# "Don't be a jerk" means "Don't gloat when people have cancer." **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 29, 2008, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017 "2008-07-29T01:11:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/61 "2008-07-29T13:25:23Z")
I guess that makes you a meta-metamoderator. Probably be easier to just STFU and move onto another thread, but I don’t want to meta-metametamoderate. ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/62 "2008-07-29T13:25:41Z")
[QUOTE=Aquila Be] Well, actually, Dude, if you were in the same room as Cheney and behaved in that obnoxious manner I’d consider you to be not only emotionally stunted but as someone who operates at the intellectual level of a six year old child. What ‘insane evil’ has Cheney, in his essentially powerless office, inflicted on this planet in the real universe? (as opposed to the Hieronymous Bosch-like nightmare world of your imagination). No one with any sense of proportion could possibly equate Cheney’s supposed ‘crimes’, which you carefully left unspecified, with the horrific crimes of the genuinely nasty people you listed: “Kim Jong Il? Hitler? Mass murderers?” Regardless, those who feel inspired at the death of even a mass murderer to the extent that they’d want to put on their high heels and lipstick, dance around a campfire, leap up in the air and clap their hands, just to celebrate the death of anyone reveals them to be immature, infantile buffoons at heart. [/QUOTE] Who said I was equating Cheney with mass murderers and Kim Jong Il? Those were my extreme examples. And maybe “insane evil” was too strong, but his complete disregard for anything but making the rich richer puts him in the evil side in my book. I believe he has made the world a worse place to be. > [@cricetus](#): > > From what I’ve read, by first-hand testimony, the families of victims don’t celebrate. Some of them feel relieved, others feel empty. The only ones celebrating are the frat boys outside, and they aren’t exactly a hallmark of classy human behavior. And you’ve read that of the victims of mass murderers families? Does that extend to all of them? If one of them chooses to celebrate, would you tell them that they are being “frat boys” in the way that they choose to find relief? And does that apply to dictators? How many people in North Korea would celebrate the day they don’t get shot for trying to leave their country to escape? You’re making sweeping generalizations about how people react to things and what it means about them. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/63 "2008-07-29T13:29:08Z")
[QUOTE=cricetus] I guess that makes you a meta-metamoderator. Probably be easier to just STFU and move onto another thread, but I don’t want to meta-metametamoderate. [/QUOTE] Before this goes down the rabbit hole completely, do you have any response to what I was saying- since if you’re suggesting a modification of the rules I’m actually part of your target audience? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/64 "2008-07-29T13:30:30Z")
[QUOTE=Orbifold] One the one hand, I agree that gloating over people’s suffering is just crass no matter who is doing the suffering. Life is short and suffering is pervasive and we’re all in it together; taking joy in suffering just diminishes all of us. On the other hand, _you’re not a moderator and it’s not your board_. Damn, but the backseat moderating in the Pit is getting tiresome. [/QUOTE] I guess you summed it up better than I could. While I don’t plan to make posts that celebrate someone illness or death, I don’t think it is for me or **cricetus** to make such demands of others. To **cricetus** : If you really feel that the celebrating of someone’s illness makes that person a jerk. Let them know how you feel about it in the same thread and remember that they don’t meet your standards. Maybe you will get them to change their ways. You never know. (Well, OK, we both know some probably will not change his ways, but many other posters might if you explain why who think it was a jerkish thing to do.) Don’t demand the board either makes a rule or does away with the one that appears to have mainly been working for longer than we have been here. I personally have a mental image of a 10 year old stamping their feet and preparing to run off to their room and slam the door. Jim ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/65 "2008-07-29T13:34:25Z")
"I personally have a mental image of a 10 year old stamping their feet and preparing to run off to their room and slam the door. " When he’s tired of the seven year olds, I reckon. ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/66 "2008-07-29T13:37:15Z")
[QUOTE=Marley23] Before this goes down the rabbit hole completely, do you have any response to what I was saying- since if you’re suggesting a modification of the rules I’m actually part of your target audience? 😉 [/QUOTE] I said upthread (I think) that I don’t want or expect a rule change. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/67 "2008-07-29T13:43:34Z")
[QUOTE=cricetus] I said upthread (I think) that I don’t want or expect a rule change. [/QUOTE] You did say that this morning, but it directly contradicts your OP, where you said “either the mods stop it now” - meaning we need to _put a stop to it_ (I thought) - “or never cite that moronic rule again,” which you know isn’t going to happen. So I was trying to get a sense of whether you’re trying to get other posters to stop doing this or if you are really proposing a rule change. It sounded like the latter, at least in the OP. ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/68 "2008-07-29T13:45:49Z")
What do you want from me now, Marley? I mean, I just answered your question. Contradicts the OP? OK. The edit window on that is closed and I can’t do anything about it. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/69 "2008-07-29T13:46:38Z")
It seems likely to me that whether gloating at another’s death or pain crosses a line or not is kind of like how sacred people consider the flag. 1. It’s different for everybody, likely in large part to what their parents taught them 2. The only harm in grave-dancing or disrespecting the flag is to people’s feelings IMHO I would prefer that we not make this board a “hurt-feelings free zone”. It’s practically modded to an inch of its life already. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/70 "2008-07-29T13:48:46Z")
[QUOTE=cricetus] What do you want from me now, Marley? I mean, I just answered your question. Contradicts the OP? OK. The edit window on that is closed and I can’t do anything about it. [/QUOTE] As I said, I was just trying to get a sense of what you’re saying, because if you’re proposing a rule change I was going to suggest you start a thread about it in ATMB so other posters and mods can weigh in. Whereas if you’re telling off other posters for celebrating Bob Novak’s health problems, that’s not so much needed. ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/71 "2008-07-29T13:50:03Z")
\*I would prefer that we not make this board a “hurt-feelings free zone”. \* Yeah, because that’s what I proposed. :rolleyes: My only intention was for people to realize they were being jerks. But they wouldn’t be jerks in the first place if they could reflect on their own behavior. So I’ve gained nothing and you all have gained nothing and we all go about our business. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/72 "2008-07-29T14:04:21Z")
[QUOTE=cricetus] \*I would prefer that we not make this board a “hurt-feelings free zone”. \* Yeah, because that’s what I proposed. :rolleyes: My only intention was for people to realize they were being jerks. But they wouldn’t be jerks in the first place if they could reflect on their own behavior. So I’ve gained nothing and you all have gained nothing and we all go about our business. [/QUOTE] Don’t sell yourself short. We apparently got you to back off the part of the Op that I and a few others found objectionable and you probably have many posters thinking more about what they post and sounding like jerks. I don’t think\* I have ever posted a happy dance post when it is discovered someone I consider scum is seriously ill, but I never really gave it much thought before and I am far less likely to ever do so as you made some excellent points. I will probably even refrain in Dick Cheney’s case, though I might to an actually happy dance in the privacy of my home. 😉 Jim - I won’t be shocked if \*\*samclem \*\* comes back with one from me. I would be a little surprised. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/73 "2008-07-29T14:07:16Z")
[QUOTE=cricetus] \*I would prefer that we not make this board a “hurt-feelings free zone”. \* Yeah, because that’s what I proposed. :rolleyes:. [/QUOTE] If that’s not what you want, then you shouldn’t be proposing that the ‘don’t be a jerk’ rule be enforced against gloating over illness, the harm of which is only to people’s feelings. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/74 "2008-07-29T14:26:58Z")
[QUOTE=What Exit? to cricetus] Why do you get to decide what passes for being a jerk? [/QUOTE] Damn, man. What about you? I can’t believe you have the balls to ask that question. I don’t know how many times you’ve butted into other people’s business (including mine) to make declarative judgments about what passes for acceptable and unacceptable. Why don’t you just stop being the board’s wanna-be-a-mod nanny and leave people the fuck alone? ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/75 "2008-07-29T14:30:54Z")
[QUOTE=Liberal] Damn, man. What about you? I can’t believe you have the balls to ask that question. I don’t know how many times you’ve butted into other people’s business (including mine) to make declarative judgments about what passes for acceptable and unacceptable. Why don’t you just stop being the board’s wanna-be-a-mod nanny and leave people the fuck alone? [/QUOTE] I only butt into yours when you are making an ass of yourself. In fact I only to that about 2% of the time you make an ass of yourself. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/76 "2008-07-29T14:46:24Z")
You fucking wankers are too fucking sensitive. It’s not making fun of a guy with cancer, it’s making fun of a guy you would’ve made fun of anyway and showing no sympathy for his cancer. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/77 "2008-07-29T14:57:57Z")
[QUOTE=What Exit?] I only butt into yours when you are making an ass of yourself. In fact I only to that about 2% of the time you make an ass of yourself. 😃 [/QUOTE] Fuck you. And fuck off. Fucking hypocrite. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/78 "2008-07-29T15:03:38Z")
[QUOTE=Liberal] Fuck you. And fuck off. Fucking hypocrite. [/QUOTE] You walked into that one you thin skin nutjob. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/79 "2008-07-29T15:04:41Z")
[QUOTE=What Exit?] Why do you get to decide what passes for being a jerk? While I don’t go into these thread and celebrate some scumbag getting cancer, I don’t get why you find this so offensive and why the entire board should be expected to agree with you. Am I allowed to celebrate when Cheney kicks the bucket? [/quote] Of couse not. Mr. Cheney’s “death” will mean no more that Belial has exhausted his current mortal shell and has assumed residence in another. ---
**Author:** ![muttrox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a8b319/32.png) [@muttrox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muttrox)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017/80 "2008-07-29T15:09:45Z")
Threads in the pit wish a lot worse than cancer on ex-spouses, cable repairmen, tech support, bad drivers, etc. You could find a dozen quotes in ten minutes of searching. I guess that’s OK by cricetus as long as they’re not famous? Or as long as it doesn’t come true? It’s the Pit. “Don’t be a jerk” is a bit different here. I find these threads disgusting, but that’s the price you pay. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-a-jerk-means-dont-gloat-when-people-have-cancer/458017.md?page=5)