# Dont be Shy...Please! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 9, 2011, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390 "2011-07-09T08:08:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/61 "2011-07-10T13:45:25Z")
Ugh. I’m retracting because it might start yet another fight, and I’m tired of this crap. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/62 "2011-07-10T16:28:41Z")
> [@jamiemcgarry](#): > > Because, in addition to having my entire life (car, house, etc.) structured around having a manual, fold-up chair; having a motorized chair would do less than you probably think in terms of alleviating any post-surgical functioning issues. Transfers, showering, wiping my ass, getting dressed, and on and on; those things would still have to be done for me (or at least with a high level of assistance) with a motorized chair. I think the question (certainly the question I had) was more on the level of would using a motorized chair reduce the strain on your shoulders, reducing the risk of needing surgery. Also, I didn’t know there were large differences in adapted design between manual and motorized chairs. You mentioned folding up and I can see how that would play into the car, for example. What kind of things in, say, your house are adapted to a manual chair and not to a motorized one? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/63 "2011-07-10T19:19:11Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > I think the question (certainly the question I had) was more on the level of would using a motorized chair reduce the strain on your shoulders, reducing the risk of needing surgery. > > Also, I didn’t know there were large differences in adapted design between manual and motorized chairs. You mentioned folding up and I can see how that would play into the car, for example. What kind of things in, say, your house are adapted to a manual chair and not to a motorized one? First of all, I would never get a motorized chair because that would be giving up my last little bit of self and independence. I don’t expect someone who isn’t in a chair to perfectly understand this, so I wont go on about it, suffice to say that a motorized chair is the last thing I would ever choose. Additionally, I would need a adaptable van that was capable of transporting such a large, awkward chair-these start at around $40,000. On top of that, the doorframes in my house are just wide enough for my small, fold-up manual chair. A large, electric chair would not be able to navigate through many of the doorways and other areas of my home. It’s not just as simple as saying “ok, I’ll get an electric chair”. My entire life would be upended; not to mention the emotional and psychological distress of no longer being in total control (as one is with a manual chair). ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/64 "2011-07-10T20:01:29Z")
> [@jamiemcgarry](#): > > First of all, I would never get a motorized chair because that would be giving up my last little bit of self and independence. I don’t expect someone who isn’t in a chair to perfectly understand this, so I wont go on about it, suffice to say that a motorized chair is the last thing I would ever choose. Additionally, I would need a adaptable van that was capable of transporting such a large, awkward chair-these start at around $40,000. On top of that, the doorframes in my house are just wide enough for my small, fold-up manual chair. A large, electric chair would not be able to navigate through many of the doorways and other areas of my home. It’s not just as simple as saying “ok, I’ll get an electric chair”. My entire life would be upended; not to mention the emotional and psychological distress of no longer being in total control (as one is with a manual chair). Are there still many places you can’t navigate in a conventional chair either because of narrow doorways or steps or whatever? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/65 "2011-07-10T20:10:28Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Are there still many places you can’t navigate in a conventional chair either because of narrow doorways or steps or whatever? Without any question. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/66 "2011-07-10T20:23:43Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Are you still sexually active? Can you be? > > Do you require assistance with bodily functions? Will you one day? > > Do you have regular home care assistance? I have full sensation in my lower body and I have full sexual function. I live alone. As far as if I will ever need assistance with bodily functions, perhaps when I’m elderly. And with home care assistance, I only have help with the things I cannot do on my own. This would include things like lawn care, ceiling work, etc. Everything else I do independently. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/67 "2011-07-10T21:14:41Z")
> [@jamiemcgarry](#): > > Sigh And you wondered why we’d be shy about asking questions. 🙂 > [@](#): > > Because, in addition to having my entire life (car, house, etc.) structured around having a manual, fold-up chair; having a motorized chair would do less than you probably think in terms of alleviating any post-surgical functioning issues. Transfers, showering, wiping my ass, getting dressed, and on and on; those things would still have to be done for me (or at least with a high level of assistance) with a motorized chair. > [@jamiemcgarry](#): > > I have full sensation in my lower body and I have full sexual function. I live alone. As far as if I will ever need assistance with bodily functions, perhaps when I’m elderly. And with home care assistance, I only have help with the things I cannot do on my own. This would include things like lawn care, ceiling work, etc. Everything else I do independently. In the first quote, you say that all that stuff would have to be done _for_ you, but in the second you say that you don’t need assistance. I’m a little confused–which is it? ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/68 "2011-07-10T21:24:23Z")
He means he would still be totally helpless while recovering from surgery. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/69 "2011-07-10T21:26:20Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > And you wondered why we’d be shy about asking questions. 🙂 > > In the first quote, you say that all that stuff would have to be done _for_ you, but in the second you say that you don’t need assistance. I’m a little confused–which is it? The first quote was regarding my needs if I were to undergo shoulder surgery. The second quote was answering a unrelated question; he simply asked me if I needed, or would ever need, assistance with home care. It was a general question in regards to living independently with my disability. And I included the “sigh” in my response to Elbows because I feel there is an undercurrent of, idk, hostility, or, something negative, to all of his questioning. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/70 "2011-07-10T21:30:55Z")
Dude, I think I know your Mom IRL. Check your PMs! ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/71 "2011-07-10T21:35:33Z")
> [@jamiemcgarry](#): > > The first quote was regarding my needs if I were to undergo shoulder surgery. The second quote was answering a unrelated question; he simply asked me if I needed, or would ever need, assistance with home care. It was a general question in regards to living independently with my disability. And I included the “sigh” in my response to Elbows because I feel there is an undercurrent of, idk, hostility, or, something negative, to all of his questioning. I shouldn’t have said “hostility” that was wrong. But something more than simply curiousity. I apologize for my language. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/72 "2011-07-10T21:41:55Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > In the first quote, you say that all that stuff would have to be done _for_ you, but in the second you say that you don’t need assistance. I’m a little confused–which is it? I’m guessing the first quote is how **Jamie** would be during recovery after shoulder surgery and the first is how he is now. One of the people in my rescue group is also wheelchair bound due to spinal trama that happened when she was hit by a drunk. That accident was at least 25 years ago. She is going to have heart surgery in the very close future and says that its because her lungs can’t fully expand because she’s always sitting. This didn’t make sense to me, but I didn’t question her because I’m not close enough to her to demand detailed health related answers. I’m still curious. FTR, my friend uses a manual chair as well. She has never once indicated that she would like a motorized one. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/73 "2011-07-10T21:50:23Z")
> [@jamiemcgarry](#): > > The first quote was regarding my needs if I were to undergo shoulder surgery. The second quote was answering a unrelated question; he simply asked me if I needed, or would ever need, assistance with home care. It was a general question in regards to living independently with my disability. And I included the “sigh” in my response to Elbows because I feel there is an undercurrent of, idk, hostility, or, something negative, to all of his questioning. Ah, got it. I didn’t see any hostility in **elbows** ’ questioning, but maybe I missed something you saw. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/74 "2011-07-10T21:54:29Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Ah, got it. > > I didn’t see any hostility in **elbows** ’ questioning, but maybe I missed something you saw. Not so much in the questioning itself, but in the comments and posts preceding and leading up to the questions. But either way, the “sigh” probably could have been omitted on my part. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/75 "2011-07-10T21:57:29Z")
**jamie** , another question. During the winter, I was going to Petplace for adoptions and it was storming. Heavy, wet snow blowing sideways, ice all over the parking lot, everyone was mobbing the grocery stores, nobody was going to buy fluffy a new collar, but the PTB at Petplace wouldn’t let their employee close over…coughs…sorry. I digress. Anyhow, I was running in when I saw my friend trying to get up the icy ramp. I ran up behind her while yelling something like “Hey, Mary, I’m going to help”, dumped my day pack in her lap, grabbed the handles and got us both into the store. We moved out of the way, dusted ourselves and each other off and went to set up for the day. Mary didn’t seem upset, she thanked me several times, but a random stranger pulled me to the side and told me that my actions were unspeakably rude. What are your thoughts about this, please? ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/76 "2011-07-10T22:37:49Z")
How is your personal life? How do women react to your disability? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/77 "2011-07-10T22:53:05Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > **jamie** , another question. During the winter, I was going to Petplace for adoptions and it was storming. Heavy, wet snow blowing sideways, ice all over the parking lot, everyone was mobbing the grocery stores, nobody was going to buy fluffy a new collar, but the PTB at Petplace wouldn’t let their employee close over…coughs…sorry. I digress. > > Anyhow, I was running in when I saw my friend trying to get up the icy ramp. I ran up behind her while yelling something like “Hey, Mary, I’m going to help”, dumped my day pack in her lap, grabbed the handles and got us both into the store. We moved out of the way, dusted ourselves and each other off and went to set up for the day. Mary didn’t seem upset, she thanked me several times, but a random stranger pulled me to the side and told me that my actions were unspeakably rude. What are your thoughts about this, please? It’s hard to give you my thoughts on the scenario you’ve given me. I can’t give blanket statements on how/if people in wheelchairs should be helped in these types of situations. Many things go into every individual situation making it unique. What is the relationship like between you and Mary? What is Mary like? How is she in regards to personal issues of independence and pride? Was it simply Mary navigating an icy ramp in a wheelchair (probably not necessarily a nice sight but not necessarily a struggling sight either) or was she indeed struggling? And honestly, I think gender may play a small role here too. Maybe not to all but I do believe more women than men would be willing to accept help in this kind of situation. Me personally, I’d need to be struggling in order to want a hand. But I also know that any friend I had with me would know me well enough to know this. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/78 "2011-07-10T22:59:37Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > How is your personal life? How do women react to your disability? Women are women. Some see nothing but the chair, some see the whole me. It’s really an individual woman thing. I’ve lived with a woman for four years. When I tell stories of my ex, people usually start out with, “so she was your girlfriend before you accident, right?” I stopped getting offended at that a while ago. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/79 "2011-07-10T23:05:58Z")
> [@jamiemcgarry](#): > > Women are women. Some see nothing but the chair, some see the whole me. It’s really an individual woman thing. I’ve lived with a woman for four years. When I tell stories of my ex, people usually start out with, “so she was your girlfriend before you accident, right?” I stopped getting offended at that a while ago. 😃 Ok now that question is offensive. ---
**Author:** ![wipetheclock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b19c9b/32.png) [@wipetheclock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wipetheclock)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/80 "2011-07-10T23:28:01Z")
I just looked around my kitchen and realized how inappropriate it would be for a person in a chair. The sink, stove (knobs on back), freezer, and upper cabinets would be completely unusable. What alterations have you made to your home to make it more accessible? Any nifty gadgets or unusual appliances? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390.md?page=5)