# Do you use "whom" in everyday speech? In email? In formal documents or plea bargains? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 3, 2001, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253 "2001-01-03T16:58:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![incunabulum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ec9cab/32.png) [@incunabulum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/incunabulum)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/1 "2001-01-03T16:58:46Z")
I use whom all the time, but some of my friends never do. And some are just unsure and will use it right but only after a hesitation. So, I’m just curious. ---
**Author:** ![waterj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/858c86/32.png) [@waterj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/waterj2)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/2 "2001-01-03T17:09:33Z")
I do try to be correct in my usage of who/whom, even in everyday speech. I don’t care all that much, though. ---
**Author:** ![racerx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5e9695/32.png) [@racerx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racerx)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/3 "2001-01-03T17:24:59Z")
i always use who and whom correctly. i mentally but not orally correct it when i hear it used incorrectly by others and the television. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/4 "2001-01-03T17:27:54Z")
I’m like racerx, not only do I use it myself in everyday speech/writing, but will correct improper usage when I hear it (well, mentally, I don’t want to get punched in the nose). ---
**Author:** ![Gazoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ce73a5/32.png) [@Gazoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazoo)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/5 "2001-01-03T17:33:15Z")
Put me down as another who uses whom, and though I may correct others mentally, I would never consider correcting them aloud on this one. ---
**Author:** ![TheNerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TheNerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheNerd)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/6 "2001-01-03T17:37:00Z")
No, I never use it. It just sounds archaic and stupid. As opposed to “thee”, “thou” and “aye” which sound archaic and cool and that I use regularly (and correctly!) in conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Spritle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Spritle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spritle)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/7 "2001-01-03T17:50:20Z")
I’m strict with myself on “who” and “whom”, as well as “good” and “well”. I cringe when I see other posters use “good” or “well” incorrectly. I try not to be the grammar cop, but sometimes it’s too much for me to take. And yet, I often refer to myself (Spritle) in the third person, but only on this message board. Go fig. ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/8 "2001-01-03T17:57:14Z")
I do try to use proper grammar (especially “whom” where applicable), punctuation, spelling and such in both speech and any (formal or informal) writing; unfortunately, I often seem to be uppity and self-serving (which I am not). Side note- I will correct someone’s pronunciation or grammar, but only in private, as to not embarrass him or her publically, and only when I am completely sure I am correct. If they don’t take my advice, oh well. Grammar and such are usually a small point, and not something to get deeply involved in a knicker-twisting contest. Now a business sign or menu, on the other hand, is a whole 'nuther ball of wax, so to speak - in that case, I will let them know of such errors (mostly the its/it’s common mistakes, and glaring errors in spelling - though I am more tolerant of the “Tonite” “Thru” abbreviated English. I did write a ‘thank you’-type letter to the headquarters of a large grocery chain after I noticed they had changed their Express Lanes signs to read “10 Items or Fewer”. Hurrah hurrah hurrah! ---
**Author:** ![Purd\_Werfect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47c2d/32.png) [@Purd\_Werfect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Purd_Werfect)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/9 "2001-01-03T18:10:50Z")
I use who/whom when speaking, writing, and in email. I feel uncomfortable if I don’t. I don’t correct others though. I think the most important thing in speaking and writing is to communicate clearly what you’re trying to say, and if you’re able to do that, then it doesn’t matter if all the rules are followed or not. ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/10 "2001-01-03T18:11:19Z")
The language adapts, it is modified, and it grows. Whom are you going to call? It turns out that it is only considered “preferred/non preferred” in many style guides already. I fear this one is going to inevitably go the way of the split infinitive, irreguardless of our dismay. Who knew? You cannot correct someone else’s grammar and manners at the same time. You must surrender the later authority in order to exercise the former. Tris ---
**Author:** ![Gunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunslinger)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/11 "2001-01-03T18:23:26Z")
Nope. ---
**Author:** ![Screwtape](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Screwtape](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Screwtape)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/12 "2001-01-03T18:36:29Z")
I use it all the time. I also try to never end a sentence or a phrase with a preposition. WRONG - Who did it go to? RIGHT - To whom did it go? As a further sorting mechanism (keeping the plebians at a distance) I try avoid the use of profanity. I find that this also gives me additional authority in those rare instances where I might be tempted to use it on someone. ---
**Author:** ![Alibi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/67e7ee/32.png) [@Alibi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alibi)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/13 "2001-01-03T19:26:30Z")
I use “whom” in every day speech. Whether or not I use it correctly is a different story. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/14 "2001-01-03T19:30:58Z")
I use who and it’s objective case, whom, when speaking and writing. I also mentally correct people whenever their syntax is wrong. But to be fair, I also never end a sentence in a preposition and I hear that’s acceptable now. ---
**Author:** ![Tommy\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@Tommy\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tommy_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/15 "2001-01-03T21:02:30Z")
I try to be correct in my usage of who and whom. Although, I’m not always sure that I am right. When I see the incorrect usage of your and you’re, that drives me nuts. The whole good/well thing makes me upset as well. And when people say “so-and-so and I” when they should be say “so-and-so and me,” well that just makes me mad. Here they are saying it the wrong way, thinking that they are being grammatically correct. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/16 "2001-01-04T00:27:39Z")
Hey, whom doesn’t? ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/17 "2001-01-04T00:40:14Z")
Yes, I use whom both in speech and writing. Hey, I can’t help it, all right? Had a grade school teacher who pounded grammar into us. It’s just second nature. She taught us a neat shortcut to remembering: slightly recast the sentence so it would be he/him. e.g Whom do you call=do you call he or him? Or…who is at the door? He is, not him. Just a mental quirk you get into. Veb ---
**Author:** ![rockstar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockstar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockstar)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/18 "2001-01-04T02:08:48Z")
I only use “whom” in school assignments. I do use mostly correct grammar in everyday speech and writing though I sometimes make up new words and ways of spelling (usually on purpose). ---
**Author:** ![Tzel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Tzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tzel)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/19 "2001-01-04T02:09:21Z")
I’m definitely a big whom user, and I notice when others use who when whom would be appropriate. (Can’t really say they’re wrong, because it is so common nowadays.) I once “corrected” someone but it was someone with whom I joke around a lot. ---
**Author:** ![fish\_in\_the\_sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7ba0ec/32.png) [@fish\_in\_the\_sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fish_in_the_sky)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253/20 "2001-01-04T02:11:51Z")
I rarely if ever say whom, unless I am giving some kind of speech for a class, and I want to sound real edjumacated. I’ll use whom occasionally in writing, 'though I don’t know if I’m using it correctly. I’m rather clueless to the finer intricacies of the rules of grammar, I follow the rules I know, and from there just use whatever sounds “right” (which is maybe a kind of pathetic thing for a Writing major to say. ☹ But, hey, it’s “creative” writing, I can do whatever the hell I want! 😃 ) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-use-whom-in-everyday-speech-in-email-in-formal-documents-or-plea-bargains/48253.md?page=2)