# Does better looking = better sex or romatic partner? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 13, 2014, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107 "2014-12-13T10:40:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![X.L.Lent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/a5b964/32.png) [@X.L.Lent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/X.L.Lent)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/1 "2014-12-13T10:40:31Z")
Sure, you have fantasied about them - that gorgeous looking actor, actress or super- model. Or perhaps it’s that cute guy or gal who works in the accounting department at work. But are good looking persons really better in bed and/or as a romantic partner? Would Mr./Ms. Ordinary Looking work harder to please you than Mr./Ms. Smoking Hot? What say you, ladies and gentlemen of the Straight Dope? ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/2 "2014-12-13T12:11:51Z")
From my experience: no. The girl who would probably rank highest on my “hot or not” scale was kind of a dead fish and gave lousy head, and was kind of full of herself. My current girlfriend is certainly attractive, but (here’s hoping she doesn’t read this 😛 ) not exactly a “10”, and she’s _amazing_, both as a romantic partner and in bed. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/3 "2014-12-13T12:16:57Z")
I don’t think there is any correlation at all. Like in most things 90% of people make no effort to excel. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/4 "2014-12-13T12:59:22Z")
Isn’t there some joke about how ugly people try harder? I’m willing to bet there’s some element of truth to that, where hot people have never felt the need to do anything but be hot, and very un-hot people have upskilled in an effort to be picked more often. But that’s probably not the norm, and no correlation can necessarily be ascertained. All I know is that I haven’t had enough sex to get any good at it. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Nylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Mr.Nylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Nylock)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/5 "2014-12-13T13:01:27Z")
From my experience no. But there is sort of a limit to that. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/6 "2014-12-13T13:18:14Z")
In my experience, good looks matter very little, if at all, as long as you’re not actively repulsed by the other person. As others have said, little or no correlation. As far as I can tell, the important factors are chemistry, personality and how compatible you are. However, I also never really understood the idea that sex is supposed to be about skill or effort. You’re not at work while you’re doing it. Well, at least most people aren’t. It can be a relaxing and enjoyable recreational activity for all involved. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/7 "2014-12-13T13:23:39Z")
I’ve never paid much attention to looks with a partner. I was all about the personality. Attractiveness is a plus, but not an important one. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/8 "2014-12-13T13:25:05Z")
In my experience yes. The best sex is with the most beautiful woman. What my Wife gets out of it all is still a mystery to me. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/9 "2014-12-13T13:33:58Z")
Reminiscing, I’ve only had physical relationships with very beautiful women. And the sex has been outrageously fantastic. Then again, masturbation has been great as well, yet I’m only average looking. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/10 "2014-12-13T14:46:06Z")
The most intense sex was with the crazy girlfriend. She would do things to deliberately piss me off in order to get into a fight, then we would storm back to her place and have really intense sex as a way of “making up.” I think she had terrible insecurities, and this was a way of her coping with it. While the sex was great, the rest of the relationship was horrible. Yes, she was pretty, but I think the crazy part was more the reason for both parts of the equation. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/11 "2014-12-13T15:10:25Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > The most intense sex was with the crazy girlfriend. She would do things to deliberately piss me off in order to get into a fight, then we would storm back to her place and have really intense sex as a way of “making up.” I think she had terrible insecurities, and this was a way of her coping with it. > > While the sex was great, the rest of the relationship was horrible. Yes, she was pretty, but I think the crazy part was more the reason for both parts of the equation. Ten years ago a good friend of mine married a woman who… well, let’s just say she doesn’t turn heads when she walks down the sidewalk. (Very homely and fat.) And she’s seriously _ **nuts** _. I can tell you story after story of the crazy shit she’s done. I used to wonder why my friend married her. After a drinking session with him a few years ago, he spilled the beans; I now know the reason why. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/12 "2014-12-13T16:14:20Z")
I’ve dated the gamut from HOLY SHIT! attractive to a guy who you wouldn’t look at twice. Honestly…the average-looking guy was a better lover by a long shot. However, I realize that I can’t extrapolate from my personal data set. I don’t go around looking for the hottest guy, anyway. I’m drawn to a guy I can talk to and laugh with and do fun non-sexual things with. That’s what makes a guy attractive to me (along with the ever-elusive “chemistry”), and that guy is the one with whom I’ll probably have the best sex. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/13 "2014-12-13T16:22:02Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > However, I also never really understood the idea that sex is supposed to be about skill or effort. You’re not at work while you’re doing it. Well, at least most people aren’t. It can be a relaxing and enjoyable recreational activity for all involved. So is playing music, but it really really helps to develop your skills, by paying attention, opening your mind to possibilities, reading, studying, and getting lots and lots and lots of practice. Music and sex are more alike than a lot of people might realize. Technique, timing, dynamics (building and releasing tension), careful balance between repetition and variation, responding to the instrument … the list goes on. Skill does not equal work! ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/14 "2014-12-13T16:26:45Z")
Beauty is the icing on the cake. As I get older, I find I prefer the cake to the icing more and more. To me what turns me on the most is responsiveness, and of course, that illusive thing we call chemistry. PS: They say discipline helps a lot to learn music, but I confess I haven’t tried that, for music or sex. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/15 "2014-12-13T16:43:13Z")
> [@Learjeff](#): > > So is playing music, but it really really helps to develop your skills […] Well, I play the guitar some. I’m a lot better at it now than I was a few years ago. But I never really sit down to practice, as such. I’ve just played a lot, and messed around with it a lot. Maybe that is practice, but it doesn’t feel like it. I just do it for fun. Having sex with me now is probably (hopefully) a much better experience than it was when I was 17, all other things being equal. I hope, and think, that I’m more sensitive to my partners’ needs, and more responsive, than when I was younger. Sure, that’s because I have experience. But I’ve never practiced, or thought of it as a skill. I’ve just messed around a lot. I’ve had good sex and bad sex, sure, but that has been about the person, and the experience as a whole. I’ve never graded my partners on “performance” or “effort”. I hope they don’t do that with me, either. Although I’m sure that some do. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/16 "2014-12-13T16:55:37Z")
I think there’s a positive correlation. I’m a woman, and I think the most physically attractive men are the strong, athletic ones. And those men are much more skilled at throwing me around, thrusting their hips, lifting me up, holding awkward positions, etc. than the ones who didn’t work out as much. There’s just more that they’re capable of. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/17 "2014-12-13T20:59:18Z")
In retrospect the hotter the girl the fonder my memories of the sex are, during the actual act it does not make any difference. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/18 "2014-12-13T21:52:03Z")
In my experience, there’s absolutely no correlation. You’d think an average-looking guy would try harder, but on the other hand, a good-looking guy may have more experience, and has had the opportunity to hone his skills. Every person is different. But the size of his dick does make a difference. Guys who are just average (or less) give the best head. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2014, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/19 "2014-12-14T01:58:25Z")
Recent thread on closely related topic: [Guys (and gals), how attractive was the first person that you had sex with? - In My Humble Opinion - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=741676) ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2014, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/20 "2014-12-14T02:22:52Z")
I have been with hotter than me and I have been the hotter one. I tend not to do too good of a job if I am the hotter one because I don’t want to create any false illusions of love. If I am the less hotter of the combo I feel a little more free to get wild and really have some fun. If they do happen to fall in love I know they will get over it a lot quicker. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107.md?page=2)