# Does unconditional love really exist? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [March 11, 2011, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333 "2011-03-11T21:50:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Jman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jman/32/4416_2.png) [@Jman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jman)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/61 "2013-05-01T17:09:49Z")
I think I have unconditional love for my daughter…I can’t imagine a situation where I still wouldn’t love her. There are plenty of things she could do that would make me not like her…but I still think I’d love her. That’s something that seems non-negotiable in my mind. I hope she never does anything bad enough to put it to the test, because I love her and want her to have a great life and be a good person. My wife, I love tremendously, but it’s a different kind of love, and there are definitely things that could happen that would cause that to be broken, though I don’t forsee any of those things ever happening. ---
**Author:** ![lekatt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lekatt/32/7269_2.png) [@lekatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lekatt)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/62 "2013-05-01T17:36:11Z")
> [@Jman](#): > > I think I have unconditional love for my daughter…I can’t imagine a situation where I still wouldn’t love her. There are plenty of things she could do that would make me not like her…but I still think I’d love her. That’s something that seems non-negotiable in my mind. I hope she never does anything bad enough to put it to the test, because I love her and want her to have a great life and be a good person. > > My wife, I love tremendously, but it’s a different kind of love, and there are definitely things that could happen that would cause that to be broken, though I don’t forsee any of those things ever happening. I agree it is hard to love unconditionally but there is a great reward in doing so. ---
**Author:** ![Moon\_Meyers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47774/32.png) [@Moon\_Meyers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moon_Meyers)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/63 "2013-05-10T13:04:58Z")
Does it further the discussion to introduce Agape (Christian) or Karuna (Buddhist)? ---
**Author:** ![lekatt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lekatt/32/7269_2.png) [@lekatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lekatt)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/64 "2013-05-10T14:14:11Z")
> [@Moon\_Meyers](#): > > Does it further the discussion to introduce > Agape (Christian) or Karuna (Buddhist)? There is only one real love, unconditional love. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/65 "2013-05-10T14:51:00Z")
Unconditional love is an end-point that concious beiong that actually exist (that is, not gods) can never actually meet, and I agree with others should not. The better way of looking at things is as a spectrum: at one end are relationships purely based on an immediate transaction (“I will be nice to you if you pay me”) and at the other, relationships which are not - like the relationship between a parent and child. The latter certainly has more of the characteristics of unconditional love, in that a parent is far more likely to forgive a child’s transgressions and yet still love him or her (as a child will a parents, though they have, as young children at least, little choice in the matter). However, it is easy to see that, in general, such relationships are not “unconditional”. If the kid grows up to become a monster, even a devoted parent would, eventually, reach a breaking point. Parental love towards very young children is about as unconditional as humans are capable of though. Considering the hell that, say, colicy infants put parents through, that’s a good thing. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lekatt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lekatt/32/7269_2.png) [@lekatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lekatt)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/66 "2013-05-10T15:50:52Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Unconditional love is an end-point that concious beiong that actually exist (that is, not gods) can never actually meet, and I agree with others should not. > > The better way of looking at things is as a spectrum: at one end are relationships purely based on an immediate transaction (“I will be nice to you if you pay me”) and at the other, relationships which are not - like the relationship between a parent and child. The latter certainly has more of the characteristics of unconditional love, in that a parent is far more likely to forgive a child’s transgressions and yet still love him or her (as a child will a parents, though they have, as young children at least, little choice in the matter). However, it is easy to see that, in general, such relationships are not “unconditional”. If the kid grows up to become a monster, even a devoted parent would, eventually, reach a breaking point. > > Parental love towards very young children is about as unconditional as humans are capable of though. Considering the hell that, say, colicy infants put parents through, that’s a good thing. 😃 Being a parent I can relate to that. Unconditional love is for everyone but it is a goal only a few reach here on earth. ---
**Author:** ![Moon\_Meyers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47774/32.png) [@Moon\_Meyers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moon_Meyers)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/67 "2013-05-10T19:58:37Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Unconditional love is an end-point that conscious being that actually exist (that is, not gods) can never actually meet, and I agree with others should not. is _unconditional_ used to mean selfless? What does this selfless mean? anatman? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/68 "2013-05-10T20:08:21Z")
> [@lekatt](#): > > There is only one real love, unconditional love. Yes; it’s the love of one dead drunk for another. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/69 "2013-05-10T20:11:40Z")
> [@Moon\_Meyers](#): > > is _unconditional_ used to mean selfless? What does this selfless mean? > anatman? Without delving into Buddhist philosophy, I’d say it means “without conditions”. 😉 So, for example, “I would love you even if you turn out to be more evil than Hitler, beat me up every day, and forced me to listen to Celine Dion”. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2013, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/70 "2013-05-12T04:23:54Z")
> [@XT](#): > > And if you are implying God… loves each and every one of us … > > -XT Agape > **[Agape](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agape)** > > Agape (/ɑːˈɡɑːpeɪ, ˈɑːɡəˌpeɪ, ˈæɡə-/; from Ancient Greek ἀγάπη (agápē)) is "the highest form of love, charity" and "the love of God for \[human beings\] and of \[human beings\] for God". This is in contrast to philia, brotherly love, or philautia, self-love, as it embraces a profound sacrificial love that transcends and persists regardless of circumstance. > The verb form goes as far back as Homer, translated literally as affection, as in "greet with affection" and "show affection for the dead". Othe... Gods unconditional love for man. I would posit that some people have unconditional love for their dogs and young children. It isn’t until you think they ought to know better that you hold people accountable for their actions. So maybe even God’s love isn’t unconditiona (infinite?) l because his love might find its limits if we had godly understanding but still sinned. his love might be conditioned on our ignorance (innocence? naivete?). ---
**Author:** ![Moon\_Meyers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47774/32.png) [@Moon\_Meyers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moon_Meyers)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2013, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/71 "2013-05-12T11:01:40Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > I’d say it means “without conditions”. 1. What does a condition look like? 2. Is there a source of this condition? 3. Are there causes and conditions for this condition to arise? (Consider: time, place, position and degree) 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2013, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/72 "2013-05-12T12:50:38Z")
I have said this before, in another thread. I don’t think most people can say they have unconditional love. To make this claim, your love has to be tested way beyond normal conditions. It is not enough to imagine the worse case scenarios–because there is a limit to our imaginations. And our imaginations can lie. I can and frequently do imagine myself being virtuous under less than ideal circumstances. This does not mean that I’d actually be virtuous. It is a fortunate thing that most people will never truly know if they have unconditional love. ---
**Author:** ![lekatt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lekatt/32/7269_2.png) [@lekatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lekatt)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2013, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/73 "2013-05-13T23:51:28Z")
You can’t have unconditional love. You either are or aren’t unconditional love. And you will know it either way. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2013, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/74 "2013-05-14T00:00:53Z")
> [@lekatt](#): > > You can’t have unconditional love. > You either are or aren’t unconditional love. > And you will know it either way. See, I know you’re using English words, and I expect you think you’re communicating in English, but you’re not. ---
**Author:** ![lekatt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lekatt/32/7269_2.png) [@lekatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lekatt)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2013, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/75 "2013-05-14T11:06:39Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > See, I know you’re using English words, and I expect you think you’re communicating in English, but you’re not. Love is a state of mind, the way you perceive the world. If you walk through life with a loving kind perception the world will cooperate with you and you will be amazed at how easy life has become. On the other hand if you walk through the world with a negative attitude skeptical of every one you meet. Then the world will not cooperate with you and you will see the world as a cold scary place. This will lead to emotional problems and depression, etc. I can’t explain it better without getting on a personal level. ---
**Author:** ![donnie\_darko](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@donnie\_darko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/donnie_darko)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/76 "2013-05-16T00:20:50Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Without delving into Buddhist philosophy, I’d say it means “without conditions”. 😉 > > So, for example, “I would love you even if you turn out to be more evil than Hitler, beat me up every day, and forced me to listen to Celine Dion”. 😛 Pretty much! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lekatt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lekatt/32/7269_2.png) [@lekatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lekatt)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/77 "2013-05-16T12:20:01Z")
Positive thinking is the ticked to a happy life. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/78 "2013-05-16T14:03:13Z")
"Sure my wife left me, my feet were amputated yesterday and the IRS just told me I owe ten times my annual salary. But thanks to the Power of Positive Thinking, I’m _happy!"_ “Those massive doses of painkillers have nothing at all to do with it, no sir!” ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/79 "2013-05-16T14:05:02Z")
> [@lekatt](#): > > Positive thinking is the ticked to a happy life. Do you know who else was a positive thinker? ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333/80 "2013-05-16T16:11:14Z")
I think it depends how you interpet love. My interpetation is a sincere desire for the physical, emotional and spritual well being of the other person. I was happily divorced over 23 years ago, yet I have alwasy looked out for the welfare of my ex without getting involved in her life. If I find out she has something wrong physicaly I find myself worrying until the results from the doctor come back. I don’t like being around her or even talking to her for that matter but I still care very deeply. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-unconditional-love-really-exist/574333.md?page=5)