# Does having a friend or an acquaintance of another race/ethnicity matter? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [March 8, 2020, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075 "2020-03-08T01:24:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Yankees\_1996\_Champs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Yankees\_1996\_Champs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yankees_1996_Champs)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2020, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/1 "2020-03-08T01:24:55Z")
Does it really matter? In race-obsessed America, they say that whites and blacks and Latinos and other groups should make friendships with each other, etc. Does it matter if a white man only has white friends, a white circle? Does it matter if a black man only has black friends, a black circle? Does it really matter? ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2020, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/2 "2020-03-08T02:16:21Z")
It matters only if you want to be a well rounded human being who can empathize with others plights, see different points of view, and understand other cultures. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2020, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/3 "2020-03-08T02:54:15Z")
It is easier for people to hate, hold misconceptions about, and be afraid of people who aren’t like them when they don’t have positive experiences with those people. I don’t know if friendships are mandatory for getting-alongness. But positive experiences are. I recently rewatched the movie **Best of Enemies**. Some license is taken in the story-telling, but it cannot be denied that a real friendship was formed between the KKK leader and the black “rabble-rouser”. They were thrust together just long enough for them to see each other’s humanity and goodness. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2020, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/4 "2020-03-08T03:01:42Z")
I’m an old, white male married to an Asian-American woman. One of my oldest friends is African-American. It’s not like we sit around all day and have deep conversations, but I’ve learned more about race and culture from them than I have from a lifetime of books and documentaries. ---
**Author:** ![jerez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c68b51/32.png) [@jerez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jerez)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2020, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/5 "2020-03-08T20:57:24Z")
It’s more important to have sincere relationships based on mutual respect. If they’re very different from you and the friendship prospers anyway, all the better I say. It’s not easy, though. It can sour existing friendships, and sometimes that’s not a bad thing. A more challenging road, for sure. Like I said, _sincere relationships_. People sometimes seek friendship with “outsiders” because they think it will impress others. I speak from experiences as I’ve caught myself doing it and, just a couple of times, I felt I was being targeted like that. ---
**Author:** ![Chingon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chingon/32/17645_2.png) [@Chingon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chingon)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2020, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/6 "2020-03-08T21:57:58Z")
I’d like the OP to answer. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2020, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/7 "2020-03-09T00:09:41Z")
I guess I would say it depends on what you mean by “matter”. If you could pick that apart for us, it might help in answering. ---
**Author:** ![Hatchie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hatchie/32/3983_2.png) [@Hatchie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hatchie)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2020, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/8 "2020-03-09T01:55:16Z")
I guess it doesn’t matter, as long as we all agree the Yankees suck. ---
**Author:** ![Hatchie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hatchie/32/3983_2.png) [@Hatchie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hatchie)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2020, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/9 "2020-03-09T01:56:23Z")
I guess it doesn’t matter, as long as we all agree the Yankees suck. (Duplicate post, but always worth repeating.) ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2020, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/10 "2020-03-09T15:59:23Z")
No. And you can toss sexuality and gender into the mix. Next question? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2020, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/11 "2020-03-09T16:17:23Z")
> [@Yankees\_1996\_Champs](#): > > In race-obsessed America, Heh. ---
**Author:** ![Staggerlee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/staggerlee/32/3134_2.png) [@Staggerlee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staggerlee)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2020, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/12 "2020-03-09T17:01:30Z")
It matters if one chooses not to be friends with someone based on ethnicity, but you don’t have to have diverse friends in order not to be a bigot. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2020, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/13 "2020-03-09T17:15:43Z")
Some of my best friends think it matters! ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2020, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/14 "2020-03-09T17:19:46Z")
> [@Yankees\_1996\_Champs](#): > > In race-obsessed America > [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Heh. Yeah, that kinda jumped out at me too. I suspect the OP thinks that race shouldn’t matter, and that therefore the racial makeup of a person’s circle of friends or acquaintances shouldn’t matter. I’m somewhat sympathetic to that point of view. But the thing is: if race didn’t matter, then it wouldn’t matter; but it does, so it does. I’m not totally comfortable with the phrase “white privilege,” but I admit that being able to ignore race is a privilege that I have in a much greater degree than most non-whites do. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2020, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/15 "2020-03-09T17:19:51Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > No. And you can toss sexuality and gender into the mix. > > Next question? Why not? > [@Dinsdale](#): > > Some of my best friends think it matters! heh. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2020, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/16 "2020-03-09T18:17:09Z")
> [@Yankees\_1996\_Champs](#): > > Does it really matter? > > In race-obsessed America, they say that whites and blacks and Latinos and other groups should make friendships with each other, etc. > > Does it matter if a white man only has white friends, a white circle? > > Does it matter if a black man only has black friends, a black circle? > > Does it really matter? If you try to force it, it’s just tokenism. If you live in a diverse area but all your friends are of one race then you should think about whether there is a reason for that. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2020, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/17 "2020-03-09T19:38:49Z")
Yes, it matters. But this is a different question than “Does it make you a bigot if you don’t?” It matters because actually knowing a diverse group of people helps you be more sympathetic with them. It matters because it’s easier to hate people you don’t know, and easier to be oblivious to the things you do that bother that group. But you can’t help if you live in an area without many people of a particular minority. You can help being acquainted with them online, but it’s not something you can seek out without being kinda shitty. The question is whether you would be acquaintances witht them. That said, it’s becoming harder and harder not to be at least acquainted with at least some minorities if you’re online, so I would find it suspicious if you weren’t. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2020, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/18 "2020-03-09T19:47:48Z")
accidental repost ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2020, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/19 "2020-03-10T00:21:44Z")
I’m a white guy who grew up in Detroit. Had a lot of black friends when I was younger. Some are still friends, most aren’t. (Probably the same story you’d get from anybody from mostly white area vis a vis their white childhood friends.) Does it matter? Does having friends matter, period? ---
**Author:** ![TGWATY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5e925/32.png) [@TGWATY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TGWATY)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2020, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075/20 "2020-03-10T00:32:36Z")
It doesn’t really matter. My best friend of 30 years is of Haitian descent. My wife is Chinese. My children are mixed race. And I love all of them. And yet somehow around the age of 45 I became one of these horrible white racists you hear about. I actually think it is ok to be white. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-having-a-friend-or-an-acquaintance-of-another-race-ethnicity-matter/849075.md?page=2)