# Does your ass shred the Charmin? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 16, 2007, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392 "2007-09-16T15:30:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2007, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/21 "2007-09-16T23:23:33Z")
As reluctant as I am to participate in such a thread, I just wanted to tell **ratatoskK** that yes, there is. Plain old Scott tissue. Not the “New, improved softer, thicker” stuff. The single ply stuff one finds in many public facilities. ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2007, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/22 "2007-09-16T23:28:30Z")
Down South, things are much simpler. You have 3 corncobs, 2 red ones and one white one. The white one is to see if you need the third red one. I can’t believe I just wrote this. :o ---
**Author:** ![Hockey\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Hockey\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hockey_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/23 "2007-09-17T00:11:35Z")
I swear by Cottonelle. The one with the ridges. Not to soft, not linty, and not too rough. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/24 "2007-09-17T00:31:09Z")
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim] Oh Og, I didn’t realize what a horror this would become. :eek: [/QUOTE] Yes, you did. I usually go for what’s cheap, but two-ply. You Yurpeans prolly don’t know what that is. You generally use what we Americans call Manilla paper. Our kids draw on it in school. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/25 "2007-09-17T00:53:08Z")
[QUOTE=levdrakon] Yes, you did… [/QUOTE] No, really, I did not expect descriptions of turd textures. I don’t know what I was “hoping” for, but I don’t think it was that. Oh, well, 1st Amendment and all that… ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/26 "2007-09-17T01:03:55Z")
[QUOTE=Hockey Monkey] I swear by Cottonelle. The one with the ridges. Not to soft, not linty, and not too rough. [/QUOTE] Ditto, and it’s absorbent. Charmin is soft, but it isn’t very absorbent. It’s akin to using a towel that has too much fabric softner and after you get out of the shower it just sort of spreads the water around. Charmin does that. (that wasn’t TMI was it?). ---
**Author:** ![SuperNelson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@SuperNelson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuperNelson)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/27 "2007-09-17T01:13:08Z")
I was just wondering what this extra strong stuff was yesterday. The only thing that occurred to me was, “Do they think I’m planning a jailbreak?” ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_Venom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9fc348/32.png) [@Lady\_Venom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_Venom)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/28 "2007-09-17T01:18:19Z")
[QUOTE=Hockey Monkey] I swear by Cottonelle. The one with the ridges. Not to soft, not linty, and not too rough. [/QUOTE] Cottonelle claims to be hypoallergenic, but I’m allergic to it. Explain that one. hehe Anyone else allergic to certain types of butt-wipe? Not a fun place to have an allergic reaction I tell ya! ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/29 "2007-09-17T01:33:27Z")
[QUOTE=ratatoskK] OK, so does a TP exist that doesn’t shred and doesn’t feel like sandpaper? Any reliable responses will be welcome! [/QUOTE] I learned of [this product](http://www.shitbegone.com/) right here on the 'Dope a few years ago. While I haven’t tried it myself, you gotta love their philosophy; > [@](#): > > Part journey of discovery, part assertion of responsibility, part embrace of life, ShitBegone expresses hope and belief that a better world is possible. ---
**Author:** ![Tamex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Tamex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamex)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/30 "2007-09-17T02:06:51Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus] I always end up having a huge chunk stuck to my chocolate forest. [/QUOTE] ROFLMCFO! 😃 I also like Cottonelle, but has anyone else noticed that the ridges have become much smaller lately? What’s up with that? And Target no longer seems to carry the triple rolls either! Do they think I have time to change the roll every ten minutes? ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/31 "2007-09-17T02:51:30Z")
In answer to the OP’s question, yes, it does. It’s too soft and not strong enough. That’s why we use Quilted Northern. (I love the quote from somebody else in a recent thread about harsh TP: “It’s that John Wayne toilet paper. It’s rough, it’s tough, and it doesn’t take shit from anybody.”) ---
**Author:** ![Millit\_the\_Frail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Millit\_the\_Frail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Millit_the_Frail)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/32 "2007-09-17T03:13:11Z")
Thick, quilted TP is evil. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Fluffy white residue. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/33 "2007-09-17T03:53:16Z")
For some reason I need a certain level of “scratchiness” in my TP. Fluffy toilet paper leaves cigarette-shaped rolls in my bits. Now, corn cobs? That’s truly a civilized thing: cleanses, scratches, untangles. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/34 "2007-09-17T03:53:24Z")
[QUOTE=Millit the Frail] Thick, quilted TP is evil. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Fluffy white residue. [/QUOTE] Yeah, the linty residue is bad. It sticks to skin you want _no_ lint near. Charmin is the only tp on the “do not buy again” list. ---
**Author:** ![LVgeogeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b19c9b/32.png) [@LVgeogeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LVgeogeek)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/35 "2007-09-17T03:57:45Z")
I hate the overpriced tp brands like Charmin or Cottenelle… linty bits be damned!! I buy the Target brand tp double rolls. It is supposedly comparable to Northern, but I think it is way better and cheaper. Is that ShitBegone stuff for real? I so want a sticker 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/36 "2007-09-17T03:59:27Z")
I’m probably gonna regret asking, but how do you know if your ass is “linty”? I mean, I scrub away like anybody else in the morning shower, but I’m not tracking or examining whatever comes off – unless it blocks the shower drain. ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/37 "2007-09-17T04:05:59Z")
After some experimenting today, I found that the Charmin Ultra Strong is usable if you pull off your length of TP and then separate the layers, and then put it back together again and use it to wipe. Something about separating those quilted-together layers makes it softer. Sort of. If you don’t mind sitting there patiently peeling layers of toilet paper apart before you can wipe. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/38 "2007-09-17T14:41:52Z")
[QUOTE=Freddy the Pig] My ass shreds sandpaper. I swear I’ve got the most ornery, hard-to-clean bung-hole on the planet. Aren’t you glad I shared this? [/QUOTE] It’s the curly tail that’s causing the problem. ---
**Author:** ![yanceylebeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yanceylebeef/32/12290_2.png) [@yanceylebeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yanceylebeef)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/39 "2007-09-17T18:05:00Z")
Three words. Cottonelle Moist Towlettes. I’ll never go back to regular TP again. You can have my moist toweletts when you pry them from my cold dead hand. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392/40 "2007-09-17T19:14:47Z")
[QUOTE=ILovCoffee] Ever since I began taking additional iron for the sleep apnea/anemia problem I have had the “Turds from Hades”. They are green, soft , and mushy and flipping never-ending. Whereas before this, I had relaxed and started having nice, plump, non-dry turds that had a definite end point. I need a blessed Brillo pad to clean my poor bunghole now. I am miserable! The damp wipes are a god-send. That was TMI, wasn’t it? [/QUOTE] As someone who was also once on iron supplements, I know exactly what you mean. It was the same consistency as tiling caulk, and just as stubborn to remove. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-ass-shred-the-charmin/419392.md?page=3)