# Does it matter if there is a funeral for you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 2, 2014, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654 "2014-03-02T03:14:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![scratch\_llll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@scratch\_llll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scratch_llll)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/21 "2014-03-02T10:44:27Z")
I like a funeral for the ability to meet and discuss the person who has passed and what they meant to you. To be able to share grief is to lighten it’s load a little. To laugh at thier quirky ways and let others know how much you appreciated what they did for you is important. For one thing it strengthens ones desire to be a better person yourself. For another it causes a reflection of what it is to be a good human. I miss many good people and am grateful for the opportunity to say goodbye and, though I know it is only those others who knew and appreciated them who will hear it, nonetheless is a final honor I give to thier memory. I won’t say it gives closure. The best you carry with you no matter what is done after they are gone. It’s just a small comfort to see others acknowledge what you knew they were and take some time out of thier busy lives to do it. It’s a last doff of the hat to all that they were. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/22 "2014-03-02T11:53:40Z")
I only hope there’s a funeral in the sense that I hope I am loved enough that people want to do something to remember me. I hope it matters that I’m gone. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/23 "2014-03-02T13:17:00Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Lol I spent a lot of time trying to spell “predecessors” from my iPod here and failed to notice I meant “successors.” 🙂 Thank you for clarifying! That does make more sense.😃 > [@buddha\_david](#): > > As much as I’d like to have a funeral, there probably won’t be one for me. My family will probably donate my body to charity, disperse all my worldly possessions and pretend as if I never existed. > > Unless I outlive the bastards. Either you meant “donate my body to _research_” or you got some fucked up charities in your neck of the woods. My own late husband’s body was donated to a med school, and his parents organized a memorial service but no body, no funeral. It’s as he would have wanted it, I’m certain, and frankly it’s what I’d want for myself if anyone here is taking notes. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/24 "2014-03-02T13:23:03Z")
I’m seriously thinking about putting a “no funeral” stipulation in my will. I want my organs donated and my remains cremated. The family can have an informal get-together if they want. But I don’t want a wake, a funeral, or a memorial service. I don’t think my religious parents have it in them to hold a non-religious ceremony, so I’d like to save them the trouble by avoiding it all together. I understand that funerals are for the living, not the dead. But if that’s the only request that I’ve ever asked from my family, it would be crappy of them not to honor it. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Accident](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Mr.Accident](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Accident)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/25 "2014-03-02T13:26:29Z")
I don’t want one. I would rather people have a party, celebrate the life I lived, and remember the good times we had together. I wouldn’t begrudge anyone who had a funeral for me though, as I understand it does provide closure. I suppose the fact that I had attended over 55 funerals by the time I was 13 has something to do with the way I feel. ---
**Author:** ![JuliaSqueezer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/82dd89/32.png) [@JuliaSqueezer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JuliaSqueezer)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/26 "2014-03-02T15:31:28Z")
No funeral. My best friend is my executor. I have very little family; just a few cousins who don’t live nearby. My executor has written instructions to cremate with no ceremony, then spend money I have allocated on a party for my friends. Good food, booze, no crying. Taxi fare for those who get too drunk to drive. Those are the instructions. There are two alternate executors in case I outlive my friend. ---
**Author:** ![Mrs.Cake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2acd7d/32.png) [@Mrs.Cake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs.Cake)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/27 "2014-03-02T15:39:24Z")
The funeral isn’t for me - I will be way past caring by that time. I personally dislike ritualistic outpourings of emotion - weddings and funerals, for example - but as I grow older I understand that other people need those things, so if my family or friends feel the need to throw a funeral or wake, fine with me. All I want is a decent cardboard box for the ashes until someone has time to dispose of them. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/28 "2014-03-02T15:41:12Z")
I would hope that I’ve had enough of a positive impact on at least a few people that they’d miss me when I’m gone, but that group (outside of colleagues at work) is probably fewer than ten people, so I doubt that’s enough to be worth the bother of some sort of public ceremony Plus I too dislike conventional funerals and would therefore prefer not to subject a bunch of folks to all that depressing hoop-de-do. ---
**Author:** ![ThisUsernameIsForbidden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ThisUsernameIsForbidden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThisUsernameIsForbidden)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/29 "2014-03-02T16:19:59Z")
I have put in my will that they only way my heirs receive their fortunes is if they have a ceremony where a dozen virgins weep over my grave. ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/30 "2014-03-02T17:14:15Z")
I loathe funerals so I wouldn’t want to inflict one on my behalf. BBQ me and toss my ashes somewhere cool and that’s all I need. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/31 "2014-03-02T17:24:34Z")
I’ll be the contrary one here. (Surprise, surprise!) Hell yes! I want a funeral, I want to be on display (assuming I’m displayable), I want music, eulogies, Bible readings, prayers, & women wailing! I have it all written out, as a matter of fact. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/32 "2014-03-02T17:27:08Z")
No funeral. However, I would not be opposed to having a pre-funeral where I was alive and can enjoy it. Maybe I’ll tell everyone its a funeral then pop out of the coffin and thank them for coming ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/33 "2014-03-02T17:30:51Z")
I am extremely frugal, and have a great psychic aversion to the expenditure of money/resources without substantial utilitarian value in return. My survivors will know that, and I presume will honor it in the end. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/34 "2014-03-02T17:37:20Z")
I need a funeral. But not for me. I’m dead. I need a funeral because I’ve seen the pain its caused people when the “soon to be deceased” does not give the people he leaves behind permission to mourn. “I want you to be happy” “I want you to have a party.” Yeah, guess what, that isn’t human - to be happy when you are never going to see someone you care about again - when you know that someone you care about will never do the things HE cares about again. A funeral provides some closure to those left behind. It gives those not terribly close to the deceased a chance to come and pay their respects - to the deceased, but also those left behind. It allows a spouse, a parent, a child a chance to see that they are not alone in their grief, that their loved ones life touched many lives. The funeral part of this allows people a ritual to go through that is predictable - and predictable in comforting in the face of death. It gives people something to say when there isn’t anything you can say “It was a lovely service.” ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/35 "2014-03-02T17:51:21Z")
Do not want a funeral, I don’t believe in spending money on dead people. Last month my mother passed on from heart failure related to old age. This put a lot of stress on my younger sister, who she was living with and who has been battling cancer for many years, and 8 days later she also died. At their requests both were cremated and ashes dumped within 48 hours. Then it was on to dealing with the other details and loose ends. When I go it will be the same. I will not subject my survivors to the stress involved with planning, attending, and paying for a memorial. I do go to the funerals and memorials of people I know out of respect, but it is not our way. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/36 "2014-03-02T18:55:03Z")
No goddamn funeral. I find them macabre and ghoulish; I’ve never attended one, even for family, and will never do so. If somebody wants to have a party, then fine, but I swear that if anybody puts me on display or has some fucking sky pilot come within ten miles of me when I’m gone, then I will make bad things happen to them. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/37 "2014-03-02T18:57:43Z")
I want a funeral. It won’t cost all that much, as nearly everything is paid for already. Also, whoever goes to the priest to arrange it won’t have to dither, as my plans for the funeral are already on file at the church. See, nobody else in my family belongs to the denomination I do, so I wanted it to be easy on them, especially my middle sister, who is my executrix and likely to have to do the arranging. And she’s not a member of any church. And that latter is amongst the reasons I want a funeral. I hope it’s a last chance to witness. Those that come to it will be there of their own free will, so it’s not a forced thing. Oh, and the chocolate covered strawberries and champagne at the reception after should be a draw as well! ---
**Author:** ![Dale\_Sams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/779978/32.png) [@Dale\_Sams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dale_Sams)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/38 "2014-03-02T19:05:15Z")
I’ve said I want no kind of service at all. If possible I want to be left for the birds as seen in “Jeremiah Johnson” If I know the end is near, I’d like to just hike off for a mountain, so people can say, " Some say he’s still up there, in them thar hills." Edit: We’ll, the real plan is to outlive you all and dance on your graves…but we’ll see. ---
**Author:** ![buddy431](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6a8cbe/32.png) [@buddy431](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddy431)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/39 "2014-03-02T19:16:44Z")
I think they’re great. You have an hour of people telling stories about how awesome the dead guy was, and then you get to eat a bunch of great food with people who you don’t really know who they are, but you get to find out that the deceased affected many more people than you thought. He wasn’t just Grandpa to you, he was cousin to some guy who lives in Alaska, and best friends with some Hippy from Colorado, and… Funerals are the only time I really see certain members of my extended family, and I suspect that will be true for my relatives when I die. ---
**Author:** ![Dale\_Sams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/779978/32.png) [@Dale\_Sams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dale_Sams)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654/40 "2014-03-02T19:23:53Z")
> [@buddy431](#): > > I think they’re great. You have an hour of people telling stories about how awesome the dead guy was, and then you get to eat a bunch of great food with people who you don’t really know who they are, but you get to find out that the deceased affected many more people than you thought. He wasn’t just Grandpa to you, he was cousin to some guy who lives in Alaska, and best friends with some Hippy from Colorado, and… > > Funerals are the only time I really see certain members of my extended family, and I suspect that will be true for my relatives when I die. One time, I was at a hospital with my GF. We’re in the waiting room, when suddenly…what appears to be a bunch of people who had been playing street basketball come in. They’re all pacing and visibly agitated. About five minutes later I see an older couple come in. The doctors take the older couple away…and a minute later I hear a woman screaming “no…no…NO NO NONONONONONO MY BABYMYBABY GOD NO” And it just gets louder and louder and the obvious friends of whoever have died start looking down and punching the walls a couple of times. I will never forget that woman’s voice for as long as I live. The point being…if someone old dies or someone close to someone I’m close with and they NEED me. I’ll be there. But if a cousin I see once a year dies young? Sorry, I can’t handle that anymore. My quota of ability to see someone wail over their child taken suddenly from them has been filled. Sorry if that makes me a bad person. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-it-matter-if-there-is-a-funeral-for-you/682654.md?page=3)