# Does God have a penis? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [July 19, 2001, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-god-have-a-penis/73002 "2001-07-19T02:21:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Linear\_Crack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Linear\_Crack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linear_Crack)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2001, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-god-have-a-penis/73002/41 "2001-07-21T21:20:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by C K Dexter Haven \* > \*\*The real question: when God puts on a hat, which baseball team logo is on it? \*\* The California **Angels** , of course. šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2001, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-god-have-a-penis/73002/42 "2001-07-21T21:23:09Z")
**MEBuckner** asks; > [@](#): > > What, youā€™ve never been kicked down there? Or nudged? Os sat down a little too fast? Man, just how old are you, anyway? Iā€™m 56, old enough to have learned to try to aviod being kicked, nudged, or sat down too fast. Live and learn, right? šŸ˜‰ Anyway, I greatly enjoy my soā€™s _gentle_ attentions to said balls. So does she. So please, donā€™t give the Neuter One any ideas. Ok? Peace, mangeorge ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2001, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-god-have-a-penis/73002/43 "2001-07-21T21:23:29Z")
**The Brooklyn Dodgers.** God has always been a HUGE Dodgers fan. Thatā€™s why Los Angeles gets all those earthquakes, and why people refer to it as ā€œthat Godforsaken place.ā€ And why Walter Oā€™Malley is writhing in eternal hellfire. ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2001, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-god-have-a-penis/73002/44 "2001-07-21T21:36:56Z")
\*\*cmkeller wrote: One of the fundamental tenets of Judaism is that G-d has no physical component. Hence, no penis. The references in the OT to ā€œthe hand of G-dā€, ā€œthe back (not backside, you wise guys) of G-dā€, etc. are (according to Jewish tradition) intended to convey certain concepts (e.g., G-dā€™s exercise of power, G-dā€™s mysterious ways) in terms that human beings can identify with.\*\* While I disagree with the Abrahamic religions on many points, this is one that I _ **DO** _ agree with; the Gods donā€™t have a physical form. They can chose to manifest in some physical form, if They so desire, but They donā€™t need one like humans do. Of course, no oneā€™s even _defined_ what a God/ddess is yet, so arguing about Their physical form is kind of silly. \*\*C K Dexter Haven wrote: The real question: when God puts on a hat, which baseball team logo is on it?\*\* After the miracle of the 1969 World Series, can there be any doubt?! ---
**Author:** ![kniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2001, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-god-have-a-penis/73002/45 "2001-07-21T22:28:52Z")
The talk of the baseball cap reminds me of a story. Two rice farmers were working in their fields, and a god walked between them wearing a hat. The hat was blue on one side and red on the other. The farmers and the god all waved to each other. When the god got out of sight he took off the hat and turned it inside out. Doing this reversed the colors and he walked back by the same rice farmers and they all waved. Later after being in the fields all day the farmers got together and were talking. One said ā€œHow about that god with the blue hat that walked by today?ā€ The other said ā€œHe didnā€™t have on a blue hat it was a red hat!ā€ And so they argued for hours about the color of the godā€™s hat. The god was asked why he had done such a thing and he replied ā€œThat is part of my job.ā€ So I guess if it is the same god that it could be a Brooklyn Dodgers cap and a St. Louis Browns cap. What you think? ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2001, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-god-have-a-penis/73002/46 "2001-07-21T22:41:14Z")
How on earth did we get from a penis to baseball caps. Hmmm. Freudian? šŸ˜ƒ Peace, mangeorge ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2001, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-god-have-a-penis/73002/47 "2001-07-24T08:07:26Z")
Why would He need one? It would have to be just for pissing through I guess, given that heā€™s not married, and as I understand it, sex before marriage is sinful. Oh, no wait a minute, I just remembered. According to at least one Christian on these boards God is not bound by his own rules because, after all to whom does God have to justify his actions? Right, Glorfindel? ---
**Author:** ![toadspittle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c0e974/32.png) [@toadspittle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/toadspittle)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2001, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-god-have-a-penis/73002/48 "2001-07-25T22:43:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ThisYearsGirl \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by kalashnikov \* > > \*\*Hereā€™s another question: did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons? > > After all they were never attached to umbilical cords. \*\* > > Okā€“so what if they didnā€™t? Didnā€™t God create Adam in his own image? And what if his own image didnā€™t have a belly-button? But we do!? What does that mean!? \*\* Simple. God does not have a belly-button. Nor did Adam and Eve. But their kids, and everyone else born after the Fall did/does. The belly-button is a lasting mark of manā€™s original sin. Bad navel! Bad! ---
**Author:** ![Vinnie\_Virginslayer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/53a042/32.png) [@Vinnie\_Virginslayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vinnie_Virginslayer)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2001, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-god-have-a-penis/73002/49 "2001-07-27T12:53:10Z")
According to the tabloids, and according to horror stories from his fellow co-wrokers about his attitude, yes, Bryant Gumble indeed does have a penis. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2001, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-god-have-a-penis/73002/50 "2001-07-28T03:51:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Czarcasm \* > \*\*So Godā€™s got an ass, a face and at least one hand. Is that it so far? \*\* He also has feet, apparently; for putting on his footstool: > [@](#): > > **Psalm 99** > > **5** _Exalt the LORD our God and worship at his footstool; he is holy._ ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2001, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-god-have-a-penis/73002/51 "2001-07-28T04:25:33Z")
I have difficulty taking biblical evidence of Godā€™s gender as evidence. Iā€™ve read versions of Gen. that donā€™t say man was created ā€œin my imageā€ but ā€œin **our** imageā€ which could indicate that there are gods, not a God, as many cultures believed is a possiblity, or that it was simply badly translated. Also, it was writen by men, men whose accounts of things must have been considered terribly unreliable, given how many NT acounts of events are given muliple times. Men are falliable, and probably a lot more sexist than they are now (on a whole) so why wouldnā€™t they do whatever they could get away with to make men look superior to women? No, I donā€™t take the bibleā€™s word for it. But, I donā€™t think any female diety would have punished women with pain in labor and menstral cramps, even Hera wasnā€™t \* that\* catty, so God probably is male. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_Rhosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@Sir\_Rhosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_Rhosis)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2001, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-god-have-a-penis/73002/52 "2001-07-28T05:42:59Z")
Religious schoolboy question: ā€œCould God make a penis so large that even he couldnā€™t get it up?ā€ ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2001, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-god-have-a-penis/73002/53 "2001-07-28T05:51:54Z")
Gripinā€™ about the labor and the freakinā€™ cramps. Next thing we know youā€™ll be fussing 'cause you canā€™t pee standing up. Not easily, anyway. Well, neener neener. šŸ˜› šŸ˜ƒ Peace, mangeorge ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2001, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-god-have-a-penis/73002/54 "2001-07-28T16:48:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mangeorge \* > \*\* Next thing we know youā€™ll be fussing 'cause you canā€™t pee standing up. Not easily, anyway. > \*\* Is it easy? If itā€™s easy, why can some men do it their whole lives and still regularly miss the bowl? Maybe I canā€™t pee standing up, but I know, that since Iā€™ve been out of diapers, Iā€™ve never peed on the floorā€¦ šŸ™‚ Does God need to pee, though? ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2001, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-god-have-a-penis/73002/55 "2001-07-28T17:18:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elfkin477 \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by mangeorge \* > > \*\* Next thing we know youā€™ll be fussing 'cause you canā€™t pee standing up. Not easily, anyway. > > \*\* > > Is it easy? If itā€™s easy, why can some men do it their whole lives and still regularly miss the bowl? Maybe I canā€™t pee standing up, but I know, that since Iā€™ve been out of diapers, Iā€™ve never peed on the floorā€¦ šŸ™‚ Does God need to pee, though? \*\* You got me there, **elfkin**. If He does, He probably misses the bowl. Once, while I was stoned, and about three quarters of the way through the procedure, I noticed that something just didnā€™t _sound_ right. Somebody had left the lid down. :o They put a hinge on those things so that you can put the seat back **up** when youā€™re done. šŸ˜‰ Peace, mangeorge ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2001, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-god-have-a-penis/73002/56 "2001-07-29T20:43:01Z")
Ok, I peeked under his kilt. Sure enough, heā€™s got one. Peace, mangeorge (Penis, that is.) ---
**Author:** ![John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ccd318/32.png) [@John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Kentzel-Griffin)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-god-have-a-penis/73002/57 "2001-07-31T05:30:20Z")
Well, he knocked up Mary. So yes, He must have a penis. OTOH, Mary remained a virgin. So He must have a very small penis. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-god-have-a-penis/73002.md?page=2)