# Do you think people can remain friends with ex'es? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 3, 2012, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606 "2012-03-03T01:11:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/1 "2012-03-03T01:11:22Z")
[Inspiring Thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=643894). Not sure how to make the plural: “exes” looks kind of funny to me. Added the poll for the hell of it, but the focus here should be on the posts more than the poll questions. In my case I did manage to pull it off (I simply didn’t have the same feelings she had during the actual relationship), but afterwards we were adults about the whole thing and after a brief FWB phase we were perfectly fine, tho we’ve since drifted apart. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/2 "2012-03-03T01:28:37Z")
I hope so considering I’m going to Disney World later this month with an ex-girlfriend that I broke up with only a few weeks ago! ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/3 "2012-03-03T01:29:19Z")
I’m still very good friends with two of my exes and on a friendly-when-we-happen-to-run-into-one-another basis with most of the others. In my experience, the three factors that are most important in remaining friends are: 1. Being friends with each other _first_, before the romantic attachment begins. 2. Allowing yourselves some not-in-contact-with-each-other time _after_ the breakup; you can’t go from smoochyface to buddies without a cooling-off period. 3. Not being jerks to each other during the breakup process, or abusive during the relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/4 "2012-03-03T01:55:33Z")
I’ve kept in touch with girl friends from 30 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/5 "2012-03-03T02:06:42Z")
Yes, I’ve done it, but both parties need to acknowledge that it’s not a normal friendship. There are sensitivities involved that complicate things and make it hard work. It’s definitely more vulnerable than merely being buddies. ETA: for the first few years at least, depending on the length of the relationship. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/6 "2012-03-03T02:09:57Z")
It’s just exes. And sure, but of course it depends on the particular people and situation. I’m friends with a bunch of my exes, mostly of the “good folks it just didn’t work out with” variety. If you genuinely \*like \*someone, you can usually be friends. If the reason you broke up with them is because at the end of the day you didn’t like them, or they weren’t worthy of being liked, then why be friends with them either? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/7 "2012-03-03T02:10:54Z")
Why bother? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/8 "2012-03-03T02:22:49Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Why bother? This. I’m sure they can, but why bother? ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/9 "2012-03-03T02:26:44Z")
Well, if it’s a bother, then I agree it’s probably not worthwhile. But me, I’ve slept with lots of people that I felt were still worth knowing even if we weren’t having sex anymore. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/10 "2012-03-03T02:27:33Z")
My ex-girlfriend (we dated for a couple years in the late 90s) is now my best friend. We chat on the company IM system every day and we usually go on some kind of vacation trip every year. We never would have made it as a married couple due to certain issues with our families, but we get along great as “just friends”. ---
**Author:** ![danceir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4af34b/32.png) [@danceir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceir)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/11 "2012-03-03T02:31:19Z")
What about going back for a you know a quickie? Is that sham-less cause I do hate her that “B”! Damn it! ---
**Author:** ![danceir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4af34b/32.png) [@danceir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceir)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/12 "2012-03-03T02:32:30Z")
I did it again! ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/13 "2012-03-03T02:38:39Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Why bother? Someone who isn’t an ideal partner can still be a good friend. It seems silly to rule someone out as a friend just because you’ve had sex with them. A couple of my best friends are exes. After a long enough time, it doesn’t matter what the relationship was before, it just settles into a comfortable friendship. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/14 "2012-03-03T02:49:51Z")
The basic problem is that the English language has only one word for ‘Friend’ and it is a major shortcoming that needs to be corrected. It covers everything from the person that you grew up with and eventually saved your life to the coworker that you eat lunch with once a month or so. Given the broad definition, yes you can be friends with your ex. I still go to most holidays at my ex in-laws house with no friction. But true friends? No. Real friendship would mean that you could tell each other everything and that isn’t the case now. The better term is amiable partnership. I wish the English language had much broader terms for diffident types of relationships. It has a ridiculous amount of words for mundane things but not types of relationships. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/15 "2012-03-03T02:50:39Z")
Sure, I’m pretty good friends with all my exes, and I’m still fairly close with some of them who still run in my crowd. I mean, I originally liked them for a reason, and just because you both decide that you don’t want to stay together forever and get married doesn’t mean that they quit being a cool person. If they’re total psychos then of course you’d want nothing to do with them ever again, but if they’re just a friend that you used to have sex with and don’t now, who cares? ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/16 "2012-03-03T02:54:45Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > Given the broad definition, yes you can be friends with your ex. I still go to most holidays at my ex in-laws house with no friction. But true friends? No. Real friendship would mean that you could tell each other everything and that isn’t the case now. The better term is amiable partnership. I wish the English language had much broader terms for diffident types of relationships. It has a ridiculous amount of words for mundane things but not types of relationships. I agree with you that we could maybe use more words (I like words!) but first of all “partnership” implies a much more intricate relationship than “friendship”, and secondly, it may take some time, but you can absolutely be “real” friends in the way you describe with an ex. It’s a little absurd to assume that someone would be so \*eternally \*hung up on you that you can \*never \* reach a point where you can tell each other everything. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/17 "2012-03-03T03:09:55Z")
I’m friends with five out of my six exes, i don’t see why not. ---
**Author:** ![Patience\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ec9cab/32.png) [@Patience\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patience_Jones)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/18 "2012-03-03T03:18:23Z")
I fall on the old fuddyduddy side of this issue. Being friends with exes is more trouble than it’s worth. I think the “find a friend you haven’t slept with” attitude is a good way to go for all concerned. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/19 "2012-03-03T03:52:21Z")
It depends on the people and the circumstances of the breakup. ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606/20 "2012-03-03T04:03:43Z")
Yep. My ex-husband even attended my wedding & took the pictures. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-think-people-can-remain-friends-with-exes/614606.md?page=2)