# Does your mom call your dad by his first name, or ... dad ? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 18, 2007, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171 "2007-10-18T15:38:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![starryspice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@starryspice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/starryspice)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/21 "2007-10-18T19:58:44Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] In a (hopefully) interesting addendum, my parents always used the formal “you” in Hindi with me, even though you don’t have to use it with people younger than you. They did it so I would always default to the formal “you”, and guess what? - it worked! [/QUOTE] This is a total hijack, but I just wanted to say this is an excellent idea. I spoke up speaking German at home and my parents and I always used the informal “you.” I’ve been to Germany a few times now and I always have a hard time remembering to use the formal version. On at least one occasion I’ve used the informal version by accident and mildly insulted someone, which was definitely not my intention! So good for your parents! ---
**Author:** ![Li\_l\_Pluck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee59a6/32.png) [@Li\_l\_Pluck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Li_l_Pluck)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/22 "2007-10-18T20:01:53Z")
Nowadays, Mama (who, indeed, is long-suffering, though also long-separated-though-not-yet-divorced–I’m over trying to figure \*that \* out), when she’s talking to my brother and/or me, feels more at home referring to our father as “that jackass,” but when we were children, they’d both refer to each other as “your mother/your father”. When addressing each other (whether in front of us kids, or not), they’d call each other by their first names or, in the case of my father, with a nickname derived from Mama’s real name. And no, my father doesn’t refer to Mama (when talking to my brother and me) as anything other than “your mother”. Not bitch, whore, or any of the other names he’s called her during their defective-NEVER-should-have-happened-rich-with-spousal-abuse (perpetrated by him) marriage, but “your mother”. Granted, he doesn’t know that he is, with regularity, “that jackass”. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/23 "2007-10-18T20:02:04Z")
My parents call each other by their names, or some nickname or endearment if they’re feeling happy. If Pop is talking to me about Mom, he says “your mother” [and actually corrects himself if he says her name] and if Mom is talking to me about Pop she says “your Pop”. ---
**Author:** ![Li\_l\_Pluck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee59a6/32.png) [@Li\_l\_Pluck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Li_l_Pluck)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/24 "2007-10-18T20:03:08Z")
Nowadays, Mama (who, indeed, is long-suffering, though also long-separated-though-not-yet-divorced–I’m over trying to figure \*that \* out), when she’s talking to my brother and/or me, feels more at home referring to our father as “that jackass,” but when we were children, they’d both refer to each other as “your mother/your father”. When addressing each other (whether in front of us kids, or not), they’d call each other by their first names or, in the case of my father, with a nickname derived from Mama’s real name. And no, my father doesn’t refer to Mama (when talking to my brother and me) as anything other than “your mother”. Not bitch, whore, or any of the other names he’s called her during their defective-NEVER-should-have-happened-rich-with-spousal-abuse (perpetrated by him) marriage, but “your mother”. Granted, he doesn’t know that he is, with regularity, “that jackass”. Hmmm, maybe he’d act differently if he did. ---
**Author:** ![LVgeogeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b19c9b/32.png) [@LVgeogeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LVgeogeek)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/25 "2007-10-18T20:34:00Z")
My parents address each other by their first names. When they were talking to me or my sister is was “your mother/father said \_\_\_\_\_” My husbands parents address each other by their first names, however, when talking to my husband, but they will say “mom/dad thought you might find this interesting” or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Ms.Pumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a87d85/32.png) [@Ms.Pumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms.Pumpkin)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/26 "2007-10-18T20:46:17Z")
I _think_ my parents used each others names(or nicknames) when addressing each other directly, but would use “mom” or “dad” when speaking of each other, to me. For instance, my father might say, “Elaine, can you come here for a second?” when speaking to her, but “Go ask mom to come in here for a second”, when speaking to me. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/27 "2007-10-18T21:14:12Z")
I’m fairly certain that my wife has never, ever referred to me by my given name, save possibly in the marriage ceremony. It’s mostly pet names. Even the names my kids call me are derivatives of these (along with Dad or Daddy). My mother seems to refer to my father mostly by expletives, although she’ll sometimes use his real name. I have never heard either of them refer to the other as “Mom” or “Dad” or anything along those lines. Sometimes it’s “Your mother” or “Your father”, though. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/28 "2007-10-18T22:59:49Z")
It’s kind of funny, but I don’t really remember what they used to address each other. I think pet names, because both of them had odd sounding names (my dad hated his given name). My husband and I use pet names or ‘honey’ a LOT. I use the nickname Poppy for him a lot; he calls me Mama quite often. If I want his attention I’ll use his given name (sometimes first and last, kind of like some moms do). When speaking to others we use our given names. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2007, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/29 "2007-10-19T00:41:34Z")
My parents used “Mom” and “Dad” with either other until I was in high school, and then switched to their first names. It was really strange hearing that. My father is dead but my mom will still call him “Dad” when she talks about him to us. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2007, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/30 "2007-10-19T05:27:23Z")
I never heard my parents call each other anything other than “dear”. Caused some problems in school when we were asked to fill out forms with our parents’ names…I really had to think about it! ---
**Author:** ![Dottygumdrop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Dottygumdrop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dottygumdrop)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2007, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/31 "2007-10-19T06:49:14Z")
My mother call my father by his name, or occasionally she calls him “Fred” - I have no idea why. My father calls my mother by her name or “She Who Must Be Obeyed” - he’s a big Rumpole fan! If they are talking about each other to us, then they refer to each other as “Mum” or “Dad”. ---
**Author:** ![nonacetone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonacetone/32/2819_2.png) [@nonacetone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nonacetone)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2007, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/32 "2007-10-19T10:50:13Z")
Oooh! Does ‘That Bastard’ count? ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2007, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/33 "2007-10-19T11:14:51Z")
They definitely didn’t call each other any variation of mom or dad. I think my mom called my dad by his first name, and he called her “honey.” I remember being around seven when someone asked me about my mom using her first name and I didn’t know who they were talking about. I was really kind of mad about it. ---
**Author:** ![Aangelica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Aangelica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aangelica)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2007, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/34 "2007-10-19T15:52:00Z")
When my brother and I were younger, my parents called each other “Mom” and “Dad” when we were around, unless they were speaking with someone other than myself or my brother. If they were talking to another adult, then they referred to their spouse by name. If they were talking to a child, they referred to their spouse by _title_ (i.e., “Uncle John” or “Mrs. Smith”). Now, when they’re talking about the other to us they use “your father/mother”. Mostly these days they get referred to as Grandma and Grandpa at family gatherings 😛 They probably call each other by name when we’re not around, though. It would weird me out if either one were to refer to their spouse by name when speaking to me though - but that’s largely because we tend not to use people’s names in my family. We refer to other family members referentially or by long-established nickname almost exclusively - so, for example, my brother is “your brother” or “the Boy”, never his given name.\* Even when he’s in the room. \*Weirdly, I am the exception to this rule. This is because my given name does _not_ lend itself to nicknames and I have two sisters. Therefore, my mother telling my dad to “call your daughter” or referring to me as “your sister” to my brother is less than clear. My sisters both have nicknames based on their given names that get used. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2007, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/35 "2007-10-20T16:08:33Z")
> [@](#): > > I dunno why this bugs me, but my mom ALWAYS refers to my dad as Dad when she mentions him in a conversation with any of the four kids. Hey we know his name is Jim, and to my ears it’s always sounded so odd that she says things like, “Dad and I did blah blah.” My mom will tell me something about my dad and start to use his name and then correct herself and call him Papá, as though I wouldn’t know who she’s talking about. Duh, Mom. I think she would address him by name half the time and Papá the other half (they’re divorced, hence the past tense). I honestly can’t remember my dad ever addressing my mother with anything – name, nickname, Mamma – but in talking to us kids, he would call her Mamma (actually, he speaks Italian to us and calls her “la mamma” as opposed to “la tua mamma” [your mom]). ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2007, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/36 "2007-10-20T16:16:28Z")
My folks called each other by their name to each other and Mom and Dad to us. Occasionally, instead calling her Barbara, he would call her “Borrow a bra.” Cracked me up. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Mapp](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miss_mapp/32/369_2.png) [@Miss\_Mapp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Mapp)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2007, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/37 "2007-10-20T16:19:30Z")
She called him by name when we were kids, unless she was speaking to one of us and referred to him as “your father.” These days, she mostly calls him “Grandpa,” which is kind of amusing when none of the grandchildren are around. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2007, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/38 "2007-10-20T20:13:35Z")
[QUOTE=nonacetone] Oooh! Does ‘That Bastard’ count? [/QUOTE] Yeah, that’s pretty much what my mother calls my father. And he left when I was so young I don’t remember him calling her anything. I lived for a number of years with an aunt and uncle. If they were speaking to my cousins about eachother they’d use “Daddy” and “Mom” (“Go tell Daddy dinner’s ready”) but called eachother by their real names or endearments. My grandparents on the other hand - my father’s parents, with whom I had no contact for more than 20 years following the late unpleasantness - throughout their lives called eachother Mother and Daddy. It creeped me out, especially since at the time I was getting to know them their children were in their early 50s. Something unsettling about hearing an 80 year old woman calling a guy Daddy. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2007, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/39 "2007-10-20T23:33:31Z")
My dad is “your dad” to my mom and she is “Maria” to him (and “Marie” to my stepdad) even though her given name is “Mary”. I have no idea why. ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2007, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171/40 "2007-10-21T02:52:24Z")
The only time I remember my parents calling each other by their first names was at parties or in other crowds, when calling “Honey”, as they normally addressed each other, might cause several heads to turn. On a side note, it appears that my 23-year-old niece does not know her grandmother’s first name. Her letters come addressed only to Grandma-Lastname or Mrs.-Lastname. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-mom-call-your-dad-by-his-first-name-or-dad/423171.md?page=3)