# Does your stapler work? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 1, 2004, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108 "2004-06-01T18:06:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FaerieBeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@FaerieBeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FaerieBeth)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/21 "2004-06-02T00:55:07Z")
8 years ago I worked in an office setting. I was responsible for payroll, accounts receivable, and federal deductions (among other things). I worked there for 2 years, and in that time period, I came upon _my stapler_. She’s a small desk size Swingline design series from the early 90s. She has a tortoise shell high impact plastic top. She is **my** stapler. She left with me, finished an additional 2 years of college, and then went on to the classroom. Nobody lays a finger on my tortoise shell Swingline. Ever. I will be buried with that stapler. FB ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/22 "2004-06-02T00:58:57Z")
Y’know, I am seriously thinking of collecting staplers. Who knew they could hold such power over us. ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/23 "2004-06-02T17:46:14Z")
I have 2 staplers in the regular rotation here at work. First, I have my workhorse; an electric Swingline 270 that holds a 2500 staple cartidge. It never seems to run out of staples, can staple 2-approx. 45 pages with ease, and is pretty quiet due to a rotating gear assembly that drives the staple instead of the air hammer thing. It was originally was my boss’ but she couldn’t ever get it to work and insisted that I give her my old Rapid 100 Electric which always jams (probably from cheap staples) and sounds like a dump truck dropping a dumpster in exchange. Second, is my Stanley Bostitch 00540. The base is 14" long and it has a 12" handle on it that drives heavy duty staples from 3/8" to 15/16" through ANYTHING. I have stapled wooden rulers together with this thing. Damn, I’m becoming the Mel Kiper of staplers. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/24 "2004-06-02T18:46:58Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > You are no freak. You’ve got it all wrong. Don’t order imported staples…you go there to buy them. And you need help me with this important job. > > I googled [it](http://www.vikingop.it/(vfiluyrwzgh4mvmxuppzpjjr)/catalogFamily.aspx?ID=816702) I knew that if anyone could understand the love between a girl and her Romeo Maestri Primula 6, it would be you, **Shirley**. World domination will soon be ours. ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/25 "2004-06-02T19:17:51Z")
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you… [The Swingline Commercial Desk Stapler](http://www.swingline.com/html/1616.html) I’ve worked here for 15 years, and it was old when I came here. It’s scratched. It’s logo has worn away. It’s mine. I’ve worked more paper than you could dream of and it’s never failed me. Never jams. Even when I stupidly try to staple a gazillion sheets and once, it will do it’s best. But not jam. I love this thing. When I go, it goes with me. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/26 "2004-06-02T22:31:55Z")
> [@](#): > > I knew that if anyone could understand the love between a girl and her Romeo Maestri Primula 6, it would be you, **Shirley**. World domination will soon be ours. Wham! WHAM WHAM! ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/27 "2004-06-02T22:47:17Z")
And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, I, _Bristo The Magnificent Mentalist_, will astound you with incredible feats of psychic ability! (On my honor, all bits leading up to the moment of the Great Reveal are 100% true) Now then, I have clicked the “Reply” button to this thread having read the thread title and the title alone! And now…yes…I’m getting something…the forces of the Netherworld are speaking to me…Yes! I see a bare minimum of two references to _Office Space_ and/or Milton in this thread! And now, to verify this astounding feat with a Preview: Yes! Thank you, ladies and gentlemen; you’ve been a wonderful audience! Oh, and yeah, \*Swinglines \* rule. I used to have two on my desk at work. One followed me home. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/28 "2004-06-02T23:27:00Z")
At the office, we use a [real stapler](http://www.machinerunner.com/Top-Carton-Manual-Staplers/ASC-ASC550H.html). Probably not much use for sticking a few sheets of paper though. ---
**Author:** ![caymus28](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@caymus28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/caymus28)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/29 "2004-06-03T00:39:35Z")
> [@](#): > > My pet theory is that the stapler manufacturors produce about a 1: **1,000,000,000** ratio of staplers that work. One being the working number, **one million** being the faulty ones that everyone owns thus causing Stapler Rage which transfers over into other areas of the workspace. [NITPICK]That would be one billion.[/NITPICK] FWIW, I agree with your theory. I just stapled 50 times with my Boston. Four of them would be business plan/ presentation material. The others all looked incomplete. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/30 "2004-06-03T00:41:40Z")
My darling Marcie takes my Swingline every chance she gets. She takes it off my desk, carries it into her boudoir and does God knows what with it. I think she married me for my Swingline. I have to hunt it down three or four times per week. I get to fill it with staples and keep it for a couple of days and then it disappears again. She does the same thing with my favorite ball point pen, too. ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/31 "2004-06-03T00:56:59Z")
At the risk of sounding like an idiot, would someone please explain a “Milton”? Is it a noun and/or a verb? (I realize it’s something to do with the movie “Office Space”, but haven’t seen it yet. Use a spoiler box if need be, in the unlikely case there is someone as culturally impaired as I am.) As for me, I have four staplers - one large gray desk model, and three mini staplers (one was free with a staple puller, one came home with me from work, and the other I have owned since college) - almost looks like Mama Duck and the Ducklings, or a lead singer and the back-up group. Oh, and I have three staple pullers. ---
**Author:** ![Chairman\_Pow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/838e76/32.png) [@Chairman\_Pow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chairman_Pow)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/32 "2004-06-03T01:34:34Z")
Even today, Swinglines are too heavy and jam all the time. Go for any one of the nice Stanley Bostich staplers. Lightweight, abuse-resistant and I’ve never had mine jam. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/33 "2004-06-03T01:42:58Z")
Screechy, just for you. [Milton from office space and his red swingline stapler.](http://www.virtualstapler.com/office_space/os_10.asp) He is every man’s hero and suffers like every man. The fear, the dreaded fear of someone taking your stapler from you. Viva La Milton! ---
**Author:** ![Delly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85f322/32.png) [@Delly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Delly)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/34 "2004-06-03T01:47:01Z")
I agree on your theory about staplers. Where I work, there are four staplers int he office where I am. One of them works. There all the same make too. Although the one that works is a different model. At home I have a a tiny Rexel stapler that I use for my college work, it cost the grand total of €5 and its never failed. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/35 "2004-06-03T01:48:56Z")
Oooooooh. The above links home page offers Stapler Haiku’s. > [@](#): > > Stapler before dawn > Waiting in perfect silence > Dreams of loose paper > > - c. allen > Rough clippings gather > Rustling in their loose embrace > Stapler brings order > - c. allen and Ode’s to Staplers ::::::::swoon::::::: > [@](#): > > STAPLER > by Donna Bechar > > Stapler > it’s an enabler > launching its disciples > on their mission of > holding together > whatever must be > brought close > in a more permanent relationship > not like those temporary paper clips > with their tentative grasp > of the concrete > > Staple > the root is the bread of life > sustenance > like sheets of paper > sustaining worlds of words > holding together communities > cities, nations > > To staple > teams and dreams > reams of themes > and seams > > Stapled > seams that held together > my father’s chest > after doctors blazed trails and rerouted roads > to his heart > for deliverance of > that red surging staple of life > > Staples > their Frankenstein look deceptive > as they welded flesh > coaxing tissue to bond once more > their removal leaving only a hint > of their heroic deed And then there is the [virtual stapler](http://www.virtualstapler.com/default.asp) . The wonderfully orgasmic sound of a functioning stapler doing what it was meant to do. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/36 "2004-06-03T12:04:46Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > Screechy, just for you. [Milton from office space and his red swingline stapler.](http://www.virtualstapler.com/office_space/os_10.asp) Technically, Milton is originally a character of a Mike Judge short shown on MTV’s _Liquid Television_. He’s the guy who created _Beavis & Butthead_, and, IIRC, who wrote _Office Space_. The character was essentially the same, though when the boss swiped the Swingline he did it with slow, evil finesse rather than just snatching it off the desk. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/37 "2004-06-03T12:31:59Z")
I have an ancient grey Swingline that has a big platform on the top that you hit. I took it after the very old guy that worked here who owned it died. I think it’s older than I am. That thing could staple an elephant to a cement wall. ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/38 "2004-06-03T16:34:08Z")
I can’t tell you whether or not my stapler works, because it desn’t exist. I’m in charge of the “express” area at the copy shop where I work. IOW the place the customers get to use our stuff. There are four work tables scattered amongst the copiers, with little bins on them holding rubber bands, pens, highlighters, tape, white-out, paperclips, scissors and stalers. Every day I go to work at 1:00 pm, take four staplers, load them fresh with brand-new staples, and set one on each work table. I take my lunch at 5:00, and when I return, three of the staplers are gone. I then confiscate the fourth stapler and hide it under my desk, only allowing it out when customers specifically ask for it, and attempt to keep my eyes on it the entire time it’s out of my hands. However, by the time I close out my shift at 9:00, that last stapler has also disappeared. It drives me crazy. We’re losing at least a hundred dollars in staplers a month! Yet we can’t chain them to the tables or anything, so there’s no respite in sight. I envy all of you with stable stapler supplies. ---
**Author:** ![Tiggrkitty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tiggrkitty/32/17966_2.png) [@Tiggrkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiggrkitty)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/39 "2004-06-03T17:03:06Z")
I have two Swinglines at the house that work flawlessly. Here at the office they purchased GBC Bates. This thing works about 1 out of 10 attempts in punching a staple through 2 sheets of paper, it’s worse if you try and staple more than two sheets. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108/40 "2004-06-03T17:07:54Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > I googled [it](http://www.vikingop.it/(vfiluyrwzgh4mvmxuppzpjjr)/catalogFamily.aspx?ID=816702) I sent that link to the person who procures office products here and she didn’t take it too seriously. Bad luck. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/does-your-stapler-work/248108.md?page=3)