Away back when, a DJ I liked was reading a news report about Gates’s new house, which had something like a 12-car underground climate-controlled garage and… “When I read ‘2.5 million dollar caretaker’s cottage,’ just two words popped into my mind… career change!”
Never
I think this thread is not typical of your average North American consumer.
We run into that occasionally, too. When we sold our first house and bought another one, everyone we talked to about it asked us if we bought a bigger house. No, we did not - we had more than enough space in the old one, and the new one is no bigger. You’re apparently supposed to buy as big a house as you can afford, and never give a thought to how much you actually need.
I read multiple reviews of things before I even make a short list of the stuff to look at, ponder features, try out or examine things in detail in person if at all possible, and still more often than not decide NOT to buy something if it doesn’t meet my standards. One of my favorite podcasts was Hypercritical, hosted by the famously obsessive John Siracusa. I only grudgingly buy things that I need but that I can’t find a suitably high-quality version of. As long as I can actually afford it, I don’t care about the price at all. I’ll gladly pay 2–3x the cost of a shitty product if I can get something that works well instead.
I’m an expat living in Japan. Everything I do every single day in every single place I ever go is under more scrutiny than most people who haven’t experienced similar living conditions would ever believe. I still give not one fuck outside of some very minimal fashion concerns (Is it more or less timeless in style? Do I present the appearance I wish to convey?) what someone thinks of any of the goods I buy or of my lifestyle. I do things to please me and meet my needs. I want a bigger place to live because I’m tired of literally not being able to turn around without having to think about knocking something over, not because I care about someone else’s living conditions. I want to make more money because I would like to be able to provide a decent life for my kids and possibly, hopefully, afford to retire before I go senile or my body gives out, not because someone else makes more money than me.
Your disbelief says more about your mindset than mine.
I recently had a mis-addressed email from an educational establishment seeking follow up for a course that I’d expressed interest in: Professional Interior Design.
And as I wrote back (to inform them they had the wrong person), my idea of co-ordinating furnishings was pretty simple. Provided they weren’t ripped, stained or otherwise damaged, provided the sofa was comfy to sit on and the lamp had a working globe, all was sweet!
So, IOW, no, I don’t keep up with the Joneses. My furniture is totally mismatched but homely. I don’t have a smartphone, a kindle or even a laptop (maybe soon, my desktop is about to shit itself I think). My car is fifteen years old, and looks pretty crappy next to all the shiny new SUV’s in the street where I live. I get my hair cut at the cheapest joint in town, and my clothes are mostly from the local Goodwill (Opportunity) Shop.
Joneses be damned.
In my mind, “keeping up with the Jones’s” means “do you make consumer decisions based on class values?”. And within that definition, I’d include “Obsessed with buying only high-quality items” to be very much a class-identification thing. I mean, logically, buying high-quality all the time doesn’t make sense. If I only wear sunglasses once a year, when I get my eyes dialated, why buy nice ones? If I am on vacation and forgot to pack my nice underwear, why buy nice replacements for short term use? Buy cheap shit and throw it away. If I wear boots three weeks a year, and the $100 ones will hold up forever at that rate of use, why buy the $300 boots–that excess capacity is wasted once I am dead. If “I don’t use cheap shit, period” is deep seated part of your personality, then yeah, that’s a personal identity thing rooted in class values, not a logical/efficiency issue. You may not care what the people around you think, but you clearly think that the kind of things you own says something about the kind of person you are.
And yeah, I make consumer decisions based on class values. We live very modestly, and certainly within our means, and I don’t generally worry about brands, but I am aware of the sorts of things middle-middle class college educated white people are supposed to have, and on some level that shapes my choices. In places where I don’t meet class expectations (like my house–no decorations, no pictures, old crappy furniture), I don’t generally let people in, because I don’t want my failure to keep up with the Jones’s to be noted.
We’re probably going to buy a fair-sized boat upon retirement. I’m thinking of naming it: ***The Joneses’
If ya’ll will forgive a slight hijack, I saw an old couple on a yacht leaving the marina last summer. It’s name: Sorry, Kids 
I don’t think most people are being honest with themselves. I’m the weirdest person I know, but I’d totally be deluding myself if I thought that every decision I make is completely independent of what “everyone” does or is doing.
Like, today is a perfect example of how most people KUWTJ. How does the guy with the girlfriend he’s trying to impress know what’s a good Valentine’s Day gift? Well, he looks at what his friends and associates are buying. And if his finances won’t allow him to meet this standard, then he tries to compensate somehow. On the other side, the girlfriend looks at what her friends and associates receive and uses this standard to decide whether she should be impressed or disappointed. The poor guy could shower her with nice presents all throughout the year, but if he gives her a box of Cracker Jacks on Valentine’s Day, she’s likely not going to be pleased.
What is this, if not KUWTJ?
“somewhere in the middle is the truth in each case” is quite different from your earlier mark, where you firmly called bullshit on my claim of buying for utility rather than status:
I’ll agree that the reasoning behind everyone’s purchasing decisions probably exists on the sliding scale you described above, but considering the kinds of people who frequent the SDMB, I’m willing to trust that the people who claim not to be KUWTJ are accurately reporting their own thought processes. I would guess that “people who wait in line for three days to be the first person to buy the new iPhone” are underrepresented in the SDMB membership.
It says a great deal about my mindset, which is based on a great deal of specific experience, not a small amount of which is based on taking people who make statements like yours and walking them back through their actual choices and reasons.
Maybe you *are *one of the vanishingly rare people who Only Spend Money Very Wisely, but your only companion on that bus so far is a Catholic priest who spent 50 years ministering in Haiti. (Who is fascinated by my work, by the way, and has provided me with some truly astounding insights.)
This all goes far beyond “reading all the reviews and buying the best [whatever].” It goes far beyond not dressing out of the latest GQ or Vogue. It’s a lot more than not spending money on what other people buy. In a nutshell, it’s about why *you *spend what *you *do - and when you can’t hide your consumption choices, including minimizing your reported spending (as you can online), it doesn’t take long to point out the inconsistencies and absurdities and outright self-deception most people (so far: all but one) carry around on the subject.
It’s not a challenge. It’s an observation. From a very outside viewpoint.
If you want to read an absolute into what was clearly an equivocated opinion, fine. In the words of Sleel, sounds a bit more like your mindset got rubbed raw, there.
I have reasons for taking every care to be consistent on this topic. That’s not to say that I don’t make mistakes or misstate things, but when it seems that I have it’s most often in an attempt to keep my comments focused.
**Do you try to ‘keep up with the Joneses’?
**
Hell, no. They’re even closer to bankruptcy than I am.
I’d say that this is a case of inadequate information - since he doesn’t know what she likes, he takes cues from others around him. That makes perfect sense.
The test is if they get to a point where he does know. I sent my first Valentine card to my wife 42 years ago, and our presents to each other have nothing to do with what other people are buying. At this point we don’t need to get cues from the neighbors.
See social proof.
Why ‘Sorry Kids’? 
I sort of am the Joneses on my road. It’s all relative though, there aren’t many big/nice houses around.
I don’t. It’s a shallow, stupid, childish game for irresponsible people with low self-esteem.
We don’t really try to keep up with the KUWTJ’s because we could never afford to. But I’ve always pondered who the Jone’s are supposed to be?
Are they the couple/family that has a really nice big new house, cars and other nice things that are paid for, or are they the ones who have it, but are deep in debt?
Either way, we aren’t out of debt, but it’s medical ( necessary) and debt on some land my husband bought which there was really NO need for.
I recently got a smartphone a month ago, so that is something paid for the Jone’s probably have, again, not something that increased our bills, but I definitely didn’t need a smartphone, I just spent about 65 dollars more than a regular phone for.
I make no excuses anyway for what I do or don’t buy because I’m in a panic, OMG we are 50 years old, we need to save for retirement mode. So therefore we don’t buy anything we’d consider a luxury above a certain amount. Spending over a certain amount has to be justified to us at this point or a definite have to
I am not immune from worrying about what people think though, I do admit I’d rather people NOT come to my home, it’s kinda embarrassing ! lol… It’s clean, but it’s right out of the 50’s or 80’s , depending on what part you go in. I wish I had a Jone’s house though, I sure do love the way they look !!! lol
The kids’ inheritance was used up by buying the boat.
You’re keeping up with the Ricky Bobs.