# Don't even say "Hello" **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 6, 2005, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632 "2005-02-06T07:40:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![deena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8e7dd6/32.png) [@deena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deena)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/1 "2005-02-06T07:40:32Z")
Ah, my father. To his credit, he’s constant in his ways. Still, however, when I get something in the mail from him, be it a check or medical cards, I would like a letter, just saying hello. The inconsiderate little sh\*t. Thank you, dad, for the venom. I’ll use it very well. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/2 "2005-02-06T07:52:55Z")
Personally, I wish my parents would send me more checks and talk to me less. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/3 "2005-02-06T07:59:34Z")
What **Friedo** said. I don’t need a _hello_ if there is a cheque enclosed… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Profane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@Profane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Profane)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/4 "2005-02-06T08:01:30Z")
Well, to some of us love is more important than money. I’d rather get a letter from my father than the check he sends me. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/5 "2005-02-06T08:22:59Z")
My father has never attempted to contact me in any way since I was 14. And even before then, it was never his own idea. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/6 "2005-02-06T13:49:47Z")
> [@deena](#): > > Ah, my father. To his credit, he’s constant in his ways. > > Still, however, when I get something in the mail from him, be it a check or medical cards, I would like a letter, just saying hello. The inconsiderate little sh\*t. > > Thank you, dad, for the venom. I’ll use it very well. Yeah, the nerve of the bastard to finance your life and not provide every genteel nuance that you so richly deserve… ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/7 "2005-02-06T14:33:35Z")
Is it that you want him to communate more with you in general, or only with these particular items (the checks and cards)? Some folks don’t like to write letters, and it doesn’t even cross their minds to even make a short note to say hello. I’m one. I don’t write letters, but talk frequently with my Mom on the phone and write her emails. I’m about to send her a package, and it never occurred to me to also put a handwritten note with the stuff I’m sending. Why? Nothing I can say there can’t said easier over the phone or more quickly sent via email. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/8 "2005-02-06T14:49:24Z")
> [@deena](#): > > Ah, my father. To his credit, he’s constant in his ways. > > Still, however, when I get something in the mail from him, be it a check or medical cards, I would like a letter, just saying hello. The inconsiderate little sh\*t. > > Thank you, dad, for the venom. I’ll use it very well. He sends you money and pays for your insurance and does not accompany it with a greeting letter, and because of that he is an inconsiderate shit? Could there possibly be more context to this story, because given the very limited facts you have related you come across as seething bowl of ungrateful, malevolent pus who is off your meds. ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/9 "2005-02-06T15:04:48Z")
I owe my dad money and when I send him checks in payment, I never write notes, just the check. When he sent money to me (that I now owe him), he didn’t usually write notes, either. Neither one of us is inconsiderate, but of course we communicated all the time besides the checks. **Deena** , is this the only communication you have with your dad? ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/10 "2005-02-06T15:25:53Z")
> [@astro](#): > > He sends you money and pays for your insurance and does not accompany it with a greeting letter, and because of that he is an inconsiderate shit? Could there possibly be more context to this story, because given the very limited facts you have related you come across as seething bowl of ungrateful, malevolent pus who is off your meds. Well, yeah, but at least she’s in [good company.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=213338) ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/11 "2005-02-06T16:40:21Z")
bobkitty, that’s cold. Flammie took a major amount of shit for that already, a year and a half ago. Why bring it up again so a crowd of newbies can crawl all over her about it? ---
**Author:** ![drpepper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8baadc/32.png) [@drpepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drpepper)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/12 "2005-02-06T16:51:04Z")
**deena** : Grow up. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/13 "2005-02-06T17:01:06Z")
> [@essvee](#): > > bobkitty, that’s cold. Flammie took a major amount of shit for that already, a year and a half ago. Why bring it up again so a crowd of newbies can crawl all over her about it? Meh… right now, in another thread people are talking quite seriously about bundling up all of a now-banned poster’s threads into a handy guide of “what a jerk looks like.” I don’t see any voices of dissent saying “well, that poor guy had tons of pit threads and suffered enough, what with the banning and all… what about the newbies who show up three years down the road??” Flam’s thread is a near perfect example of “how things go terribly, horribly wrong when you decide to point out (on a public message board) the poor manners of others when they’re ostensibly\* doing something nice for you.” Now, if **deena** pops back in and says “My “father” is a putz who hasn’t spoken a word to me in years, and who bilked me out of my trust fund, which he’s now paying me back for, but all I want is minor tokens of his affection rather than these impersonal pieces of paper” then I’ll be a great bit more sympathetic. It’s possible, however, that (as several posters have pointed out) **deena’s** dad is one of those people who aren’t into excessive communication, or who don’t see the need for dropping a little personal note in with “official” mailings (she _did_ mention that this is a habit with him, after all), in which case **deena** does appear a wee bit on the whiny, Flam side.\*\* Til more evidence pushes the issue to one side or the other, I stand by my post. [sub]\*I would assume receiving cheques in the mail to oneself (CS cheques, for instance, are sent to a government office or to the other parent) from one’s parent typically means that one is over the age of majority, and therefore the monies are coming from the Good Graces of said parent. \*\* I’m sure **deena** , who I don’t believe I’ve interacted with before, is actually a very nice person, who is about to see up-close-and-personal what it’s like to be the author of a trainwreck. ---
**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/14 "2005-02-06T18:06:50Z")
Well, let’s see. 1. You have a father. 2. He’s sending you money, not stealing your money. I’d be in seventh heaven if I ever had a living parent send me money. ---
**Author:** ![Abbie\_Carmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Abbie\_Carmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abbie_Carmichael)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/15 "2005-02-06T18:28:53Z")
Based on what you’ve told us, I’m not shedding any tears for you. My dad’s never given me a dime and couldn’t be bothered to raise me. I’ll trade ya. ---
**Author:** ![grayhairedmomma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/47e85d/32.png) [@grayhairedmomma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grayhairedmomma)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/16 "2005-02-06T22:31:41Z")
The last line of her OP leads me to believe that her dad included a note but it was not a nice note. Hence, “Thank you, dad, for the venom. I’ll use it very well.” ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/17 "2005-02-07T00:10:28Z")
I don’t think the OP needs to be pitted. It’s fairly obvious that OP has expectations of this relationship that are not occurring. His/her father does not share those expectations (or even the desire, for all we know–we aren’t given enough info). frankly, when I receive communiques from my Dad (and never borrow money from this man, take it from me)–I am slightly hurt that there is no post-it saying Hi! or whatever. Then again, this is a man who can call and NOT talk to any of his only grandkids, too. He seems happy/content with this behavior, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us are. And then again, he is the one who will complain that his grandkids don’t know him well… perhaps the OP has a similiar situation going on. My point is that there is a whole lot more going on than meets the eye here (of that I’m sure, and I don’t know the OP at all). so, to my mind, it is the disparity in expectations that is buggging the OP–not the money, not the medical cards (?). I am sure he appreciates those. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/18 "2005-02-07T00:52:07Z")
Well, do you write your dad? I mean, nice chatty letters about what’s going on in your life, or do you only send him missives that say, “Yo, Pop, where’s the check?” Maybe your dad isn’t a letter writer. Do you talk on the phone? My dad sends prolific e-mails, but I haven’t gotten a letter from him in years. We need more info before we decide if we can sympathize with you in this matter. ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/19 "2005-02-07T02:35:09Z")
> [@deena](#): > > Ah, my father. To his credit, he’s constant in his ways. > > Still, however, when I get something in the mail from him, be it a check or medical cards, I would like a letter, just saying hello. The inconsiderate little sh\*t. > > Thank you, dad, for the venom. I’ll use it very well. Why not send \*him \*a note saying, “Thank you, dad, for the check (or medical cards)” ? Sounds like the wrong person here is getting pegged as an inconsiderate little shit. ---
**Author:** ![Tool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df705f/32.png) [@Tool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tool)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632/20 "2005-02-07T04:21:56Z")
I haven’t asked my folks for money since I moved out. That was 1987. I am under the impression that some of you abuse your folks. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-even-say-hello/288632.md?page=2)