# Don't be proud of being a fucking bitch **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 7, 2007, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101 "2007-04-07T14:37:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Klaatu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Klaatu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klaatu)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/221 "2007-04-08T05:24:16Z")
**RSSchen** , what are you gonna do when loverboy says: “Well, I didn’t really mean I wanted to support two young kids and you. I didn’t tell you to get divorced! What? I just meant I loved you as a friend, I didn’t really believe you would divorce your husband. Hell, I have been kinda seeing this other chick… No, I can’t give you any money. Sorry, Baby…” ---
**Author:** ![RedFury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ec9cab/32.png) [@RedFury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedFury)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/222 "2007-04-08T05:28:41Z")
Fuck. I’ve been getting ready to watch an F-1 race at 3:00 (coverage begins at 2:30) and yet after the super-long day I’ve had – 350 km round-trip on super-shitty roads and and third World Traffic (Calcutta-like if you can picture that) to and from destiny combined with an early 6:30 AM departure – I found myself tossing and turning in bed for a few hours. Sleep was nowhere close to my lair. Thus I turn-on my laptop and invariable get to the SDMB. Now, I have a couple of threads where I’m due an answer and apologize that I’ve taken this one first. But fuckin’ A, I only needed to read the OP of the uppermost thread and a bit of the refenced thread to get my blood boiling. For in my fifty years of life, I have never ONCE cheated on a partner. And what’s more I don’t consider said behavior worthy of “praise” as I’ve even heard from some of my former lovers and other ‘experts’, but rather a compromise with honesty TO MYSELF and MY PARTNER. Not like I put much effort into it, just honesty. No saint I – between relations – but while involved in one, whenever I felt that the passion was gone and all that remained was, well, nothing, even if kids where in the mix (and I only have one, have always been very wary about prorecreating) instead of "getting my rocks with someone else, I’ve always chosen the path of honesty. As in “you don’t do it for me anymore, wish you all the best, but I’d be lying (and likely cheating) if I were to stay in this relation.” And you know what? I’ve been fortunate enough to have had relations where the opposite is true – not like I’m always the ‘dumper’. Guess what? You take your licks (either way) moan and bitch…and move the fuck on. Obviously some of us take longer than others.No matter, the end result is the same. You live on. However, foremost in ANY relation TRUST and RESPECT have to have the upper hand – otherwise you get scumbags/menwhores such as mentioned in the OP. Again, no saint myself when it comes to sex. OTOH, never lied or cheated while in a relation. I simply demand I be treated the same way in return. Otherwise you become less than irrelevant – as much as my heart might ache for a while, I don’t give or ask for second chances. In closing, whatever the name of the OP’s subject is (RSS something methinks) you’re a slimy scumbag takin’ advantage of what appears to be a good man. Plain and simple, you’re a poor excuse for a woman. Mind you, my opinion wouldn’t change one iota if the situation was in reverse. Has nothing to do with sexual identity and everything to do with personal integrity. Trust you don’t mind if I send a hearty “fuck you, you two-faced whore” your way. Because it’s not an insult but the reality you appear so fond of. And if you do mind, I don’t give a shit either. Them’s the facts Ma’am. Other than those small quibbles, I wish you all the best. And I wish your husband much better still. Which shouldn’t be too hard for the poor guy. * * * Kind of lucky for you I’m tired, mellow and lacking my natural/usual energy/passion. Then again, I doubt I’d find you worthy even If I did. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/223 "2007-04-08T05:37:28Z")
[QUOTE=Heffalump and Roo] I still don’t get all the judgmental stuff, unless of course, some of this kind of thing happened to you (generic you) in the past. [/QUOTE] Many posters have shared their experiences with divorce and infidelity, so that’s where a lot of the judgment comes from. Two fewer children from a broken home – that’s gotta be a good thing, doesn’t it? I think it was the nonchalant and selfish attitude in the OP (whether it’s out of character or not) that riled people. Or maybe it struck a chord. Maybe some of us want to do the same thing. I dunno. I couldn’t deal with the guilt. That’s what makes it hard to understand. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/224 "2007-04-08T05:46:46Z")
[QUOTE=AuntiePam] And also for the record, this just started 3 weeks ago. From the OP, it appears that she hadn’t been in contact with him for 30 years prior to that. [/QUOTE] I thought she’d mentioned they’d remained secret friends for the past 15 years. Did I read that wrong? ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/225 "2007-04-08T06:19:54Z")
[QUOTE=Caridwen] I apologize if I misunderstood your post. I do understand what your saying and tried to word my post to her in such a way that it wouldn’t seem like I was offering an excuse but for her to take a look at why she might be doing what she’s doing. Sorry if I overreacted. [/QUOTE] Apology accepted, and I also offer my apologies for snapping back. My comments weren’t meant as an attack on your post, more a commentary on how the OP, despite her claims to be “considering all comers” is only latching on to those posts which seem to be saying what she wants to hear, which is posts that are either directly praising her, or at least neutral in tone (as posited by **alice** ). Also as much as we pile on, the OP has now clearly shown she’s got no intent of considering the feelings of others in this mess, as long as she’s happy. So why are we still going around on this? (is it be time for hugs now? 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![Lil\_Slugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Lil\_Slugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lil_Slugger)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/226 "2007-04-08T06:33:22Z")
You know, out of idle curiousity I googled her user name and found a flickr page where it appears she has posted pics of herself, her two boys, her silver VW beetle and her cat. And looking elsewhere on this board, I see that she has [posted a link to the same pic elsewhere](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=7275014&postcount=139), so yes, it really is her. Her husband may be as dim as she says he is, but are all of their family friends equally dim? If a single one of them runs across this thread, it won’t be hard for him or her to (1) develop a hunch as to RSSchen’s identity and (2) immediately confirm it through the powers of Google. And then of course (3) gossip about it, and (4) tell the husband. In light of this, her flat assurances that her husband and children will not find out tell me one thing. She’s got a non-return ticket on the Crazyville Express. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/227 "2007-04-08T06:50:34Z")
Google also comes up with a link to a profile for an RSSchen in the “dead” section on the Teeming Millions Profiles adjunct of Fathom, wherein we learn this person’s first name is Rhonda and that, at the time of the profile, she had a job as an executive assistant. But then, perhaps that’s a different RSSchen, eh? Although the quote attributed to _that_ RSSchen is: “See, what’d I tell ya, people ARE stupid.” And the email addy provided in the link on that page just happens to be the email addy given in the SDMB’s RSSchen’s profile. Naw, I’m sure nobody will ever put the clues together and drop a dime on her. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Lil\_Slugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Lil\_Slugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lil_Slugger)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/228 "2007-04-08T06:52:31Z")
BTW, [here’s another interesting post](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=7237377&postcount=23) of hers from a year ago: > [@](#): > > I live in lovely Hayward, **in my home now for nine years**. When we bought it, 1997, we actually got to deal down to our price, which was $150,500. It’s a single-story 1220 sf 2bd/1b house. **My childhood BF bought a similar house down the street about 4 years ago** for $308K and I remember being amazed someone would pay so much for such a shitty house/neighborhood. :dubious: So it’s _not_ the ball pit at Chuck-E-Cheese. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/229 "2007-04-08T06:53:48Z")
[QUOTE=EddyTeddyFreddy] Naw, I’m sure nobody will ever put the clues together and drop a dime on her. [/QUOTE] What was the point of all that detective work, honestly? ---
**Author:** ![Lil\_Slugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Lil\_Slugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lil_Slugger)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/230 "2007-04-08T07:04:32Z")
You charactarize two minutes of googling “All that detective worK”? I suppose the point of it would be to demonstrate that she’s so narcissistic and delusional that she has done nothing to conceal her identity, even as she boasts of her affair and of how her husband and children will never find out except at a time of her choosing. Because she’s that smart. Also, the flickr pics show the sad truth that there are indeed two (quite handsome) little boys who have no idea yet that their mother is a faithless liar. Yet. ---
**Author:** ![Klaatu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Klaatu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klaatu)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/231 "2007-04-08T07:33:56Z")
That’s why I don’t post controversial personal shit on the net, anywhere. Shit can come back to haunt you. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/232 "2007-04-08T07:52:36Z")
from the other thread > [@](#): > > _originally posted by rsschen_ > And unfortunately, yes, there are people ignorant enough to not know how to look at an internet browser. I have proof. I have to tell him how to delete emails. AND I clear my browser and history upon logging out EVERY time. People who lack computer skills but have a credit card have weapons you probably cannot even imagine. Independent techs with security experience, private investigators, a few cooperative friends. One phone call to someone like me, and you end up fighting people who know how to twist windows to their will and could easily load you up with monitoring software that could be dropping him emails at work. Hell with a little wheeling&dealing he could be getting screenshots FAXed to him by more tech saavy folk. Given a few hours of research the dopers could probably find a hefty percentage of the other dopers just by correlating the massive amounts of info from a users posting history. Even if her hubby is computer illiterate, he might have a friend or coworker that is a doper that she did not even know existed. Long odds, but betting the house is rarely wise even under the best of circumstances. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/233 "2007-04-08T08:11:27Z")
[QUOTE=Lil’ Slugger] You charactarize two minutes of googling “All that detective worK”? I suppose the point of it would be to demonstrate that she’s so narcissistic and delusional that she has done nothing to conceal her identity, even as she boasts of her affair and of how her husband and children will never find out except at a time of her choosing. Because she’s that smart. [/QUOTE] If shes on the house, it would be a matter of hunting for real estate transactions in 1997 involving a Rhonda in hayward price range $140K-$160K How many Rhonda’s would we have on that list. A list which is part of public record and includes an address… :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Klaatu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Klaatu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klaatu)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/234 "2007-04-08T08:14:32Z")
Yeah, her casual attitude towards net security, and how she responds here pretty much guarantees she will be busted, probably sooner than later. I bet she is glued to this thread, and after reading all this, she is probably freaking out. Sucks to be you now, huh? eta: Sucks to be your husband too, you heartless bitch! ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/235 "2007-04-08T08:20:40Z")
[::: cue ominous music :::] It’s like that glurge with the girl talking online with a friend who is states away and she’s really told him nothing except what the name of her school is and that she plays ball and the name of the team and her number and whatever the fuck all else is in there so that the policeman shows up at her door and tells her parents what she’s done because she thought he was her friend and if it’s that easy to piece it all together she could’ve been gotten by a real predator who could just walk right up to her door and knows everything and could even hurt her parents and her puppy and her goldfish and then she’d never get to play ball again in her jersey with her special number on it. Phew! I need to pant and sponge bath with Gatorade. But see how important all that is? Leaves you out of breath and you still don’t know who won the game. Although her position ( 😉 ) is obvious. It’s worth it though, to save lives while thinking of the children. All of them. Every last one. Perfect angel blessings. [::: THUNDER CLAP :::] Because you can never be too careful. Dateline might end up outside _your_ door. Speak into the camera. ---
**Author:** ![Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/c4cdca/32.png) [@Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quiddity_Glomfuster)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/236 "2007-04-08T08:21:03Z")
[QUOTE=faithfool] I thought she’d mentioned they’d remained secret friends for the past 15 years. Did I read that wrong? [/QUOTE] Nope. That’s exactly what she said. ---
**Author:** ![Klaatu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Klaatu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klaatu)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/237 "2007-04-08T08:30:16Z")
Maybe she is already being taped for an upcoming episode of _Cheaters_. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/238 "2007-04-08T12:08:07Z")
Perhaps a small part of her WANTS to be found out? ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/239 "2007-04-08T12:24:53Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] There is something dreadfully off about this whole situation that is making me very uncomfortable. Either **RSSchen** is having a psychotic break or something, or she’s playing us. Or she truly doesn’t see anything wrong with anything she’s done or is doing, and that’s just as scary. [/QUOTE] Agreed. If we take into account the history of addiction, then I suspect she has to “hit bottom” on her own, and none of what we’re saying (except anything that could possibly be interpreted as supportive) will affect her at all. It’s just a pity that she’ll probably end up deeply hurting her children and her husband in the process. ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_From\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Girl\_From\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_From_Mars)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/240 "2007-04-08T13:04:28Z")
[QUOTE=RSSchen] I agree that while the deception of my husband is loathesome and I’m not providing him the respect he deserves, he IS getting a more pleasant person to be around right now. [/QUOTE] Which is going to mean that when you finally leave him, it will come as even more of a shock, and he will go through even more painful soul searching as to what caused the breakup of his seemingly happy marriage. As everyone else has said, before you rush off into the sunset, you owe it to your husband and your children to do all you can to save this marriage. It may well be unsalvagable. I have heard that a marriage can survive anything except for the contempt of one partner for the other, which many of your comments seem to veer towards. Your husband may not be as smart as you think you are, but he probably has other virtues which you long ago stopped valuing. Have another look at him before you dismiss him out of hand. And the fact that you are unhappy is not his fault. You have to find ways to communicate with him how you are feeling - and until you do that, and allow the two of you to work through them, you haven’t earnt the right to move onto the next relationship, and you risk making many of the same mistakes again. [QUOTE=RSSchen] I say three years simply because my children are small (3 & 6). I AM a good mom and take good care of my home responsibilities. [/QUOTE] Have a really good think about this. Forgetting the possible effects of the affair etc, you have (at least) [contemplated](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=413791) taking yourself off significant medication, simply in order to make your sexual affair more rewarding for you. I can’t be sure, but I would bet there are other complications of coming off anti-depressant medication, and some of these could affect your children, of whom you are the main caregiver. That previous thread made no mention of your worries about this, or that they were even a consideration in your search for a better orgasm. I can’t say I share your confidence that you are doing a complete job in caring for them above all else, which is my definition of a great mum. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101.md?page=13)