# Does the Butt Clean Itself? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [October 24, 2018, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-the-butt-clean-itself/823458 "2018-10-24T21:38:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![TSBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@TSBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TSBG)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2018, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-the-butt-clean-itself/823458/41 "2018-10-27T01:28:08Z")
Thanks **Colibri** and **Qadgop**. I actually knew about the transfer of colonic bacteria due to the whole general midsection having a bacterial presence, but somehow the idea of eating shit revulsed me so much I forgot that this is going on all the time. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2018, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-the-butt-clean-itself/823458/42 "2018-10-27T08:37:55Z")
If you’re someone who: 1. Showers, not bathes 2. Is sexually active I would say you should wash daily back there. Even if it were true that the ass cleans itself, and people in bygone times were happy with that, in the modern world fecal odors (let alone streaks on the bed :eek:) are a big turn off. I keep a separate sponge just for the purpose of washing between the cheeks. (I use a gentle soap and throw out the sponge regularly, obvs) Warning: the preceding information and thread is TMI ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2018, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-the-butt-clean-itself/823458/43 "2018-10-28T17:22:17Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > Romans didn’t bathe every time they pooped: they had communal latrines and used a communal sea sponge on a stick to clean their anal areas. These were kept in vinegar (the sticks, not the anal areas–though that’d explain why anuses are puckered.) Some Middle Age folks used an angled wooden scraper. Royalty sometimes used rosewater and wool. One lucky SOB got the job of wiping the king’s butt. On a related note, in many castles, latrines were located near garderobes because the stench supposedly deterred moths. > > As for early hominids, we’ve found coprolites (fossilized feces) in known settlement areas, but no specialty tools for anal cleansing AFAIK. They most likely used grasses, leaves, stones, or the ever-available finger. > > The Greeks used pottery shards. I’m not sure if it’s true, but I’ve read they sometimes wrote the names of their enemies on the shards before using them. I guess some people were just unpoopular. > > I don’t have an unhealthy interest in the topic; it’s just when I taught world history, kids often wanted to know about potty habits in different times. Really does make you grateful you live in the modern era, doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2018, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-the-butt-clean-itself/823458/44 "2018-10-28T21:18:07Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > The Greeks used pottery shards. I’m not sure if it’s true, but I’ve read they sometimes wrote the names of their enemies on the shards before using them. I guess some people were just unpoopular. That seems like it would get rather laborious while squatting. If true at all, then I think they would write on the pottery before it shatters, which would imply that they bought purpose-crafted earthenware for using as a wiping/scraping implement post-shattering, wrote on it, and then shattered it. That sounds plausible to me, in that form, but I would expect to find caches of really poor quality earthenware that has some sort of fragmentation design (like a traditional pineapple grenade) to make it more likely to split into appropriate-sized chunks, in the archaeological record, and I’m not aware of such a thing at the moment (though, this is also the type of pottery that wouldn’t last as long and wouldn’t look good in a museum). ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2018, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-the-butt-clean-itself/823458/45 "2018-10-28T21:26:43Z")
> [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > That seems like it would get rather laborious while squatting. I don’t know why you would think that, given the amount of graffiti in modern toilet stalls. (And squatting isn’t that uncomfortable, especially if you are used to it. Lots of people in traditional cultures squat to rest rather than sitting down.) ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2018, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-the-butt-clean-itself/823458/46 "2018-10-28T21:51:26Z")
> [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > That seems like it would get rather laborious while squatting. > > If true at all, then I think they would write on the pottery before it shatters, which would imply that they bought purpose-crafted earthenware for using as a wiping/scraping implement post-shattering, wrote on it, and then shattered it. > > That sounds plausible to me, in that form, but I would expect to find caches of really poor quality earthenware that has some sort of fragmentation design (like a traditional pineapple grenade) to make it more likely to split into appropriate-sized chunks, in the archaeological record, and I’m not aware of such a thing at the moment (though, this is also the type of pottery that wouldn’t last as long and wouldn’t look good in a museum). Shatters in the Shitters. Hmmmm? ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2018, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-the-butt-clean-itself/823458/47 "2018-10-28T22:11:52Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > I don’t know why you would think that, given the amount of graffiti in modern toilet stalls. (And squatting isn’t that uncomfortable, especially if you are used to it. Lots of people in traditional cultures squat to rest rather than sitting down.) In modern times we have ballpoint pens. Though I do realize that I was assuming that people would be using one-shard-per-scrape which is probably not correct. If you’re going to use the same implement for a few passes, then scribbling on it while you’re still pooping might make sense. If you’re picking up a new shard and scribbling on it between scrapes, that seems like more work than it’s worth. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2018, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-the-butt-clean-itself/823458/48 "2018-10-28T22:20:48Z")
> [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > In modern times we have ballpoint pens. Though I do realize that I was assuming that people would be using one-shard-per-scrape which is probably not correct. If you’re going to use the same implement for a few passes, then scribbling on it while you’re still pooping might make sense. If you’re picking up a new shard and scribbling on it between scrapes, that seems like more work than it’s worth. This being the Dope, perhaps I may suggest some experiments might be in order?😉 ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2018, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-the-butt-clean-itself/823458/49 "2018-10-28T22:39:39Z")
Wouldn’t broken shards be sharp? I think leaves would feel better. Maybe even a handful of dirt. ETA No. I won’t be experimenting. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2018, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-the-butt-clean-itself/823458/50 "2018-10-28T22:56:48Z")
Rabelais listed a number of his preferred bumwipes in his literary work **[Gargantua](https://bizarrevictoria.wordpress.com/2013/08/26/geese-make-the-best-toilet-paper/)**. He felt a goose neck was best. Beyond that, he had this to say: > [@](#): > > "Afterwards I wiped my bum, said Gargantua, with a kerchief, with a pillow, with a pantoufle [slipper], with a pouch, with a pannier, but that was a wicked and unpleasant torchecul [bottom-wiping experience]; then with a hat. Of hats, note that some are shorn, and others shaggy, some velveted, others covered with taffeties [pieces of taffeta], and others with satin. The best of all these is the shaggy hat, for it makes a very neat abstersion of the fecal matter. More of his ratings may be found in the link. But here’s a few more quotes on the topic: > [@](#): > > “But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs [bottom-wiping experiences], arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2018, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-the-butt-clean-itself/823458/51 "2018-10-28T23:52:20Z")
Was the goose alive? Ho-ly shit! Er…I mean, I am astounded! ---
**Author:** ![TSBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@TSBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TSBG)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2018, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-the-butt-clean-itself/823458/52 "2018-10-29T00:10:27Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Was the goose alive? Ho-ly shit! Er…I mean, I am astounded! Based on the described warmth of the goose, I assume it was alive. However, you do realize the whole thing is an extended poop joke? ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2018, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-the-butt-clean-itself/823458/53 "2018-10-29T04:38:00Z")
> [@TSBG](#): > > However, you do realize the whole thing is an extended poop joke? Yeah, we had to read _Gargantua and Pantagruel_ in a comparative literature class in college. It’s…different. Ribald, totally over-the-top, and very weird. 35 years later, the only part of it I really remember is the chapter about butt-wiping. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2018, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-the-butt-clean-itself/823458/54 "2018-10-29T06:10:10Z")
> [@TSBG](#): > > Based on the described warmth of the goose, I assume it was alive. However, you do realize the whole thing is an extended poop joke? Maybe. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2018, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-the-butt-clean-itself/823458/55 "2018-10-29T06:33:21Z")
In days of yore when folks were poor one had to be pragmatic We’d wipe our tush with a lavender bush which left them aromatic. ---
**Author:** ![Turnip\_Shepherd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e79b87/32.png) [@Turnip\_Shepherd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turnip_Shepherd)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2018, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-the-butt-clean-itself/823458/56 "2018-10-30T04:44:23Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > Yeah, we had to read _Gargantua and Pantagruel_ in a comparative literature class in college. It’s…different. Ribald, totally over-the-top, and very weird. 35 years later, the only part of it I really remember is the chapter about butt-wiping. 😃 Did you ever finish your PhD in defecation? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-the-butt-clean-itself/823458.md?page=2)