# Domestic partners as husband & wife **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 3, 2009, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domestic-partners-as-husband-wife/491845 "2009-04-03T13:04:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domestic-partners-as-husband-wife/491845/1 "2009-04-03T13:04:43Z")
Do people who are registered as domestic partners in California refer to themselves as husbands or wives? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domestic-partners-as-husband-wife/491845/2 "2009-04-03T13:13:52Z")
The men are husbands and the woman are wives. Or they can use the generic term “spouse.” ---
**Author:** ![Beltane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@Beltane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beltane)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domestic-partners-as-husband-wife/491845/3 "2009-04-03T19:26:58Z")
I imagine it depends on numerous factors- those who have actually had a religous marriage probably tend to more often, and those who view it as purely a secular joining may not be as likely to. ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domestic-partners-as-husband-wife/491845/4 "2009-04-03T19:45:53Z")
I’m just wondering if I should refer to someone’s domestic partner as his “wife” or not. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domestic-partners-as-husband-wife/491845/5 "2009-04-03T19:48:50Z")
> [@Walloon](#): > > I’m just wondering if I should refer to someone’s domestic partner as his “wife” or not. I always use “partner” unless they express another preference. “The ol’ man” and “The ol’ lady” work, too. ---
**Author:** ![emmaliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domestic-partners-as-husband-wife/491845/6 "2009-04-03T20:02:17Z")
> [@Walloon](#): > > I’m just wondering if I should refer to someone’s domestic partner as his “wife” or not. I definitely would not do so unless that’s how he usually refers to his partner himself. He (and his partner) may think of both of them as “husband”. Or “partner,” or “spouse,” or “wife,” or “boyfriend,” or “significant other,” etc. I’ve heard all of the above used. Committed gay couples that don’t have the option to register their partnerships or get married occasionally call each other “wife” or “husband” or “spouse,” too. It’s not exactly regulated. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2009, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domestic-partners-as-husband-wife/491845/7 "2009-04-04T04:14:13Z")
I’m not in California, but my wife and I lived together for 8 years before getting officially married. We referred to each other as husband and wife during that time. ---
**Author:** ![jkusters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/fbc32d/32.png) [@jkusters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jkusters)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2009, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domestic-partners-as-husband-wife/491845/8 "2009-04-04T05:16:23Z")
We generally use the term “partner” for each other. I generally gently correct my friends when they call us “married” since we don’t have that legal right just yet. I have proposed to him (and he accepted, whew!), so we also occasionally use “fiancé”. When we do get married, I fully expect that we will use the term “husband” to refer to each other. If you’re asking if I’m going to call my male spouse my “wife,” that would be just insulting. The term “wife” is pretty clearly meant to refer to a female spouse. The assumption that one of the partners in a male/male relationship takes on a “female” role, or female/female relationship takes on a “male” role is pretty outdated. I wouldn’t presume to know what name to use for a particular person’s spouse. If you don’t know, ask. If you can’t ask, go with “partner;” it would probably be safest. ---
**Author:** ![jellyblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e480ec/32.png) [@jellyblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellyblue)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2009, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domestic-partners-as-husband-wife/491845/9 "2009-04-04T06:31:30Z")
I use “spouse” or “spousette”, sometimes. We are married (at least for now - keep your fingers crossed for us), so “partner” doesn’t seem accurate to me since that’s how we referred to each other before we were married.