# Domination, anyone? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 1, 2000, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domination-anyone/35209 "2000-10-01T02:23:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sequent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Sequent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sequent)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2000, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domination-anyone/35209/1 "2000-10-01T02:23:04Z")
This might seem weird, but…has anyone had any experience with domination/submission, sado-masochism, etc…you know, that whole _ **fetish** _ thing. I haven’t had any real experience in this area. But. I just was in contact with an old friend of mine from my hometown, and she was telling me that my ex-girlfriend, with whom I have not spoken in years (it ended badly), has discovered a new joy for dominating men. Controlling them, torturing them–I didn’t get all the details. Said friend says my ex is even considering doing this _professionally_. Whoa. Strange, because when I was with this girl, she was the least assertive person in the world. Clingy, in a weird way: but she wanted me to initiate everything. She never even wanted to decide where to go eat. Maybe it was me. I’ve never been dominated, but at the time, I would have loved for her to have exercised some, well, assertiveness. I don’t know–it does have me intrigued. Anyone have any experience here? ---
**Author:** ![Angkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/fbc32d/32.png) [@Angkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angkins)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2000, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domination-anyone/35209/2 "2000-10-01T03:03:02Z")
I had a partner who spanked me once… he thought it would be fun. It was not. It just pissed me off… not to mention it HURT! Does that count? ---
**Author:** ![Sequent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Sequent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sequent)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2000, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domination-anyone/35209/3 "2000-10-01T03:14:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Angkins \* > **not to mention it HURT!** Well, I think it’s _supposed_ to hurt; it’s just that you’re supposed to _enjoy_ it, too. You know, like the John Mellencamp song? Uh, maybe not. ---
**Author:** ![Angkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/fbc32d/32.png) [@Angkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angkins)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2000, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domination-anyone/35209/4 "2000-10-01T03:49:57Z")
I don’t think it was supposed to hurt enough to bring tears to my eyes!! 😉 Hey!!! Maybe if I was ready for it…naw… nevermind! ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2000, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domination-anyone/35209/5 "2000-10-01T03:53:47Z")
The things I post on this board in the battle to fight ignorance… Anyway, I really enjoy being dominated. Not spanked, really–although a little isn’t bad. I’m not really into the bondage thing–more like being told (forcefully) to do things or being made to do them. I don’t like it all the time but every now and then… ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2000, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domination-anyone/35209/6 "2000-10-01T04:32:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by evilbeth \* > > **I’m not really into the bondage thing–more like being told (forcefully) to do things or being made to do them.** This information earlier would have added a nice touch to our meeting in Knoxville, you know… :: d, r & c :: * * * Yer pal, Satan - Commissioner, [The Teeming Minions](http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/full/show?lid=39428&page=leaguehome) \*TIME ELAPSED SINCE I QUIT SMOKING: Five months, three weeks, one day, 2 hours, 32 minutes and 44 seconds. 7004 cigarettes not smoked, saving $875.53. Extra time with Drain Bead: 3 weeks, 3 days, 7 hours, 40 minutes. \***“I’m a big Genesis fan.”-David B. _(Amen, brother!)_** ---
**Author:** ![Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fairy_Princess_Kitty)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2000, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domination-anyone/35209/7 "2000-10-01T04:46:02Z")
Sequent, it’s often that type of shy, non-assertive person that gets into the domination-fetish type things. If she is non-assertive in all other areas of her life she might want to get out all her emotions in her sex life. I’m normally a very assertive person, I don’t care what people think about me and I do what I want when I want to. I am my own persohn and I’m not going to change for anyone, you either like me the way I am or you don’t like me, it’s that simple. However, when it comes to guys and anything related to sex I’m very quiet and very submissive. I am a little interested in bondage, being tied down or handcuffed though I doubt I’d ever seriously do it. I hope that answers some questions. People often like to try different things in their sex lives, but then everyone is different and I’m not a psychologist so take this all with a grain of salt. Kitty ---
**Author:** ![Ankh\_Too](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Ankh\_Too](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ankh_Too)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2000, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domination-anyone/35209/8 "2000-10-01T05:33:16Z")
:::hems and haws and debates with himself for a while::: I have a certain amount of … theoretical knowledge of the subject. Or did my sig give it away already? A glance at the online chat rooms shows that the interest in the idea seems to be far more widely spread than most people previously suspected, but it’s anyone’s guess how ‘seriously’ it’s taken by the participants. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2000, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domination-anyone/35209/9 "2000-10-01T05:38:23Z")
Rule #1 here is Do Not go back to Old Girlfriends. 🙂 Otherwise, it can be fun, or it can be hell. Depends on whom you end up with. There is a book called “Screw the roses, give me the thorns” or “Send me the thorns”. It’s a funny book, and has lots of practical knowledge. I know B&N will order it for you. Otherwise, I plead the 5th. ---
**Author:** ![Baglady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Baglady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baglady)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2000, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domination-anyone/35209/10 "2000-10-01T05:52:13Z")
\*\*Sequent \*\* asked, "This might seem weird, but…has anyone had any experience with domination/submission, sado-masochism, etc…you know, that whole _ **fetish** _ thing. I haven’t had any real experience in this area. " Yes. Not so much into the relationship mind stuff, though. …And your question is??? “Said friend says my ex is even considering doing this professionally. Whoa.” That’s actually apparently rising in popularity with the Internet as a means to advertise one’s services. Just warn her not to become like dominatrix Barbara Asher, whose session went terribly awry when her client died… and she chopped him up into bits!! You can read about it [here](http://www.bostonherald.com/news/local_regional/domi09272000.htm). ---
**Author:** ![Sequent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Sequent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sequent)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2000, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domination-anyone/35209/11 "2000-10-01T06:23:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Saint Zero \* > \*\*Rule #1 here is Do Not go back to Old Girlfriends. 🙂 > \*\* [chorlting] uh…no need to worry about **that**. Said ex-girlfriend is **long** gone. Thanks, though. Defintely sound advice. It’s just astonishing to think all that time, I had no idea, would have never guessed. It’s very strage. I wonder if she was repressed when she was with me or just reluctant to say anything. It’s just…strange. But **baglady’s** story is just plain creepy! Lends a whole new meaning to Rule #1. ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2000, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domination-anyone/35209/12 "2000-10-01T07:06:15Z")
And here I always thought rule #1 was don’t visualize. In any case, my experience in that area is only do it with someone you trust. Otherwise, it can be rather unplesant. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2000, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domination-anyone/35209/13 "2000-10-01T07:36:45Z")
The closest encounter I’ve ever had with bondage was when I tied up my best friend so her boyfriend could have his way with her. Then they let me watch 😃 (Of course, it wasn’t as fun as I’d hoped… well, not for me, anyway). Oh, did I mention I got to hold her legs? ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domination-anyone/35209/14 "2000-10-02T01:03:38Z")
Wait a minute, I spanked my former girlfriend without resorting to hurt her. I left no evidence, except maybe her afterglow. ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domination-anyone/35209/15 "2000-10-02T06:20:24Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Satan \* > \*\* > This information earlier would have added a nice touch to our meeting in Knoxville, you know…_\* And you’ll be coming back this way when? ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domination-anyone/35209/16 "2000-10-02T07:23:24Z")
Well, without giving away too much detail, I have some experience in the subject myself. More in the D/s arena than in the others, even though I’ve got some interesting bondage props I’ve bought at the Renaissance Faire. I have to repeat advice given earlier, and make sure that you’re doing this with people you _trust_. Not “hold my purse while I try this on” kind of trust, but “with my life” kind of trust, as some situations can cause serious damage (physical/emotional). My ex-husband did not understand my boundaries and crossed lines several times, eventually destroying any trust I had in him. I’ve been on both sides of the fence, being both submissive and dominant; I prefer being flexible, as I am never bored. I’m submissive in my current relationship, which has been a nice change since I’ve been dominant since the divorce. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domination-anyone/35209/17 "2000-10-02T07:34:59Z")
One of my friends is a professional domanatrix. She’s quite interesting. Also, one of my exes was very interested in it… although she got into BDSM after our relationship was long gone. I’m quite the vanilla girl myself, but hey, it makes for interesting reading. Anyway, there are quite a few good S&M faqs out there if you’re interested. I recommend [http://www.dogpile.com](http://www.dogpile.com) as a good search engine. I rather doubt that the links, if I posted them, would last very long. Contrary to popular belief, the core of BDSM is trust. (Much as JavaMaven was explaining.) For example, it’s very common practice to have a “safe word” while engaging in BDSM. Something uncommonly said during sex, like “hickory” or what have you. Whenever the safe word is said, whatever is going on stops. I’ve found that it’s a highly stigmatized community, but there’s not much logic behind the stigma. I was once voted “most likely to own a bullwhip”, but that was as a joke… honest… ---
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/domination-anyone/35209/18 "2000-10-02T08:00:19Z")
I used to meet up with this lady and her friends for nothing more than the mutual enjoyment of good music and dancing. She was petite, demure, and very soft spoken and she and I could really tear it up on the floor. We had a great time every weekend without that sex thing getting in the way. She was very pretty and I think I was the envy of a few guys. One evening she seemed to be looking at me as someone other than a dance partner and she must have been throwing this vibe out to more people than just me. Her best friend took me aside and told me that she had a whole room in her house devoted to “entertaining” and that she didn’t want me going there since I was such a nice guy. I talked with a guy some time later who had taken her home one weekend and didn’t make it to work on the following Monday… he saw me dancing with her and came to warn me of the horrors that awaited me. To look at her you wouldn’t think that she ran her own little shop of horrors. No thanks…