# Does common-sense courtesy differ between cultures? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 8, 2010, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417 "2010-06-08T12:58:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Annie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@Annie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/21 "2010-06-09T02:13:43Z")
> [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](#): > > It’s a stereotype, but in my experience an accurate one: Americans and Brits will form a neat, single-file line and wait their turn at (for example) the ticket office. Italians, however, will form a small scrum in front of the ticket office. If, in America or Britain, Italians will walk unselfconsciously to the front of the line and cut in. > > I’ve heard Germans use the English method, and some other countries follow the Italian method, but I have not been to Germany to verify. [Now, in animation!](http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/italy) (flash) ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/22 "2010-06-09T02:37:51Z")
A word about queues. If I see a scrum around a counter, then I know you’re just supposed to jump in, and I go native. But when I’m in someplace like, say, 7-Eleven, and there’s a fairly long line, and it should be more than obvious what the deal is, _still_ I’ll see someone march up to the counter, and not just with one small item. Sometimes they’ll cut right in front of me as I get to the counter, possibly thinking the foreigner won’t mind, or maybe even screw the foreigner, and I’ll shove my way right back in front. Cinemas, too. The wife and I have to sit way up front to get away from the cellphone users and chit-chatters. She’s Thai, and it annoys the hell out of her, too. In fact, we know a number of Thais who bewail the lack of common courtesy among the average Thai. This society has a reputation worldwide for gentleness and politeness, but if you spend much time here, that begins to wear away. They _can_ be super polite, if they’re consciously thinking of it, but Thais are such scofflaws anyway that they’re used to breaking any rule or law, up to and including murder, for their own personal convenience. Part of it is also that Thais react very differently to foreigners they know are here only temporarily and those of us who simply won’t go away. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/23 "2010-06-09T03:55:36Z")
> [@Tanaqui](#): > > Look, everyone hates going to the supermarket… I pick the wrong line. Old people take too long finding their change. I don’t care where you are, these things are universal. As an impatient American, I’ve figured out how to deal with this. I plan two solid hours (so if people are parking their carts or asking the clerk to check the price of something, I’ve got a buffer). And, more importantly, I listen to an audiobook while I’m shopping. You’d be amazed how many delays – and jerks – you can put up with… … if your mind’s in Narnia. … Or 221B Baker Street, or Moose County, or The Tannhauser Gate, or Dictionopolis, or Coast City, or The Shire, or The Ringworld, or Castle Rock, or Battle School, or Winesburg, or Little Whinging… ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/24 "2010-06-09T03:55:48Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Who tells them to go to the back of the line - the clerk or the other people on the line? I’ve done that both as a fellow customer and a clerk. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/25 "2010-06-09T04:27:06Z")
> [@Annie](#): > > [Now, in animation!](http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/italy) (flash) Darn you! I was going to post that! ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/26 "2010-06-09T06:06:16Z")
> [@PsyXe](#): > > But what I think is important is that members of “slower” cultures have just as much courtesy as those of “faster” cultures. It’s just that the system is different. > > In other words, yes, what is “common sense” in courtesy is different between cultures. For example: > > Switzerland / USA > Rude: Standing in someone’s way > > South Africa / Thailand > Rude: Getting upset or lecturing people for being in the way Yes, excellent point! I alluded to this in OP. The Thai customs may be less _efficient_ but they are also often less _stressful_. However some posters overlook that a more absolute common-sense sometimes applies. If one ethnic group, as a poster mentioned, insists on boarding a crowded car before passengers disembark, can be agree their common-sense/courtesy is sub-optimal? I made the mistake of starting with a rather trivial example. My post in the earlier thread should be a better example of discourteous parking. (Indeed I posted it there because all the American parking erros in that thread were trivial compared with those we see here.) > [@Do you leave notes on the windows of poorly parked cars](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-leave-notes-on-the-windows-of-poorly-parked-cars/541946/36): > > I once parked about noon at my car dealer’s and, since the errand didn’t involve my car, parked in the dirt next to the street as a courtesy rather than using up their limited customer parking. Shortly later I wanted to leave but it was _impossible_: someone had pulled in behind; there’d have been no room to manouevre even if the other neighboring cars had been entreated to move. Parking was scarce on the street, but there were problem-free places had the driver been willing to walk a few extra yards. > > This happens all the time in rural Thailand, and is little problem: One tracks down the driver, asks them politely to move; they’re happy to move their car (with a smile); one could argue it’s a happy easy-going life and this gives opportunity to meet strangers. > > In the one case I’m posting about, however, the driver had gone with someone else to a different city, taking his car-key with him! The car-dealer manager called him, and the driver came back (I don’t know if they had to curtail their errand for me). In their defense, they must have thought I was an employee based on where I parked, but even an employee might have had a sudden emergency requiring his car. In giving examples one needs to compromise between too few (“Oh those are just _anecdotes_, **Septimus** , you can find a few bad drivers anywhere.”) and filibusters! I have _lots_ of stories about driving in rural Thailand which are amazing and amusing. That might be fodder for a fun thread, but I won’t start it; I seem to do a poor job of setting up the crucial thread title and OP. > [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > One thing I’ve wondered about; when you move to a completely different country, do you not, at some point, notice that people do things differently there and adapt to the ways of your new country? Yes. To counter-paraphrase Alex Trebek, you’ll need to state your question in the form of a comment if you expect more than a one-word answer! 😃 One thing that _is_ true is that outsiders often see some aspects more clearly. An interesting thread might be to review things about America that foreigners see more clearly than Americans. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/27 "2010-06-09T07:54:35Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > A word about queues. If I see a scrum around a counter, then I know you’re just supposed to jump in, and I go native. But when I’m in someplace like, say, 7-Eleven, and there’s a fairly long line, and it should be more than obvious what the deal is, _still_ I’ll see someone march up to the counter, and not just with one small item. Sometimes they’ll cut right in front of me as I get to the counter, possibly thinking the foreigner won’t mind, or maybe even screw the foreigner, and I’ll shove my way right back in front. This drives me nuts! People tell me “oh, the concept of a line is different here.” Bullshit! When I go to the train station I see all kinds of people in line. But maybe one out of ten people will stand in the line for a few minutes, and then think “Naw, why should this line apply to me?” and walk right up to the front like nobody’s business. They saw the line, they knew they are supposed to wait in it, but then they decided they would rather cut instead. That’s rude in any culture, and it’s only because people are raised to avoid conflict that they get away with it. Anyway, there are some customs you can get used to, and some you can’t. I don’t blink an eye when someone hawks up a golf-ball sized loogie right onto a restaurant floor. But when the people sharing my seat on the miserable twenty hour overnight hard seat train decide three AM is the perfect time to play the “two people simultaneously yell random numbers at the top of their freaking lungs loud enough that they can be heard several blocks away” drinking game while everyone in the car is clearly trying to sleep, I’m going to end up in a seething rage. I could be here a thousand years and I’d never be okay with that situation. I’ve always understood it here as a different sense of social obligation. In China, I get the impression you have near infinite social obligations to your in-group. You’d go to just about any length to help out your friends, family, classmates and coworkers. But this means you have little social obligations towards strangers. In America, I think we feel a sort of baseline social obligation to everyone and don’t give our social in-group a ton of special consideration. If our friend asks us to do something we don’t feel like doing, we’re likely to tell him no. But we feel a strong need to say “thank you” and “please” to strangers we interact with on a regular basis. My students think it’s crazy that I’d volunteer working to make strangers’ lives better when my mother clearly misses me and I could be earning money to raise my family’s status. Many see my becoming a Peace Corps volunteer as a bizarre and slightly immoral decision. Meanwhile, they think my hesitance to push someone out of the way at a bus stop is inexplicable. I see things that make me want to cry- people living in places they hate, marrying people they hate, etc. to please their parents. I get confused when people will spend a week’s wages just taking a friend out to dinner. Meanwhile, I think that people’s willingness to elbow an old lady out of the way at a bus stop is bizarre. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/28 "2010-06-09T07:57:39Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > One thing I’ve wondered about; when you move to a completely different country, do you not, at some point, notice that people do things differently there and adapt to the ways of your new country? Some people do, some people don’t, and some people pick and choose what to adopt. It’s quite common to adopt the new courtesy rules but stick to “your food” as much as possible, for example. Often, the reason a particular person doesn’t adopt a particular custom is because he hasn’t understood the logic behind it and doesn’t see no reason to accept what he doesn’t understand. “Back home” it’s done a certain way, they keep thinking “why the hell is everybody doing it wrong?” instead of accepting that it’s “the way it’s done in the new place”. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/29 "2010-06-09T09:59:07Z")
> [@digs](#): > > As an impatient American, I’ve figured out how to deal with this. I plan two solid hours (so if people are parking their carts or asking the clerk to check the price of something, I’ve got a buffer). And, more importantly, I listen to an audiobook while I’m shopping. > > You’d be amazed how many delays – and jerks – you can put up with… > > … if your mind’s in Narnia. > … Or 221B Baker Street, or Moose County, or The Tannhauser Gate, or Dictionopolis, or Coast City, or The Shire, or The Ringworld, or Castle Rock, or Battle School, or Winesburg, or Little Whinging… Audiobooks/podcasts only work if you’re aware of your surroundings enough to get out of other people’s way and interact with the cashier. Otherwise, you’re just another oblivious asshole with headphones on. ---
**Author:** ![Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cc9497/32.png) [@Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt.Ridley_s_Shooting_Party)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/30 "2010-06-09T10:06:04Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Details? Trying to get on a bus or train in Italy is a battle of strength, guile and determination. The Italians have no shame when it comes to pushing to the front of a group of people who have previously been waiting. They queue like they drive. I was in Croatia a few years ago, which is a massive hotspot for Italian tourists. We took a daytrip to some small island in the Adriatic. I honestly thought somebody was going to be killed waiting for the boat back to shore. The crowd (filled with Italians) was surging; like a scene from Hillsborough. We were stood on the harbour wall, sea surrounding us on three sides, as the boat was maneuvering sideways to dock. Everybody was battling to be the first on the boat. If anybody had been knocked in to the sea between the harbour wall and boat, they’d surely have been killed. ---
**Author:** ![Joanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@Joanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joanie)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/31 "2010-06-09T12:54:12Z")
Whenever I see a cart left in the middle of an aisle, I check to see if the shopper is watching. If not, I always take something from their cart and then place it in a different part of the store. Just my way of saying, “Fuck You” to the asshole. I wonder if I could get arrested for stealing? Even if I could, I would keep on doing it. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/32 "2010-06-09T13:51:39Z")
> [@Joanie](#): > > Whenever I see a cart left in the middle of an aisle, I check to see if the shopper is watching. If not, I always take something from their cart and then place it in a different part of the store… Ah, but it isn’t stealing if you ADD something to their cart. I’d recommend something less noticable than a box of Cap’n Crunch (my kids used to try that one)… howzbout a package of extra-small condoms? And, Robyn, I appreciate the advice. I should probably just keep one earbud in (same as when I’m doing household chores). That way I can hear people if I need to… but then I’d just be an oblivious asshole without the excuse of headphones. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/33 "2010-06-09T14:54:57Z")
My husband supervises a couple of ladies who just can’t get along with each other. One day, as he was having yet another discussion with one of them about the problem, she told him that in her native language, there aren’t even words for please and thank you! If true, that blows my mind. Unfortunately, I don’t know what her native language is and haven’t thought of a smooth way to ask. I’d have guessed Hindi. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/34 "2010-06-09T16:17:56Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > I’d have guessed Hindi. Or Chi-cahh-gah… ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/35 "2010-06-09T16:19:51Z")
I wonder how much of these behaviors could be more the result of population density than nationality? In my experiences here in America, the way people behave toward each other alters markedly as population density increases. Sometimes the effect is quite dramatic – my wife and I have found, when driving long distances over the interstates, most drivers are polite, use their signals, let each other in, and so on…but as we approach the beltways of the great metropolises, driving courtesy rapidly breaks down. In some cases _the same drivers_ who smiled and signaled and waited two hours ago now savagely cut in front of you with their brakes on. This even works at night and with few cars around. The variable seems to be not so much “are there a lot of people around us _right now_” as “does this place _look like_ a place where a lot of people live in high density, even if they’re not in sight at the moment?” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/36 "2010-06-09T16:29:07Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Some people do, some people don’t, and some people pick and choose what to adopt. It’s quite common to adopt the new courtesy rules but stick to “your food” as much as possible, for example. > > Often, the reason a particular person doesn’t adopt a particular custom is because he hasn’t understood the logic behind it and doesn’t see no reason to accept what he doesn’t understand. “Back home” it’s done a certain way, they keep thinking “why the hell is everybody doing it wrong?” instead of accepting that it’s “the way it’s done in the new place”. I have suspected that’s what it is. From my perspective, I don’t think they need to see a logic behind it; why do people coming into a new culture not just take it for granted that if a whole country is doing something one way and they’re doing it the opposite way, majority wins and they lose? My most obvious example for this is walking on the right side of the sidewalk - sure, you can keep walking on the left if you like, and that’s fine when there’s no one else around, but add in any other people, and you’re creating problems. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/37 "2010-06-09T16:45:59Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > “Back home” it’s done a certain way, they keep > thinking “why the hell is everybody doing it wrong?” instead of > accepting that it’s “the way it’s done in the new place”. Or any number of other reasons. Sometimes it goes against your personal values. I lived in an area where casual prostitution was accepted. One night I was eating dinner and a restaurant owner I was friendly with told me excitedly that her brother was in town- and asked if I would sleep with him. I explained that I was interested, but she assured me he’d buy me a few beers and it’d “only take fifteen minutes.” Needless to say, I wasn’t sold on the idea! The restaurant owner was kind of offended that I refused what to her seemed like a reasonable favor to ask. Sometimes it’s something that has just been drilled into you so long you can’t stop it. After two years in a place where it’s really weird to say “thank you” to store clerks, I still say it pretty much every time I buy something. I can’t overcome how many years of socialization growing up. I know I’m doing it wrong, but I just can’t bring myself to do it differently. It’s too much a part of me. Same thing in Cameroon, where you simply do not go outside if it is raining. Still, I trudged through the rain to go to my empty classroom, because I if I did call off classes for a drizzle I’d feel too damned guilty about it, Protestant work ethic and all. Sometimes you don’t get the same rewards out of the system that the locals get. China has a bit of a tit-for-tat favor system, where people will ask you to do stuff and you really shouldn’t refuse, but in return you get to ask them for favors. However, in my experience I found that I was paying into the system a lot and not getting a lot out of it. Eventually I got sick of it and learned how to say “no” even when it wasn’t culturally appropriate. I recognize how the system works, but it wasn’t working for me and eventually enough is enough. Sometimes you have different and legitimate concerns than than the people around you. In Africa, I could get used to the “walk as slowly as possible” thing because I also never had anywhere pressing to go. In China, the “walk as slowly as possible thing” drives me nuts because while most people’s jobs are fine if they show up a few minutes late, my job requires me to be precisely on time. Some stuff just gets you on a visceral level- things like personal space, volume, hygiene, safety, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/38 "2010-06-09T17:03:12Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Or any number of other reasons. Sometimes it goes against your > personal values. I lived in an area where casual prostitution was > accepted. One night I was eating dinner and a restaurant owner I was > friendly with told me excitedly that her brother was in town- and > asked if I would sleep with him. I explained that I was interested, > but she assured me he’d buy me a few beers and it’d “only take fifteen > minutes.” Needless to say, I wasn’t sold on the idea! The restaurant > owner was kind of offended that I refused what to her seemed like a > reasonable favor to ask. > > Sometimes it’s something that has just been drilled into you so long > you can’t stop it. After two years in a place where it’s really weird > to say “thank you” to store clerks, I still say it pretty much every > time I buy something. I can’t overcome how many years of socialization > growing up. I know I’m doing it wrong, but I just can’t bring myself > to do it differently. It’s too much a part of me. Same thing in > Cameroon, where you simply do not go outside if it is raining. Still, > I trudged through the rain to go to my empty classroom, because I if I > did call off classes for a drizzle I’d feel too damned guilty about > it, Protestant work ethic and all. > > Sometimes you don’t get the same rewards out of the system that the > locals get. China has a bit of a tit-for-tat favor system, where > people will ask you to do stuff and you really shouldn’t refuse, but > in return you get to ask them for favors. However, in my experience I > found that I was paying into the system a lot and not getting a lot > out of it. Eventually I got sick of it and learned how to say “no” > even when it wasn’t culturally appropriate. I recognize how the system > works, but it wasn’t working for me and eventually enough is enough. > > Sometimes you have different and legitimate concerns than than the > people around you. In Africa, I could get used to the “walk as slowly > as possible” thing because I also never had anywhere pressing to go. > In China, the “walk as slowly as possible thing” drives me nuts > because while most people’s jobs are fine if they show up a few > minutes late, my job requires me to be precisely on time. > > Some stuff just gets you on a visceral level- things like personal > space, volume, hygiene, safety, etc. **Even Sven** , why don’t people go outside in the rain in Cameroon? Is it a health thing - a concern about poorly-built sewers or latrines flowing into the street, or something like that? Or does it just really, really bum people out to get wet? Heh - actually, I can see how that’d be the case. High humidity + no electric dryers means it could take a while for things to get dry again. Also - the “walk as slowly as possible” custom sounds interesting. If you’ve asked, what reason do people give for doing that? ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/39 "2010-06-09T17:29:27Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > My husband supervises a couple of ladies who just can’t get along with each other. One day, as he was having yet another discussion with one of them about the problem, she told him that in her native language, there aren’t even words for please and thank you! If true, that blows my mind. Unfortunately, I don’t know what her native language is and haven’t thought of a smooth way to ask. I’d have guessed Hindi. In Hindi, Bengali, and probably many other languages, it is not customary to use phrases that are equivalent to “please” and “thank you.” A common way to express politeness is to phrase a request as a question rather than as an instruction. Example: “Get me that file” v. “Would you get me that file?” To be even more polite, you might say something like: “Are you able to get me that file?” (probably better translated as “Would it be possible for you to get me that file?” even more polite – “Would it be possible for you to get me that file a little bit?” (This doesn’t translate very well.) ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417/40 "2010-06-09T17:48:00Z")
**acsenray** , thanks for fighting my ignorance. Your example seems to stand in for “please”, but if I get you the file, do you say anything in response? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-common-sense-courtesy-differ-between-cultures/542417.md?page=3)