out of love and respect for him, I try to let him know when I will be late or whatever. I don’t have to. I want to, because I don’t want him to worry. My child is grown, my parents are dead, we have no rent, and we don’t eat on a schedule. We spend most of our time together and even meet for lunch most work days. There isn’t an issue with communication, we just don’t feel obligated to check in and out and don’t worry that the other may be in danger when they aren’t around. I don’t think worry should be encouraged. Worried people should attempt to distract themselves with productive activity, not try to make everyone else pander to them. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/113 "2015-06-25T17:51:36Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Not everyone is annoyed by the same things. Hey, it’s no skin off my nose, but very few people would put up with this. Do understand that by the far majority people don’t have a problem telling loved ones where they are going and when they may return. And it is annoying to them if a person won’t take 1 minute out of their day to share this simple and possibly important information. Not to mention that not wanting to share this information looks very suspicious. Certainly you understand that? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/114 "2015-06-25T18:01:39Z")
We are a 15 minute drive from the grocery store. It makes sense to tell her I’m going there in case she needs anything. On the other hand, if she is going to saddle up a horse for a quick ride and I’m not around (big house, outbuildings, etc) it’s no big deal. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/115 "2015-06-25T18:02:50Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > When I’m ready to leave, I want to leave, not invite people to hinder my departure. This is the heart of the bewilderment here. The idea of family centers on the notion that the members of the family have obligations to each other. This means primarily that any individual member is willing to alter his or her priorities based on the needs or desires of the other members. But your attitude is that you want to withhold knowledge of your priorities and avoid learning the needs or desires of the other members. That attitude seems fundamentally hostile to a basic notion of what it means to be in s familial relationship. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/116 "2015-06-25T18:04:07Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > Hey, it’s no skin off my nose, but very few people would put up with this. > > Do understand that by the far majority people don’t have a problem telling loved ones where they are going and when they may return. And it is annoying to them if a person won’t take 1 minute out of their day to share this simple and possibly important information. > > Not to mention that not wanting to share this information looks very suspicious. Certainly you understand that? Many people “put up with” far worse–partners cheating on them, lying, verbal abuse, physical abuse, behaving irresponsibly, not doing their fair share of anything, playing WoW all night every night, etc. Don’t waste any sympathy on my SO, as he thinks I am amazing and frequently exclaims that he is the luckiest guy on Earth. 🙂 We aren’t suspicious of each other, that would suck. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/117 "2015-06-25T18:07:48Z")
Yes, I always say when I’m leaving the house. It would be incredibly rude not to. \*Honey, can you help me with this big box? Honey? Honey!!! \* She walks around the house calling my name, _WTH did he go?_ That’s just cold to do that to anyone. Takes me 30 seconds to announce I’m running an errand and will be back in an hour. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/118 "2015-06-25T18:12:54Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > This is the heart of the bewilderment here. The idea of family centers on the notion that the members of the family have obligations to each other. > > This means primarily that any individual member is willing to alter his or her priorities based on the needs or desires of the other members. > > But your attitude is that you want to withhold knowledge of your priorities and avoid learning the needs or desires of the other members. > > That attitude seems fundamentally hostile to a basic notion of what it means to be in s familial relationship. Your idea of family sounds like an anchor. Why focus on the negative aspects? I help my family because I want to, not out of obligation. I am willing to alter my activities drastically–to any point necessary, really-- to assist a family member, but why encourage dependence? That helps no one. ---
**Author:** ![HeXen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@HeXen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeXen)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/119 "2015-06-25T18:13:18Z")
I don’t see what the big deal is in letter others know or leaving a note, it’s common courtesy. If you have ever known someone that has wound up missing for several years or murdered like I do, you might appreciate in knowing their last whereabouts. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268/120 "2015-06-25T18:17:59Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > Yes, I always say when I’m leaving the house. It would be incredibly rude not to. > > \*Honey, can you help me with this big box? Honey? Honey!!! \* > She walks around the house calling my name, _WTH did he go?_ > > That’s just cold to do that to anyone. Takes me 30 seconds to announce I’m running an errand and will be back in an hour. If your wife thinks it’s rude, then don’t do it. In my house, we don’t think it’s rude, so it isn’t. We don’t have time-sensitive boxes sitting around, so we’d just wait until a convenient time. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-tell-others-in-your-household-when-you-are-going-out/723268.md?page=7)