Does anybody actually watch all of those Hallmark Christmas "movies?"

[Long_Time_First_Time]

I have read that Hallmark gets huge ratings when they show the movies. Their viewership in Nov/Dec is almost 10X what it is the rest of the year.

[Tapiotar]

I was flipping through channels, looking for something to watch while riding the exercise bike. As I flipped by, I saw that Christian Kane (Leverage, the Librarians) was in one of Hallmark Christmas movies, so I thought I’d watch it. Terrible, sentimental, cloying, actually nauseating…Kane did a good job in a terrible part, but I still felt embarrassed for him. Couldn’t watch the whole thing. Haven’t been able to watch any of them. Agree with the comments that the leads look like Barbie and Ken dolls, and not like real people.

The other thing, in what fantasy world are all those small towns so charming and functional? Where I’m from, all the villages and small towns are dying and have been for the last 50 years. They don’t have any downtown shops anymore, the houses are rundown and need extensive repairs as well as paint, the people who still live in them are elderly or poor or don’t have any other options. If there were going to be a Christmas Ball, it would be at the Dollar General (for a Village) or the WallMart, for a small town.

It must be the fault of Starr’s Hollow.

[Lightray]

@amarinth

I stopped watching because Hallmark seemed to find it impossible that a woman of color could discover that the big city is not for her and that she’d find true happiness when she quit her high paying job, moved to the country, and fell in love with a nice guy she had previously overlooked (or a prince - who inexplicably lives in the country. There are two options for a love interest. She has to quit her high paying job either way though.)

This year, they finally, finally have begun to remedy that - so I’m specifically watching those movies so that the ratings will be higher and they’ll make more (maybe next year, it might be possible for an Asian woman to follow the formula!)

Interesting, if so. I had thought that Hallmark had narrowed down their target demographic with laser precision:

Rural white people who feel oppressed and persecuted and are so tired of hearing how bad everyone else has it when it is implied that it is somehow their fault. They’d just like to enjoy something where all the bad stuff is erased from the world and they are front and center.

So, Hallmark erased all the bad stuff for them. Like, people of color (other than that one token friend). Or LGBT people. Immigrants, or poor people (other than a token so that the protagonist can “fix” their problems).

If they’re expanding the formula to include actual diversity… wonder what happened to their core demographic? Tuned out? Or Hallmark is trying to inch into broader appeal?

[GuanoLad]

I’m almost tempted to give writing one a go, just to see how difficult it is. If I can find the actual spec script guidelines I might give it a try.

[kenobi_65]

@Tapiotar

The other thing, in what fantasy world are all those small towns so charming and functional? Where I’m from, all the villages and small towns are dying and have been for the last 50 years.

That’s exactly the point: Hallmark knows their audience, and knows that they don’t want to be reminded of the reality of things. These films aren’t documentaries – they’re feel-good fluff romances with idealized Christmastime trappings. They’re meant to be predictable, sweet, and safe escapism.

You probably aren’t their target – lord knows I’m not, either, but I “get” to watch these via osmosis.

[nightshadea]

@bordelond

My wife watches them most evenings A majority of them are pablum, but there are few that are more heartwarming and/or more fun than the usual fare and seem to work on a different level:

Christmas with Holly (2012) – three cohabiting brothers are left to raise their 6-year-old niece, Holly, after the passing of their sister. Holly struggles to adapt to the trauma of her mother’s passing and to her new living situation. One of the brothers falls for Eloise Mumford (Ana’s blonde friend from 50 Shades of Gray), the proprietor of a local toy shop, who has a role in helping Holly come out of her shell.

The Nine Lives of Christmas (2014): Zach’s (Brandon Routh) bitchy girlfriend gets Marnie fired from her job at the pet store over an imagined slight. Firefighter/home-flipper Zach feels awful, clumsily tries to offer help, and eventually finds his way to Marnie in the end. There’s two subplots of Zach’s interactions with the firehouse gang (led by an understated Gregory Harrison), and of the movie’s namesake: the friendship between the lead’s respective feline companions.

A Princess for Christmas (2011): Yes … it is a prince-and-the-pauperess story. But it’s done a lot better than the slew of subsequent riffs on the same theme. Prince Ashton (Outlander’s Sam Heughan looking positively baby-faced) is not concealing his title or anything like that – things are more aboveboard and honest. Prince Ashton and his father Duke Edward (007 Roger Moore’s last role) take in the prince’s niece and nephew (Edward’s grandchildren) after his brother’s passing. The children’s nanny, Jules (the sublime Katie McGrath) joins the kids at Edward’s estate. Prince Ashton demurely shrugs off a title-seeking annoyance of an entitled pseudo-girlfriend, and gradually falls for Jules. Endearing subplots include (a) Duke Edward dealing with the sadness of the holidays after his son’s death, and how his grandkids help him come around, and (b) Edward’s house servants taking Jules under their wing. In the end, everyone gets their just desserts, for good or ill.

the princess to be is their aunt on the moms side…… oh there seems to be an early one with Megan Markle in it they’ve shown 4 times already ……

[nightshadea]

@kenobi_65

My wife is pretty much addicted to them. For her, they’re light escapism (and, yes, she recognizes that they’re very rote).

In fact, I’ve joked that I’m going to write a “Hallmark Christmas Movie Random Generator” program, like so:

Female lead (roll 1d6):

1. Candace Cameron Bure
2. Lacey Chabert
3. Kimberly Williams
4. Bridget Regan
5. Lindy Booth
6. Unknown blonde actress

they’ve got a squad of about 2 dozen people that mix in and out of their mysteries, series and movies ….youd need a diagram for all of it
they did make an African American starred Christmas movie this year but I cant remember the name of it …haven’t seen it yet I think holly robinson peete pointed out that shes the only major African American actress they have …. and she does a mystery series and a reality show with her family……so there having a tolken movie or two

whats stranger is a few of the non hallmark branded ones they started out with has shown up on other networks recently like on lifetime and freeform (since they’ve both taken to copying hallmark for xmas …)

[Tapiotar]

@kenobi_65

That’s exactly the point: Hallmark knows their audience, and knows that they don’t want to be reminded of the reality of things. These films aren’t documentaries – they’re feel-good fluff romances with idealized Christmastime trappings. They’re meant to be predictable, sweet, and safe escapism.

You probably aren’t their target – lord knows I’m not, either, but I “get” to watch these via osmosis.

I don’t think real rural people are the target audience, either. They wouldn’t watch these. It’s big city or suburban woman, mostly. Elderly, who want something clean and non-violent, like the old lady next door. But I read an article somewhere that even younger women, who are tired of cynicism and can’t watch the news anymore have started watching these movies, too.

I am grateful that my 95-year-old mother can’t stand these, either. She watches the Food Network, Cooking Channel, or home and garden channels, which are a more appealing form of escapism.

[bordelond]

@Tapiotar

The other thing, in what fantasy world are all those small towns so charming and functional?

In some of these movies, the small towns are not only charming and functional, but they’re actually shown to have these bustling "walking"downtowns with tons of people on the sidewalk, like Manhattan or something.

In a similar vein: have you seen Christmas Under Wraps? The one where Candace Cameron-Bure is a physician setting up shop in an Alaskan town so remote, it’s only accessible by plane? But is this town basically a 200-person village being so far from civilization? Oh no – it’s got that same bustling walkable downtown full of pedestrians and shops AND is a major shipping/warehousing hub. The first day CCB opens her clinic, the waiting room is wall-to-wall full of “small town” patients. Plays off more as a small city of 75,000 or better. Yeah, yeah … the movie IS explicitly a fantasy film. But still.

…

nightshadea, I stand corrected about Jules’ relationship with the children in A Princess for Christmas.

[CarnalK]

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, I actually DVR them. I’ll have a nice collection of a dozen or so and I’ll play them back to back on the days we’re cooking or setting up from visitors. It’s fiendish self torture and fun being amazed anew at the interchangeability of the casts and plots.