# Does your family just not talk about certain distasteful things?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [December 19, 2008, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845 "2008-12-19T02:10:52Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/1 "2008-12-19T02:10:52Z")
My brother almost married a woman who later ended up in prison and who is now on the lam, possibly in California, after being arrested for counterfeiting $100 bills.
(I did a casual Google search just out of curiosity. She has a very unusual name, so she’s easy to Google.)
Anyway, one day, my brother was dating this woman. She’s in my wedding pictures (grr), and they had a child together. The next day? Boom. Over. No information. No “Here’s what you should know and oh by the way she’s in prison. Bye!” sort of meeting. Nothing.
One of my sisters had a boyfriend go stalkery and violent when I was a kid. One day, “Oh, hey Ken!” The next day? Zip. Zilch. Nada. Except no one was allowed to be at home alone though we weren’t told why.
My family Just Doesn’t Talk About Those Things. (Oh, and apparently my family Just Has Bad Taste in Lovers, Too.)
These things aren’t exactly secrets. No one will refuse to tell you something, you just have to know to _ask_. You won’t be told unless you ask very specific questions.
So, is my family trying out for the reality show Weird Gothic Families and Their Creepy Secrets or is this normal?
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### Author:  [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/2 "2008-12-19T02:25:00Z")
My grandparents never discussed why they left the old country, and incidentally why my grandfather changed his name.
My parents never discussed why my aunt’s marriage broke up. This caused my sister complete embarassment when she offered to take our aunt and her daughter out together, only to discover that my aunt had abused my cousin repeatedly during her childhood, and the two of them didn’t care to be in the same room.
After my divorce, my parents never mentioned my first wife again.
I’d say it’s pretty normal.
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### Author:  [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/3 "2008-12-19T02:27:12Z")
I _still_ don’t know why my grandparents are divorced, and I’m 21 and they’ve been divorced since before I was born. Both still alive, too; it’s not spoken of.
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### Author:  [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/4 "2008-12-19T02:35:48Z")
Yes, we have taboo topics.
One awkward, unpleasant event that I think everyone involved regrets. Some relationships are still being rebuilt after that one.
And though my extended family usually has no qualms about telling bigoted jokes :rolleyes:, there’s an apparently unspoken understanding that jokes about homosexuals are right out. This probably has something to do with the fact that one of my relatives has been living only with a person of the same sex (three different people, for many years each) since my earliest memory. Warm, generous, wonderful people, loved by everyone, and they have always been welcome together at family gatherings, but It Just Isn’t Discussed. Not even by that person.
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### Author:  [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/5 "2008-12-19T02:37:42Z")
> [@appleciders](#):
>
> I _still_ don’t know why my grandparents are divorced, and I’m 21 and they’ve been divorced since before I was born. Both still alive, too; it’s not spoken of.
Maybe she just wasn’t that into him.
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### Author:  [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/6 "2008-12-19T04:38:13Z")
My family never talks about politics or religion. I have a large family (my dad was one of nine (him and six others are still alive,) and I have 18 cousins, several of them are no married with children ranging from one year to eight years old. We have “get-togethers” several times a year, and even though a lot of us disagree on things, they are never brought up.
For example: most of my cousins and I voted for Obama, but I know a few others and lots of my aunts and uncles voted for McCain and even circulated some of those chain emails about Obama being a muslim, is friends with terrorists, etc… I have three gay and one lesbian cousin, and even though my family is Catholic, it’s not really brought up. Neither is that fact that several of us are pretty much atheists.
We keep things civil, and talk about old family moments, what jobs we have, if ther’s anyone “new” in our lives, etc…
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### Author:  [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/7 "2008-12-19T05:03:11Z")
The ancient, eldritch, and most hideous bloodsoaked rites we perform in the basement every night.
Actually, I really can’t think of anything that’s absolutely, strictly forbidden to talk about. My parents have always been pretty open that way.
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### Author:  [@Stauderhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stauderhorse)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/8 "2008-12-19T05:10:21Z")
My father. He made life for everyone in my family hell for quite a few years, then dragged my mother through a long and painful divorce for good measure. He’s a pretty verboten topic; on the rare occasions when we talk about him, we refer to him as ‘asshole’ or ‘dick’.
My brother’s ex-girlfriend, a truly heinous bitch that he stayed with against all better judgment and reason for five years. If her name so much as comes up, he gets into a serious funk (as do I), so we avoid discussing her at all. She is referred to as ‘the bitch’ or ‘the whore’ when she comes up.
(Don’t you just love affectionate pet names?)
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### Author:  [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/9 "2008-12-19T05:13:11Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#):
>
> So, is my family trying out for the reality show Weird Gothic Families and Their Creepy Secrets or is this normal?
Yes.
I dare say every family has a convict or stalker, or both in their past.
My family did it, and I miss it. How do you know you’re a Grown Up if you don’t experience knocking back a couple of shots, er, sipping a cordial with Auntie after the Holiday Dinner, and listening to her let slip what _really_ happened when Second Cousin went to Florida?
I **had** to be very frank and open with my step-child about a lot of things that would have been much more fun to ‘let slip’ when he was older, and I feel he got cheated. Fortunately, his other family has plenty of secrets that he lets slips, so we still get those little we-both-adults-now moments.
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### Author:  [@hellpaso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hellpaso)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/10 "2008-12-19T07:33:53Z")
Oh, yeah. A family member had a relationship with a VERY high profile person, who was married at the time. It is NEVER discussed.
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### Author:  [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/11 "2008-12-19T07:49:30Z")
I learned when I was 25 or something about a (non-biological) grandma who had died after only a few years of marriage to my grandpa. I’m not sure if _people didn’t talk about it_ or if it just happened to have never come up. It was certainly odd though.
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### Author:  [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/12 "2008-12-19T08:23:15Z")
> [@hellpaso](#):
>
> Oh, yeah. A family member had a relationship with a VERY high profile person, who was married at the time. It is NEVER discussed.
And how are you today, Mr. Lewinsky?
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### Author:  [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/13 "2008-12-19T08:56:06Z")
I can’t think of anything we Never Talk About.
Dad rarely talked about his ex-wife, but he was reasonably forthcoming when we asked. (They married in college, divorced fairly soon after, and did not have kids. His father disapproved.)
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### Author:  [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/14 "2008-12-19T09:36:21Z")
I strongly suspect my dad cheated on my mom at some point, but I’d never ask, and I doubt either would tell. For that matter, neither I nor my sister would answer questions about our relationships, should our parents ever inquire about them, which they don’t.\*
I have absolutely _no_ idea how much money my parents (or grandparents for that matter) have, nor how much money they earn each month. Talking about money is just uncouth, y’know ? On occasions they answered ballpark figures (“so, more than X ?” “maybe” “more than Y ?” “yes, more than Y”), but mostly it’s \*their \*goddamn business.
Like most French, We Don’t Talk About The Algerian War. My dad is too young to have served in it, my grandfathers too old (and too dead to talk about it anyway). But We Just Don’t.
\*That led to a rather awkward event in my teens, when during breakfast my dad wondered out loud whether he was losing his mind, 'cause the girl I’d spent the night with didn’t look the same to him as the one he’d seen the day before. I wasn’t cheating on her per se (both girls knew and were OKish with it) but still, thanks, dad 🙂
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### Author:  [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/15 "2008-12-19T14:43:46Z")
Until I was in high school I didn’t know that _my mother used to be a nun_.
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### Author:  [@New\_Beginning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/New_Beginning)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/16 "2008-12-19T15:36:36Z")
My family doesn’t talk about almost anything unpleasant. Several years ago I felt that I had no one to turn to and I told my mom that I was seriously depressed and she basically pretended not to hear me and never said anything about it after that. In general she seems to filter out anything that she doesn’t want to hear.
My parents are very pleasant to be around… if you’re willfully oblivious and don’t want to talk about anything meaningful.
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### Author:  [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/17 "2008-12-19T15:38:21Z")
Blood tests proved my father wasn’t my biological father. But how I was conceived and who was there besides my mother was never discussed.
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### Author:  [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/18 "2008-12-19T15:41:13Z")
My cousins had a relationship for a couple of months over 20 years ago. It is NEVER discussed.
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### Author:  [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/19 "2008-12-19T15:41:41Z")
Yes, to the point that I have half siblings who I only found out about by accident.
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### Author:  [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2008, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-family-just-not-talk-about-certain-distasteful-things/477845/20 "2008-12-19T15:46:14Z")
> [@kunilou](#):
>
> My grandparents never discussed why they left the old country, and incidentally why my grandfather changed his name.
Similar here. My great-grandfather never discussed his reasons for coming to the US. When we asked my great-grandmother if she knew, she said, “I never asked him.”
One of my uncles, the youngest of many siblings, died when he was still a teenager. No one talks about him. Grandma has a picture of him, but that’s about it. No family stories, and the manner of his death is a mystery to most of us.
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