# Does anyone else object to being called "sir" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 12, 2005, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164 "2005-03-12T08:21:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Cowgirl\_Jules](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@Cowgirl\_Jules](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cowgirl_Jules)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/41 "2005-03-12T22:11:00Z")
I’m perfectly happy being called “Ma’am.” It’s much better than being addressed by my first name by some punk kid that’s never met me, in an effort to make an impression of casual familiarness so I buy whatever they’re selling. But I’m cranky before my time. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/42 "2005-03-12T22:30:18Z")
> [@Khadaji](#): > > No, not at all. It is a sign of respect and I use the term regularly. I like the formality behind it (and I don’t see it as a sign of respect to my superiority, but a sign of respect to my humanity). But I do wish it were still more likely to be “Miss” than “Ma’am.” ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/43 "2005-03-12T22:32:06Z")
Another southern American (or as Iceland\_Blue puts it South American, I’m from Paraguay 😃 ) checking in. Sir and Ma’am are the default titles here. I grew up with it and with the Mr./Miss (pronounced Mizz) firstname phenomenom. It’s just natural for me and I don’t mind being called Sir at all. As **jayjay** said, sometimes being called “SIR!” is fun too. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/44 "2005-03-12T23:13:37Z")
> [@amarinth](#): > > I like the formality behind it (and I don’t see it as a sign of respect to my superiority, but a sign of respect to my humanity). > > But I do wish it were still more likely to be “Miss” than “Ma’am.” Respect doesn’t imply superiority. There are many many reasons to respect another person. My friend Andy I respect for his diplomacy and ability to seemingly never lose his temper. My friend Matt I respect for the obvious fact that he seems to truely care about almost everyone. They are both good people, but I don’t view either one as superior to me (or inferior either.) ---
**Author:** ![Searching\_For\_Truth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@Searching\_For\_Truth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Searching_For_Truth)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/45 "2005-03-12T23:52:06Z")
> [@UnwrittenNocturne](#): > > Partially this is because we tend not to do it in NZ, and if it is used you are probably being insulted -\*\* it has a certain smarmy feel to it\*\*. (bolding mine) I called my dad ‘sir’ once and he asked me to stop. It made him uncomfortable, for essentially the same reasons you suggested. I meant it in a perfectly polite, personable way - no smarminess intended at all! I’ve tried to remember to avoid it from now on as a result. Lately I’ve developed a habit of calling people “Mr. Bob” and “Miss Suzie,” and will often throw a “sir” or “m’am” at the end of thank-yous. I’ve gotten away with it fine so far (I live in the South) but judging from some of the other posts in this thread, it’s only a matter of time until someone thinks I’m being obnoxious. ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/46 "2005-03-12T23:59:36Z")
I don’t mind if salespeople dispense with titles altogether, but it doesn’t bother me to be addressed as “Ma’am.” Somehow “Madam” sounds funny to me, though. Sort of like something that Jeeves would say to Bertie Wooster’s Aunt Agatha. I absolutely **hate** being addressed as “hon” or “honey” by strangers, particularly if they are a lot younger than I am (which most folks are). It just amazes me that so many salespeople and restaurant employees will call a customer “hon.” Maybe it would be OK coming from a hairdresser, but I’d rather not hear it at all. Save it for Attila. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2005, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/47 "2005-03-13T00:07:02Z")
" Sir " makes me feel old. I call my elders “Sir”, and I’m 42. I had a college girl call me “Sir” about a month ago. I tugged sadly on my graying grizzled beard hairs and fixed her with a steely gaze. 😃 Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2005, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/48 "2005-03-13T00:14:04Z")
I always insist on “Bwana.” ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2005, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/49 "2005-03-13T00:18:28Z")
> [@Cartooniverse](#): > > " Sir " makes me feel old. > > I call my elders “Sir”, and I’m 42. I had a college girl call me “Sir” about a month ago. I tugged sadly on my graying grizzled beard hairs and fixed her with a steely gaze. > > 😃 > > Cartooniverse When I was in college I was in my midto late twenties and one of the kids stopped me in the hall with: “Pardon me sir, can you tell me what the calc homework is?” Certainly at the age of 27 sir made me feel old. But I don’t mind it, even now at the age of 43. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2005, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/50 "2005-03-13T00:48:48Z")
It irritates hell out of me, but that’s just because I’m female. And I’m not kidding either. I have a voice that’s deeper than the usual female voice, and I’ve been called “Sir” more than a few times over the phone. I don’t mind “miss”, “ma’am” or anything like that, though. ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2005, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/51 "2005-03-13T03:25:48Z")
People started calling me ‘sir’ on the phone when I was 11. That’s when I started going from boy soprano to baritone. I thought it was flattering. But anyway, I was raised to be polite, and I call others ‘sir’ or ‘ma’am’ without even thinking about it. Now I’m down south, where the people do it naturally, so really, for me, nothing has changed. I don’t mind being called ‘sir’ - if it ever took me by surprise, I guess I would have thought: “I’m not old enough to be called…wait a minute, yes I am.” ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2005, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/52 "2005-03-13T03:29:26Z")
I was once berated publicly, loudly and at length by a customer for not addressing him as “sir.” You can bet your sweet behind I say “sir” to every single male customer I encounter now. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2005, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/53 "2005-03-13T04:21:14Z")
I really appreciate being called “sir.” I’m very glad that I’m old enough now (23, but with facial hair) that people, especially people to whom I am preparing to give money as part of a commercial transaction, now call me “sir” or “monsieur,” address me as Mr. \_mcl, refer to me in the third person as “the gentleman,” call me _vous_, etc. It doesn’t make me feel old; it makes me feel adult. Frankly, saying “Don’t call me sir – it makes me sound old” is what _really_ makes someone sound old. When I was working at DQ, I used the polite forms with everyone, including little children, who all got _vouvoied_ and called _monsieur/mademoiselle_. By contrast, I got bloody pissed off at this waitress to whose manager I asked to speak; when you ask to speak to the manager it’s probably because something is already not right, but she went, “Hey Murray! This guy wants to talk to you.” That is a basic lack of respect for the customer, which I had already dealt with quite enough of for one night (which explains why I wanted to talk to the manager in the first place). I regard all the “equality” arguments as rubbish. Equality can just as well mean treating all strangers with equal respect, rather than equal disrespect. If everyone you’re not on familiar terms with gets sirred and ma’amed, and they sir and ma’am you back, where’s the inequality? ---
**Author:** ![Large\_Marge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/50afbb/32.png) [@Large\_Marge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Large_Marge)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2005, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/54 "2005-03-13T09:15:32Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > My parents insisted that we use “yes sir/yes ma’am/no sir/no ma’am” when speaking to them and any other adults. The point was to be respectful and remind us that adults were not our peers. Frankly, I wish more parents would teach their kids this. I’m 51. I do not want a 7-y/o calling my by my first name - much as I may like him or her, I’m an adult, not a buddy. > > And I’d much rather be addressed as “ma’am” than the apparent choice around here of “you guys” - restaurant servers seem incapable of asking “Have you decided?” rather than “Have you guys decided?” > > Sadly, too many people equate such courtesy with snobbery. Although I know they’re being polite and respectful, I **hate** to be called “ma’am.” It makes me feel like an old woman. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2005, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/55 "2005-03-13T17:35:58Z")
> [@Jervoise](#): > > I dislike it. Similar to **UnwrittenNocturne** , I feel it sounds unnecessarily servile. I don’t feel superior to those serving me, so I dislike them giving me an honorific that they don’t receive. Why don’t they receive it? I mean, you could use it back at them. To the waiter – “Excuse me, sir? We’re ready for the check when you have a moment.” I don’t think it means servile, I think it means “hey you person whose name I don’t know.” I also use sir/ma’am with students, because I think it helps create an environment of mutual respect. Plus, I sometimes forget their names (I realize that doesn’t bode well for a respectful environment, but I’m getting old and I’m outnumbered by them). Oh, I feel the need to clarify that I’m a college administrator, as opposed to a teacher, so I’m seeing hundreds of students, usually only once or twice during a semester. The students who I see every week – I can manage to remember their names, but sometimes still add sir or ma’am to greetings, thank yous, that sort of thing. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2005, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/56 "2005-03-13T18:44:12Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > It doesn’t make me feel old; it makes me feel adult. Frankly, saying “Don’t call me sir – it makes me sound old” is what _really_ makes someone sound old. Ditto. I’m a bit surprised anyone would feel the least bit offended or uncomfortable being called “sir” or “ma’am.” It’s a sign of respect, why find offense in it? Sure, it can be smarmy if you use “sir” in a condescendingly hyperpolite way, but it’s usually not encountered in that context. What about something like being called “hon” or “sweetie” by a waitress? Objectable or not? ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2005, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/57 "2005-03-13T19:11:14Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > What about something like being called “hon” or “sweetie” by a waitress? Objectable or not? Rather presumptuous, but not worth saying anything about. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2005, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/58 "2005-03-13T21:31:06Z")
“Mate” would annoy me. If we don’t know each other well enough to remember names, then we are not mates, and should use the formal courtesies. (I’m a southwesterner.) I once worked as a salesman. We were under orders to get the mark’s (oops, I mean the customer’s) first name and work it into the conversation as often as possible. The idea was, that if they think you are their friend, then you can screw more money out of them. Since then, I tend to be suspicious of people who demand instant intimacy. Waiters call me “sir”, and I call them “sir”. Mutual respect. Of course, when a beautiful woman calls me “sir”, it usually means she regards me as an old geezer. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/59 "2005-03-14T03:32:36Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > What about something like being called “hon” or “sweetie” by a waitress? Objectable or not? I’d rather be called “sweetie” by a waiter. ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164/60 "2005-03-14T06:28:23Z")
I don’t like folks in customer service saying “mate”. It’s way more artificial than “sir” ever will be (and thus isn’t used commonly here in NZ in those circumstances, except by those who want to come across as smarmy, overly-friendly idiots). There are those who think that, 'cause “mates” and “mateship” are two intrinsic parts of Aussie and Kiwi life, it’s okay to use it with customers. Only for those you already know, and even then, it sounds as hollow and fake as “have a nice day.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-else-object-to-being-called-sir/294164.md?page=4)