# Does getting "flamed" bother anyone else? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 14, 2005, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587 "2005-09-14T13:33:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/21 "2005-09-14T17:18:31Z")
I assume that flames aren’t meant entirely seriously (usually). It’s sort of a game - like playing the dozens. I don’t think there is anything wrong with resenting a flame, particularly outside the Pit. I would hope you can avoid most of it by avoiding the Pit. Those that flame outside the Pit tends to be assholes anyway - not always, but often. “Consider the source” is often good advice. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/22 "2005-09-14T17:27:03Z")
Having seen the thread in question I would like to point out to Dr Memory the little triangle in the upper right hand corner of each post. (that you didn’t write yourself) Click on that and report the post to the moderator. That guy was probably having a bad day and like him, I’m sick of everyone complaing about “Hollywood Remakes” but that post is out of line for Cafe Society. ---
**Author:** ![ethelbert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/958977/32.png) [@ethelbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ethelbert)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/23 "2005-09-14T17:51:15Z")
I haven’t posted enough on this board to get flamed here, but it has happened to me. If someone has so much invested in a tv show as to gratuitously insult someone, that’s just amusing. Its just alpha dog behavior. They are trying to convince others that they are smarter because they “get” it, while you obviously don’t. I think that most people who indulge in this behavior are most decidedly not alpha dogs in real life. To paraphrase the New Yorker cartoon “On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a submissive dog”. On the other hand, some flames are meant to be amusing but simply aren’t perceived that way. Where I come from (NYC) a well crafted insult can be a sign of true friendship. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/24 "2005-09-14T17:58:14Z")
What’s that expression…if you can’t take the heat, move out of Las Vegas? Whatever… Actually, other than the BBQ and GD, people here are generally not that rabid. There are a few rabid fan bases (LOTR, Star Wars, Simpsons etc.) that get a little touchy sometimes, but usually they are in a snit about some esoteric point that only they can understand and argue about. And **silenus** is right - a lot of the bile is coming from a source that would make you laugh out loud if you could see them face to face. ---
**Author:** ![The\_New\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@The\_New\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_New_Guy)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/25 "2005-09-14T19:03:50Z")
> [@PinkMarabou](#): > > If they’re a real jerk, their time here is limited. I wish that were true, but I’ve already run across a couple people who seem to be long-time posters, who are just downright rude. I mean, I’m no Jesus, and I’ve been known to exchange words with people, but the one thing that’s disconcerting here is how some people don’t seem to be able to distinguish between a general remark and a personal insult. Like, just to make up an example: “I hate McDonald’s Corporation; they’re a bunch of %&$^$$&%\*&!!!” Response: “You’re full of #@\*&%, you &^%#@$%#!!!” The first person expressed a strong opinion about a _company_ but didn’t insult anyone here personally, yet others feel entitled to personally insult that person, sometimes just relentlessly. So yeah, that bothers me a lot. I think if you were mean to another poster, you deserve to get insulted, but not for merely expressing an opinion that someone else just happens to disagree with. I’d probably solve 90% of the problem by just staying out of The Pit, though. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/26 "2005-09-14T19:14:16Z")
I went over there and read it, too, and found JohnT’s answer very rude. I thought about reporting it, decided it was not quite that bad, but as one other person in here thinks so, I don’t see why you can’t go ahead and report it. Maybe with this link in the message, too. As for flaming, there are two kinds of flames: One is people who just like to be rude. Lots of those. I try to ignore them, and have gotten better at letting them wash off my back. Two is people who seem to be genuine, as in that’s just the way they talk in real life, too. I can think of people in both categories. I figure no matter what my skin will toughen up. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/27 "2005-09-14T20:19:22Z")
A flame like this would totally not bother me. In fact, I might think the person was just kidding around. What’s worse, to me, is to be accused of flaming when I did not, in fact, mean to flame. (It has never happened here.) I mean, am I wrong, or is flaming actually synonymous with mild disagreement? ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/28 "2005-09-14T20:42:47Z")
I’m usually pretty good at avoiding it. One time it really bothered me, though. I got a long, gratuitously personal, vicious and obscene flame in response to a factual statement I made in the Pit. I calmed down when I realized that most everyone considered the flamer to be a chronic tool, which he proved by getting himself banned not much later. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/29 "2005-09-14T20:55:19Z")
I’ know what you’re talking about, and THIS board has a number of buzzkills I’ve noticed. I appreciate the number of intelligent folks here, so much so that I _try_ to craft topics that will start conversation across the spectrum of posters here. See, one of the reasons I find the board so interesting is that you have intelligence spread out across both sides of the left/right brain spectrum. I don’t have a lot of exposure to the more artistic side of the population in general, and the board is good for that, but there seems to be a certain kind of poster that can really ruin a topic. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/30 "2005-09-14T20:57:21Z")
I post often in the pit and one of the things I enjoy about it is the bare knuckle attitude. With the exception of a few I’ve found that the people I’ve thrown punches at in the pit are quite friendly afterwards. I try to maintain a sort of trial lawyer attitude in the pit. Fight like cats and dogs in the thread (trial) but play nice on the outside (obligatory bar scene at the end where opposing lawyers have a drink together). When I see somebody post an opinion outside of the pit that I disagree with I have to check my emotional baggage and argue facts instead of emotions. Quite possibly **DrMemory** was accousted by someone who forgot that they were in the “play nice” area of the SDMB. In any case, an apology is in order for a transgression. **DrMemory** I hope you continue to put in your 2 pennies. If rudeness and personal attacks occur too frequently, you and other participants have the right and possibly the obligation to notify the mods. That’s what they’re here for. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/31 "2005-09-14T21:00:32Z")
I have to say your reply “Sorry if I stepped in your chocolate pudding, John.” was just dandy. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/32 "2005-09-14T22:00:14Z")
Don’t worry about it: just console yourself by reflecting on the mentality of someone who has to get snarky because a stranger’s kid liked a _Herbie_ movie. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/33 "2005-09-14T23:27:21Z")
I have a great story about being flamed. I was flamed once in a Cafe Society thread for objecting to a spoiler. Several people were jerks, but one guy in particular was really mean, coming in the thread the next day just to shove the knife in a bit farther. I was really, really hurt. Fast forward to several months later, when I post to say I have a duplicate CD, first person to ask for it gets it. Who asks but the jerk. I sent him an email saying it was in the mail, then quoted him from the earlier thread and said I didn’t know if our interaction now was to teach him something or to teach me something and left it at that. He wrote back to apologize for the earlier meanness and we ended up having a nice interaction. Life is funny sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![ltfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@ltfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ltfire)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/34 "2005-09-15T00:48:24Z")
> [@Amp](#): > > I’ve never gotten flamed. I don’t think that it would bother though. Why should it? As long as you can back up your facts you are all right and if someone is pitting for an opinion that you have expressed then just ignore them. There is no rule here that you have to respond to any threads or posts. Oh yeah? Never been flamed? Well I got a problem with your sentence structure, your spelling, and your punctuation! They are all perfect! Hows zat? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/35 "2005-09-15T02:24:07Z")
Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like more and more around here you’re likely to get personally attacked for expressing _any_ opinion. I like to think that this is a community of intelligent well-behaved people, but often I feel I’m among a bunch of immature social misfits. I’ve become hesitant to express any serious opinions due to the likelihood of getting flamed. Once the flaming starts, the thread just goes to hell; it becomes impossible to have a productive dialogue, so what was the point of even trying? I hope the “flame anything” trend dies back, because it degrades the Board. Name calling is not fighting ignorance. ---
**Author:** ![Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/278dde/32.png) [@Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Runs_With_Scissors)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/36 "2005-09-15T04:22:33Z")
I hate wording all my questions in such a way as to go overboard explaining that something is my opinion, this is how it is for me, blah, blah, blah. There’s always some idiot ready to POUNCE on EVERYone for whatever horrible crime they feel has been committed. Dissenting opinions? Disagreements? Alternate view? Yeah, bring 'em on! But a nasty, flaming reply? I just don’t understand. BTW, I don’t mind being flamed…for some reason it really bothers me when others get flamed. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/37 "2005-09-15T04:57:21Z")
> [@Ghanima](#): > > Sometimes I wish I’d get flamed rather than be ignored. But mostly I just let it go. When I was new to the boards it bothered me much more. Now it’s not a big deal to me, although I will fight back on occasion. Well, if I wasn’t such a lazy bastard, I’d Pit you for being so damned ignorable. But I’ll overlook you, I mean ‘it,’ for now. Besides, people would probably just ignore my Pit thread, and then how would that feel to have your Pitting for being so ignorable ignored? I know _I_ wouldn’t like it, and then I’d have to Pit the entire Board for ignoring _me_, probably have a complete meltdown, get banned, sink into the depths of alcoholism and cheap hookers, and place a Polish curse on your entire family and you for bringing me down so low into the gutter. So needless to say, you and you’re family are lucky I’m such a lazy bastard. Cuz those Polish curses? They’re _WICKED_. ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/38 "2005-09-15T05:01:14Z")
Your an old hand, Dr M, but an infrequent poster. So what you gain on the swings you lose on the roundabouts. I must say one of the nicest things about this place is that when some asshole misrepresents you (okay - me) or gets all aggressive over some minor issue, sometimes fans will come in and take my part. Lovely. Luxuriant. I guess you miss out on this little pleasure because not many poeple know you or your style. ---
**Author:** ![DrMemory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@DrMemory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrMemory)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/39 "2005-09-15T13:41:05Z")
Dear friends; My heart was warmed. Reading your replies only strengthens my belief that Dopers are some of the Best! I think maybe I am too sensitive ( we Crabs can be that way). I rarely bother to visit the Pit. I’ve seen what people do there, and that’s Not why I enjoy the boards. I was very pleased that some of my Straight-Dope Heroes chose to reply to my Humble little thread. Thank you, again, gang. My faith has been restored. ``` Love on You! Dr. M ``` ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/40 "2005-09-15T14:19:06Z")
Typical for all web forums, usually. Just gotta keep a thick skin. Just regard the flame as a collection of pixels with no real life or substance and pretend the poster doesn’t actually exist. In another thread, you two may actually talk about candy canes and puppies, so who knows? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587.md?page=3)