# Does being asocial make you a bad person? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 16, 2015, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606 "2015-12-16T14:22:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2015, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606/21 "2015-12-18T10:33:51Z")
My take? It’s not being asocial that’s the problem. It’s misanthropy, which sometimes comes with it. You do have an obligation to care about other people\*, but that doesn’t mean you have to actively socialize with them. Though I will point out the different [love languages](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Five_Love_Languages), where, to some people, you come off as not loving them if you don’t do things for them. So, if you wish to communicate that you love them, you may want to periodically do things for them. \*Yeah, I believe you really do. It’s what holds society together. If you don’t care about others, then you will wind up hurting them. You don’t want to hurt them for the same reason you don’t want them to hurt you. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2015, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606/22 "2015-12-18T11:32:56Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > I take it as someone who has suffered damage that makes them feel safer and more comfortable in their own little bubble. So no - not a bad person, however I do feel it is a abnormal condition for a person to be in. That’s… rather demeaning. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2015, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606/23 "2015-12-18T11:59:13Z")
Being asocial makes you worse than a bad person, it makes you a _non person_. People don’t know you, don’t care about you, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2015, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606/24 "2015-12-18T12:38:47Z")
Y’all DO realize that you are socially interacting on a messageboard, right? And have all done so for years? Who says the ony worthwhile way to be social is in face-to-face contacts? For some much needed validation, [read about being an introvert](http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/LIFE/usaedition/2012-01-24-Introverts-----_ST_U.htm). ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2015, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606/25 "2015-12-18T12:44:22Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Being asocial makes you worse than a bad person, it makes you a _non person_. People don’t know you, don’t care about you, etc. There are plenty of people who would be better off being non-people. Society would certainly benefit from their non-existence. I disagree that being asocial means people don’t know you or care about you. The profoundly mentally disabled are asocial, as are the comatosed and machine life-supported. Many of these folks are cared for and loved immensely. **Lakai** , I think asocial people are merely eccentric. Eccentrics can be kind or mean and anything in between. They can be valuable or worthless. They can be loving or unloving. They can be charismatic or dull as dishwater. None of these qualities relates directly to sociality. For instance, you can live the hermit’s life and still donate a huge fraction of your income to charity. You can be asocial and still pick up litter in your neighborhood and shovel snow off of the elderly’s sidewalks, etc. Your family member sounds like a needier person than you are. Needy people love to take friends and family on guilt trips. If you care about this person and/or the relationship you have with them, then go ahead and take what they said as constructive criticism and do better by them. But if you don’t care, just shake it off. The truth is no one is motivated to be kind and generous towards others when there isn’t anything in it for them–even if it’s just a warm and fuzzy feeling. If you don’t get a warm and fuzzy feeling with this particular family member, then you can hardly be faulted for not being their BFF. But if there are practical matters at stake, then it may be worth it to you to at least pretend to care. That’s an intellectual choice you have to make, not emotional. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2015, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606/26 "2015-12-18T13:10:16Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > That’s… rather demeaning. You are free to take it that way, but they are not alone in trying to deal with damage, we all have such damage, no one is exempt, and we learn to compensate and deal with it in ways that are also IMHO operating in a abnormal state. So yes I’m saying that all of humanity is damaged, and yes I guess it’s demeaning in that respect. Pointing out the compensation method of some of them however I don’t see as demeaning, but YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2015, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606/27 "2015-12-18T13:15:41Z")
> [@someguy\_1](#): > > Kindness and humanity are the rare things, not the other way around. All the expectations in the world really amount to nothing other than chains to bind you to relationships, even with people who enjoy abusing others – at least that’s how it was for me. I can’t say I _feel_ better now that I burned my bridges, but in many ways, I think I stopped a lot of the damage and I’m catching up to the reality of my situation. I’ve spent too much time trying to be liked for years and I’ve gotten hurt in some serious ways for it (beyond minor heartbreak or even heartbreak altogether, I’ve actually lost huge chunks of my own personality and I can see the holes) and I’m not so sure someone who’s been asocial from the start is, in any way, worse off for it given how vicious this world primarily is. > > If you really are asocial, it means you’re probably more in touch with reality than many of us suckers that are helplessly caught in this cycle of trying to make friends with people who want nothing more than to take advantage of someone. It means you have a functioning sense of what’s good for you, and perhaps you should stick with it instead of trying so hard to see if other people approve of it – because, inevitably, they will whittle you down for another reason while blaming it on something you’ll find sympathetic. I do find this to be insightful and in general true about the human condition. I do however disagree with your conclusion, also I disagree with what you said that such a person would be more in touch with reality, as a person knowing the above is more in touch with their spirituality then most (as opposed to the reality as they see beyond it), The conclusion I disagree with as there is also a different set of social/relationship bonds which are good and of Love overlaid on top of the system you state. 2 very different societies, one cruel and imprisoning and one loving and freeing. It is to me the meaning that Jesus stated with He stated the Kingdom of God is around you (and within which is the same thing). There is a very loving and caring society out there, once that damage is done and one tried to get back in touch with their heart again armed with what you stated and seek out the way to reconnect the heart. ---
**Author:** ![JustinC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justinc/32/8083_2.png) [@JustinC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustinC)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2015, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606/28 "2015-12-18T17:38:33Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > 15 years ago my brother embarked on a career as a full-time day trader. He’s very successful at it, but his job entails sitting alone at his home computer for the entire trading day. He’s also been single for many years. He has friends that he spends time with (after they’re done with their standard work day), but I think being alone for that much of every day tends to warp you a little bit; it seems like he gets a little more odd every year. I’m sure he has many friends he speaks to every day who are also day trading, friends all over the world and from many different backgrounds. I would suspect it isn’t the alone time, it’s his method of making money that’s changed him. He has to be conscious and sensitive to current events, trading strategies, the movement of capital in a virtual sense, market psychology and his own tolerance for risk. Whether he gets on with someone in the next cubicle or not won’t make him one bean. ---
**Author:** ![geological](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/67e7ee/32.png) [@geological](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/geological)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2015, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606/29 "2015-12-18T17:44:08Z")
If you’ve got it and don’t know that. You might beat yourself up. 'don’t . tho they haven’t found a cure. you can live with it . And make progress. Group therapy apparently doesn’t work. Yet. Easy up on yourself. admitting to it. is a good place to start. OK? ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2015, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606/30 "2015-12-18T21:51:49Z")
You’re a train ride to no importance You’re in love with hell existence Money is all that you desire Why don’t you pack it in and retire It’s common nature you can’t fool me I’m just the money that you can’t let free Rainy day genius clouds your mind [YOU’RE ANTI, YOU’RE ANTI-SOCIAL!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_kGKhrOD2w) ---
**Author:** ![Spud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spud/32/347_2.png) [@Spud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spud)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2015, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606/31 "2015-12-19T00:38:32Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > That’s… rather demeaning. Yet accurate. I’m an introvert, but I love going to parties. Just don’t pass me the mic to share a story about the honoree. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2015, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606/32 "2015-12-19T15:05:16Z")
I am exceptionally good at talking to people. Indeed, I can talk to anyone about anything. Yesterday I had marvelous conversations with the bus driver taking me to work, a new temporary employee at work, and several customers. However, I prefer to be alone most of the time. Does that make me a bad person? ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2015, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606/33 "2015-12-19T15:12:34Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > Y’all DO realize that you are socially interacting on a messageboard, right? And have all done so for years? Who says the ony worthwhile way to be social is in face-to-face contacts? > > For some much needed validation, [read about being an introvert](http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/LIFE/usaedition/2012-01-24-Introverts-----_ST_U.htm). no, it’s never occurred to us :rolleyes: the differences with a messageboard are: 1. it’s silent. Noise gets to me after a short while, especially in a large group of people where the noise level just runs away. 2. it’s asynchronous. I can choose when and whether or not to engage. if you ask me something, I can answer now, tomorrow, in a week, or not at all. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2015, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606/34 "2015-12-19T15:13:55Z")
\*\*Does being asocial make you a bad person? \*\* No, but it makes it easier. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2015, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606/35 "2015-12-19T15:56:39Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > no, it’s never occurred to us :rolleyes: > > the differences with a messageboard are: > > 1. it’s silent. Noise gets to me after a short while, especially in a large group of people where the noise level just runs away. > 2. it’s asynchronous. I can choose when and whether or not to engage. if you ask me something, I can answer now, tomorrow, in a week, or not at all. It is also easier to mask awkwardness or social quirkiness on a message board. No one knows if you have poor eye contact, speech dysfluencies, or unusual grooming/dressing habits based on message board posts. Also, my biggest problem with real life socializing never happens on a message board. When I’m in a thread that’s turned stupid or boring, I can easily leave it. I can decide to never return and no one will give me a hard time about being rude. But when I’m hanging out with people in real life and they are being stupid or boring, it’s not so easy to leave. If you break things off with people in real life, feelings get hurt and explanations are demanded. Internet socializing isn’t as fraught with emotion as real life socializing. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2015, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606/36 "2015-12-19T16:03:45Z")
> [@](#): > > I can decide to never return and no one will give me a hard time about being rude. unless a sea lion shows up. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2015, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606/37 "2015-12-19T16:37:52Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > unless a sea lion shows up. And on the internet no one cares if you make a non-sequitur. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2015, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606/38 "2015-12-20T03:21:49Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > 1. it’s asynchronous. I can choose when and whether or not to engage. if you ask me something, I can answer now, tomorrow, in a week, or not at all. But if you pick that last option, people will run by and make fun of you, acting like you’re some sort of freak because you don’t read every comment in real time. Or make up stories about how you need that much time to come up with a response. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-being-asocial-make-you-a-bad-person/740606.md?page=1)