# Dont be Shy...Please! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 9, 2011, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390 "2011-07-09T08:08:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/21 "2011-07-09T16:45:58Z")
The difference being that this poster invited us to ask him questions. As in, “Don’t be shy.” Surely you can see the difference, right? Additionally it’s not like this poster has proven himself especially delicate or shy, himself, when it comes to telling others he’s offended. I’m a little confused about what you’re trying to contribute, are you telling us to BE shy even though the OP specified not to? Or perhaps just relating your own experience? I don’t really see a parallel between this poster and the children in your tale. What am I missing? ---
**Author:** ![Feyrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/fbc32d/32.png) [@Feyrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feyrat)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/22 "2011-07-09T16:56:49Z")
In the course of becoming friends with my handicapped friends, I have learned about their disabilities the way they’ve learned about what’s in my background. With strangers, it’s none of my business, and I am not interested in discussing the prurient details of their private lives and histories. So basically, I hold no misconceptions about you or your wheelchair if I meet you and ask no questions. I’m just not friends with you. ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/23 "2011-07-09T17:13:39Z")
When I see someone in a wheelchair I’m no more curious about them than I am about the guy with the giant scar across his shoulder blades, the old lady with gnarled hands, the homeliest family on earth I saw at the store the other day, or the insanely pretty pair of teenagers at McD’s. They get perhaps a moment’s notice because they do stand out a little bit, but really and truly they get no more thought than someone’s hideous fashion choice or pretty hair or anything else. It’s just another person going about the business of living their life, as I am mine. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/24 "2011-07-09T18:25:59Z")
> [@zoid](#): > > Is there anything else you’d like to talk about on the SDMB? > Anything at all? > How about bodybuilding? > Nutrition? > Nutrition vis-a-via bodybuilding? > > **ANY-FUCKING-THING?** Why don’t you go ahead and search the threads I’ve started. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/25 "2011-07-09T18:31:32Z")
To all the people accusing me of being a “one-trick pony”, please take a look at ALL the threads I have started. PLEASE. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/26 "2011-07-09T18:38:25Z")
We have – and the majority have been about your disability and/or disability issues. Maybe not ALL of them, but a good many, and in quite a short time. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/27 "2011-07-09T18:41:06Z")
If you don’t want people to think you’re just a one note song, coming in here to take offense (yet again) and defend yourself, instead of answering the questions you requested of us, isn’t really going to help your case. Ignore that and proceed with the pretext you opened the thread with, to answer any questions. ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/28 "2011-07-09T18:42:13Z")
Jamie, I had a baby in April. Frankly I’m probably pretty obssessed about the baby. I could talk about her for hours and hours and hours. But honestly? I don’t. At least not to most people. Or at least I try not to. The only people who want to hear me do so are my parents and my husband. And that’s about it. I don’t particularly dislike you but I feel the same way about your disability right now. It’s just not as interesting to most people as you seem to think it is. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/29 "2011-07-09T18:50:40Z")
**jamiemcgarry** , I haven’t followed your other threads. What put you in your chair? When? I’m glad you’re so open about your disability. It is often difficult for a once able-bodied individual to talk about how they lost mobility. You are an exception. Yes, of course, many people have misconceptions about what are acceptable questions, but, as many here have already stressed, most people would rather know the brain, inside, first. Thank you for your openness. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/30 "2011-07-09T18:54:41Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > We have – and the majority have been about your disability and/or disability issues. Maybe not ALL of them, but a good many, and in quite a short time. And for that matter, I am reasonably sure he started those other non-handicapped threads ONLY AFTER somebody in one of the handicapped related threads complained that he didn’t talk about anything else. So, they appear to me to be more a cover for all the handicapped threads rather than threads for their own sake. Jamie, you are probably a nice guy but honestly all you are doing is alienating most people and just raising your own blood pressure for no good reason. There will be a time and place for your wheelchair wisdom to come out naturally and it will be welcomed and appreciated at that time. Right now IMO you are doing more harm than good for the board, yourself, and your cause. And thats all I have to say about that. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/31 "2011-07-09T19:11:54Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > And for that matter, I am reasonably sure he started those other non-handicapped threads ONLY AFTER somebody in one of the handicapped related threads complained that he didn’t talk about anything else. So, they appear to me to be more a cover for all the handicapped threads rather than threads for their own sake. > > Jamie, you are probably a nice guy but honestly all you are doing is alienating most people and just raising your own blood pressure for no good reason. There will be a time and place for your wheelchair wisdom to come out naturally and it will be welcomed and appreciated at that time. Right now IMO you are doing more harm than good for the board, yourself, and your cause. > > And thats all I have to say about that. Less than HALF of the threads I’ve started here have been disability-oriented. Less than half. And there is no winning with guys like you is there? You say I write about nothing but one subject. When I point out the inaccuracy of this remark, you say “well, I’m sure you only wrote about other stuff when people started complaining…”. Nothing I do will be meet with a positive frame of mind from members like you. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/32 "2011-07-09T19:18:48Z")
Jamie, try and focus, you asked for questions, you got questions. How about answering them? ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/33 "2011-07-09T19:42:22Z")
By your not answering any of our questions here, are we to infer that the only questions you are interested in answering are disability-related? I would like to know more about you. Were you a fitness buff in your previous life, or is that new? ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/34 "2011-07-09T19:44:01Z")
Please note that none of the comments or criticisms I made in my last post had anything to do with your being - or being perceived as - a one-trick pony. So feel free to respond to those. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/35 "2011-07-09T19:46:59Z")
> [@Khadaji](#): > > On the rare occasion I interact with someone in a wheelchair, I am always uncomfortable standing above them looking down. If there is a chair handy I will pull it up, but if not: is courteous to kneel down so that I am looking at them at eye level, or is this somehow patronizing? I’d say no but like many things it depends on the manner in which it is done. I think your motivation to simply be at eye level is appropriate and your actions would reflect this; someone who is acting in a patronizing fashion would tend speak differently and just interact differently with the person as well as kneel down. So no, I don’t think the act of kneeling down in and of itself is a patronizing action. If done in the manner you are describing it is a very respectful, humane thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/36 "2011-07-09T19:53:03Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > OK, Jamie, I’m curious (and serious): > > 1. What do you do for a living? > > 2. What is your favorite color? > > 3. How do you prefer your women - blond, brunette, redhead, bald, or something else? > > 4. Tell us about your sports car - no, not the hand controls, the rest of it: color, engine, age, etc. > > 5. Do you want to stay in Flint, or move elsewhere? 1. I maintain several investment portfolios from the money won in my lawsuit. I am currently in school at University of Michigan-Flint 2. Pass 3. Hot 4. Black-on black 2004 (bought new) Mazda RX-8, rotary engine, suicide doors. 5. I am in Davison, which is a suburb of Flint. I moved here about 4yrs ago when I bought my first house. Longterm, however, I’d like to move to a climate that doesn’t include snowy winters; snow and ice are probably two of the biggest foes of anyone who uses a chair. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/37 "2011-07-09T19:56:04Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > **jamiemcgarry** , I haven’t followed your other threads. What put you in your chair? When? > > I’m glad you’re so open about your disability. It is often difficult for a once able-bodied individual to talk about how they lost mobility. You are an exception. > > Yes, of course, many people have misconceptions about what are acceptable questions, but, as many here have already stressed, most people would rather know the brain, inside, first. > > Thank you for your openness. I’ve told the story in detail in other threads. In short, it was a botched emergency aorta-repair after a car accident 11 years ago that paralyzed me. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/38 "2011-07-09T19:57:13Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Jamie, try and focus, you asked for questions, you got questions. > > How about answering them? I believe I have. The couple of short questions you posed have been answered numerous times before in other threads. I wasn’t trying to ignore you. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/39 "2011-07-09T20:18:03Z")
Could you direct me to the answers, at least? You have numerous threads, most many pages long. Or, y’know, just do as you offered, and answer the questions you asked for, not everyone has read your every thread, after all.🙂 (No need for enormous detail, the short answer would do.) Didn’t you say, in one of those threads, you loved talking about your disability? ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/40 "2011-07-09T20:44:26Z")
> [@jamiemcgarry](#): > > I’ve told the story in detail in other threads. In short, it was a botched emergency aorta-repair after a car accident 11 years ago that paralyzed me. I’d be happy to read your other threads, could you provide links for me? You see, I’m old and don’t have very good search ability. I get frustrated too easily. (Yes, I’m that “Get the hell off my grass.” woman.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390.md?page=3)