# Does Anyone Really Like Being A Guest At A Wedding? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 2, 2009, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722 "2009-12-02T17:52:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ruminator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Ruminator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruminator)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/21 "2009-12-02T19:00:58Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > If you can’t afford these things, or simply don’t wish to spend the money and and can’t go with pleasure, simply decline. It’s an invitation, not a subpoena. I agree 100%. Nevertheless, the “free food” phrase struck me as a little odd. I also understand the spirit of the phrase “an invitation not subpoena” but for many folks, it is a “subpoena” to attend because of family peer pressure, saving face, reciprocation, whateveryoucallit. This societal pressure has nothing to do with cost. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/22 "2009-12-02T19:03:58Z")
Someone I know is throwing a huge party and they invited _me_?! I’m there! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/23 "2009-12-02T19:09:22Z")
I enjoy being a guest at a wedding a hell of a lot more than I enjoy being in the wedding party at a wedding. Someone else has done all the work, and all I have to do is show up looking respectable, eat their food, and dance to their music? Okay! ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/24 "2009-12-02T19:22:10Z")
I love them. I’d normally have to get a gift whether I go or not, so it’s like I’m recouping my expenditure. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/25 "2009-12-02T19:26:48Z")
I love weddings! I admit that when I have to fly somewhere for one, though, I don’t always get the couple a gift. Possibly this makes me a bad person, but I’m pretty sure they didn’t invite me just because they wanted more stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Fun\_Ball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_fun_ball/32/17664_2.png) [@Happy\_Fun\_Ball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Fun_Ball)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/26 "2009-12-02T19:27:44Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > I love it! Dressing up, dancing, and free food! Ditto! ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/27 "2009-12-02T19:38:44Z")
> [@Ruminator](#): > > I guess you’re saying it’s tacky to consider the cost of an airline ticket, overnight stay at the hotel, or the rental of tuxedo, or wedding gift, or cost of gas for a 5 hour drive etc. Some folks who are not wealthy sometimes weigh these things. > > Seriously, is the food really “free”? Well, if it’s an “open bar”, you might down enough vodka to net out a positive on the balance sheet. I’m not saying it’s tacky to consider the cost, at all. I’m saying that your dinner is not one of the costs you need to consider. And if there is an open bar, then you don’t need to consider the cost of your drinks. You also don’t need to consider the per-head cost of renting the reception hall, hiring the band, and so on. I’ve had to miss weddings I couldn’t afford to attend, and it wouldn’t have mattered if they offered an open bar, 12 courses of truffle-infused lobster, and vials of coke as thank-you gifts, even if it would have worked out to a “net positive”. I didn’t have the money to get there, period. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/28 "2009-12-02T19:41:53Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I enjoy being a guest at a wedding a hell of a lot more than I enjoy being in the wedding party at a wedding. Someone else has done all the work, and all I have to do is show up looking respectable, eat their food, and dance to their music? Okay! Ditto. (Though it meant that I did not enjoy MY wedding since I had to do all the work! If only my husband had agreed to elope. \) ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/29 "2009-12-02T19:49:55Z")
> [@myskepticsight](#): > > Depends on whose wedding it is. A family member or good friend? I’ll have a blast; I give a shit about the people getting married and I’ll know enough people there to be comfortable and have fun. I’m someone’s plus one? More of a chore. > > Female here. Also never had to travel to a wedding except for one cousin’s and the whole family went and it was a blast. And it was only a few hours’ drive. I agree with this. The few weddings I’ve attended have been close family members or close friends and I was happy to be there for them. And for two of the friends’ weddings, I was happy to fly in to attend the weddings. The group of friends from college has scattered all over the country so these were one of the rare occasions that we were all back together. And even though I didn’t travel to attend my brother’s wedding, other family did, so I was able to see people I hadn’t seen in years. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/30 "2009-12-02T20:06:01Z")
I loathe weddings. I hate dressing up. The ceremony bores me to tears (especially if it’s religious). I abhor the sappy sentiment (there’s nothing worse than people writing their own vows). The food sucks. The music sucks. It’s time and money out of my life that I’ll never get back for an event that I basically don’t care about. Plus, there’s a 50/50 chance they’ll end in divorce anyway. It’s not always easy to say no, either. Sometimes it’s close family, or sometimes you get asked to be in the wedding party. How do you get out of it if you’re asked to be the Best Man? Whatever it is that other people get about weddings is not there for me. I’ll be fine if I never see another one, but with three daughters, I probably won’t be granted that bit of grace. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/31 "2009-12-02T20:10:23Z")
For the most part, I have enjoyed the weddings I’ve attended. That’s because the person getting married was usually a close friend or relative, and I was happy for him or her. On the few occasions when I didn’t know the bride or groom very well, it was a little tedious. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/32 "2009-12-02T20:21:45Z")
It is a chore for me to go to a wedding. Even though I like all the people involved and don’t mind the expense, I’d rather spend the day doing what I like. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/33 "2009-12-02T20:23:21Z")
**Dio** , that’s pretty cynical. I have a feeling you’re not a dancer. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/34 "2009-12-02T20:29:23Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > **Dio** , that’s pretty cynical. I have a feeling you’re not a dancer. I am not. I’ve been with my wife just about 20 years. We’ve only danced once. At our wedding, when we basically got pressured into it. My wife hates dancing too. That’s one of the things we share. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/35 "2009-12-02T20:49:10Z")
Indian weddings are lots of fun! The wedding is almost incidental and seriously sometimes it goes on with half the guests not even noticing. It’s all about food and fun and dancing. I have been to only a few Western weddings, and they have never been as much fun, with stiff people who positively refuse to dance, and a lot of slow dances, which means if you’re not in a relationship or your partner doesn’t slow dance you have to…sit out. I vastly prefer the Indian system where everyone is expected to dance and every song is lively, and there is rarely any “couples dances”. ---
**Author:** ![Simmerdown](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simmerdown/32/14859_2.png) [@Simmerdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simmerdown)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/36 "2009-12-02T20:50:38Z")
I’m in a unique situation in that I’m in a band that occasionally plays weddings. Often one or both of the couple is a friend or acquaintance of someone in the band (we are all members of a close-knit culture). So we get hired to play the reception, get our travel and hotel expenses paid, and we’re seated at a regular table as guests, _and_ we get to play music all night long to an enthusiastic crowd. (most of them know us–we get hired alot by people who have attended other weddings we’ve played). Sometimes we even get paid extra to play past our contracted time. Doesn’t get any better than that. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/37 "2009-12-02T21:29:23Z")
I really like weddings now that I can afford them, but they’re few and far between. But when I got out of college and was working in my first couple jobs? Damn, there were a few years there that just about everyone I knew decided to get married, and I found myself traveling, usually alone, and buying gifts and staying in hotels to attend them, during the most cash-strapped years of my life. I really grew to resent weddings. But now that I can afford them, there aren’t many to go to as most of my peers are married. I guess in a few years the children of my peers may start getting married, but there won’t be too many, I reckon. Bummer- I love to dance & party. ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/38 "2009-12-02T21:39:40Z")
> [@Markxxx](#): > > I actually prefer the wedding to the reception. I would rather just go to the wedding and skip the reception. This is usually my practice too. ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/39 "2009-12-02T21:42:31Z")
Close friends, yes. Acquaintances and co-workers, not so much. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722/40 "2009-12-02T21:45:20Z")
What **Dio** said (except about the daughters.) I liked **my** wedding. But we eloped, so we didn’t force other people to go through the procedure. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-anyone-really-like-being-a-guest-at-a-wedding/519722.md?page=3)