# Don Henley--Heart of the Matter **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 21, 2017, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-henley-heart-of-the-matter/791821 "2017-07-21T18:41:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BobBitchin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@BobBitchin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobBitchin)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2017, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-henley-heart-of-the-matter/791821/21 "2017-07-31T10:11:36Z")
I think it’s about outgrowing worrying about who was right, or who’s fault it was that the relationship didn’t work. It’s about overcoming the blame…all the blame, blaming each other for changing, blaming yourself for not fixing it etc. They both wanted more than the situation allowed, they both lost sense of who they were. I was 21 in 1989 when this came out, it was a cool song and I thought I felt where he was at:smack: I’m now 49 and my first marriage (age25-32) was a wreck, we lost a child and shit got dark…blame, regret, guilt, anger. Whew rough shit. I guess I’m just saying I get this song on a WAY WAY different level now, and IMO it is very specifically about getting to that zen. It’s all about being better, not about being right, its about not keeping score, because the most aggrieved party doesn’t win. Ok, did that make any sense,or did I just masturbate myself in a big circle?😃 ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2017, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-henley-heart-of-the-matter/791821/22 "2017-07-31T11:10:07Z")
All the info behind what the lyrics mean and who co-wrote them, it’s out there. It was a breakup and the chick moved on with a new dude. Not sure it’s really stated or implied whose “fault” it was - just that it’s over, she’s moving on and he doesn’t want to hear that she’s banging the next dude already, but it’s about forgiveness and moving on. ---
**Author:** ![Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barkis_is_Willin)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2017, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-henley-heart-of-the-matter/791821/23 "2017-07-31T20:34:08Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > I disagree with your hint. > > He misses her - it’s even in the lyrics. He knows he is the one that screwed up their relationship, and now he has to learn to live with the consequences. He can’t go back, he can’t fix it, The bridge lyrics are about him - he’s the one that hurt her. He’s just saying that she (like he already has) has to put it behind her and move on. Not move back to him, just on. Yeah, but I think you’re slightly backwards. He’s not the one who’s already moved on, she is. He got the call today he didn’t want to hear. She had found someone. Now he’s thinking how the hell could she have moved on after they tore each other’s hearts out? Ah, he’s realized it’s about…forgiveness (forgiveness), forgiveness (forgiveness) even if she doesn’t love him anymore. She must have forgiven him; and possibly even herself. Now he needs to do the same so he can move on. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2017, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-henley-heart-of-the-matter/791821/24 "2017-07-31T21:08:44Z")
> [@BobBitchin](#): > > I think it’s about outgrowing worrying about who was right, or who’s fault it was that the relationship didn’t work. > > It’s about overcoming the blame…all the blame, blaming each other for changing, blaming yourself for not fixing it etc. They both wanted more than the situation allowed, they both lost sense of who they were. > > I was 21 in 1989 when this came out, it was a cool song and I thought I felt where he was at:smack: > > I’m now 49 and my first marriage (age25-32) was a wreck, we lost a child and shit got dark…blame, regret, guilt, anger. Whew rough shit. > > I guess I’m just saying I get this song on a WAY WAY different level now, and IMO it is very specifically about getting to that zen. It’s all about being better, not about being right, its about not keeping score, because the most aggrieved party doesn’t win. > > Ok, did that make any sense,or did I just masturbate myself in a big circle?😃 This. The song is not about a simple relationship. ---
**Author:** ![SUZ\_MAC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e8cbc/32.png) [@SUZ\_MAC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SUZ_MAC)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2017, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-henley-heart-of-the-matter/791821/25 "2017-07-31T21:12:25Z")
He also drives home that it’s all about forgiveness. Even if … even if … you don’t love me anymore. ---
**Author:** ![SUZ\_MAC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e8cbc/32.png) [@SUZ\_MAC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SUZ_MAC)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2017, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-henley-heart-of-the-matter/791821/26 "2017-07-31T21:18:33Z")
The lyrics posted above by Just Asking Questions are not from “Heart of the Matter”. Those lyrics are from “In a New York Minute”. Just clarifying. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2017, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-henley-heart-of-the-matter/791821/27 "2017-07-31T21:30:59Z")
> [@SUZ\_MAC](#): > > The lyrics posted above by Just Asking Questions are not from “Heart of the Matter”. Those lyrics are from “In a New York Minute”. Just clarifying. And a few from Boys of Summer. They really do all fit together into one “story”, in a way. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-henley-heart-of-the-matter/791821.md?page=1)