# Dont be Shy...Please! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 9, 2011, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390 "2011-07-09T08:08:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/81 "2011-07-10T23:33:59Z")
**jamie** , I was actually asking about the random stranger speaking for Mary. If Mary had been offended, she would have said something to me right away. More background for the story, it was the blizzard of the century…or at least of the decade. Schools shut down, government offices shut down, most businesses closed. All the news reports had people begging us to stay home. Our agreement with Petplace said that if the store was open while adoptions were scheduled, we (rescue group) had to be there. Mary was there at her scheduled time. I think that says a lot about her independance and pride. Why did I drive 40 miles in a blizzard to be there? Because I’m the muscle for the group and had to be there in case we had donated critter food to move. In other words, because I’m an idiot. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/82 "2011-07-11T00:59:15Z")
> [@](#): > > I have full sensation in my lower body and I have full sexual function. I live alone. As far as if I will ever need assistance with bodily functions, perhaps when I’m elderly. And with home care assistance, I only have help with the things I cannot do on my own. This would include things like lawn care, ceiling work, etc. Everything else I do independently. I am glad to read all of this, I asked with trepidation, your ‘don’t be shy’, notwithstanding. Colour me not surprised about the ‘sigh’ and ‘hostility’ remarks, but hey, I’m just not that easily offended. In fact, I’m not even offended to be called a dude, when I am no such thing. Talk about your rude assumptions!😃 ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/83 "2011-07-11T01:25:41Z")
> [@jamiemcgarry](#): > > Women are women. Some see nothing but the chair, some see the whole me. It’s really an individual woman thing. I’ve lived with a woman for four years. When I tell stories of my ex, people usually start out with, “so she was your girlfriend before you accident, right?” I stopped getting offended at that a while ago. 😃 > [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > Ok now that question is offensive. Yes, but it’s distressingly common. I get it from the other side, as the able-bodied person in the relationship. “So… you knew your husband before he got messed up, right?” Er… no, his primary disability occurred about 2 months after conception, no one knew him before he got “messed up”. So far the champion rudeness statement/question was the one I got shortly after our marriage: “So, when are you going to get rid of him and get a real man who can give you children?” :eek: Yeah, that was my expression. I was floored. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/84 "2011-07-11T01:48:15Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Yes, but it’s distressingly common. I get it from the other side, as the able-bodied person in the relationship. “So… you knew your husband before he got messed up, right?” > > Er… no, his primary disability occurred about 2 months after conception, no one knew him before he got “messed up”. > > So far the champion rudeness statement/question was the one I got shortly after our marriage: “So, when are you going to get rid of him and get a real man who can give you children?” > > :eek: > > Yeah, that was my expression. I was floored. Did you deck her? ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/85 "2011-07-11T01:52:44Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > Dude, I think I know your Mom IRL. Check your PMs! Man, I think I’ve been on the internet too long, because my first thought upon reading that was “Oh no she di’nt!” ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/86 "2011-07-11T01:56:39Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > I am glad to read all of this, I asked with trepidation, your ‘don’t be shy’, notwithstanding. > > Colour me not surprised about the ‘sigh’ and ‘hostility’ remarks, but hey, I’m just not that easily offended. > > In fact, I’m not even offended to be called a dude, when I am no such thing. Talk about your rude assumptions!😃 I assumed nothing. I call everyone ‘dude’. It implied no gender specificity. And nothing had any impact on me answering each and every one of your questions. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/87 "2011-07-11T02:10:18Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > Did you deck her? No - in retrospect, I should have, but I was completely frozen and speechless. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/88 "2011-07-11T02:38:15Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > **jamie** , I was actually asking about the random stranger speaking for Mary. If Mary had been offended, she would have said something to me right away. > > More background for the story, it was the blizzard of the century…or at least of the decade. Schools shut down, government offices shut down, most businesses closed. All the news reports had people begging us to stay home. Our agreement with Petplace said that if the store was open while adoptions were scheduled, we (rescue group) had to be there. Mary was there at her scheduled time. I think that says a lot about her independance and pride. > > Why did I drive 40 miles in a blizzard to be there? Because I’m the muscle for the group and had to be there in case we had donated critter food to move. In other words, because I’m an idiot. :smack: Ice and snow really are the worst enemies of those in wheelchairs. It doesn’t matter how well I can navigate a chair, how strong I am, ice presents an obstacle I simply cannot muscle through. And snow, snow is even worse. I’ve had some down right nasty stories of my mis-adventures in snow. In the worst of the worst conditions, which it sounds like you were in, a bad situation can leave a person feeling momentarily helpless and even panicked. So I see nothing wrong with what you did, I can’t see any sensible human seeing anything wrong either. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/89 "2011-07-11T04:04:01Z")
> [@](#): > > I assumed nothing. I call everyone ‘dude’. It implied no gender specificity. And nothing had any impact on me answering each and every one of your questions. And, not for one moment did anyone think you did, especially me.😕 Actually, you didn’t call me dude, you referred to my post, as ‘his’. Besides which, was a jest, (hence the smilie), not a freaking accusation.:rolleyes: Not that I think you’re hypersensitive, but I think it’s my turn to sigh now. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/90 "2011-07-11T04:15:05Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > And, not for one moment did anyone think you did, especially me.😕 > > Actually, you didn’t call me dude, you referred to my post, as ‘his’. > > Besides which, was a jest, (hence the smilie), not a freaking accusation.:rolleyes: > > Not that I think you’re hypersensitive, but I think it’s my turn to sigh now. 🙂 Ok, sorry. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/91 "2011-07-11T05:08:46Z")
> [@](#): > > not to mention the emotional and psychological distress of no longer being in total control (as one is with a manual chair). That’s a difference between the two that had never occurred to me. Thanks for expressing it. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/92 "2011-07-11T05:11:02Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > So far the champion rudeness statement/question was the one I got shortly after our marriage: “So, when are you going to get rid of him and get a real man who can give you children?” Holy shit. I’d have punched said asshat in the throat. **jamie** , if it helps, I call everyone “dude” too. Just an old habit I’ve never grown out of. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/93 "2011-07-11T10:29:01Z")
Did you specifically choose the RX8 because it was easier to load the chair into? (it’s the only thing short of a Bently Super Spur that I can think that has suicide doors) It sounds like you were a national level athelte - was drinking breaking part of your training regime? What part of the operation was negligent? Presumably had they removed the clamp after 30 minutes you would have died? Isn’t paralysed a whole lot better than dead? And if it were me, if you were a friend I would no more ask you about the details of your disability than I would ask someone about why their girlfriend broke up with them or why they failed something - unless the conversation naturally called for such questions. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/94 "2011-07-11T11:02:10Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > Did you specifically choose the RX8 because it was easier to load the chair into? (it’s the only thing short of a Bently Super Spur that I can think that has suicide doors) > > It sounds like you were a national level athelte - was drinking breaking part of your training regime? > > What part of the operation was negligent? Presumably had they removed the clamp after 30 minutes you would have died? Isn’t paralysed a whole lot better than dead? > > And if it were me, if you were a friend I would no more ask you about the details of your disability than I would ask someone about why their girlfriend broke up with them or why they failed something - unless the conversation naturally called for such questions. He described the negligence [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13975192&postcount=4). ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/95 "2011-07-11T14:55:37Z")
This may be going further afield than you had planned, but you did say to ask anything… Did you get “pain and suffering” damages in your lawsuit? What do you think of state-law caps on these types of damages, and/or other forms of tort reform? ---
**Author:** ![Canadjun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/76d3ee/32.png) [@Canadjun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadjun)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/96 "2011-07-11T22:28:01Z")
oops - hit return too soon. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/97 "2011-07-12T01:18:50Z")
> [@ENugent](#): > > This may be going further afield than you had planned, but you did say to ask anything… > > Did you get “pain and suffering” damages in your lawsuit? What do you think of state-law caps on these types of damages, and/or other forms of tort reform? While I did say “ask anything”, it was in the context of my disability itself, not the legal details of my lawsuit. For hopefully understandable reasons, I don’t wish to tread much on that terrain. However, I can say that yes, a portion of the the money was in the form of “pain and suffering” damages. It wasn’t the majority, or even a large portion of the overall findings. And the frivilous lawsuits that have neccessitated such tort reform are what is to blame, not the tort reform itself. But it can have negative, unfair consequences when it impacts someone who genuinely has a right or need to such damages. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/98 "2011-07-12T07:38:00Z")
> [@jamiemcgarry](#): > > 1. I was the driver. My friend was a passenger and he was unharmed. > > 2. Yes, alcohol was present in my system at the time of the accident. While not the determining factor in the accident, my blood levels were 0.06, if I were to be honest, I would have to consider this in the possibilities of what caused the accident. > > 3. The lawsuit was due to the surgery, it had nothing to do with the accident itself. > > 4. I, as a compassionate and empathetic human being (and considering that I was only 20 years old at the time of my accident), cared for equality and respect for all; but I had had no personal, firsthand experience with disability to form the concerns that I have today. Wait a second, you were underage drinking and crashed your car, the hospital saved your life and you _sued them_? O, wheelchair or no, you sound like a real prince. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/99 "2011-07-12T10:39:40Z")
Well, he could hardly sue another driver or insurance company, now could he? Who’s left? ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390/100 "2011-07-12T11:08:09Z")
> [@Scissorjack](#): > > Wait a second, you were underage drinking and crashed your car, the hospital saved your life and you _sued them_? O, wheelchair or no, you sound like a real prince. He didn’t sue because of the accident - he sued because the surgeon used a technique that was certain to leave Jamie in a wheelchair for the rest of his life when there was a different technique, with the equipment there and on hand, that could have allowed the surgeon to make the repair that much more likely would have left Jamie with the full use of his lower body. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-be-shy-please/588390.md?page=6)