# Do you think it's important to have sex with someone before you marry them? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 15, 2009, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888 "2009-10-15T08:58:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/41 "2009-10-15T17:41:28Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > If you think that YOU having sex with a person will “chew them up,” then, you won’t chew them up any less after marriage than before it. That. In high school people who bought in to the abstinence stuff were always saying, “would you want to wipe with somebody else’s used toilet paper?” and I always asked them in return whether they’d use the same piece of toilet paper twice. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/42 "2009-10-15T17:43:57Z")
> [@Chicken\_Fingers](#): > > Won’t someone think of the asexual agnostics? “Don’t forget promiscuity and teen pregnancy. And dancing!” Okay, it’s not perfect, but you’ve got to give me credit for [trying](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=11664306&postcount=98). Yes, I \*have \*been in a weird mood, lately. Why do you ask? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/43 "2009-10-15T17:48:07Z")
I approve of this blatant attempt to create a meme. ---
**Author:** ![Jettboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/85e7bf/32.png) [@Jettboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jettboy)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/44 "2009-10-15T18:04:43Z")
**Do you think it’s important to have sex with someone before you marry them?** Not really; I DO think that’s important _not_ to marry someone that you haven’t had sex with, though. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAlx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@SmartAlx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAlx)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/45 "2009-10-15T18:23:10Z")
> [@Serenata67](#): > > I love how this has turned into a religion debate… and it all started with sex. Hmm… Not me. Can y’all PLEASE get on topic? Nevernind. Were back on topic. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/46 "2009-10-15T18:24:40Z")
Sure. Let’s have sex. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/47 "2009-10-15T18:26:30Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Sure. Let’s have sex. But that’s only premarital sex in this thread. So I’m out of it, because I’m married: no more premarital sex for me! ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/48 "2009-10-15T18:31:20Z")
You could always get married again. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/49 "2009-10-15T18:36:07Z")
Correct. You may be married, but you are not married to _him_. So get to it, folks! ---
**Author:** ![UncleNito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7cd45c/32.png) [@UncleNito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleNito)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/50 "2009-10-15T18:37:21Z")
Atheist. Premarital sex is not against my religion, for the same reason it is not against my Oath of Enlistment. Sexual chemistry is hugely important in a relationship. Good, frisky, gotta-have-it-now-or-my-head-will-explode sexual chemistry. I can’t imagine committing to a relationship forever without verifying that it’s there. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/51 "2009-10-15T19:20:02Z")
I don’t know why religion was made such a big part of this poll. My main concern is pragmatic; how do you know you will be sexually compatible with someone unless you bloody well do it in the first place? This means either psychologically compatible as well as physically compatible; I’ve heard horror stories about 2 people being way mismatched-he’s much too big, she’s far too tight, or vice-versa. What a horrible thing to find out after you’ve said all the vows… ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/52 "2009-10-15T19:25:26Z")
> [@John\_DiFool](#): > > I don’t know why religion was made such a big part of this poll. My main concern is pragmatic; how do you know you will be sexually compatible with someone unless you bloody well do it in the first place? This means either psychologically compatible as well as physically compatible; I’ve heard horror stories about 2 people being way mismatched-he’s much too big, she’s far too tight, or vice-versa. What a horrible thing to find out after you’ve said all the vows… Because the question the OP is asking has little to do with sex and nothing to do with marriage. It’s troll bait. ---
**Author:** ![UncleNito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7cd45c/32.png) [@UncleNito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleNito)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/53 "2009-10-15T19:33:07Z")
I’d like to amend my previous answer. I also think sex before marriage is important because I, for one, exercise much sounder judgment when I’m getting laid regularly. I don’t think I’m alone on this one. Premarital sex --\> better marriage decisions, because you’re already getting it so your other brain doesn’t get a vote. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAlx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@SmartAlx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAlx)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/54 "2009-10-15T20:01:45Z")
> [@Omniscient](#): > > Because the question the OP is asking has little to do with sex and nothing to do with marriage. It’s troll bait. Excuse me! You might want to read the entire thread before making such rude accusations. I demonstrated my logic quite clearly: > [@SmartAlx](#): > > No, it’s just a poll as to whether or not you think that you should find out if you are sexually compatible before you get married. And the opposing side is generally associated with religous folk so I thought it might be good to get some idea about religions role in it too. I expect a charter member to know better. I demand a retraction. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/55 "2009-10-15T20:09:15Z")
> [@John\_DiFool](#): > > I don’t know why religion was made such a big part of this poll. Because there’s no other reason to abstain before marriage? ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/56 "2009-10-15T20:09:39Z")
> [@SmartAlx](#): > > I expect a charter member to know better. I demand a retraction. I’ve reported the post accusing the OP of being “troll bait”. It’s a stupid accusation: some people think that provocative OPs are trolling. However, provocative postings are what makes a forum like this live. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAlx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@SmartAlx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAlx)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/57 "2009-10-15T20:15:30Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Because there’s no other reason to abstain before marriage? Oh yeah? How about the oxytocin bond. When having sex our bodies release the bonding hormone. That seems like a very good reason to wait to have sex with your mate. And that is biological, not religious. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/58 "2009-10-15T20:24:47Z")
> [@SmartAlx](#): > > Oh yeah? How about the oxytocin bond. When having sex our bodies release the bonding hormone. > > That seems like a very good reason to wait to have sex with your mate. And that is biological, not religious. Uh, I was actually trying to defend your phrasing of the question, but whatever. Chemical pair bonding is not a valid reason to abstain from sex. It doesn’t prevent you from bonding with a future mate, and it doesn’t require intercourse to occur. ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/59 "2009-10-15T20:24:55Z")
> [@Omniscient](#): > > Because the question the OP is asking has little to do with sex and nothing to do with marriage. It’s troll bait. \ The “T” word has no place outside of the Pit. If this is your opinion, in the future please use the Report button and report it to the Mods. Thank you. \ ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888/60 "2009-10-15T20:31:47Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Ah, IME and as I’ve mentioned before you don’t need to have sex to know whether you’re sexually compatible. “It’s in his kiss” works ridiculously well. Plus sexual compatibility (specially initial sexual compatibility) is not necessary for a succesful marriage. I hope I didn’t give anybody a migraine. You are wrong. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-its-important-to-have-sex-with-someone-before-you-marry-them/513888.md?page=4)