# (don't) Ask Joe Cool anything!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [March 29, 2000, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567 "2000-03-29T23:21:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2000, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/1 "2000-03-29T23:21:00Z")
Well, I thought I’d add my own mundane and pointless thread, since everybody else has one.
Don’t ask anything you want to know about me. Don’t ask me anything you want answered. In fact, feel free not to ask me questions on ANY topic, be it physics, vegetarianism, the gravitational constant, the price of tea in China, martial arts, computers, even the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. I probably wouldn’t know the answers anyway.
Don’t fire away!
* * *
## Romanes Eunt Domus.
Joe Cool
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### Author:  [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2000, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/2 "2000-03-30T01:02:00Z")
Joe, where are all my missing socks?
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### Author:  [@Cessandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cessandra)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2000, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/3 "2000-03-30T01:06:00Z")
Don’t answer that, Joe – at least not without an attorney present.
* * *
[Cessandra](http://envy.nu/cessandra/profile/)
I would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for those meddling kids!
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### Author:  [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2000, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/4 "2000-03-30T08:22:00Z")
crap. nobody ever listens.
Demo, which socks do you mean? The gray one is behind the cushion in your couch, and the white one with red & blue stripes is in the trunk of your car. (what the hell were you doing in there???)
* * *
## If you say it, mean it. If you mean it, do it. If you do it, live it. If you live it, say it.
Joe Cool
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### Author:  [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2000, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/5 "2000-03-30T10:57:00Z")
African or European?
* * *
Voted **Best Sport**
And narrowly averted the despised moniker **Smiley Master**
Forward deployed until 18AUG00
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### Author:  [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2000, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/6 "2000-03-30T12:38:00Z")
What’s your favorite color?
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### Author:  [@Shadowfox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shadowfox)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2000, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/7 "2000-03-30T14:34:00Z")
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
* * *
Shadowfox
“The dead have risen, and they’re voting Republican!” - Bart Simpson
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### Author:  [@Trout\_Mask\_Replica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trout_Mask_Replica)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2000, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/8 "2000-03-30T14:36:00Z")
How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?
* * *
TMR
LETS RIDE THIS SAUCER FULL OF SupErlovE INTO OUR FORTOLD UTOPIAN MILLENIUM…
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### Author:  [@NothingMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NothingMan)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2000, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/9 "2000-03-30T15:08:00Z")
Fish in a barrel.
Hey Joe . . . you cool ?
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### Author:  [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2000, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/10 "2000-03-30T16:42:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Originally posted by ChiefScott:
> \*\*African or European?
> \*\*
African.
> [@](#):
>
> SwimmingRiddles:
> **What’s your favorite color?**
It would drive you mad to know. Oh, wait a minute. I almost forgot where it is I’m posting. Everybody here is _already_ mad. So my favorite color is #F3170C in hexadecimal RGB code.
> [@](#):
>
> Shadowfox:
> **How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?**
This must be a trick question. Everybody knows that no self-respecting woodchuck would actually chuck wood. Chucking wood is a highly developed innate skill for all woodchucks, but it is widely considered to be gauche. In fact, it is through denying the instinctual drive to chuck wood that woodchucks achieve the ultimate religious expression and hope eventually to experience the nothingness of being. It’s kind of a zen thing.
> [@](#):
>
> Trout Mask Replica:
> **How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?**
Let’s find out. \ a-one, a-two-who, a-three, \. Three.
> [@](#):
>
> NothingMan:
> **Hey Joe . . . [are] you cool ?**
Too many variables involved. It depends on how you define “cool.” Coolness has several connotations: one subjective, one absolute, one relating to temperature.
Examples:
“13 year old girls think n’sync is cool.” \<— Subjective.
“KMFDM is cool.” \<— Absolute.
“Jackie Chan is cool.” \<— Absolute.
“It feels kind of cool in here, I need a jacket.” \<— Temperature.
It depends on from whose perspective you want to know if I’m cool. It depends on the thermostat setting here at work. It depends on the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything. It depends on local gravitational effects.
But the definitive answer is an unswerving maybe.
* * *
## If you say it, mean it. If you mean it, do it. If you do it, live it. If you live it, say it.
Joe Cool
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### Author:  [@mrblue92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrblue92)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2000, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/11 "2000-03-30T16:46:00Z")
What is the answer to this question?
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### Author:  [@danielnsmith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danielnsmith)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2000, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/12 "2000-03-30T16:47:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Chuck he would, as much as he could, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
* * *
Hey Joe, what’s the meaning of life?
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### Author:  [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2000, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/13 "2000-03-30T17:07:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Originally posted by mrblue92:
> **What is the answer to this question?**
Yes.
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### Author:  [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2000, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/14 "2000-03-30T17:08:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Originally posted by danielnsmith:
> \*\*Hey Joe, what’s the meaning of life?
> \*\*
Forty-two
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### Author:  [@mrblue92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrblue92)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2000, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/15 "2000-03-30T20:38:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Chuck he would, as much as he could, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
I always thought the answer was:
“A woodchuck would chuck as much as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.”
But where’s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
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### Author:  [@MrKnowItAll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrKnowItAll)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2000, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/16 "2000-03-30T21:32:00Z")
Does Snoopy know you’re using his pseudonym?
(Don’t ask about Bullwinkle.)
* * *
_God is my co-pilot. Blame Him._
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### Author:  [@Ophanim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ophanim)
#### Post date: [March 31, 2000, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/17 "2000-03-31T02:20:00Z")
Have you heard MDFMK? Is it cool? Should I go out and buy it?
* * *
Where’s my side of FUN!?
Kisses!
Ophy
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### Author:  [@ASPA](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASPA)
#### Post date: [March 31, 2000, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/18 "2000-03-31T05:10:00Z")
QUOTE, Originally posted by Joe\_Cool:
I probably wouldn’t know the answers anyway.
_Wait, I gave you all the answers just now. Quick, go to ASPAs ANSWERS in the mundane section. (Mundane means worldly, you know.)_
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### Author:  [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)
#### Post date: [March 31, 2000, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/19 "2000-03-31T05:14:00Z")
what does a kid eat the middle of first?
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### Author:  [@Anti\_Pro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anti_Pro)
#### Post date: [March 31, 2000, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-ask-joe-cool-anything/15567/20 "2000-03-31T06:07:00Z")
Joe, I don’t want to ask a question, okay?
What time is it?
* * *
“Um, according to who? Nothing more than a high brow troll, though occasionally the bi polar personality swung in a constructive direction on innocuous topics.” Omniscient
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