# Does sex ever feel like too much work? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 6, 2018, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925 "2018-04-06T14:09:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/21 "2018-04-09T14:33:05Z")
> [@Lizard](#): > > Everything still works, it’s just … doing the job by myself gets the same result with half the effort. I’m 41, and I never thought this would happen to me. ☹ Yes…sex does sometimes feel like too much work to me. You are not alone. On the other hand, I am a 59-yeear-old, post-menopausal female, married for more than 35 years, so it’s unclear that our situations are comparable in any way that is significant. Nonetheless, I commiserate. ---
**Author:** ![Quimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/22d042/32.png) [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/22 "2018-04-09T16:10:43Z")
I think all the “You’re doing it wrong” answers (assuming they aren’t jokes) are kind of shitty. It’s okay to be tired sometimes, especially if you are getting up there in years. ---
**Author:** ![justanothermike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c2a13f/32.png) [@justanothermike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justanothermike)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/23 "2018-04-09T16:40:39Z")
Could this speak to a lack of active involvement of your other half? Does it maybe feel like work because it all falls on you? I totally identify OP. Sometimes it’s just because life has too much packed into it and exhaustion sets in. 40 year old male here. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/24 "2018-04-09T16:53:13Z")
Heck, when I was in my 20s there were even times I felt like rather going to bed to sleep or maybe casually rubbing one off. And, yes, I’m a guy, and I do enjoy sex very much. Just apparently not as much as the stereotypical male who is up for it 24-7 apparently is. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/25 "2018-04-09T16:55:40Z")
> [@Lizard](#): > > I AM in a relationship. I like her, and I get turned on, but … it’s like the fuse burns out early. It’s like I stop being turned on half way through. It’s quite disconcerting. If you find it is disconcerting, you might ask your physician. Odds are it is mental, but if I were you I wouldn’t 100% rule out a physical cause. And if you happened to have a therapist, they could help address the mental side of things :). ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/26 "2018-04-09T18:00:48Z")
[Cracked has a relevant article,](http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-facts-that-prove-sex-isnt-as-important-as-you-think/) which includes this: > [@Cracked](#): > > …40 percent of women in one study prefer masturbation to sex with a partner, while 8 percent of men prefer it. Also, a Plenty of Fish survey found that 90 percent of women would, if given the option, forego sex in favor of spending all night having a meaningful talk with their partner. “If you don’t enjoy this thing that I enjoy, you’re not doing it right” is a terrible and wrong answer regarding _any_ endeavor. Just as with dancing or baseball or needlepoint or singing or all-night raves, every individual approaches sex with their own set of neurological/physiological response patterns, emotional connections, social hangups, and other baggage. Most folks pursue sex as a positive experience, but some folks regard it with indifference, and still others respond with anxiety and/or revulsion. It’s not a problem unless it’s a problem, i.e. you shouldn’t feel compelled to seek treatment for your libido (or lack thereof) unless it’s causing dysfunction in whatever relationship you are in (or would like to be in). ---
**Author:** ![Ashtura](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ashtura/32/2963_2.png) [@Ashtura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashtura)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/27 "2018-04-09T18:08:44Z")
Sometimes, but not because it’s easier to jerk off. I couldn’t be in a sustained relationship where the only point of sex is to orgasm. It’s more than that to me. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/28 "2018-04-09T19:09:05Z")
[The Job of Sex](https://www.amazon.com/Job-Sex-Workingmans-Productive-Lovemaking/dp/0446764299) ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/29 "2018-04-09T21:00:43Z")
Oh, and for some of us, it doesn’t take long enough to feel like work! So there is that. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyMensch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@MonkeyMensch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyMensch)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/30 "2018-04-09T22:18:20Z")
I would have some from the OP that some of the time, and not very often, it may seem like a little work, but I’m pressed to think of a time where it was \*\*too \*\*much work. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/31 "2018-04-09T22:26:13Z")
Getting to the point where there’s going to be sex, now THAT can be a lot of work. And hell yeah, sometimes you are just not up to the task. Either you just don’t have it in you or you realize you could only go through the motions and not do it justice. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/32 "2018-04-09T22:58:41Z")
One of the classic ways to tell you are getting older: it takes you longer to recover from having sex than it did to have it in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@MonkeyCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyCat)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2018, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/33 "2018-04-10T00:45:12Z")
There’s always so many excellent responses on this board, I find myself rarely posting at all, and want to give so many thumbs up but I realize it would just clutter the thread. I am pleasantly surprised by this board. Normally, I find myself one of the most well-rounded intelligent people on a forum/board. (Yeah, super humble, no?) I don’t know everything, but I’m still aware boards are generally lacking in well-thought responses on average. Straight Dopers are more often than not more succinct and eloquent than I am and it’s exciting having found this community. That said, I’ll actually respond to the thread now. I read a few of the responses(which, as always, are insightful and subtly humorous), and if there was anything lacking that I could say to contribute to the conversation, it would be something in the way of sympathy. I feel like there was much unsaid between the lines in your OP. It seems you must have had some recent sexual experience that was somehow dissatisfying. But perhaps it led you to form some anxious conclusions as well. Libido is dependent upon a number of things. Even stress at work could deprive a man of wanting to be intimate with his woman. If the situation that led to the post was only based on some recent changes/experiences, I wouldn’t dwell too strongly on it. But yeah, do keep… soloing it. If nothing else, it seems to help fight stress and whatnot. There was too little info for me to do much but guess, but I do think there was obvious distress evident in the post. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2018, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/34 "2018-04-10T00:55:35Z")
> [@tvaetbjorn](#): > > Even stress at work could deprive a man of wanting to be intimate with his woman. Whachyoo talkin’ bout Willis? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2018, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/35 "2018-04-10T01:48:27Z")
Sometimes it feels like work, but you know, [it takes 10,000 hours of practice](https://www.inc.com/jordan-scheltgen/it-takes-10000-hours-to-become-an-expert-in-anything-use-these-4-techniques.html)to become an expert. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2018, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/36 "2018-04-10T03:55:43Z")
Chances are your testosterone levels are diminishing and w/ those can go your interest in sex. It’s the same for women. Check w/ your doctor, they can prescribe a testosterone cream for you; insurance covers it for men so you should be good to go. I know it’s frustrating and can cause stress in your relationship; it’s a natural reaction for a partner to take these things personally. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2018, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/37 "2018-04-10T15:38:24Z")
It’s supposed to be fun, not a chore or obligation. Set aside a couple hours and start with massages and a lot of your preferred warm-up activities (usually oral.) Get a good head of steam built up and you might find the act a lot more intense and satisfying. ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2018, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/38 "2018-04-10T23:12:13Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Whachyoo talkin’ bout Willis? :dubious: 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2018, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/39 "2018-04-10T23:25:02Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > One of the classic ways to tell you are getting older: \*\* it takes you longer to recover from having sex than it did to have it in the first place.\*\* I can’t understand this… 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2018, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925/40 "2018-04-10T23:35:16Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I can’t understand this… 😕 If it took you ten minutes to have sex, it’s gonna take you longer than ten minutes to be ready to go again? If that’s the case, I’m an old soul. ☹ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-sex-ever-feel-like-too-much-work/811925.md?page=3)