# Don't be proud of being a fucking bitch **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 7, 2007, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101 "2007-04-07T14:37:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/101 "2007-04-07T19:48:50Z")
You know, when the majority of people are saying, “Whoa, dude, hold up a minute” you’d think most of us would step back and think about it twice. I guess humans can justify anything if it feels good. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/102 "2007-04-07T19:50:04Z")
I very much think **RSSchen** is being selfish, childish and unrealistic about all aspects of this affair. If you make a vow to be faithful in a marriage, you either be faithful, renegotiate your marriage, or end your marriage. You don’t go looking for new stimulation behind your spouse’s back. And I speak as a person in a committed open relationship. **supervenusfreak** and I have been together for four years and the relationship has been open from Day One. It’s something that was discussed and agreed on between us from the very beginning. In other words, something completely and totally different in character from what **RSSchen** is doing. My feelings about her affair come not from some Puritanical prudery but from my basic concept of what a relationship _is_. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/103 "2007-04-07T19:54:41Z")
[QUOTE=wring] No, my money’s on “other man” using her as an inbetween other dates quick fuck. Nothing, and I mean **nothing** is more convenient for a single guy than a married woman fling - you don’t have to spend $$ on dinner /movie, hotel room, whatever, you meet, have sex, she goes away. No wasted time cuddling, spending the night, you’ve got oodles of time to have real relationships, other flings, etc. [/QUOTE] What’s the saying-“If he’ll cheat with you, he’ll most likely cheat on you as well.” ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/104 "2007-04-07T19:55:58Z")
I think the part that really bothers me from the original post is this quote: > [@RSSchen](#): > > We’ve stayed in contact furtively as friends all during my marriage. He is my best friend, yet my husband knows nearly nothing about him. My thoughts on this - - Why would you keep communication with a friend, especially one you knew from way back in school, a secret from your own husband? If he’s the jealous type, she’s given us no hint of that, and even suggests that in fact he’s too passive to go out checking on that sort of thing, so I’d suspect he isn’t. - Regarding the second comment - well no shit your husband knows nothing about him **since you’ve been communicating secretly** (at least you think you have, at least). To me, this and her other comments about her husband reeks of her getting married to a “second-best” man when she couldn’t have her first choice. I sympathize with making a youthful error, but she’s just making things worse for herself. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/105 "2007-04-07T19:58:28Z")
[QUOTE=Ferret Herder] but she’s just making things worse for herself. [/QUOTE] See, I’m not caring so much if she makes things worse for herself - there’s innocent lives she’s making worse, too - the kids, the hubby, secret friends kids. ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/106 "2007-04-07T20:02:44Z")
[QUOTE=Thudlow Boink] Just out of curiosity, how old is “old enough to be able to deal with a divorce”? [/QUOTE] You’re correct to suggest that it’s a subjective thing, but I was 14 when my parents divorced, and I was able to deal with it. Especially since all my friends’ parents were getting divorced. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/107 "2007-04-07T20:05:57Z")
I don’t think I’ve ever made this observation before, but considering it’s renewal time, I’m beginning to wonder about the nature of all this… :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/108 "2007-04-07T20:10:17Z")
Is it just me, or is **Aeschines** flinging poo at this thread like a monkey on meth? Anyway, moving on. I think the ladies actions are despicable and childish, but understandable. I cant say I know how she feels, but I can try to empathize. Imagine you are in a passion-less marriage for over ten years, and then you make a connection with somebody that makes you feel alive again, noot just alive, but “walking on sunshine” level euphoria. Sure it’s selfish, adulterous, inconsiderate, and downright immoral, but it’s understandable. Eros makes people do extremely stupid things. I agree that her blaise, laissez faire attitude about it all is sickening and worthy of castigation, but hopefully everyone can try to help her and the situation instead of engaging in vicarious pharisetical asshattery. I’m highly doubtful the guest of honor will come here, but I’m going to respond piece-meail to her post anyway, as is my wont. [QUOTE=RSSchen] I have nobody I can talk to about this, literally. So I’m hoping that my buds here can offer some advice please, without passing judgment. [/QUOTE] I’m afraid to say that’s nigh unpossible on the dope, especially for a situation of this magnitude. > [@](#): > > I’ve been married for 15 years. It’s a decent marriage, my husband loves me (I think) and is an excellent father to our two young boys. Hub and I are very different, I’m very sorry to say that he’s not the brightest bulb, yet he tries. You “think” he loves you. I’m guessing this marriage has a major lack of communication. I’ll say this now and probably many times, marriage counseling. Do it. > [@](#): > > I can hardly bear his hands on me. But, due to our family and home, I love him, just not in love with him and haven’t felt that way for a very long time. Love is primarily an action, not an emotion. Love is treating somebody the way you want yourself to be treated, not a feeling of sugar, spice, and everything nice. Your actions to your husband are neither those of love, or being in love. > [@](#): > > FF to about three weeks ago. I got to thinking of a very old friend of mine. We met when we were twelve, in seventh grade, and always had a thing for one another. All of my life I’ve truly believed that he was the one, and that we should have been together. Not to be a jerk, but why didn’t you marry this guy instead of your current husband. > [@](#): > > So, about three weeks ago we met for a chat and I finally told him all the things that I’ve thought and felt for the last thirty years. He agreed, he’s felt and thought those things too. We agree that we’re soul mates, and that it should be US that are married. We talked about being old together and such. We kissed, and the whole world melted away. We agreed to an affair. He told me he’s loved me all these years too. My bullshit meter is off the charts. There’s a high chance this guy just wants to get into your pants. Not that that changes the situation any. > [@](#): > > Now, I’m actually happy everyday. I’m playful with my husband and more affectionate, presumably because I’m happy. I feel no guilt. This is what Og intended and the fates have finally brought it into being. I FEEL NO GUILT. I would never, ever tell my husband, I’d rather die than hurt him like that. This is something that I’ll bear, and happily, all my life. Denial, thy name is **RSSchen**. If you dont feel any guilt now, you will soon. Also, how do you know this is what Og intended? What the hell do you even mean by that? You are just rationalizing things, which is perfectly normal. I’ve had some quasi-adulterous dealings myself, and it takes guts to fess up. > [@](#): > > Maybe this shoulda been in MPSIMS. But I’m hardly feeling mundane right now. I had to get it out. I actually feel relieved now. I started a MySpace page so I could share these feelings somewhere but haven’t used it yet. You want to keep this a secret, and you start a Myspace? A fucking myspace! ARE YOU INSANE?! > [@](#): > > I read in the Cheating/Orgasms thread that a poster had maintained an affair for five and thirty years. I want to be the thirty year one. I’m also aware that sometimes these things just fizzle out, so be it. So, in the spirit of IMHO, what say all of you? I am very committed to my kids, they will NEVER suffer due to my whims. When the secret is revealed, and it will eventually, your kids will suffer. So will you and your husband. Your actions are inevitably going to lead somewhere undesirable. Please, see a marriage counselor. I’m not advocating telling your husband, but please get help. Thanks for bein on the show! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/109 "2007-04-07T20:11:36Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus] Is it just me, or is **Aeschines** flinging poo at this thread like a monkey on meth? [/QUOTE] Isn’t that what he does in every thread he posts in? I’m surprised he hasn’t been banned for trolling yet. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/110 "2007-04-07T20:12:03Z")
[QUOTE=faithfool] I don’t think I’ve ever made this observation before, but considering it’s renewal time, I’m beginning to wonder about the nature of all this… :dubious: [/QUOTE] Ditto. ---
**Author:** ![TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/111 "2007-04-07T20:12:15Z")
I was totally cool until I read this despicable toilet-whore’s post where she revealed that she doesn’t even have a job and she’s doing this on her husband’s dime. That’s when I realized that we all need to gather around and bukkake her horrible self. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/112 "2007-04-07T20:17:16Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] \(I’m, frankly, just amazed and happy that my suggestion that she discuss re-negotiating their marriage contract hasn’t been met with similar stones, and that a fairly large (relatively speaking) number of people have finally gotten than polyamory isn’t the same thing as an illicit affair and vice-versa. Honestly, it makes me feel like maybe I (and a few others, I can’t take all the credit) have actually made a difference in the last few years here, and that makes me happy.) [/QUOTE] You and other poly folks here have certainly changed my opinions on poly-amourous dealings. I can understand “have any kind of relationship you want, but make sure everyone is on the same page from day one.” That works for me and my sense of integrity. I noticed that, too, **Ferret Herder**. I commented on it in the other thread - she’s never fully been _in_ her marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Aeschines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aeschines/32/16251_2.png) [@Aeschines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aeschines)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/113 "2007-04-07T20:17:57Z")
[QUOTE=Guinastasia] Isn’t that what he does in every thread he posts in? I’m surprised he hasn’t been banned for trolling yet. [/QUOTE] And we should ban **RSSchen** for adultery! :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/114 "2007-04-07T20:21:56Z")
And now I see the original thread has been locked. I don’t actually understand why - anyone? ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/115 "2007-04-07T20:23:33Z")
[QUOTE=Aeschines] And we should ban **RSSchen** for adultery! :dubious: [/QUOTE] I had my answer back in the thread where I pitted you. Did you really need to prove it yet again? (yet another rhetorical question) ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/116 "2007-04-07T20:25:35Z")
Presumably, both the subject and her husband probably have parents too, who may have contact with the children. Who will know what I wonder ? Will her mother be proud of her ? There are so many more victims here, because you also have to take into account future relationships of husband, wife, future partners, children, grandparents. Hell, nephews, aunts, uncles etc could be hurt by this, we do not yet know anything of the familial relationships, but when it all falls apart, the accusations are going to fly. All because someone is enjoying themselves right now, but at the expense of someone else. ---
**Author:** ![Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/c4cdca/32.png) [@Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quiddity_Glomfuster)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/117 "2007-04-07T20:25:52Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus] I think the ladies actions are despicable and childish, but understandable. [/quote] ‘Understandable’? > [@](#): > > Imagine you are in a passion-less marriage for over ten years Which, of course, has nothing to do with the fact that you’ve stayed in touch with an old flame for _fifteen years?_ And who, exactly, forced you to stay? If you’re not happy, do one of two things; get help or get out. There is nothing to ‘understand’ here. It’s not like she was locked up in prison. She could have walked long since, but clearly he’s her money ticket. ---
**Author:** ![Aeschines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aeschines/32/16251_2.png) [@Aeschines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aeschines)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/118 "2007-04-07T20:25:59Z")
[QUOTE=wring] I had my answer back in the thread where I pitted you. Did you really need to prove it yet again? (yet another rhetorical question) [/QUOTE] I don’t know what you’re talking about. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/119 "2007-04-07T20:28:13Z")
> [@Ferret Herder](#): > > I think the part that really bothers me from the original post is this quote: > > [Quote=RSSchen] > > We’ve stayed in contact furtively as friends all during my marriage. He is my best friend, yet my husband knows nearly nothing about him. [/quote] This baffles the everloving shit out of me as well. I’ve been married for 12 years. My wife has all sorts of friends that aren’t friends of mine. That’s cool. But for her to make a statement like this about _any_ of them utterly defies description. It’s like she intended this person to qualify for deceit at some later date. Utterly fucking despicable. Oh, and the very existence of Aeschines is to inflame and pester. Why that idiot is allowed to continue here is a mystery to me, and that’s speaking as someone that’s never even engaged that person directly nor have I ever called out any poster’s trollery. Well, except Uekte. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101/120 "2007-04-07T20:28:38Z")
[QUOTE=Aeschines] I don’t know what you’re talking about. [/QUOTE] [you apparently can’t stop being an asshole](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=413257) (fixed coding) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-proud-of-being-a-fucking-bitch/399101.md?page=7)