# Does better looking = better sex or romatic partner? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 13, 2014, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107 "2014-12-13T10:40:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2014, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/21 "2014-12-14T04:14:19Z")
I think “better looking” can actually be detrimental to the experience. If they’ve bought into the idea of their own good looks they can be casual to the point of insensitivity. And if you’re thinking they’re “better than you” you’re not going to be your true self. If there’s nothing else but “hot” it can become a masturbatory (no connection) trophy. Not such a prize. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2014, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/22 "2014-12-14T05:04:32Z")
> [@Becky2844](#): > > I think “better looking” can actually be detrimental to the experience. If they’ve bought into the idea of their own good looks they can be casual to the point of insensitivity. And if you’re thinking they’re “better than you” you’re not going to be your true self. If there’s nothing else but “hot” it can become a masturbatory (no connection) trophy. Not such a prize. I agree with you Becky, it may even be that they might be holding back because they don’t want to encourage a relationship. Just the opposite from someone who considers themselves to be less desirable. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2014, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/23 "2014-12-14T05:30:53Z")
> [@Learjeff](#): > > So is playing music, but it really really helps to develop your skills, by paying attention, opening your mind to possibilities, reading, studying, and getting lots and lots and lots of practice. > > Music and sex are more alike than a lot of people might realize. Technique, timing, dynamics (building and releasing tension), careful balance between repetition and variation, responding to the instrument … the list goes on. > > Skill does not equal work! This may be my most favorite post that I’ve ever read on SD to date. I agree wholeheartedly. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2014, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/24 "2014-12-14T05:41:49Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > . I tend not to do too good of a job if I am the hotter one because I don’t want to create any false illusions of love. How weird. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2014, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/25 "2014-12-14T07:05:45Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I have been with hotter than me and I have been the hotter one. I tend not to do too good of a job if I am the hotter one because I don’t want to create any false illusions of love. If I am the less hotter of the combo I feel a little more free to get wild and really have some fun. If they do happen to fall in love I know they will get over it a lot quicker. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > How weird. +1 ^ ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2014, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/26 "2014-12-14T10:45:51Z")
Weird is not the term I would use. Heartless, manipulative, misogynistic, but not really weird; I’ve seen that attitude all too often. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2014, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/27 "2014-12-14T11:53:02Z")
> [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](#): > > Weird is not the term I would use. Heartless, manipulative, misogynistic, but not really weird; I’ve seen that attitude all too often. When, exactly, would you “see this attitude”? ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2014, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/28 "2014-12-14T12:29:20Z")
Nothing heartless about it, if we both know we are having casual sex anything goes. If I am on a date and I am not feeling like I really want another one or I know there is no relationship potential I certainly won’t do anything to lead the other person on. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2014, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/29 "2014-12-14T13:03:45Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > Nothing heartless about it, if we both know we are having casual sex anything goes. If I am on a date and I am not feeling like I really want another one or I know there is no relationship potential I certainly won’t do anything to lead the other person on. Ummm… Isn’t having sex sort of leading the person on? ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2014, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/30 "2014-12-14T13:26:23Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > Ummm… Isn’t having sex sort of leading the person on? Yes to a degree it is, but it is also one more step in the elimination process. If the last thing a girl needs is to feel rejected at a certain point in her life then letting her do the rejecting is sometimes the softer way out. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2014, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/31 "2014-12-14T14:01:32Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > Yes to a degree it is, but it is also one more step in the elimination process. If the last thing a girl needs is to feel rejected at a certain point in her life then letting her do the rejecting is sometimes the softer way out. So you’re actually _doing them a favour_ by being intentionally mediocre in bed? I couldn’t agree more. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2014, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/32 "2014-12-14T22:57:06Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > So you’re actually _doing them a favour_ by being intentionally mediocre in bed? > > I couldn’t agree more. Never confuse strategy with tactics. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2014, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/33 "2014-12-15T04:15:25Z")
From my perspective, making a really attractive partner achieve orgasm is a sort of personal achievement. If my partner is not attractive, I don’t care nearly as much. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2014, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/34 "2014-12-15T17:17:58Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I tend not to do too good of a job if I am the hotter one **because I don’t want to create any false illusions of love.** Do you have sex mainly with people you don’t want to love or be loved by? Not criticizing; just thought this sentence was odd. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2014, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/35 "2014-12-15T18:40:52Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > Well, I play the guitar some. I’m a lot better at it now than I was a few years ago. But I never really sit down to practice, as such. I’ve just played a lot, and messed around with it a lot. Maybe that is practice, but it doesn’t feel like it. I just do it for fun. It’s the same way for me, for both music and sex, though I play keyboards and guitar a lot, not just “some”. Also, though I do study a bit too. I know I’d be quite a lot better if I took study more seriously. Regardless, that’s what I do, and I’m happy with my choices. > [@scootergirl](#): > > This may be my most favorite post that I’ve ever read on SD to date. I agree wholeheartedly. Gee, thanks! And well, if I wasn’t married I’d look you up! 😉 > [@Velocity](#): > > > [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > > > I tend not to do too good of a job if I am the hotter one because I don’t want to create any false illusions of love. > > Do you have sex mainly with people you don’t want to love or be loved by? Not criticizing; just thought this sentence was odd. Lots of people do. And it’s definitely true that passionate sex is ambiguous: it could mean “really turned on” or “really in love”. But I find it sad that someone would sandbag rather than being straightforward. To each his or her own, though. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2014, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107/36 "2014-12-15T18:59:15Z")
> [@Learjeff](#): > > It’s the same way for me, for both music and sex, though I play keyboards and guitar a lot, not just “some”. Also, though I do study a bit too. I know I’d be quite a lot better if I took study more seriously. Regardless, that’s what I do, and I’m happy with my choices. > > Gee, thanks! And well, if I wasn’t married I’d look you up! 😉 > > Lots of people do. And it’s definitely true that passionate sex is ambiguous: it could mean “really turned on” or “really in love”. But I find it sad that someone would sandbag rather than being straightforward. To each his or her own, though. Its not really sandbagging consiously, it just a little guilt starts to play in if you sense that the other partner is somehow connecting more than I am. I know plenty of women who just live for the moment and they tend to be the most fun if recreational sex is what I am after. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-better-looking-better-sex-or-romatic-partner/707107.md?page=1)