# Does getting "flamed" bother anyone else? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 14, 2005, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587 "2005-09-14T13:33:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/41 "2005-09-15T16:16:02Z")
I intellectually understand the philosophy of “Just regard the flame as a collection of pixels with no real life or substance and pretend the poster doesn’t actually exist. In another thread, you two may actually talk about candy canes and puppies, so who knows?” but I don’t operate that way. To me, all posters are “real people,” and I hold likes and dislikes of them just like people I know IRL. I also hold them accountable just like people IRL–if someone acts like an asshole, I am going to think of them that way in the next thread, too. It isn’t as if someone gets to start over with every new thread, at least not with me. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/42 "2005-09-15T16:20:49Z")
Over the years, the internet has gotten to be a much friendlier place. Maybe us guys who have been around since the Usenet days need to adjust. My gamut of emotions from reading message boards run from slightly annoyed to kind of amused. I am particularly amused to see people characterize others who write flames as “typing their responses with clenched jaws and being enraged” or “as being unhappy losers” or whatever. It’s just a bunch of pixels on a screen generated by someone who has never met you. No biggie. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/43 "2005-09-15T16:58:39Z")
I got to agree, DrMemory was mildly condescending in that other thread and he has completely mischaracterised JohnT’s response as a flame. Oh wait, no one said that yet? Heh. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/44 "2005-09-15T17:17:39Z")
> [@Big Bad Voodoo Lou](#): > > I still take it really personally whenever I get flamed. To this day, there are people on this board I despise just because they went out of their way to be dicks to me once. That one time is all it takes. I know people get really brave online, and I’d love to see those same people dare say the same things to my face. Since I know they wouldn’t dare, I let it go, but it still hurts and annoys at the time. Agreed. Someone in an Enterprise thread a few months ago posted saying he was ecstatic that the finale took place on a TNG holodeck because it “proves it’s not canon” and after I corrected him about his misconception, he replied saying he is an uberfan and has forgotten more about the series than I’ll ever know. It was so idiotic and completely over the top that I doubt I will ever be able to read another post of his again without rolling my eyes or dismissing it out of hand. As for the OP: eh. \*\*DrMemory \*\* was condescending but so was \*\*JohnT \*\* and both were too reactionary in their replies to perceived insult. They both need to thicken their skins some. ---
**Author:** ![ltfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@ltfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ltfire)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/45 "2005-09-15T19:59:11Z")
I don’t know how many of you frequent the Pit, but I’ve pretty much ignored it for the longest time. When I first ran down the titles to posts, I convinced myself that half of them were written by 12 year olds, getting a chance to use foul language, and actually see it on the screen. I, one day last week, opened a Pit thread because I recognized a name from other forums. Yikes! Talk about split personalities. A poster that talks of sunflowers in IMHO, now wants to stuff hurricane storm debris down George Bush’s throat. Another calls Barbara Bush a cunt. Talk about seeing the other side of people. You want to see flaming, just for the sake of it, delve into the Pit. For absolutely no reason, people are smacked down with the most vile hate I’ve ever seen printed. My point being, These angry people in the Pit do tune it down in other forums, but I’ve noticed that…because you can’t use another screen name when you want to be nice…they just can’t help themselves. A lot of unwarranted flaming is coming off the fingers of these few who are having a hard time in life, and have found an outlet here. Maybe it’s some sort of therapy for them. I keep on going when I see it. I have a ducks back, keep on throwing water on me, It rolls off. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/46 "2005-09-15T20:30:48Z")
> [@ltfire](#): > > A lot of unwarranted flaming is coming off the fingers of these few who are having a hard time in life, and have found an outlet here. Maybe it’s some sort of therapy for them. How do you know this? ---
**Author:** ![ltfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@ltfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ltfire)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/47 "2005-09-15T20:43:16Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > How do you know this? In My Humble Opinion is the forum here, no? ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/48 "2005-09-15T20:43:49Z")
> [@laina\_f](#): > > Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like more and more around here you’re likely to get personally attacked for expressing _any_ opinion. I like to think that this is a community of intelligent well-behaved people, but often I feel I’m among a bunch of immature social misfits. I’ve become hesitant to express any serious opinions due to the likelihood of getting flamed. Once the flaming starts, the thread just goes to hell; it becomes impossible to have a productive dialogue, so what was the point of even trying? I hope the “flame anything” trend dies back, because it degrades the Board. Name calling is not fighting ignorance. It’s not just you, **laina\_f**. I, too, have noticed that there seems to be an increase in unprovoked personal assaults, even in threads that are discussing innocuous subjects. And I’m not speaking of The Pit, but of snarky, angry responses in other SDMB forums. I’d like to grow the thick skin that people speak of, but it hasn’t happened yet. Flames hurt. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/49 "2005-09-15T21:55:35Z")
Heh. Some of the people here can be total assholes. I don’t know what to tell you though. ---
**Author:** ![Caprese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9a28c/32.png) [@Caprese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caprese)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/50 "2005-09-15T21:56:14Z")
I have not noticed an increase in snarky responses, but I am a bit of a lightweight and usually stay in the mellower regions of the SDMB. I’ve only been what maybe could be considered flamed here once, awhile back. I did feel sort of attacked, but it was so over the top that yeah, I did get this feeling that wow, this person must be having quite a sad time of it IRL. The flamer eventually turned out to be _persona non grata_ on the SDMB. ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/51 "2005-09-15T21:59:53Z")
I don’t pay the slightest bit of attention to it. It’s only a message board. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/52 "2005-09-16T00:28:28Z")
> [@plnnr](#): > > I don’t pay the slightest bit of attention to it. It’s only a message board. You know, the more I think about this, the more I don’t\*\* understand it. What does “it’s only a message board” mean? Sure, the people here might not be as important as loved ones, but they are people typing out those messages. What do you mean when you say that? ---
**Author:** ![Sarah\_Woodruff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df788c/32.png) [@Sarah\_Woodruff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarah_Woodruff)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/53 "2005-09-16T02:28:44Z")
> [@Big Bad Voodoo Lou](#): > > To this day, there are people on this board I despise just because they went out of their way to be dicks to me once. So true. But don’t waste time thinking about. I do get where you’re coming from **DrMemory** - the Art of being gracious and non-asshole-ish really seems to have flown out the window these days. Maybe the people who behave like this don’t have much of a social life in the real world? They’re out of practice, so to speak. ---
**Author:** ![jimmmy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/73ab20/32.png) [@jimmmy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimmmy)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/54 "2005-09-16T15:47:04Z")
FTR I am thin-skinned but getting better. What has helped is when I consider the source. The point has been made about respectful disagreement in appropriate forums GD certainly, IMHO usually, But Cafe society? _Your opinion about this movie is juvenile, MY opinion OTOH is correct_ – that seems almost an inappropriate to me - let alone the actual flaming. That would really bother me. State why you like/hate the book movie and leave my opinion alone! > [@Revtim](#): > > I wouldn’t say it bothers me, but it annoys me when people are snarky when there’s no reason to not be polite. Not just to me, also when I see responses to others that are rude when there’s no need. Starting posts with “Ummm…”, or using rolleyes, that type of thing. Errrr, have you ever heard of sacrcasm? (that is what this part of my post is and I agree 1000%with your post **Revtim** , in fact I wish I had said that). Just make your point : “I disagree” – there is no reason to act supercillious. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/55 "2005-09-16T16:46:27Z")
One thing I’ve noticed on the increase here is that you seemingly have to caveat the piss out of even the simpliest of statements, lest someone postulate a scenaro taken to the extreme that you obviously never intended in the first place. For instance, poster says that after a criminal has paid their debt to society that we can’t restrict where they live. Response comes in that oh yeah, well my sister was molested by a ped that moved in after he was freed and I suppose you’re okay with that? What, are you a ped too? And all of a sudden hackles are raised and people who probably feel basically the same are nevertheless teeing off on each other. If some folks wouldn’t actively look for something to be offended by, if they’d just assume good intent on the part of others, a whole lot less of this flaming would be necessary. ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/56 "2005-09-16T17:14:39Z")
> [@Brynda](#): > > You know, the more I think about this, the more I don’t\*\* understand it. What does “it’s only a message board” mean? Sure, the people here might not be as important as loved ones, but they are people typing out those messages. What do you mean when you say that? I mean that I don’t allow the postings of people I don’t know except on a very superficial basis get to me. If one of the posters was someone I knew and had an actual relationship ship with outside of this venue I may feel otherwise, but absent that - why get bent out of shape? Except for this board, we’re complete strangers. ---
**Author:** ![Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnac_the_Magnificent)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/57 "2005-09-16T17:37:15Z")
> [@slortar](#): > > I mean, I got flamed once because I posted that I thought aromatherapy was really dumb. You idiot! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/58 "2005-09-16T17:40:08Z")
> [@Carnac the Magnificent!](#): > > You idiot! _bursts into tears_ ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/59 "2005-09-16T17:44:19Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > One thing I’ve noticed on the increase here is that you seemingly have to caveat the piss out of even the simpliest of statements, lest someone postulate a scenaro taken to the extreme that you obviously never intended in the first place. > > For instance, poster says that after a criminal has paid their debt to society that we can’t restrict where they live. Response comes in that oh yeah, well my sister was molested by a ped that moved in after he was freed and I suppose you’re okay with that? What, are you a ped too? And all of a sudden hackles are raised and people who probably feel basically the same are nevertheless teeing off on each other. > > If some folks wouldn’t actively look for something to be offended by, if they’d just assume good intent on the part of others, a whole lot less of this flaming would be necessary. Boy, is that the truth. Having to “caveat the piss out of” every simple statement is my biggest complaint about this place. ---
**Author:** ![Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnac_the_Magnificent)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587/60 "2005-09-16T18:54:51Z")
I’ve been flamed very few times. After making a tongue-in-cheek swipe at Hillary Clinton (no pun intended) in a GD thread two days ago, I thought someone would reach for the matches. No response. Meh. That said, I’ve been misrepresented many times, most recently on a GQ thread re: “Good Will Hunting.” This latest episode irked me, but I managed to center myself, breathe deeply, and think happy thoughts–knowing a couple of goons from New Jersey are just a telephone call away. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-getting-flamed-bother-anyone-else/321587.md?page=4)