# Does masterbation cause blindness?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [August 16, 2009, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610 "2009-08-16T09:03:10Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@isthatdoodoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/isthatdoodoo)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/1 "2009-08-16T09:03:10Z")
I’ve been told this my entire life and while drunk i may have done it. It’s been 2 days and iv’e been living in constant fear. I have not drove or left the house alone. How many times until you are blind and how long until you are blind?
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### Author:  [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/2 "2009-08-16T09:09:17Z")
You can keep doing it until you get sore.
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### Author:  [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/3 "2009-08-16T09:09:20Z")
Masterbation does cause blindness. However, masturbation is completely safe. If you had just masturbated instead of masterbated, you’d be in the clear. Unfortunately, blindness is not the only symptom of masterbation; it also causes the softening of the brain tissue, artery blockage and intense physical agony over the course of several weeks, culminating in death (after which you will go to hell, because masterbation is a sin.)
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### Author:  [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/4 "2009-08-16T09:15:16Z")
:. :: .: .
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### Author:  [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/5 "2009-08-16T09:25:30Z")
Interesting fact: masterbation was outlawed by William the Silent in 1580. He decreed that “whosoever masterbates shall have his right hand burned off with a red-hot iron; his flesh should be torn from his bones with pincers in six different places; he should be quartered and disemboweled alive; his heart should be torn from his bosom and flung in his face, and finally, his head should be taken off.”
Masturbation was tolerated and even encouraged, but the Dutch Calvinist interpretation of Leviticus viewed masterbation as being a mortal sin (as well as an affront to civil law.)
This view prevailed all the way into the early days of the United States under Dutch occupation, particularly in the territories of what is now New York, under the “patroon” system of land ownership. It’s even said the death of Kilaen van Renselaar - which led to the Anti-Rent War of 1839 - was caused by masterbation.
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### Author:  [@isthatdoodoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/isthatdoodoo)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/6 "2009-08-16T09:28:09Z")
Jiminey Crickets!! You seem like a scientist so whats the difference between a masterbater, a masturbater and a masterbaiter? nevermind, my son just told me puting q-tips in your ears makes you non of the above. Holy smokes that was close…
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### Author:  [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/7 "2009-08-16T09:32:19Z")
Returning to the OP:
> [@](#):
>
> I’ve been told this my entire life and while drunk i may have done it.
You may have done it?
Could you elaborate on what you mean?
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### Author:  [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/8 "2009-08-16T09:33:28Z")
> [@isthatdoodoo](#):
>
> Jiminey Crickets!! You seem like a scientist so whats the difference between a masterbater, a masturbater and a masterbaiter? nevermind, my son just told me puting q-tips in your ears makes you non of the above. Holy smokes that was close…
Well, masterbating involves a lamb shank, some blood, a red balloon filled with maple syrup and… hold on… _yells towards the stairs_ _ **Ma, do we still have the charts? No, the other ones!** _
And Masterbaiting… well _shudder_ those poor squirrels.
[sub]Toke Jopic?[/sub]
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### Author:  [@willthekittensurvive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/willthekittensurvive)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/9 "2009-08-16T09:50:42Z")
only if you do it wrong
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### Author:  [@cromulent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cromulent)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/10 "2009-08-16T09:51:55Z")
Just don’t aim for your eyes and you should be ok.
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### Author:  [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Half_Man_Half_Wit)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/11 "2009-08-16T09:54:21Z")
However, I’ve heard it said that unfortunately, the kitten won’t survive. ☹
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### Author:  [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/12 "2009-08-16T09:54:49Z")
I always close my eyes at the end and go “ah, ah, yeah baby!” and can’t see a god-damned thing so I guess it does cause blindness in a way but it is temporary.
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### Author:  [@isthatdoodoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/isthatdoodoo)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/13 "2009-08-16T10:07:35Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#):
>
> Returning to the OP:
>
> You may have done it?
>
> Could you elaborate on what you mean?
Well it all started last Sunday… Being Sunday I stoping by the church. And when i say stoping by the church i literally mean “by the church,” i stop at the Quik Mart near it to pick up my usual bottle of privleged hennesy and rufilin. Its a little out of the way but i promised my deceased mother i would stop by the church every week. While driving home i had a headache so i took so advil and washed it down with swig of heem, i thought nothing of it since i was just 45 minutes from my humble home of residence. but before i knew it i saw the all too familiar glare of what i beleive to be police sirens. not to be caught drinking and driving, killed the bottle and through it at my tailers. i had quite the lucky through as it caused a 4 car pile up. i quickly parked in my garage and got on facebook for an iron alibi. i thought nothing of the headache so i took it upon myself to call up an escort. upon his arival, and i was quite upset it was a him, became furious and caused a sceen. i regret i was not as polite as a gentleman should have been had was not sober and had reson to cause such a fuss as im sure you agree. in my rage i struck him once or twice and a long story short he left with mess of living room for me to clean up. it was rather late so after a clean up i hit the rack and when i woke up i realized that i had no advil and was a rufi i took the night before and was man who was one q-tip short. of course before being corrected earlier i was sure placing a q-tip in one’s ear was masterbation and would not for the life of me account for that q-tip. so that was how i may have masterbated. a funny note, i still don’t know what happend to my q-tip lol.
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### Author:  [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/14 "2009-08-16T10:18:46Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#):
>
> Interesting fact: masterbation was outlawed by William the Silent in 1580.
Phew, I’m in the clear, because he’d be dead by now, right?
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### Author:  [@Chez\_Guevara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chez_Guevara)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/15 "2009-08-16T10:20:01Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#):
>
> Interesting fact: masterbation was outlawed by William the Silent in 1580. He decreed that “whosoever masterbates shall have his right hand burned off with a red-hot iron; his flesh should be torn from his bones with pincers in six different places; he should be quartered and disemboweled alive; his heart should be torn from his bosom and flung in his face, and finally, his head should be taken off.”
On the other hand, no such decree was ever promulgated by Louis the Blind (c. 880 - 928).
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### Author:  [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/16 "2009-08-16T10:21:28Z")
Wait… you did WHAT!? Q-tips? Oh no… that means.
Gah!
Whaaaats… whaaaats happening to
FOOL!
The endless abyss await the residents of this commune. The Q-tips of retribution have been used for their chosen task, the ears of fate have been purged. You, nay, humanity must pay for your sins! One soul for every gram freed and one head for every fiber of the sacred Q-tip that was lost.
And you, you most of all, the instigator of this, you shall be witness to the consequences of your actions. You should have prayed for a swift demise when you came to understand your transgressions, but it is too late, eternal torment is your prize for your part in this Mwahahahhahahahahahaha
Woah, sorry, passed out there for a second. Why are you all looking at me like that?
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### Author:  [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/17 "2009-08-16T10:26:02Z")
I wonder how these geniuses:
a) Find out about this board.
b) Think it would be a good idea to post.
c) Have the free time to complete the sign up procedure in between outings to the petting zoo with the other “Special Needs” patients.
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### Author:  [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/18 "2009-08-16T11:26:04Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#):
>
> . It’s even said the death of Kilaen van Renselaar - which led to the Anti-Rent War of 1839 - was caused by masterbation.
You know, on any other Board, I’d assume this was jabber.
But _ **here!?!** _
“The Anti-Rent War of 1839”?
Cite? Or gag?
I’ll take the chance of a whoosh.
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### Author:  [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/19 "2009-08-16T11:49:03Z")
Just do it till you need glasses.
Why do you think everyone is wearing them by the time middle age hits?
I dont yet, so I guess I am still golden 🙂
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### Author:  [@Stauderhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stauderhorse)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2009, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-masterbation-cause-blindness/506610/20 "2009-08-16T11:55:46Z")
Now that’s just silly.
Hey guys, did I ever show you my [picture](http://marvel.com/universe3zx/images/thumb/4/4f/Blindfold442.jpg/440px-Blindfold442.jpg)?
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