# Don't assume I wanna murder a lobster **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 28, 2003, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137 "2003-05-28T23:09:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![rockle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockle)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/41 "2003-05-30T17:18:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tdn \* > **\ A week later my brother called and asked “We have some leftover lobster meat – how long will it keep?” \** This post is a joke, right? Because it isn’t funny. _There is no such thing as “leftover lobster meat.”_ Clearly this is an urban legend. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/42 "2003-05-30T17:29:27Z")
Person from Maine checking in … We are Downeasters as a generality. The coast of Maine is to the South and East, therefore if you are in say Bangor (that’s Bang-Gore, not Bang-er) you refer to the coast as being “Downeast”. The term was essentially co-opted to refer to anyone from Maine. And for my money the lobster is a genetic relative of the cow-patty, because they taste like shit. ---
**Author:** ![LarryBobb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@LarryBobb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LarryBobb)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/43 "2003-05-30T17:30:40Z")
> [@](#): > > No jokes please about whether my grandparents, being from Maine, ate the rooster. Everyone knows roosters are too tough to eat. Oh, man, I wish that I’d known that before lunch. Now I’ve got this tough old rooster beak stuck between my teeth. It’ll take a pair of pliers to get it out now! ---
**Author:** ![Wolfgrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wolfgrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfgrrl)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/44 "2003-05-30T17:44:24Z")
> [@](#): > > Oh, man, I wish that I’d known that before lunch. Now I’ve got this tough old rooster beak stuck between my teeth. It’ll take a pair of pliers to get it out now! No, no, silly! You’re not supposed to translate that into English before you eat it! (Forgive me if my Spanish is incorrect, but I understand that pico de gallo - one of my favorite foods - means “rooster’s beak.”) ---
**Author:** ![LarryBobb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@LarryBobb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LarryBobb)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/45 "2003-05-30T18:49:41Z")
> [@](#): > > No, no, silly! You’re not supposed to translate that into English before you eat it! (Forgive me if my Spanish is incorrect, but I understand that pico de gallo - one of my favorite foods - means “rooster’s beak.”) Is that what it means? I thought it meant “a trillionth of a rooster” refering to the near-vegetarian state of the substance and the fact that only a very small amount of animal product was used… 😉 Which is better than what [Babelfish](http://babelfish.altavista.com/translate.dyn) translates it to: “rooster tip” which sounds like a part of a rooster that I’d rather not eat… ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/46 "2003-05-30T18:59:36Z")
Okay, yeah, this shit is funny. And I’m a vegan. I’ve only got one thing to say about the OP though. If more people were forced to kill their own food, the world would have a hell of a lot more vegetarians. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/47 "2003-05-30T19:35:00Z")
> [@](#): > > I’ve only got one thing to say about the OP though. If more people were forced to kill their own food, the world would have a hell of a lot more vegetarians. Sure. LIke _carrots_ don’t cry when you cut them up. Plants have lives too. Painful death is not just for animals these days. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![LarryBobb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@LarryBobb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LarryBobb)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/48 "2003-05-30T19:45:48Z")
> [@](#): > > Sure. LIke carrots don’t cry when you cut them up. Plants have lives too. Painful death is not just for animals these days. Um, if your carrots cry when you cut them up, you might want to seek professional psychiatric help… Or take those carrots back to the space alien that you bought them from. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/49 "2003-05-30T20:22:56Z")
> [@](#): > > I’ve only got one thing to say about the OP though. If more people were forced to kill their own food, the world would have a hell of a lot more vegetarians. I killed most of a bottle of gin the other night. Didn’t feel a speck of remorse, or much else, either. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/50 "2003-05-30T20:33:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lezlers \* > \*\*I’ve only got one thing to say about the OP though. If more people were forced to kill their own food, the world would have a hell of a lot more vegetarians. 😃 \*\* Hell, I’ll agree here. I once had to see how chickens are prepared and absolutely REFUSED to eat chicken for about 5 years. It still gives me the heebie jeebies when I think about it. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/51 "2003-05-30T20:37:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by samclem \* > \*\*Sure. LIke _carrots_ don’t cry when you cut them up. Plants have lives too. Painful death is not just for animals these days. 🙂 \*\* Har har har. Never heard _that_ one before… :rolleyes: See? There’s another bad side effect to eating meat: inability to create _original_ vegetarian bashing jokes. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/52 "2003-05-30T20:39:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Angel of the Lord \* > \*\*I did NOT know that making lobster involved boiling the poor things alive (I was EIGHT! I’m not even sure I knew that they killed the cows to make hamburger; I think I thought they died a natural death). > > \*\* That reminds me of when I was a little girl and we had leg of lamb for dinner. I cried at the table, weeping over the poor little lamb that was walking around on only three legs. My parents smiled politely and passed the mint jelly to each other. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/53 "2003-05-30T20:52:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lezlers \* > \*\* > > I’ve only got one thing to say about the OP though. If more people were forced to kill their own food, the world would have a hell of a lot more vegetarians. 😃 \*\* Well, we’d have a lot better shots, at any rate. 😃 As for lobsters, try looking it squarely in the eye above the boiling pot of water and say: “No Mr. Lobster. I expect you to Die! Muahahahah!!!” before dropping it in. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Banger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@Banger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banger)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/54 "2003-05-30T21:41:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lezlers \* > \*\*If more people were forced to kill their own food, the world would have a hell of a lot more vegetarians. 😃 \*\* …and if more people were forced to grow their own fruits, vegetables and grains, the world would have a lot more meat-eaters 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Doc\_Nickel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@Doc\_Nickel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doc_Nickel)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/55 "2003-05-31T00:09:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LarryBobb \* > \*\*Is that what it means? I thought it meant “a trillionth of a rooster” refering to the near-vegetarian state of the substance and the fact that only a very small amount of animal product was used… 😉 \*\* Mmmm… Homeopathic chicken soup. ---
**Author:** ![Daizy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/46a35a/32.png) [@Daizy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daizy)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/56 "2003-05-31T00:26:12Z")
Tell your sister to just hug him and love him and squeeze him and call him George. 😃 Sorry… Just got to thinking about a [recent thread.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=186078) Daizy ---
**Author:** ![privard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e8c25b/32.png) [@privard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/privard)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/57 "2003-05-31T05:34:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Waverly \* > \*\*Sure, they belong to the same phylum. They only differ by class, order, family, genus and species, making them practically cousins - just like humans and their close relative the python. \*\* So what you’re really doing is pointing out that lobsters are so far below us, so different from us, as members of a different phylum, that they make other vertebrates like pythons seem like our close relatives by comparison. So basically, you proved the point of the person you intended to rebut. Way to go. AND you’re wrong, to boot. Lobsters may be different species, genus, etc. from insects, but the person didn’t call them “insects.” He called them “bugs.” And they are–like insects, arachnids (spiders, ticks), those creepy little pillbugs, centipedes, and millipedes, crustaceans are arthropods–and arthropods **are** bugs. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/58 "2003-05-31T15:01:43Z")
Making chicken? Hey, if the way they kill and prepare chickens makes you ill, wait till you find out what they do to the male chicks…_shudder_ And eventually, they get made into dogfood. _doubleshudder_ That’s it. I’m going to have my lunch at Mother’s Vegetarian Restaurant today. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/59 "2003-05-31T15:32:38Z")
With apologies to Paul Simon – “50 Ways to Kill Your Lobster” “The problem is all inside your head”, she said to me The answer is easy if you take it logically I’d like to help you to eat crustacean-ly There must be fifty ways to kill your lobster. She said it’s really not my habit to intrude Furthermore, I hope my meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued But I’ll repeat myself at the risk of being crude There must be fifty ways to kill your lobster Fifty ways to kill your lobster. Just smash in the back, Jack Boil the water, Otter You don’t need to spare claws, Roz Just prepare to eat Turn up the heat, Pete You don’t need to prepare much Just melt the butter, Lover And eat crustacean-ly. Just stab 'em in the head, Fred Put 'em in the fridge, Midge Or let 'em breathe air, Claire Just listen to me Soak 'em in wine, Tyne You don’t need to discuss much Just hand me that spice, Bryce, And taste the clawmeat. She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again I said I appreciate that and would you please explain About the fifty ways She said we can’t just sleep on it tonight For I believe in the morning the lobsters won’t be quite ‘alright’ And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right There must be fifty ways to kill your lobster Fifty ways to kill your lobster Just smash in the back, Jack Boil the water, Otter You don’t need to spare claws, Roz Just prepare to eat Turn up the heat, Pete You don’t need to prepare much Just melt the butter, Lover And eat crustacean-ly. Just stab 'em in the head, Fred Put 'em in the fridge, Midge Or let 'em breathe air, Claire Just listen to me Soak 'em in wine, Tyne You don’t need to discuss much Just hand me that spice, Bryce, And taste the clawmeat. ---
**Author:** ![Wikkit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@Wikkit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wikkit)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137/60 "2003-05-31T18:16:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by privard \* > **So what you’re really doing is pointing out that lobsters are so far below us, so different from us, as members of a different phylum, that they make other vertebrates like pythons seem like our close relatives by comparison. So basically, you proved the point of the person you intended to rebut. Way to go.** No, he pointed out that lobsters are as different from roaches as we are from snakes. Lobsters:Roaches::Humans:Pythons. Way to read. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-assume-i-wanna-murder-a-lobster/178137.md?page=4)