# Do you think being tied up during sex is common, or movie/TV shorthand? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 7, 2001, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223 "2001-09-07T13:40:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![as\_if](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@as\_if](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/as_if)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/1 "2001-09-07T13:40:24Z")
Do you think being tied up during sex is common, or movie/TV shorthand? I’ve personally never met anyone who even brought up the subject during sex discussions. Would I want it? No, of course not. I can’t imagine it working at all. When you lose control, you can’t help with the action, and the odds of you getting off drop to zero. But I think movies and TV like to use it just to show that rough sex happened without a lot of dialog or screen time. If you put Beaver Cleaver’s dad in his twin bed in his pyjamas uner the covers with the light on, and his hands were tied with ribbons to the bedstead- Well, you’d still think he had a hot sex life. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/2 "2001-09-07T13:46:17Z")
Quite a few people enjoy being tied up. There’s a power in submission, and it’s pretty erotic if you know the person to be held to whatever they want to do. Some people use code words to let the other person know if the act is getting a little out of hand. I myself have done this sort of thing. I dated a girl who had a rape fantasy, and she wanted me to help her live it out. The code word was “purple.” I know of a few more people on the boards who get into the whole BDSM thing, as well. Now, if **jarbabyj** finds her way over here, then she can provide more info. ---
**Author:** ![bernse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@bernse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bernse)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/3 "2001-09-07T13:46:27Z")
I would _think_ that most consenting adults have tried it. I think its pretty common, and fun. ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/4 "2001-09-07T13:47:33Z")
Common? Maybe not. A way to add something extra to the proceedings? Absolutely. Use quick-release restraints, don’t leave the person restrained unattended, and have a code word other than “Stop” or “Don’t” that really does mean “Stop, I’ve had enough.” There’s no need to get carried away (unless you want to), but surrendering a little control (or assuming more control if you’re usually a little on the timid side) is fun from time to time. And your odds of getting off are way way way above zero. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/5 "2001-09-07T13:52:13Z")
Well everybody needs a little restraint. You have never held your parnters arms behind thier back or over thier head. (Or had this done to you) That is like a very light form of tying up loose ends. But in my household tying up is very common and all of my lovers have either been very willing or brought it up themselves so yeah I think it’s common. ---
**Author:** ![Chez\_Guevara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/aeb1de/32.png) [@Chez\_Guevara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chez_Guevara)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/6 "2001-09-07T13:54:04Z")
Well, the only way I get any sex at all is to tie up the parties I am having sex with, as they do not relish the proposition, and they wish to leave my company and go somewhere else. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Lao](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2bfe46/32.png) [@Dr.Lao](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Lao)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/7 "2001-09-07T13:54:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Superdude \* > \*\*I know of a few more people on the boards who get into the whole BDSM thing, as well. Now, if **jarbabyj** finds her way over here, then she can provide more info. \*\* Or **Arden Ranger**. 10 hours…:shaking his head: ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/8 "2001-09-07T13:55:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dr. Lao \* > > * * * Or **Arden Ranger**. 10 hours…:shaking his head: \*\* [/QUOTE] _THAT’S_ a story I’ve missed… ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/9 "2001-09-07T13:56:18Z")
I’ve tied up a few men in my day…and they seemed to enjoy it immensely. I think a lot of people want to experiment more with different things, but feel inhibited for whatever reason. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/10 "2001-09-07T14:04:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by PunditLisa \* > \*\*I’ve tied up a few men in my day…and they seemed to enjoy it immensely. \*\* So, **PunditLisa** , how YOU doin’? ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/11 "2001-09-07T14:06:54Z")
I just want to say: > [@](#): > > When you lose control, you can’t help with the action, and the odds of you getting off drop to zero. Is one of the funniest and yet saddest things I’ve read in days. I can get off just THINKING about being tied up. While I don’t think bondage fantasy is COMMON (if common means french kissing or blow jobs or something), I KNOW that it’s not just some sort of movie shorthand. And I also know that it drives me crazy in movies when they decide “we need this woman to be a little nuts so lets make her a bondage freak”. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a movie that portrayed bondage or BDSM as acceptable and normal. jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/12 "2001-09-07T14:08:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*I can get off just THINKING about being tied up \*\* Wanna come over for the weekend? That skill may just be useful. And I have everything from silk scarves to dog chain. Depends on your mood. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Legomancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/779978/32.png) [@Legomancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Legomancer)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/13 "2001-09-07T14:13:01Z")
The thing about it is, it isn’t messy, you don’t need special equipment, and it doesn’t hurt, so it’s something that’s real easy to try. And there can be something stimulating about it. Sex isn’t always about getting off as soon as you can. But I don’t think you’re wrong about TV using it as shorthand. ---
**Author:** ![Sunglasses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5fc32e/32.png) [@Sunglasses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunglasses)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/14 "2001-09-07T14:25:41Z")
It has not been common in my life but, I have been restrained by a couple of lovers. I agree with jarbaby and find it extremely erotic. Just a few days ago my SO grabbed my wrists and held them together above my head and, well . . . that was all she wrote. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TheNerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TheNerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheNerd)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/15 "2001-09-07T14:33:56Z")
Despite not having any opportunity lately, what I have tried has been very exciting. Both being tied up and doing the tying up. Not at the same time though, as that tends not to work as well. 🙂 I even bought (so far sadly unused) fuzzy handcuffs. ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/16 "2001-09-07T14:42:30Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Dr. Lao \* \*\* > [@](#): > > Or **Arden Ranger**. 10 hours…:shaking his head: \*\* And well worth every minute! I’m with **jarbaby**. Just thinking about it, _rowl_. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t do that all the time. But, for me, it makes for some mindblowing sex when it does happen. ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/17 "2001-09-07T14:45:02Z")
I find this thread revolting. Sex is a sacred act meant to either consumate a relationship and thereby display one’s love or to produce offspring and contunue a familial lineage. On the other hand, there’s nothing like a good rogering to loosen yourself up, and restraints give the missus more bang for the buck. That sounded like poetry. I am now going to hell … somebody tie me down quick!!! ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/18 "2001-09-07T14:51:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arden Ranger \* > \*\* > > And well worth every minute! > > I’m with **jarbaby**. Just thinking about it, _rowl_. > > Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t do that all the time. But, for me, it makes for some mindblowing sex when it does happen. \*\* Well, I’m free this weekend. Wanna play? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/19 "2001-09-07T14:55:38Z")
Heh. How far is Louisville from Stillwater? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223/20 "2001-09-07T15:10:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arden Ranger \* > \*\*Heh. > > How far is Louisville from Stillwater? 😉 \*\* About 13 1/2 hours, or 725 miles. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-being-tied-up-during-sex-is-common-or-movie-tv-shorthand/80223.md?page=2)