# Doing the nasty in your own home when you have guests over **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 28, 2008, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doing-the-nasty-in-your-own-home-when-you-have-guests-over/478965 "2008-12-28T16:15:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doing-the-nasty-in-your-own-home-when-you-have-guests-over/478965/101 "2008-12-30T18:20:06Z")
> [@Mighty\_Girl](#): > > People don’t have ashtrays in their home. They don’t expect people to smoke when they come to visit. Heh. Even in this house, where a smoker lives, we have one ashtray… a custom piece made by my sister-in-law. It’s a nice piece of hand-painted pottery, and it says at the bottom, in beautiful flowing script, “_Fuma menos! Coño!_” ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doing-the-nasty-in-your-own-home-when-you-have-guests-over/478965/102 "2008-12-30T18:29:21Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > In responding to your claims of “hysteria” over secondhand smoke exposure, I pointed out that there _are_ rapid deleterious cardiovascular effects, and it should be obvious to you that someone with, for example, a serious heart problem could in fact die because of “a night of secondhand smoke exposure.” Um… yes, I suppose that \*already gravely ill \*people could conceivably die from a night of secondhand smoke exposure, thus securing their Darwin Award nominations, if they willingly subjected themselves to it. Healthy people are not going to die from a night (or 100 nights) of secondhand smoke exposure, and to suggest otherwise is hysterical. > [@Jackmanni](#): > > If in the face of facts you continue to spout ignorance, you run the grave risk of confirming the impression that you’re a moron. And if in the face of discussing the risks of secondhand to smoke to normal, healthy people, you keep bringing up the risks of secondhand smoke to people who already have a foot in the grave, you run the risk of confirming the impression that you are being either hysterical or disingenuous. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doing-the-nasty-in-your-own-home-when-you-have-guests-over/478965/103 "2008-12-30T20:31:43Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Um… yes, I suppose that \*already gravely ill \*people could conceivably die from a night of secondhand smoke exposure, thus securing their Darwin Award nominations, if they willingly subjected themselves to it. > > Healthy people are not going to die from a night (or 100 nights) of secondhand smoke exposure, and to suggest otherwise is hysterical. Sorry, but one does not have to be “gravely ill” to incur [substantial added risks of cardiovascular damage](http://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/data_statistics/fact_sheets/secondhand_smoke/health_effects/HeartDisease.htm) and death due to secondhand smoke. More [here](http://thechristhospital.com/?id=238&sid=1). _“A study of 32,000 women who were nurses found that regular exposure to secondhand smoke doubled their risk of a heart attack. The study compared outcomes among nurses who reported regular exposure to secondhand smoke at work and home with those who reported no exposure. The study found the association between heart attacks and secondhand smoke after accounting for many other cardiovascular risk factors such as high blood pressure or high cholesterol.”_ Nothing there about needing to have “a foot in the grave” to be affected by the added risk due to secondhand smoke. Ignore the evidence if you want, but falsely screeching about “hysteria” makes you look, well, hysterical. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doing-the-nasty-in-your-own-home-when-you-have-guests-over/478965/104 "2008-12-30T21:50:29Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > More questions regarding norms for behavior in the DR: > > We have two on-board sources confirming that smoking is socially very unacceptable in the DR, and one who tells us that culturally people in the DR place a high value on being gracious hosts. We also have our op implying that the stereotype of loud and passionate disagreements is true for at least his in-law family (and presumably for their friends). > > Given all that together what are the social norms _there_ for guests when a host violates two social norms (both against smoking socially and against being a gracious host)? It depends on the family, and the level of familiarity. While I might secretly curse a guest that asks if he/she can light one up, and I feel “pressured” to say yes, I will probably tell a close relative to fuck off and put that down right away. Which is exactly what they deserve if they can’t figure out how rude that is. But I am just speculating, as nobody in my family smokes. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doing-the-nasty-in-your-own-home-when-you-have-guests-over/478965/105 "2008-12-30T23:21:39Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Sorry, but one does not have to be “gravely ill” to incur [substantial added risks of cardiovascular damage](http://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/data_statistics/fact_sheets/secondhand_smoke/health_effects/HeartDisease.htm) and death due to secondhand smoke. More [here](http://thechristhospital.com/?id=238&sid=1). > > _“A study of 32,000 women who were nurses found that regular exposure to secondhand smoke doubled their risk of a heart attack. The study compared outcomes among nurses who reported regular exposure to secondhand smoke at work and home with those who reported no exposure. The study found the association between heart attacks and secondhand smoke after accounting for many other cardiovascular risk factors such as high blood pressure or high cholesterol.”_ > > Nothing there about needing to have “a foot in the grave” to be affected by the added risk due to secondhand smoke. > > Ignore the evidence if you want, but falsely screeching about “hysteria” makes you look, well, hysterical. “regular” exposure implies a bit more that one or a hundred or even probably a thousand second hand "singular exposures "… just saying ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doing-the-nasty-in-your-own-home-when-you-have-guests-over/478965/106 "2008-12-30T23:29:05Z")
I used to smoke 3 packs a day. But I haven’t smoked in 18 years. 2 weeks ago, I accepted a ride in a car of a some friends of mine. The ride lasted a total of 1/2 hour. 2 people smoked 1 cigarette a piece and the windows were partially down the whole time. I swear to God, I wanted to throw up and I felt physically ill for hours after I got out the car. I kept my discomfort to myself, since it was their car. Next time, I will ask that they not smoke, or let me out to walk back. Just saying, is all. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doing-the-nasty-in-your-own-home-when-you-have-guests-over/478965/107 "2008-12-30T23:35:15Z")
As far as non-smokers “faking” discomfort, I can say from personal experience that I don’t fake, and even a whiff is highly unpleasant. This unpleasantness is independent of how unhealthy it is; I inhaled a fair amount of junk in California’s recent fires, and was in a fair amount of discomfort for 2-3 weeks - but actually inhaling the stuff wasn’t nearly as unpleasant as cigarette smoke. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doing-the-nasty-in-your-own-home-when-you-have-guests-over/478965/108 "2008-12-30T23:43:02Z")
As a result of this thread, I think Jim and I are pretty much decided on not allowing relatives to interfere with our health any longer; there is almost guaranteed to be hurt feelings next Christmas, but I don’t think we’re going to put ourselves in a smoke-filled environment again just for the sake of family peace. I haven’t seen any hysteria in this thread (except possibly from over-defensive smokers). I have seen a lot of very good information. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doing-the-nasty-in-your-own-home-when-you-have-guests-over/478965/109 "2008-12-30T23:46:20Z")
As I see it, this is a no-win for both parties. One party will be resentful in the end. The smoker asking if it is OK \*could \*mean that he/she doesn’t know enough about the person to know if the answer is sincere. The non-smoker \*might \*try to be a gracious host, or a considerate guest and accept something that is either dangerous or disgusting to him/her. The non smoker \*might \*be resentful that his host puts him in an uncomfortable position (craving), or that a guest might be imposing herself/himself over something “minor” (“who dies from a one-time second-hand exposure?”) if he/she replies that yes, she/he does mind if he/she smokes, and could the smoker please not do it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doing-the-nasty-in-your-own-home-when-you-have-guests-over/478965.md?page=5)