The only appellation I abhor is “young lady” - I’m 51 and I still get that from some people. It’s not cute. It’s not flattering. It’s annoying as all getout.
Of course, some people can tick me off no matter how they refer to me - it’s all in attitude and tone. But that’s a pitting unto itself.
One of the people I manage is twenty years younger than I am. She calls me kiddo.
I hate it.
Otherwise, I am okay with “Hon,” “Sweetie,” “Babe,” “Honeychild/honeychile,” or “Dear.” I’m not too keen on “Girl.”
As for them knowing my name and using it? Gah. I hate the way most people around here pronounce it. I’d rather be honeychile.
It depends. I’m not real big on pet names. But I can tolerate it from people with whom i have a relationship, or from strangers. However, I prefer it greatly if people don’t insert things like “hon” (or the worst- babydoll) into every single sentence. When I was working retail, and thus generally wearing a nametag with my name on it, it bugged me when “guests” looked very deliberately at my nametag and then used my name in every sentance. Sorry, despite store policy, I do not wish to know you well enough for you to know my name. Using my name once as a greeting is fine- even flattering from someone who I expect to know my face but not neccessarily my name. Using it in every sentence is annoying.
I don’t mind it too much. I’d never say it to any customers or anything, but I use it all of the time with my friends: “I’ll call ya tomorrow hun!” or “Bye, love!” Then again, we tend to be a very emotionally bonded group of people.
I’d have to agree that I hate being called “ma’am.” I went out to dinner one time with one of my sisters and her friend. The waitress referred to my sister and her friend as “sweetie” and “hun.” when she got to me, she asked “and what would you like, ma’am?” I WAS 17!!! I don’t get it. I don’t look that old, do I? A junior in high school should not be called “ma’am.” It’s just wrong.
No, I don’t mind.
I don’t mind it, but I grew up in the South, where loads of people call you “hon,” “sugar,” etc. And I’m guilty of using the word "darlin’ " in that manner myself.
And I hated being called by my first name by strangers when I worked retail. I’d rather be called “hon.”
“Hon” makes me nutz. I have no idea why. That, along with “Doll” reminds me of The Two Fun Girls From Mt. Pilot - Daphne & Skippy - who made a couple of memorable appearances on “The Andy Griffith Show”.
VCNJ~
Doesn’t bother me a bit, and I do it too. Hon, kiddo, sweetie, etc. Ma’am doesn’t bother me much either. The other day I held a door for an old man with an overloaded grocery cart and he called me “little miss” which I thought was sort of sweet. Girlie - THAT one makes me crazy.
Retail clerks who know my name because it’s on my credit card or check and address me by it get a frosty stare.
The receptionist where I used to work called everyone “hon” She was in her mid 20s, so younger than most people she came in contact with.
Usually I neer mentioned it, but, if I was having a stressful day I’d take her down. It never did any good, though. Her reasoning was that she was far too busy and important to take the trouble to actually remember her co-workers’ names. Twit.
If I ever call you sweetheart… run… run away, fast… I’m not ever reallly aware of it, but when someone pushes me over the edge… I call them sweetheart… Then I come apart all over them. They rarely survive.
I have been called worse, so “Hon” doesn’t bother me.
Waitresses often call me ‘hon’. Some women seem to get away with this far better than others. I think it’s something to do with their aura of genuine friendliness.
Anyway, it’s more pleasing than “Motherfucker.”
Doesn’t bother me a bit. I even had a boss once who constantly addressed me as “hon,” “sweetie,” and on occasion, “babe,” and it never really registered on my radar, except that he liked me, and used cutesy little nicknames. I typically hear it from folks who are obviously older than me, most noticeably from the older gentleman who holds the door for me at the convenience store, and the waitresses at my favorite diner.
I don’t like being called “ma’am,” only because it makes me feel old. My nephew works at a grocery store, and I went through his checkout lane once. He handed me my change and receipt, and smirking, said, “Thank you, ma’am.” I snarled back, “Don’t you call me ma’am, you little brat.” Of course, I was joking, as was he, but the lady behind me in line was quite startled and shocked. 
Around here it’s so common, you’d have a hard life if it really got to you. I see no harm in it. The meaning is “I’m being friendly”. Taking offense seems very odd to me.
What does bother me is the trend toward salespersons addressing customers by first names. Now that is a serious breach of etiquette. And people who teach their kids to call adults by their first names? I don’t get that at all. If I had ever addressed an adult by other than Mr. or Mrs. or Miss +lastname, I’d have been taken to the woodshed. (Except in cases of some older ladies who were addressed as Miss +firstname.)
Funny stuff, manners. 
The only one that bothers me is “gal.” I hate that, hate it hate it. An old boss would call all the women in the office that, and it was so condescending and snide. I know it’s the complement to “guy,” but since I call both sexes “guys” the word gal just seems archaic and sexist. Thankfully I haven’t been called a gal since that old boss, because if I had I would probably go off on the poor unfortunate person.
The Fire Chief used to call me “Sunshine” all the time. I’d giggle like a schoolgirl. Even after I figured out that he was calling me that because he couldn’t remember my name.
Other terms of endearments I’m not so fond of. “Hon” can be extremely condescending depending on who’s saying it. My older daughter keeps using it with my younger daughter and it grates on both of our nerves.
I think I like pet names. Especially when strange women make up pet names for me. (as long as they’re endearing and not ‘cockface’ or ‘assbreath’ or anything like that)
I don’t mind hon.
The only pet name that I hate is “pet”. One of my teachers used to call me it.
No one has mentioned the All-Time Champion of pet names that piss people off:
Champ.
Retail Clerk: “Hey Champ! Hows it goin’?”
Me: cracks knuckles
Yesterday I accidently called my new district manager, who is some twenty years older than me and my previous district manager, “man” when I was saying goodbye on the phone. (“Okay, thanks, man! Talk to you tomorrow!”) I’m kind of embarrassed, because that’s a pretty familiar term to me.
I agree that tone can be everything–I HATE someone using a really condescending “dear” with me.
It’s actually interesting, when you think about what you call people. I would’ve said that I call most people by their names, but I realize that I use a lot of nicknames/endearments, like:
Lady - to a good friend or someone I know pretty well, as in “Hey, lady! What’s up?”
Sweetpea - to small children, usually
Ladybug - ditto (girls only, though)
Hon - people I’m helping, online with, or sometimes working with
I also call my mom by her first name when I’m talking TO her, although I use “Mom” when talking about her.
I used to call my students everything from Mr./Ms Lastname to “Hon” to “Sweetpea” to whatever nicknames I had for them individually. (Of course, I also said “fuck” in front of students on a few occasions, so that probably doesn’t mean much.)
Ooooh, that one bothers me too! I used to volunteer in my son’s elementary school all the time, always did field trips and class parties,etc. Nothing like some random 7 year old addressing me by my first name after they’d heard the teacher use it.
I teach my son to use Miss/Mr firstname for my friends and Mrs/Mr lastname for acquaintences or strangers. Honorary "Aunt"ing bugs the bejesus out of me, I was a teenager before I figured out half my extended family weren’t related at all but just family friends.
My best friend, for instance, has six half or step siblings and her husband has four, their children have over twenty-five real aunts and uncles when you include greats, no reason to shove myself into the pile since I’m not their aunt. I get it when folks mean it as an honorific thing, but I think too often they’re just lazing out of teaching their children proper ways to address adults.