# Does use of the term "partner" make you curious? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 6, 2010, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178 "2010-12-06T19:02:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/81 "2010-12-07T12:44:28Z")
> [@GreenHell](#): > > While I’m married, if that should end, I couldn’t see calling any subsequent female companion “girlfriend”. Not at my age. Howzabout “partner in sin”? 😛 Relax, **sparky**. Sorry I wasn’t clear enough - I understood you and agreed with you. Have the state “civil union” everyone who wants the legal relationship, and let everyone (and possibly their church) decide what needs to go into “marriage.” ---
**Author:** ![zagloba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/977dab/32.png) [@zagloba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zagloba)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/82 "2010-12-07T13:17:13Z")
> [@Norse](#): > > The English language seriously needs a simple, informal single word for live-in B/GF. In the Scandinavian languages we have a word like that, probably because cohabitation without marriage is generally accepted (living together for more than twenty years without marriage is not directly uncommon), and living together for an indefinite period of time before marrying - the marriage often happens when the hetero couple has started thinking seriously about having children - is the norm unless you belong to a very religious society. What is that word? Maybe we anglophones could import it. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/83 "2010-12-07T13:32:00Z")
> [@zagloba](#): > > What is that word? Maybe we anglophones could import it. I think it is zagloba. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/84 "2010-12-07T15:22:17Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > I think it is zagloba. I like it! “Mom, this is my zagloba, Manfred van Munster.” Much better than “My manfriend, Manfred.” ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/85 "2010-12-07T15:56:03Z")
I am almost 30, and have watched almost all my friends make the transition from single to married in my 5.5 years of marriage. Since it got a little confusing trying to keep track of who was in which stage of their relationship I just started referring to my friends’ significant others as their “Lady Friend” or “Gentleman Friend”. Always got the point across. Of course it helps that I am known among my friends for cultivating an anachronistic vocabulary, I’m not sure everyone could pull it off. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/86 "2010-12-07T16:03:30Z")
It doesn’t bother me, though it does make me curious. However, I rarely use it myself. I am tempted to now, since it upsets people so much. Honestly, why do people even care if I call him my partner? I usually just say “my other half”. I rarely say boyfriend, unless I have to. I don’t really care what others call us, but what I think of us in my head is way more than boyfriend, after 13.5 years together. Marriage? It’s a tool of the bourgeoisie, or something. Ok, I jest, but the point is, not all of us want to take that step or are ready to take that step. I have no intention of justifying that to anyone, it just is. If you are my friend, I expect you to respect me and the choice of terms I use. If you are not my friend, I don’t really care what you call me, but if you choose not to respect me, you’ll probably never be my friend anyway. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/87 "2010-12-07T16:08:27Z")
I don’t really assume anything, but then I am British, and apparently the word’s more common here. > [@Miller](#): > > On a semi-related note to the OP, is anyone else bothered by the habit of heterosexual women referring to their platonic female friends as their “girlfriends?” It doesn’t bother me, but it does occasionally confuse me. > [@lindsaybluth](#): > > I’m obviously strictly speaking from a US standpoint, and not any country that allows gay marriage across the boards. Because gay marriage is outlawed in 99% of the US, “partner” is traditionally the term used for serious gay couples. It’s ridiculous to steal the word for hetero couples’ usage. Hetero couples have tons of words to describe their relationships and their various stages. The entire reason \*\*Dinsdale \*\*started the thread is because he was unsure - and he shouldn’t have been! Why make people try hard to figure out what you are? Yes, heteros have lots of terms to describe their relationships - one of them is partner. It is a lot more accurate than boyfriend/girlfriend when referring to someone you live with and intend to stay with for a really long time. My ex’s sister, for example, has been with her partner for 15 years, lives with him and has a mortgage with him, as well as three kids. Boyfriend just doesn’t fit him. I don’t know why they’ve chosen not to get married, but knowing the two of them I’m pretty certain it’s not down to waiting for a proposal or due to the relationship not being serious enough. I don’t think most unmarried couples are necessarily yearning for one of them to pop the question, either. FWIW, I’m gay, and although same-sex marriage is almost legal here (it’s called ‘civil partnership’ but now has all the rights and responsibilities of marriage, and people usually refer to their wedding and being married) my opinion was the same prior to the law-change. > [@Dinsdale](#): > > I think it is zagloba. Then we definitely should adopt it! ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/88 "2010-12-07T16:22:55Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Honestly, why do people even care if I call him my partner? I usually just say “my other half”. I hadn’t considered using that term (I haven’t heard it often), but I really like it. ---
**Author:** ![Norse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a9adbd/32.png) [@Norse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Norse)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/89 "2010-12-07T17:22:03Z")
> [@zagloba](#): > > What is that word? Danish: [Sambo](http://da.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sambo) Norwegian: [Samboer](http://no.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samboer) Swedish: [Sambo](http://sv.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sambof%C3%B6rh%C3%A5llande) Etymoloy: “Sam-” is a prefix that means “together” (found in “samtale”/“samtal” (conversation), “samarbejde”/“samarbeide”/“samarbete” (cooperation), etc., etc., coming from “same”), “bo” simply means “live”. Literally translated to English, it would be [cohabitant](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cohabitation#Europe) And yes, the three Scandinavian languages are very similar. Not as similar as AE and BE, but closer than German and Dutch, or French and Italian ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/90 "2010-12-07T17:30:22Z")
> [@Norse](#): > > Danish: [Sambo](http://da.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sambo) > Norwegian: [Samboer](http://no.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samboer) > Swedish: [Sambo](http://sv.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sambof%C3%B6rh%C3%A5llande) > > Etymoloy: “Sam-” is a prefix that means “together” (found in “samtale”/“samtal” (conversation), “samarbejde”/“samarbeide”/“samarbete” (cooperation), etc., etc., coming from “same”), “bo” simply means “live”. Literally translated to English, it would be [cohabitant](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cohabitation#Europe) > > And yes, the three Scandinavian languages are very similar. Not as similar as AE and BE, but closer than German and Dutch, or French and Italian Huh. Guess we won’t be using that one then. (My nephew, who has dark skin, calls me “Uncle Tom” (my skin is pretty damn pale). This is not a very good thing, but it has apparently stuck.) On topic, before we became affianced & then married, I just referred to my SO by name; context nearly always took care of the rest. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/91 "2010-12-07T17:31:51Z")
> [@Norse](#): > > Danish: [Sambo](http://da.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sambo) > Norwegian: [Samboer](http://no.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samboer) > Swedish: [Sambo](http://sv.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sambof%C3%B6rh%C3%A5llande) I… don’t think I can adopt this term. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/92 "2010-12-07T17:47:44Z")
Oh. I guess that explains why we’ve never tried using that term. I prefer zagloba. ---
**Author:** ![Norse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a9adbd/32.png) [@Norse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Norse)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/93 "2010-12-07T17:58:59Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I… don’t think I can adopt this term. I believe you. ---
**Author:** ![apollonia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2bfe46/32.png) [@apollonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apollonia)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/94 "2010-12-07T21:37:05Z")
Actually, thinking about it, context clears it up 99% of the time. If a man says “I can’t do anything next weekend, Joanne and I are taking the kids to Timbuktu,” then I can effectively determine that Joanne is his wife/girlfriend/partner with whom he presumably has children, or she has children, or with whom he fosters children, or what ever. It still gets across the idea that “he has someone in his life called Joanne and some kids” and that’s really all I need to know. Gee. Just don’t be like my roommate and call the guy you’ve been casually dating and have no intention of marrying your “partner.” He’s not your partner, he’s your boyfriend, and you’ve been dating six months. And if you’re like one of my coworkers and say things like “I live with my sweetheart across town,” it makes me a bit nauseated from the sweeeeeeetness. Let it go. ---
**Author:** ![Teacake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Teacake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teacake)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/95 "2010-12-07T22:48:18Z")
This is really interesting. Here most if not nearly all the people I know/interact with will refer to their partner, regardless of the genders involved, if the relationship is more serious than just a casual fling. This includes people who are married to people of the opposite gender, as well as people in long-term homosexual relationships and civil partnerships. I hear it a lot more from people on the left politically, and from younger people, but honestly, I wouldn’t twitch an eyelid if I heard it from anyone. Except maybe my mother or father: they’re… not the type. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/96 "2010-12-07T23:03:16Z")
**BigT** , you are so adorable with your tiny brain, not working for a living. Try and re-read what I said, rather than going off of what other posters said. Hint: he’s not _my_ uncle. **Teacake** , that’s interesting that you hear it for married hetero couples. **apollonia** , I think the “sweetheart” thing boils down “I am superhappy I found someone!!11!111!1!!!” Lots of people like that, especially the socially awkward and unfortunate looking among us. They wanna brag about it; I find it hilarious. Only a teeny tiny percentage of people aren’t coupled in some serious way through the course of their lives - how is it worthy of bragging to have found someone to shack up with? ---
**Author:** ![Ura-Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/51bf81/32.png) [@Ura-Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ura-Maru)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/97 "2010-12-07T23:43:59Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > (and for the past quarter century I’ve only fucked one person) While I must admire your stamina, that’s not too much to show for a whole 25 years! Not curious, exactly. I assume people using it to describe a personal relationship is referring to members of the same sex, unless information to the contrary exists. Same with ‘S.O.’ or ‘Spouse.’ (Gay marriage is legal here) I’m not surprised if this turns out not to be the case, though. It’s much less clunky than SO. “Life partner” sounds pretentious for causal conversation, though. As for the other thing, I live in the gayest town in Massachusetts, and arguably the gayest town in New England. I have never heard **anyone** express the slightest disapproval at a mixed-gender couple using the term partner. In fact, it’s frequently used for situations where the gender of the partner isn’t known, on invitations or forms or the like. – If I were to wear one of those ‘I kiss girls!’ T-shirts, would I hear “That’s OUR t-shirt! You have no right to wear that t-shirt!” Because, honestly, that would be really funny. Though, sadly, that would be a boast I’d have difficulty living up to . . . ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/98 "2010-12-07T23:45:10Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > **BigT** , you are so adorable with your tiny brain, not working for a living. Try and re-read what I said, rather than going off of what other posters said. Hint: he’s not _my_ uncle. We’re in MPSIMS, not the Pit – please don’t insult your fellow posters. **twickster** , MPSIMS moderator ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/99 "2010-12-08T02:02:13Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > All I know is that my response to **lindsaybluth** ’s uncle would be to refer to him and his partner as **queer-fag-buttmonkeys**. \But, geez, what bigotry. I didn’t start it. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178/100 "2010-12-08T02:31:09Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > “Partner” is supposed to mean serious gay couple; it’s their word, frankly. Webster’s was pretty darned progressive for [1828](http://1828.mshaffer.com/d/word/partner), by that reckoning. > [@](#): > > \*\* > partner\*\* > > P`ARTNER, n. [from part.] One who partakes or shares with another; a partaker; an associate; as, she is partner of my life, of my joys, of my griefs.Those of the race of Shem were no partners in the unbelieving work of the tower. > > 1. An associate in any business or occupation; a joint owner of stock or capital, employed in commerce, manufactures or other business. Men are sometimes partners in a single voyage or adventure, sometimes in a firm or standing company. > 2. One who dances with another, either male or female, as in a contra dance. > 3. A husband or wife. For my part, I am completely incurious about people’s use of the word. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-use-of-the-term-partner-make-you-curious/563178.md?page=6)