# DON’T touch me. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 14, 2007, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999 "2007-06-14T14:53:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/21 "2007-06-14T17:14:23Z")
[QUOTE=BaneSidhe] Gia shoved the guy halfway thru the produce department and said if he even thought about touching her again she’d shove a pineapple up his ass. Sideways. [/QUOTE] Good for her! And **Mouse\_Maven** , Because the sky is blue, it makes _me_ cry. So there. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/22 "2007-06-14T17:24:15Z")
When someone touches your baby bulge, double over and say through clenched teeth “The doctor said this might happen.” Gasp, gasp “I might go into labor if my stomach was touched too hard.” Limp off, bent double and crying. The person will never touch another pregnant woman ever. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/23 "2007-06-14T17:26:44Z")
> [@](#): > > Pregnant chicks are too polite (betcha never heard that before). “Getcher filthy stinking paws off of me you \*&%$ pervert!” > > It’s fun, even if it doesn’t help. If you can do a good Charlton Heston, try “Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!” ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/24 "2007-06-14T17:33:17Z")
[QUOTE=Duck Duck Goose] Also, up the calcium, potassium, and magnesium, which are the ions needed for muscle function, and lack of which causes cramps. Taking calcium pills doesn’t always work, because your body doesn’t absorb big chunks of calcium well. Ingest more dairy products, and for potassium, it’s orange juice, bananas, or Low-Sodium V8. Magnesium is found in nuts. [/QUOTE] 'Nanas. 'Nanas, 'nanas, 'nanas. I ate so many bananas for charley horses while pregnant, my kid should’ve been born screaming ‘ooh-ee-ooh-aah-aah!’. But they helped a LOT. And seriously, tell people to leave you alone now. It only gets worse - I had so many people try to touch my newborn that I finally started wearing him in a sling almost everywhere - hardly anybody knew he was there. I still wear him a lot on my back now because he likes it, but it’s handy for making sure people stay hands-off. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Blue-Sighted\_Shadow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecae2f/32.png) [@The\_Blue-Sighted\_Shadow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Blue-Sighted_Shadow)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/25 "2007-06-14T17:35:47Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] When someone touches your baby bulge, double over and say through clenched teeth “The doctor said this might happen.” Gasp, gasp “I might go into labor if my stomach was touched too hard.” Limp off, bent double and crying. The person will never touch another pregnant woman ever. [/QUOTE] I was just going to suggest this! You could also scream, and when you have their attention say, “You startled me.” A sharp slap across the face might be satisfactory, too, although I suppose that’s assault. Then again, they started it. I really wonder about people sometimes. Didn’t their parents teach them not to touch strangers? ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/26 "2007-06-14T17:40:39Z")
If they make a comment about you being pregnant before or after they touch your belly, say something like “I’m not pregnant” or “It’s dead”. ---
**Author:** ![Mouse\_Maven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@Mouse\_Maven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mouse_Maven)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/27 "2007-06-14T17:44:37Z")
[QUOTE=Anne Neville] If they make a comment about you being pregnant before or after they touch your belly, say something like “I’m not pregnant” or “It’s dead”. [/QUOTE] To bad I have a high, squeaky voice. Otherwise, I’d say “I’m a guy.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/28 "2007-06-14T17:50:14Z")
[QUOTE=Mouse\_Maven] bladder incontinence (a recent development I’m just fucking _thrilled_ with :rolleyes: ) [/QUOTE] If you’re anything like my ex, it might not go away, either. She _still_ has to clench her knees together anytime she sneezes or she’ll pee in her pants. 😃 ☹ ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/29 "2007-06-14T18:05:01Z")
[QUOTE=Mouse\_Maven] I’m surrounded by a lot of over-achievers who are my age (30) and think that I’m to young to be a mother and are shocked that I’m not worrying about pre-schools, college, \ classes, etc., etc. [/QUOTE] Amen to that - I went almost mad when people kept asking me if we were on various waiting lists for pre-schools, were we going to teach our child sign language, what about multi-lingualism and what we were going to enroll our child in at 6 months. He hadn’t even been freaking born and already I’m getting useless tidbits of “advice” from complete strangers. And now that our little one is 13 months old, it’s what’s he saying? Is he walking? Well my little one walked at X months old. _Snide little smile_ Well, I’m sure yours will catch up soon. Oh, our little darling has all his teeth. Oh, yours only has four? Well. Some children just develop more slowly. For people who ask about the walking, I just say that our baby’s interested in more intellectual pursuits. And as for the teeth, why don’t you try sticking your finger in his mouth to find out just how effective they are? 😉 But what the hell is up with the competitive parenting anyway? My theory has always been that people assume that if someone else is doing something right, that must mean that what the assumee is doing is wrong. It doesn’t freaking work that way!!! And the belly - and later, baby - groping. Urgh. Don’t even get me started. ---
**Author:** ![Li\_l\_Pluck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee59a6/32.png) [@Li\_l\_Pluck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Li_l_Pluck)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/30 "2007-06-14T18:29:53Z")
[QUOTE=NurseCarmen] Well I, for one, beg to differ. 😃 [/QUOTE] Indeed! And I’m only \*\*half \*\* joking! 😉 Oh, I am \*so \* sorry, [del]Mr. Gibraltar In Your Pants[/del] sir, but you know how these subways shake, rattle, and roll so as to throw a [del]horny queen[/del] fella completely off balance! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/31 "2007-06-14T18:33:54Z")
[QUOTE=Little Nemo] If you can do a good Charlton Heston, try “Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!” [/QUOTE] But what if that perverted old Hagatha stares at **Mouse\_Maven** ’s belly and says in her best Charlton Heston, “You Maniac! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! Og damn you all to hell!” ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/32 "2007-06-14T18:36:17Z")
[QUOTE=BaneSidhe] Gia shoved the guy halfway thru the produce department and said if he even thought about touching her again she’d shove a pineapple up his ass. Sideways. [/QUOTE] I can only imagine how terrifying those words would sound in German. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/33 "2007-06-14T18:49:10Z")
I’m completely horrified by the fact that people would walk up to _anyone_ and touch them like that without permission, let alone a complete stranger. I imagine that getting hit in the face with a quick spray of Mace would make the touchers somewhat less likely to try that ever again. > [@overlyverbose](#): > > Amen to that - I went almost mad when people kept asking me if we were on various waiting lists for pre-schools, were we going to teach our child sign language, what about multi-lingualism and what we were going to enroll our child in at 6 months. He hadn’t even been freaking born and already I’m getting useless tidbits of “advice” from complete strangers. Wait, they have waiting lists for _pre-schools_ now? What the hell? Beyond ‘the teacher is not a complete psychopath and there are no obvious building/fire/health code violations’, how is one pre-school better than another? ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/34 "2007-06-14T18:59:03Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] If you’re anything like my ex, it might not go away, either. She _still_ has to clench her knees together anytime she sneezes or she’ll pee in her pants. 😃 ☹ [/QUOTE] That can be fixed. Tell her to ask her doctor. It may very well be a dropped bladder – a not uncommon thing to happen in pregnancy. A very simple same-day procedure will remedy it if that’s the problem. ---
**Author:** ![Mouse\_Maven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@Mouse\_Maven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mouse_Maven)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/35 "2007-06-14T19:11:40Z")
[QUOTE=NinjaChick] Wait, they have waiting lists for _pre-schools_ now? What the hell? Beyond ‘the teacher is not a complete psychopath and there are no obvious building/fire/health code violations’, how is one pre-school better than another? [/QUOTE] Its _scary_. I thought the same thing you did, but apparently some pre-schools have better academic ( :dubious: ) standards than others. There are some parents that believe the path to a great life starts with a good pre-school, followed by private schooling with a plethora of activies, Ivy League college, and at least a 100K job. Little ol’ me is thrilled that the Mouseling will have a better life than I did. Sorry Perfect Moms, I didn’t go to any fancy schools, couldn’t afford the fees for sports and didn’t have a tutor for the SATs. However, I can use the word “plethora” correctly. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/36 "2007-06-14T19:15:20Z")
[QUOTE=NinjaChick] Wait, they have waiting lists for _pre-schools_ now? What the hell? Beyond ‘the teacher is not a complete psychopath and there are no obvious building/fire/health code violations’, how is one pre-school better than another? [/QUOTE] Yeah, I think that some places are also starting to have entry requirements to pre-schools over and above things like being able to eat by yourself, age and ability to walk and follow simple directions. Some places require that children already know their ABCs or can read or some such. I’ve read and heard that some kids as early as 3 or so are already being tutored to make entrance requirements into pre-schools. Isn’t that batshit crazy? I’m not sure how much of it is media hype blowing the whole thing out of proportion vs. reality, but it strikes me as bizarre that some kids have these requirements. _Puts on grumpy old woman hat_ When I was in pre-school, we did learn our ABCs, but if I recall correctly, most of my time was spent drawing, singing a lot and learning to share with other kids. I’d prefer my child learn decent social skills for now and spend time enjoying himself safely rather than forcing him into academics before he’s fully toilet trained, particularly since by and large the scientific community (that I’ve heard of anyway) feels that such tutoring by no means gives kids a leg up for later. Now get off my lawn! _Takes off grumpy old woman hat._ ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/37 "2007-06-14T19:16:34Z")
[QUOTE=NinjaChick] Wait, they have waiting lists for _pre-schools_ now? What the hell? Beyond ‘the teacher is not a complete psychopath and there are no obvious building/fire/health code violations’, how is one pre-school better than another? [/QUOTE] Some will set your baby on the right track to the best elementary school, junior high, prep school, college…I saw it on L&O where someone killed the pre-school admissions officer! So we’re allowed to feel crothes with abandon now…hmmmm. ---
**Author:** ![kathmandu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kathmandu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kathmandu)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/38 "2007-06-14T19:16:49Z")
I’m going to be a voice of dissent here (sort of). I am currently expecting my second child. While I certainly don’t appreciate unsolicited belly touching, I’ve found that people who do it are generally well meaning, and seem to touch a pregnant tummy almost reflexively. I don’t think these people necessary require you to get medieval on their asses, but I do(kindly) point out to them that their touching makes me uncomfortable. I’d like to think that I get my point across in a gentle way and that maybe they will think twice about touching the next time they encounter a pregnant woman. ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/39 "2007-06-14T19:17:48Z")
[QUOTE=NinjaChick] Wait, they have waiting lists for _pre-schools_ now? What the hell? Beyond ‘the teacher is not a complete psychopath and there are no obvious building/fire/health code violations’, how is one pre-school better than another? [/QUOTE] They do. The main differences being Prices and Flexibility. Their hours of operation and how those hours compare with our work and school schedules is very important, the physical location of the school relative to our work and/or home are also very important. Transportation to and from public schools, whether or not they offer before and after school care, whether or not they take the kids all day on days when schools are closed can also make a difference. Smaller things like whether breakfast & lunches are included or simply available are also good to know. We also had to sign up while my wife was still pregnant to get the peditrician’s practice that we wanted. We still have the same pediatrician now even though we have moved twice since my first daughter was born and we now live an hour away in another state. Parenting is expensive, time consuming and cutthroat and that’s before the damn kid is even born. ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999/40 "2007-06-14T19:35:42Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] If you’re anything like my ex, it might not go away, either. She _still_ has to clench her knees together anytime she sneezes or she’ll pee in her pants. 😃 ☹ [/QUOTE] Oh, man… you probably made her cry. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/don-t-touch-me/407999.md?page=3)